I have ADD, so stop judging me!! | ADHD Information
As the mother of a grown ADD daughter, all I can say is embrace your "you-ness". Thank God you are Unique! Make your life manageable for YOU and your close relationships and the heck with everyone else. Though you may have to suck up a little at times ie; driving instructor, so you can get your drivers license. Did you even try an automatic car Sarah??I used to think that I was getting "that look" a lot. But now that my mind is calmer and my ability to understand subtleties and innuendo is much sharper I know it simply isn't as much as I made it out to be.
I used to think that every facial tic was a smirk, every eye movement was a sign of impatience or ridicule. Now I realize that people generally make faces at everyone for very simple reasons. Many times I thought a person whos eyes were raised was looking at me and now I find that it was a coincidence!
Yes, sometimes people lose patience because we don't "get it". But hardly as often as we think.
As I've said before - we aren't the center of the universe. Most of what we say, do and think means absolutely nothing to people around us. We simply aren't that important for them to give us either praise or scrutiny.
Now I have noticed that there are times that I used to miss. The little glances and hidden non-verbal communication between people. Often I'll be chatty and I'll find I can notice two people giving each other a "oh - here he goes again" look. Not all the time but I do notice. I sometimes see it and will say "oh - I see I've bored you two so I'll stop. My apologies." Sometimes they'll sputter and say "oh no - you weren't boring me! It's ok really" but I can tell the difference now. But I don't let it hurt my feelings.
People can be callous and sometimes cruel. But truly most of what we interpret as hostile or mocking mannerisms isn't. Just like many times we think someone is our friend when they are having a laugh at our expense.
Unique and special thats ME!!!
You are dead on on not being important to others. most people are just waiting their turn to talk. Oh how I hate "the look". It's interesting that you mentioned the driving instructor. I remember learning how to drive and it seemed to take longer for me then others. I didn't know I had ADD back then but I still remember the frustration of the instructor when I just simply "didn't get it". The most embarrassing moment was when the car wouldn't move and I couldn't figure out why. The instructor finally had to tell me to start the car
. I was so nervous I couldn't focus on what I was doing and didn't realize I hadn't started the car. Things like this have happened my whole life and I found myself doing everything not to get "the look". Well, I gave up on it. I am who I am and I try to be a kind and honest person. It's too exhausting to try and be someone I'm not. I have my days of frustration too, when I just can't stand the judgement and that's when I find a place with understanding people who understand where I am coming from to vent. I know how you feel. I'm there with ya.
At least I can say one thing for sure. I will NEVER be BORING
. Dee
Okay! I have been reading the board for a few days....11 to be exact!
I was diagnosed with ADHD on April 4, 2006. 
I have been treated for depression (I as even a ginny pig in the early stages of Zoloft) for many , many years.
I have a lifetime history of crisis in my childhood right up until today! Oh did I forget to tell you that I am 2 months short of my 46 birthday! ooops that darn ADHD acting up again! lol 
I do not remember alot cuz I simply don't - I always thought it was perimenopausal causing memory loss!
Alright...I have to get back on track...sometimes (?) I forget what point I am trying to get across and I babble on...so back to my original thought:
On April 5, 2006 I went to my boss (who is a mans man) and told him of my diagnosis because it was his consistant complaining of my not paying attention to detail. He would ask me to do a letter for him, then he would make changes and send it back to me. I would carfully make the changes and reread it 3 times and send it back only to have it sent back with the same changes that I was absolutly positive I made (oh and I did reread it 3 times). I spoke to my doc and that is when he made the diagnosis. I explained to my boss that i had to work 5 times as hard as the average flok to get a task completed.
On the 12th of April I went to him because I needed help with an overload of manual entering into 1 of the 2 new software programs that was put on my load in addition to my already extremely heavy work load. I had asked the new office manager for help 6 times in 2 weeks to no avail and i was digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole. I was instructed that I was under no circumstances to put in any over time. You can only imagine my frusteration, only to have my boss tell me to "deal with it"! 
He started to explain to me that he has issues with me not paying attention to detail! I wonder what kind of jerk did I work for? 
This man went to University too!
My wage reveiw was the worst ever and it was due to these issues he has with me!
I get paid crap, get no understanding and am expected to perform hard than anyone...and this is all after I went to him with the diagosis!
I am completely at a loss as I am unhappy with management, however my coworkers ar ethe greatest ever!
Can my boss discriminate this way? or is he just a regular horses butt!
