Mistakes always being pointed out | ADHD Information
Does this happen to anyone else here? I consider myself to be a pretty honest and caring kind of person and I'm not the type to act like I know anything better then anyone else but why is it that whenever I make one mistake or misstep that there is always someone snapping at my heals ready to slap me down. It seems like most people can say and do as they please, however it may come across, but I do or say one little thing that may come across the wrong away and there is always someone that points it out and makes me feel like dirt. I honestly think there are people that live for that, to point out other people's inadequaces to make themselves feel mighter and better and I get to be scapegoat. And of course my already low-self esteem does not help the situation. Dee lostmyshoe38810.6613657407Dee, what things are you doing to build your self esteem? There are probably other people here who would benefit from your experience.IMac38810.765162037
Dee, there are a lot of people like that. I know I have been at times. And there are times NO matter what one says, it turns out that some one has to be negative and play on other low-self esteem. Honestly, I find that the older i am the more i stop doing it. There are times that i bite my lip to not tell the lady at the check out to hurry up. Or to tell the lady checking out my groceries to freaking smile and make eye contact. I know people get stressed. I know that it's wrong. I was at Wal Mart the other day and the checker was slow and never made any eye contact, never spoke a word not even a smile. Right before I left, I looked at her and said, "You seem to be unhappy, I wish I could change that. What can I say to make it better?" She looked at me and said "I'm tired, sorry". and she cracked a small smile. I told her she had a beautiful smile and she should wear it with honor and walked out. the rest of her day I'm sure she was thinking that crazy woman, but i made her smile. I try to be better about it, because I don't know how my behavior will effect some one with their entire day. You are not alone with this. You might want to read some about raising your self esteem. I'll see if I can find you some books or sites to read.
I am glad you are here!
Building my self-esteem is certainly a work in progress. Actually, Ogram, by raising others up and making them feel better instead of being negative I can see where it could help someone even to feel better about their own self. I'll bet you made that woman's day. It says a lot about you as a person. Thanks for the story, quite inspiring. I am glad you and IMAC are here too!
Dee
Topic: Mistakes always being pointed out
Hey lostmyshoe,
You lost your shoe.
Wasn't that not a mistake, wasn't it?
(Lostmyshoe, he just wanted to point that out) Since putting our son in public education this has been going on. His past dr. said remove him from the system. This was back in k . Teachers today want a model student who just does all they are suppose to. I say teach a child how they learn best. Educate and train staff and how to work with all types of kids. RNSporks are cool. They always make me think of eating KFC's parfait. [QUOTE=Ascentionist] A lot of problems that people point out aren't really your problems, they are their problems.[/QUOTE]
That is soo true. I always try telling people that but usually they don't get it. I have so many friends who think if someone doesn't like a cetain aspect of their personality then they need to change it. Which is the completely wrong way to look at it.
Something needs to change only if you see it as a problem not because others don't like it.
I also think it's awesome that you know what a spork is.
I was shocked to find out how many people never heard of it. Fear the Spork! That is awesome. One night my freshman year of college a bunch of us got to talking about sporks (or are they foons?) and went on a quest to find a spork. We got to a KFC near downtown Nashville just as it was closing. THey must have thoguht we were insane, running in grabbing a bunch of plastic sporks and running out.
My typical response to any perceived insult on my part is this: "You'll get over it."
If I have a flaw that is really something I need to work on I probably already know about it. If not I thank them and promise to try harder but if it's something obvious or something I can't control I tell them they'll get over. A lot of problems that people point out aren't really your problems, they are their problems. I say that with all love and compasion.
If i am dealing with something and someone comes along and slams me about it then obviously they are not dealing with it. Who is making the effort? So who is truly justified?
Ignore the ignorance of others but be willing to admit your own ignorance. Ignorance shouldn't necessarily be a negative thing. It is the perfect opportunity to learn something new. Isn't that a positive thing?
anyone that puts others down is not someone I want to be around. If people try sarcasm or put downs with me I usually respond: "And I suppose you're perfect?" and walk away. [QUOTE=oldtimer]Since putting our son in public education this has been going on. His past dr. said remove him from the system. This was back in k . Teachers today want a model student who just does all they are suppose to. I say teach a child how they learn best. Educate and train staff and how to work with all types of kids. RN[/QUOTE]
EXACTLY--this is how NCLB SHOULD work.
