Hierarchy | ADHD Information
Yes. Learning the hard way.I labored under the illusion, and still do to some extent, that people were more noble and curious and giving then they usually turn out to be.
This has caused a lot of pain, learning how wrong i've been.
I think some of us with add either treat people well or poorly but we don't differentiate as often based on hierarchy. For a long time, this caused problems for me. When someone higher on the ladder talked down to me or treated me like a sub-human, I would get pissed off and tell them so. They would then feel disrespected and thus I would feel the effect of their power against me.
They were never right but that is the way the world works. For some reason, many people in the US at least pretend that this doesn't exist. Thus, hearing that it doesn't exist and being add, I believed it and then would get surprised each time it happened.
I noticed it today. This person who is actually "below me" in a way but "above me" for some other reasons - and didn't know that I was "above her" in a way was just rude as hell to me on the phone. Of course, this time I knew what was happening, and was soft spoken and basically polite in return. It's the way the game is played.
However, if I hadn't consciously figured out the inconsistency between the way people say it is and the way it actually is, I would have told her she was being a jerk (which she was) and I would be wondering why no one was on my side.
I'm glad I know more now but man I wish that I could have just known the way it was before I had to deal with learning the very, very hard way so many times.
The wierdest thing about the hierarchy and other similar things is that once you know what they are - it's sort of obvious. Other people were probably wondering - how could a moderately intelligent person be so stupid! Now I look back and wonder - how could I have ever not known that to be true?
People don't say it's true but it's like the naked emperor - everybody else knew him to be naked and complimented him on his clothes but I felt the need to say, "hey, you don't have any clothes on."
Then, I move on to the next phase. OK. Now that I know those things to be true, and the need to go along with aspects of it for survival, etcl, how do I explain to others why I really didn't get it before without sounding completely stupid? And, how do I deal with it, and still find the world to be exciting and hopeful?
I grew up thinking everyone was above me and I was afraid to say boo. When the ADHD snuck in and I would impulsively say what I was thinking, it really made people mad.
Now that I have figured out that I am as good as others, I don't let people who are supposedly above me get to me. I treat them as equals and surprisingly, they treat me the same way.
When I meet up with a rude person, I try to stay nice and that really bugs them!
If they keep being rude, its obvious that they are the little ones.