Does anyone relate to this? and where can I start to make things better? I was really feeling good about finally getting the reason to my very difficult life and I am extremely happy that I can put a face to my struggles but....now I feel as though it is no use
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need the wisdom of the ADHD guru's!
Your boss sounds to me like he isn't in touch with peoples personal feelings.
When I was at my last job, I told my boss I had ADD. As my job was a lot of number punching and I made lots of mistakes. He asked me to explain ADD, and once I had finished he said "Well it's not very safe for you to be working with numbers, you are in the wrong job!" I felt angry, as I thought 'What is the right job for someone who can't concentrate?'
We then went out for Xmas lunch and he mentioned to the Head Buyer (who is a complete cow, might I add) that I want to work in Buying too, does she have any positions for me. I turned away, then heard her say to my boss "I don't think we will take Sarah on, not after what you told me about her." She chuckled. I was furious!! She was judging me because of my ADD. But how silly was she not to notice how fashion aware I am, and what I could of brought to the role. I have decided not to tell anyone at work I have ADD, it panicks them and causes them to judge.
[QUOTE=lormal2]
I get paid crap, get no understanding and am expected to perform hard than anyone...and this is all after I went to him with the diagosis!
I am completely at a loss as I am unhappy with management, however my coworkers ar ethe greatest ever!
Does anyone relate to this? and where can I start to make things better? I was really feeling good about finally getting the reason to my very difficult life and I am extremely happy that I can put a face to my struggles but....now I feel as though it is no use
[/QUOTE]
It's great that you got the diagnosis and many people have written of the relief you've mentioned.
I can remember initially thinking that people would want to understand and help me, and there are books and people that encourage that thinking - but to a large extent, I think it's a misperception. Most people are worried about themselves, and whether or not you've been diagnosed, they still want whatever they want.
Most people are not interested in accomodating others or helping others to advance unless they can relate to the other person's circumstance very well or if it somehow benefits themselves. Most people notice whatever they think is going to benefit themselves.
I think, like everyone else, at least in our work, we are best off finding something that our skills and talents help us to do well - with little or no accomodations.
The best part about the diagnosis, imo, is that it gave me a chance to understand, to communicate with others who are in the same boat, and to accomodate myself. I waited for a while but, in my case, there really never was that much outside, altruistic help that ever came in to help me out with symptoms, etc.
TheDog38822.46
So in keeping with the assumption that I did thisnk that my boss was happy that I was working on my "issues".... it has been 17 days since my diagnosis and I was fired today!
There was no reason..just that I am "not a good fit!" They figured this out and it only took them 11 months!!!! Hmmmmmm...gotta wonder if they should get tested!
I always say..."ya never know what life is going to throw at you, but with the right medication you can get by"
I was hoping to feel good about this and now I am not even sure if the meds are helping...
How do you know? How long does it take?
Told ya my boss was an ass!!!!!
Sorry to hear that you've been fired. I know that it can feel like a financial problem, an identity loss, and a personal humiliation and rejection. It sucks even if you were dissatisfied with parts of the job.
I wonder if they used the "not a good fit" language because they thought you might otherwise pose a challenge - particularly since they know the diagnosis. However, since you didn't do anything "wrong," perhaps you can get unemployment payments for a while.
If you can swing it - survive without a job for a while - it may actually be a great opportunity for you. If you can swing it financially on unemployment and get past the pain, humiliation, etc., it could turn out to be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
When I've been in those shoes, it helped to set a time limit for how long I'd be upset - maybe a week, and then moved on and focused on what was best for me. (It's really, really hard to do - but at least in my case - it has helped a lot.)
TheDog38829.2331712963I've been fired several times. It sucks even when being fired from an almost unbearably bad job working for idiots.
I went through some difficult times, but wound up the better after it. Watch your cash, simplify your life and take a month or two off with unemployment payments
I did get to quit my last job. Muuuuuuuuuuuuch better feeling.
Thank you all for your thoughts.
I am not upset that I will not have to see my boss again...it is a releif actually.
however my coworkers became my family and that is the hard part. i did love my job and I know that I did well. The office manager just could not handle my honesty! I am not the person who says things and does not mean it, and my biggest fault is that I cannot fake liking someone that has crossed my boundries many times.
I will move on and I know that everything happens for a reason, but it sucks!
