DD wants to move out?? | ADHD Information

Lil,

Have you talked to these grandparents of her boyfriend. If not, I suggest you should and just tell them the situation. If they are willing to take a kid that is stubborn about doing chores/work then maybe that is what will have to happen. I really don't think you should give in. If they don't know the whole scoop about your daughter then maybe they really wouldn't want her to come. That may make the decision for you/your daughter??? Just a thought.

IMac38945.6874305556
[QUOTE=lilbitcrazy]She doesn't feel she should have to do any chores around the house.

[/QUOTE]

I have not gone thru this myself, so I'm not speaking from experience, but maybe she needs to go for a while and hear the same complaints/suggestions from somebody OTHER than her parent. Perhaps that would mean more to her, and make her realize that you have some valid points, PLUS you love her. That's assuming the BF's grandparents call her on this stuff.
I think it's pretty common for maturity to NOT set in until a situation forces one's eyes to be opened. I've heard from many Moms whose kids have moved out due to such squabbles, and then move back home shortly thereafter with a much better sense of reality and responsibility, making for a much happier household.
You have to maintain your sanity too, for yourself and your other kids. My 2 cents.
Good luck, hang in there.

PB

I don't know what to do or how to handle her. She is so determined to make things harder than they need to be. She won't get a job. She doesn't feel she should have to do any chores around the house. I'm not raising my boys right ( I let them get away with too much and I'm not hard enough on them), and it's just not fair. Nothing is ever fair in her eyes. It's always poor Kayla, she has it soo rough.

So she wants to move out and go live with the bf's grandparents. What she won't have to do household chores and pick up after herself at their house? Will she not have to get a job to have money or does she expect them to provide that too? Does she think they will always agree with her and let her do what ever she wants? I'm just not sure what she's thinking. She is so stubborn I don't think she's given this any real thought. I really think she's just trying to bully me into relenting and going easy on her. I can't give in and let her walk all over me but I'm not sure how far she's willing to go to get her way.

She's breaking my heart and I really do not know how to deal with this. I have 3 other children to worry about as well and I'm having a hard time with the youngest and his ability to learn to read. My plate was already over flowing and now this. I know, tough love, but if that includes letting her go I don't know if I can do that. I also know that I can't allow her to continue bullying me. I'm not sure how we got to this point. I'm trying to help her and now we can't stand the sight of each other.

Sweetie, it sounds like you are really overwhelmed. I feel for you. How old is DD?

I know its hard to let go, but speaking from experience, i left home at 15 because i was sick of my parents not letting me do anything i wanted. I moved into a flat with some mates and bummed off them for a few weeks and then they started going to movies and doing all the fun stuff and i had to stay at home and do nothing because i had no money, so one day i went out and got a job so i had money to pay my way and pay my mates back, by the next 6 months i wanted to come home but my parents wouldnt let me because i had said i wanted to do it all my self... so thats what i did...... now i own my house a nice car and have 2 beautiful but naughty children, i have made my life and i am happy for myself.

i know this just seems like a story but my moral is have faith, things may seem impossible, but they always come true

IMac38945.6871527778

I'm sorry, she's 17 did I forget to mention that?

I know things always seem to work out in the end. It's getting from here to there that's going to kill me.

It's just so sad that this is where we are. I've put so much of my heart, tears, sweat and love into trying to raise her the best I can, it's impossible for me believe that it's all come to this. It wasn't suppose to be like this.

I'm trying to teach her responsibility. While she's still at home with a safety net under her but as always she is determined to do it the hard way.

She has always had the ability to break my heart and boy is she doing a number on heart now.

eliza - at 15? How difficult it must have been for you. Your apparently a very strong person and have much to be proud of.

[QUOTE=IMac]Lil, is it life threatening or illegal? [/QUOTE]

Imac - not sure what you mean. Is her life in danger? Is my dd doing something illegal? If thats what your asking then the answer is NO.

[QUOTE=PuckBunny] [/QUOTE]

You have to maintain your sanity too, for yourself and your other kids.

