The day the light turned on | ADHD Information

Just after my sister took my 8 year old nephew into the doctor to start the process of getting help for him. I have always said that he was a poster boy for Ritalin need but they have resisted going based on FUD. Friday night, we were all talking about some of the mess that my nephew was going through when things started to click. I had every symptom that my nephew had but in an adult [post mid-late 30's - you figure it out!] body   For the longest time, I have been trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I knew I wasn't crazy - the doctor quickly figured that out as well and I knew it wasn't depression, but I knew something wasn't right.
- I couldn't sleep. This has been going on since I was a kid [if I could actually remember back that far]. I would lay down and start drifting off to sleep when my mind would kick into over drive. That is the reason that I started working impossible and crazy hours. I would have to exhaust myself before I could sleep. Then I would sleep about 5-6 hours, maybe taking a nap in the afternoon. Even after I saw the doctor two years ago and he prescribed Ambien, there would still be a lot of mornings that I would wake up at 3am and found it impossible to go back to sleep. I couldn't shut down my brain. The longest stretch I have worked was 40+ hours. That isn't a 40 hour week, that is a 40 hour day. Done quite a few of those in the past few years. I just couldn't rest until the job was finished to my specifications.
- I couldn't relax. It has been years since I could sit down and watch TV the whole evening. I would have to be doing something to fill my brain up either by playing with my daughter, playing a game on the computer, or actually working on the computer.  My Daughter would always complain when she is with me that we were always doing something, couldn't we just sit down and have a day of doing nothing? There was no way that I could do that.
- I couldn't think. That was the biggy. It was like there was this fog that stopped me from really learning and being able to think deeply about what ever. Most people have no idea what it is like to be trying to figure out a problem and can't think through the fog. It was miserable. Remember back when I would work impossible hours trying to finish up some software for a client. My brain was just frozen in this totally frustrating mess to where I would have to work later and later into the wee hours of the morning in order to accomplish a task that I had been doing quite easily years before.
- I couldn't stop smoking. I didn't matter how many patches I had or nicotine gums I had consumed. It was one of the only things that could give my mind some clarity.
- I couldn't sit still. When ever I went over to help out with my friend [GF? who knows] and her boys, I would end up doing her laundry, dishes, and cleaning up her house while making sure that the boys were taken care of. They would usually pick up on this nervous energy and eventually everything snowballed into a free for all, while I was still taking care of the house, we would be wrestling on the ground with dogs and cats always into the mix.
- I couldn't keep my things organized - at all. My daughter would always have plenty to say when ever I took her into the office. She would have a field day tying to clean up my office.   One marriage broken, and 40 years after my struggling through this world an Epiphany has taken place   The problem isn't that I'm crazy, depression has nothing to do with it.
I am AD/HD
Even with the first day of medication, the world feels like everything as been working correctly again. The fog has lifted and I can think again. No more nervous energy, I can actually focus on the task at hand. No more worrying about being bored, I can use that time to either relax or learn something new. It is honestly like the light has been turned on after living in the dark for many years.
This is a truly revolutionary time.  Now I can't wait to start cracking all of those books that I have to do some serous learning.
I have bookshelves fill of boosk that have been baril touched'' Some really great books too like Csharp. vb/net for programmers, SQL -those big kid of books that would ahve thousands of pages of nothing but exciting code wo wonder around - couldn't read more than 10 minutes without having to do something else. My doctors visits have been set up by what is no my X - she through I was crazy and was setting up the paper work for the upcoming divorce that would eventional leave our little daughter being the wiphipping girl , dang ambian is ckicking in, browne points for anyone being to figure out what the next sentance meeasn   more  on things like medication, coping, relactionskpi9[p when I can find a kep board that doesn't move alround on me Whelthasts the reason why, I awlawsy forget how long it takes butsince I havein't eatien anything since brunch, it is hitting fast. oh were did toosbuttonsrunoff to this time.,
later
i sucpei suspect that  there has to be a lot of Ambian wrecks oput there.
"Well sure, I just took an Ambian, but I can still drive up the QT down the street and back before it takes over."
Wrong - got the busted wjhe;; to prove it.
I just took it, I should be able to get to the end before it hits"
Wrong, just stop where youare a nd pray that youcoul remember what you were doing in the morning.   it's night night time for mect thatFor me Knowledge was Freedom!  Getting all the information you can and a definite diagnosis is very important.  When I finally could put a name to what's been "wrong" with me my whole life it was like a light bulb going on.  At first I was excited about it but then the downside.  I went through a lot of emotions when I realized this was something that would never just disappear and it is permanent, but after doing a lot of reading and talking to other people and getting the right kind of support, my life is getting better.  You just have to take one step at a time.  Sounds like you need to sloooww down just a bit.  Learn as much as you can about ADD itself and yourself and how it affects you.  You will learn a lot here on this forum.  I'm still learning a lot myself.  Wishing you the best.  Please keep posting.   Dee

Medication helped me for a while then we upped the dose, then we changed the dose.  I tried herbal supplements which helped for a while.  I have been very impressed and helped by a book called Stopping ADHD by O'Dell and Cook.  They have a theory that we started by Miriam Bender that says most ADD and ADHD cases are due to a pimitive reflex we have as babies that is bothering us today.  In most people this primitive reflex is gone.  But in people who did not crawl enough as a baby, or who walked early, or who were carried a lot, or were in walkers and playpens, etc., the reflex still bothers you. 

I believe this theory and that the exercises in the book can help many people.  I have done them for a few months and they have changed my life.

You can get the book and all the info you need without going to their clinic.  You just need to read the book and follow the directions.  It is well worth the time involved.

Good luck to you.

 

I really wasn't expecting a magic bullet and from the research that I have done so far, it isn't going to go away but it does give me the ability to work around some of the issues as well as fresh introspective view on both the past and the possible future. For example; why did I notice first a problem 11 years ago and not when I was younger? From the time I was a kid until 11 years ago, I use to race bicycles. Tons of very vigorous exercise kept myself in check and in shape. I stopped riding before my daughter was born [today is her birthday!] because I didn't want to be 50 miles away on a bike during the last months of my X pregnancy. After my daughter was born, I just didn't go out riding anymore - too many diapers to change and fathering to do. A year after she was born, I started smoking - the fog was setting in and smoking helped. Recently, I read an article about some doctors treating this with nicotine patches.   Again, I know this isn't going away but am now having moments of clarity thanks to realizing how exercise has played such a big role in everything, alternative methods of task handling [break everything down, document and list what has been done and what needs to be done], and of course Concerta.
Last year, everyone thought I was crazy when I was mowing my 3 acres with a small push mower. No one seem to understand why that made me feel so much better.   Now I know what I need to do in order to get things accomplished in my life again, plus, don't post after I take Ambian!

Loved the ambian typing!

Happy Birthday to your Daughter!

Welcome!