Welcome to the family of Adult ADHDers.. On getting fired i agree it suck.. another step into the unknown future.. Please remember 3 simple strenghts of the ADHD profile.. Creativity, High Energy, Above Average Intelligence..Application of these to your situation will show fruit in a way you may not have considered before...Oh! and watchout for impulsiveness and procrastination. A question for you to answer for U! how fast are you on the keyboard during input of data....Is your speed very varied, slow or when u hyperfocus is it above 100-120 keys per min. Depending on your answer, there maybe something else you need to check in your individual case. I will say this! for the stage you are at post diagnosis, U are progressing very well..Congrats!
I will say this! for the stage you are at post diagnosis, U are progressing very well..Congrats
Thanks! However I do not feel as though I am advancing, I feel like I am on my way backwards.
I have not been able to reach ovver 55 strokes a minute...although I have not tested in a while!
I was on zoloft and I stopped taking it , however I am back on it again as I started getting down. I find my self holding back alot in hopes of not upsetting my family. I am pretty relaxed - I think but my anger level was high and now I am blaming myself although I was right to stand up to my boss.
That feeling of going backwards is a thing i went through as well.. On key stroking on input I would mention it to Dr. next time.. there Just Might be a correlation between your individual profile and fine motor movement.. If you are concerned about it look up on Dyspraxia... it has been found in medium to mild degree with ADHDers.. You are going through the rollercoaster of post diagnostic unfamiliarity and it can be a "B.t.h if you get too down on yourself.. As has already hinted at, if you are in position to do so... take a time out, 2 weeks can make a major difference to perspective.. remember!!! How is the anxiety level!Don't you just hate the way everyone in this world is just so judgemental? I feel like nobody has the courage to be their real selves, people are always trying so hard to fit in with what society expect! Well I am fed up with people judging me because I have a different way of thinking. I laugh at everything, I don't take anything too seriously (unless it is affecting me, ha) I am creative, full of energy and love talking openly about things!
When I make a mistake, forget something, say the wrong thing I get THAT look. As if to say "you are stupid!" or "here she goes again" Typical Sarah! !!!!
Even my driving instructor said I am a UNIQUE CASE. Purely because I can't concentrate. I feel like telling everyone that I have ADD!!!! I am proud to have to it at least I am not as boring as those judgemental people!!!
Phew, sorry just had to get that off my chest....
Sarah,
I am in 100% agreement with u on the insecure reaction of others to my openness and out of box sense of humour. That is why i call them.. The Plodders.. I am using reverse snobbery...
..Opps..Mistake.. how impulsive of me..
When I make a mistake, forget something, say the wrong thing I get THAT look. As if to say "you are stupid!" or "here she goes again" Typical Sarah! !!!!
[/QUOTE]
I can relate to that. If I really did do something that hurt someone's feelings, I make a serious apology. But most of my regular critics aren't on my case because they care, just because I am the closest target.
There are only two ways to deal with those people. Avoid them or make fun of them. It is pretty funny to see the expression on their faces when I take the wind out of their sails. Especially if I leave them wondering if I have insulted them.
"Reisa! I can't believe you did/said that!"
"Gasp! Oh, I am so sorry!. I can't believe I said/did that either! That was really insensitive. How can I fix it? Somebody just take me out back and shoot me. I am too stupid to live!"
With just the right mix of sarcasm and self mocking, I can keep up the exaggerated apology right up to the point that they become just a bit suspicious that I am not sincere. Then I leave it alone and let them wonder what I really meant.
Haha, sounds just like me! I always apologoise but never really mean it. I think more people need to be outspoken in this world.
I am sick of people trying to fit in with the so called 'NORM' what is Normal????????
<something needs to bring me back to the light> We iz what we iz. Izn't that right? Celebrate your uniqueniz [QUOTE=ryan1950] That is why i call them.. The Plodders..
I always use "mundanes."
I book I just read calls unoriginal people who only have thoughts and personality traits they pick up from others "second handers."
Most people are second-handers. They get their thoughts, ideas, attitudes, values etc. from others and adopt them to fit in and because thinking up stuff on their own is beyond their mundanity.
I may be sick and broken and depressed and ........... borderline insane - but I am not mundane.
Take that sh*t, world!
I still hold faith with what I believe is real.
You don't even know how to tell what is real, do ya now?
HAH! Those two sentences make me feel good.
I'll repeat them in the darkness, like knowing the words will bring me back to the light.
<shakes fist, exits>
i know exactly what you guys mean! all my life i've been called the ditzy, weird, blunt one... but, what's the alternative? BORING. although, i'm scared that these new meds are going to turn me into one of them =X