PB
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This is what I'm afraid of. That she will push me so far that I have to choose between her or the other kids. If I have to let her go to learn the hard way, (knowing her hard-headed, stubborn, everything is always unfair attitude) she will never forgive me for turning my back on her. It's hard to say just how she'll interpret things in her mind. She'll more than likely use it as conformation that I do care more about the other kids than her. If I don't handle this properly it could cause irreparable damage in our relationship.

Auntie,

I did speak to the bf's mother yesterday and we're meeting this morning to discuss this some more. She was unaware of the plans to move in with the grandparents and said that would not be happening. I only hope that by stopping my dd from moving there that she won't find another (even worse) place to move to. She is just bull-headed enough to do something stupid just to prove to me she can.

The two sides of Kayla are so completely different it's kind of scary. She can be so charming, sweet, easy-going, fun-loving but for those of us that are closer to her she is obstinate, sharp-tongued, nasty, negative and vindictive. This is what worries me. Eventually this ugly side of her is going to come out in other situations, with bosses and bf's or spouses, that are going to cause her a great deal of pain. I probably should have seen this coming. We have spent our lives at odds with each other, with her obstinacy over-ruling her behavior.

This helps so much having others to talk to. Thanks everyone for being here.

At 17,my daughter was a true beast and also thought she knew best--it took a few hard falls and some lessons learned the hard way for her to finally grab hold of her life and get off the "poor maligned me" horse.She is 21 now,in her third yr of college,doing just great there and proud of her accomplishments.So there is hope!! My drug-sampling,defiant,lazy kid turned her life around when she got out there in the"real world"and saw what was happening to her peers in the same boat-she decided she deserved better.It's hard to see the child you love turn into a stranger who you don't particularly LIKE;but from my experience,anyhow,I can assure you things can and most likely will get much better with some maturity.

I think you should tell your daughter you would prefer to have her at home, but she is almost an adult, and if she insists on moving out you would allow her to. But also tell her that you will always be there for her if she would like to return.

Make it clear that there are rules at your house that must be followed, but you love her and will always be there for her.

Therefore it is her decision to make, and I"m not sure how she can ever blame you if it doesn't turn out properly.

[QUOTE=lilbitcrazy]...That she will push me so far that I have to choose between her or the other kids. ... It's hard to say just how she'll interpret things in her mind. She'll more than likely use it as conformation that I do care more about the other kids than her. If I don't handle this properly it could cause irreparable damage in our relationship.[/QUOTE]

I think hawks2921 is right ... it needs to be CLEARLY her decision. It's not about you choosing between her and the other kids, it's about her choosing how she's going to live her life, adult consequences and all. When you say she's bull-headed enough to do something stupid just to prove to you she can, that sounds to me like she needs some confirmation from you that she IS a semi-adult and that you do actually trust some of her judgement. That may throw her for a real loop, and she may interpret it in some opposite way than what you meant. But if you are clear, you'll at least know it yourself for now and she will realize it herself someday. If you make it clear that you'll always be there for her, then you are obviously not abandoning her ... and no matter how she tries to twist it around to be your fault, it's not.

PB

[QUOTE=crazycat]It's hard to see the child you love turn into a stranger who you don't particularly LIKE;but from my experience,anyhow,I can assure you things can and most likely will get much better with some maturity.[/QUOTE]

I know this makes me feel horrible. I really don't think I like her very much right now. Even more guilt.

I'm am feeling a little bit calmer. I'm just emotionally drained. This has really been an awful week and dealing with my dd has only been one part of it.

I have talked more to the bf's mom and she is trying to convince Kayla on her end that she needs to stay here at home, it's where she belongs. DD and I are barely speaking but it's much preferable to the angry fights. She also confirmed what I thought, that the grandparents would treat Kayla like a princess. They just love her and would do anything for her. So there would be no lesson that Kayla would learn from moving there. It would be too easy and make me more of the bad guy.

I'm waiting for things to calm down and we'll have to make a plan on how to work this out. I also know that I'm not willing to give in. Her reign of terror can not continue.

lilbitcrazy38807.731400463