Im Fiona
I live in the UK, I have 4 kids, James my eldest is 18, diagnosed with ADD at 12, currently living in supported housing and doing really well, plus he has been off meds for 3 years. Moved out at my request, couldnt cope any more with the violence.
I have 2 girls, Natalie aged 15 and Olivia, 8. Then theres Patrick, hes 7 and undiagnosed. As James says, who needs a diagnosis, we've been there before. If anything he is worse than his brother was at his age. I am resisting the meds approach, only because it never worked for James, we had horrific rebound hyperactivity, appetite loss, mood swings and violence. I know this isnt everyones experience but it was ours.
Their Dad's answer was to beat it out of them (and me), luckily he is now out of the picture. I have been really lucky in that James palled up with other kids with ADHD, so we parents supported each other and our kids.
Welcome! You know, violence is not a part of ADHD. I think you may be looking at another disorder besides ADHD. In your shoes, I'd take the youngest and have him evaluated by a child psychiatrist and/or neuropsychologist.
I'd add that there is a great section of this board entitled Alternatives to Medication that might help when meds cannot. Welcome to the board!
I agree. My son can be agressive, but rarely is violent. Get him checked out further.I keep hinting at counselling, at the moment things are going really well with him. Hes in supported housing, which is his own flat with a weekly housing support worker visit. Hes managing his own money, feeding himself. The flat is a tip, dirty pots and pans but he does wash up occasionally, I do his washing as the washer is broken (was when he moved in). Once a week he takes me out to Starbucks and buys me a coffee (last week I offered to pay and he was MOST offended), and we talk about all sorts. I can honestly say it has been the making of him. I turn a blind eye to the untidiness and praise any signs of healthy eating, also sneakily cook him meals to microwave.
The reason Im not having my younger one assessed yet is, hes in counselling for the physical abuse dealt out by his Dad, so assessing the level of his ADHD would be difficult. Their Dad only ever punished the boys and me, he hated that they werent 'perfect', laughably he is a special needs assistant in a school. The school is aware of what he has done, but say that being violent to your own children doesnt stop you working with other kids.
typical british approach,i must say,they like turning a blind eye,i am from scotland by the way.i have never heard of any bipolar thing here never been mentionned once,also my son is violent towards his sister and others i was told it was typical ADHD.I hope your family and you all the best for the futureIf you son is violent, I respectfully disagree that he has ADD. I don't know how they diagnose in the UK, but I'd be more apt to think he has early onset bipolar that was misdiagnosed. Violence isn't a part of ADHD and stimulants won't help violence at all. Could make it worse. STraterra too. Mood disorders, substance abuse or suicide atetmpts in the family tree are big red flags for bipolar. Your ex doesn't sound too normal. Maybe he has undiagnosed bipolar. A bad reaction to stims/antidepressants are further clues. I have bipolar and if they'd put me on stims...wow. Take care. OlderMom38811.4572800926
James was diagnosed at 12 with moderate to severe ADHD, the violence is not part of his ADHD, nor is it a co-morbid disorder. Its a result of 15 years living with a father who was violent to him, his siblings and me.
In the UK, they diagnose through assessment by an educational psychologist, plus he was under the child psychiatrist until he was 16. Our child psychiatrist has some 40 years experience of ADHD (or hyperkinetic disorder as she calls it), so I think it unlikely she would have misdiagnosed.
It was James' choice to come off meds, they didnt help him. He had weight loss, rebound hyperactivity, and the only solution I was offered was more and increasingly heavy duty meds.
I know lots of other parents of kids with ADHD in Leeds, some go the meds route, some dont. Im trying Eye-Q with Patrick at the moment (High doseage fish and evening primrose oil) plus we have an additive free diet, have done for years. I guess it boils down to what works for you, after all every kid is different.
I think that the violence could be learned from his father, so you are right. I thought you thought the violence was from the ADHD. Would therapy help, or would he even go?