13 Year Old & No Spine- Please Help | ADHD Information
Hmm. I'm not sure how to answer this. On the one hand, you say your daughter is a sweet, docile, and nice little girl, who is succumbing to peer preasure. On the other hand, you say she is a liar and diceitful and does not have a moral compass. It sounds like you are describing two completely different kids. Could you elaborate more on these differences in her personality?
I will say that the early teen years are the worse for peer preasure, and girls can be absolutely viscious with one another when a "friend" won't succumb. There was a book written about this called The Secret Life of Girls, which you might want to read.
Sounds a lot like my 21 year old used to be. She WAS sweet with a very good heart and had a conscience, but she'd do anything to be accepted by her peers/popular. And she DID do anything to be popular. I'd take it as a warning sign and get counseling. My daughter ended up doing drugs (her drug of choice, ironically, was Adderrall--it is very misused by teens as are all the stims--crushed in pillcrushers and snorted--big ick factor). She did not have an ADHD dx. I dont' think the lying and doing whatever is related specifically to ADHD. My daughter had serious LD's and low self-confience and I think the low self-confidence made her believe that she'd never have friends if she didn't do the things she did. She also refused to be in extra-cirricular activities and it's pretty hard to force a defiant 12 year old (she started drugs at 12--we didn't know) into going to Soccer or Theatre. She'd go, but not participate and make trouble, then come home and cry that she stunk at these things, etc. She had to grow comfortable in her own skin before she turned around. She also saw what happened to a few friends of hers that went off the deep edge and it scared her. My daughter also started lying around 11. She would tell everyone at school that her father worked for a candy company and could get them candy whenever they wanted, then she'd shoplift the candy and hand it out at school. All this came out after she stopped doing it. Hub and I suspected stuff was going on, but couldn't pin it on her. I'd take early action and drug test her too. Kids start using drugs early these days--it's a scary world out there. I never would have thought my daughter would get involved in these things. Hub and I don't even drink. OlderMom38815.363125I don't know what to do about my daughter. She will not stand up for what she believes is right when it comes to her friends. I don't know what to do about her. Her whole life I've taught her to stand up for what's right. I don't understand why she doesn't do that on a consistent basis. I had to when I was growing up and it's really hard for me to relate to this, but she basically told me and my dh tonight that if her friends want her to do something, she'll go ahead and do it with them. Right now, the problem was she is on restriction and broke the rules again. It's so dumb, cuz she only had one more day to go until her restriction was over. Her friends talked her into going along with them on breaking the rules.
My dh and I are at our wits end. We obviously can't punish her anymore, because that's just not working. Every time we put her on restriction for something, she just breaks the rules anyway. She's a very sweet, docile, nice little girl. Very kind and compassionate, beyond her years. She is socially behind, I think, other kids her age. She has low self-confidence, I've really seen her struggle with it this year. But, you can't be self-confident when you're doing things that you know you're not supposed to, so that's not really a surprise and it's my guess that if she would be obedient and do what's right, no matter what her friends think, she'd have something to be proud of herself about.
Anyway, just wondering if you have any advice or suggestions. It scares me to death to admit this, but it's almost like she doesn't have a conscience or a moral compass and it's beyond me how that could happen when we've raised her knowing right from wrong. Yet, her mindset seems to be, "I'll do whatever I want and to hell with anyone who says different". And, she's like that about everything, now. My dh said he noticed this problem of being deceitful and able to lie to us without batting an eye from when she was about 8 or so. And, he's right, that's about how long that we've been dealing with this, only I see the problem just snowballing. I'm so afraid that we're going to end up with either a pregnant teen on our hands or a dead teen from overdosing once she starts getting pressured to do drugs. I just don't know what to do. I hope someone who's had to deal with something like this will reply.
She's on medication, Strattera, for her ADHD, but it doesn't work very well, because she needs a higher dose and her doc won't give it to her, because she's a peanut (thin and petite, runs in the genes) and because he wants her to go on a stimulant. Well, we can't get her on a stimulant, because her insurance won't cover it and we can't afford the out of pocket, much as I really want to and wish I could. I'm literally thinking about military school for her. If we didn't have to pay for her to go to a special school, I'd ship her off somewhere that she'd get some backbone!
IMac38945.6713773148I've always encouraged her to be independent and if that was all this is, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But, this is more about her seeming lack of conscience. That's what's so scary. That she will do something knowing full well she's doing the wrong thing. It's not even like she doesn't know she's being naughty. She knows it and does it anyway. I'm so worried.
Thank you for the link. I'm going to check into this. I hope more people will reply if they have some recommendations on how I should deal with her. How do I raise her and be a good parent, doing my job, not giving up on her, when she will not submit to her punishments when she acts up? She has no problem receiving the blessings when she's good, I can tell you that. Oy!
www.bridgestoaccess.com Thats a link to one site that can help you get free or reduced cost meds. If she needs a med switch, maybe this is the way to get them without breaking the bank.
I hope you find a way to help her. My daughter was very independant and I was still scared to death every time she went out the door. I certainly do sympathize with you.
You and she are in 