I always knew in school that my learning strengths weren't being exploited and all my weaknesses were. I was always bitter that I knew I could do better with a different teaching style. But how was little ole me supposed to convince the rest of the world?
I'd love to try now...I have a much better understanding of why the education system failed ME.
Dee,
I think people who point out the mistakes of others and try to make them feel bad are the one's with the lowest self esteem.
There's just something not right about a person who enjoys pointing out someone else's mistake or feeling better about themselves when someone else messes up. They might do this because they can't rely on their own merits in order to feel good about themselves.
I can understand children doing this because of their lack of life experience but for adults.....they're the one's with the problem, not you.
You need to come up with some good come backs. Know them ahead of time. Even just laughing off the mistake can really lighten up the situation.
bepatient38812.8607407407[QUOTE=bepatient]I think people who point out the mistakes of others and try to make them feel bad are the one's with the lowest self esteem.
I can understand children doing this because of their lack of life experience but for adults.....they're the one's with the problem, not you.
You need to come up with some good come backs. Know them ahead of time. Even just laughing off the mistake can really lighten up the situation.
[/QUOTE]
So right! I agree. I am guilty of it, and a few months back, i decided to try NOT to do that. I am getting much better about it. I have never met a stranger, meaning every one knows that I am almost NEVER serious. And that back fires, because people that don't know me think I'm mean. I find it even harder when I am working on me and then people try to attack my meaning and/or integrity. But, I'm learning to let it roll, slowly, but still working on it. Laughing does make it easier to deal with. Having adhd the impulsiveness is hard to maintain, but my goal is to be a better person and not to lash out when others play at my expense, it just makes them look petty and rude. It's harder for some one to look at their own faults than it is to change their own.
bepatient is right. and i love the name. It humbles me.
I used to feel the same way. I was always be the one that got picked on. One day, I suddenly understood those people, and I felt incredibly sorry for them.
I mean think about it. Someone's life is so pathetic that they actually need to be mean and petty in order to feel better about themselves. They are so desperate for self worth that a brief interaction with random stranger like me is so important. They are so miserable that they can't even maintain basic courtesy. What kind of emotional starvation does that to a person? They must exist in a really dark place.
If taking shots at me brings even a tiny amount of happiness to them, they can go right ahead. Their opinion can't hurt me, and if I can bring even a small glimer of satisfaction into their darkness, I don't mind. I am so incredibly grateful that I don't have to exist in their universe.
Apparently they don't get anything out of picking on someone who pities them. I can't even remember the last time someone tried to take it out on me. *grin
I believe in giving as good as I get. If someone feels compelled to point out my mistakes then I will return the favor.
Seriously try it sometime. It especially works with family memebers once they find out you can play the same game as them they no longer want to play that game.
This is such a hard lesson to learn... it's so contrary to modern culture... but the truth is other's opinions of you just plain doesn't matter.
Being more empathetic that the general population, people with ADD hyperfocus on the opinions of others... but the truth is none of that matters. You've noticed mistakes in other people before right? How much do you dwell on that? How much does another person's mistakes affect your opinion of them?
Not much right? What makes you think anyone else cares about your mistakes?
The truth is everyone's so busy thinking about themselves that they don't spend nearly as much time thinking about you as you think.
Welcome observations of your faults as an invitation to improve yourself. Everyone should be so lucky to recieve objective observations of their faults. If you can get past your ego and process the comments logically you are privy to invaluable information on how to improve yourself and your life.
There is nothing that is more fun then watching the face of a person who thinks they are perfect change when you point out exactly how imperfect they actually are.
I admit I have never been the turn the other cheek and walk away type person.
Maybe I'm weird in this regard but when other people try to put me down it never offends me. Mainly because I see all of their flaws. For me to be offended I'd have to value their opinion and think what they said was correct. The problem is I never see their opinion as better then mine because ultimately if they were actually "smarter" or their opinion was "better" they wouldn't have any flaws.
If someone was actually perfect and said I was rude or irresponsible I might believe them. But quite honestly the fact that they need to point out the flaws of others is a flaw in itself so how can you take them seriously.