Lack of Focus on Personal Interests | ADHD Information
I thought I just changed obsessions. I can get really obsessed about something, get very involved, find out everything I can about it, buy everything that may go along with it, then, it just fizzles out because I have found something else to obsess over.ADD&Proud and Barb,
You are describing my son, when you describe yourselves. He, too, is a perfectionist, and he wants to excel in everything he does IMMEDIATELY. The connection between working and training to excel in something is not a connection he makes. He wants to win at everything he does, but he doesn't understand you have to train and practice to win. Training and practice are "boring."
He recently said he wanted to join a soccer team, again. I thought, Oh, God, help me, while I imagined hearing him whine about going to practice, so I said, "You know, you're going to have practice a couple of times a week?" "A couple of times a week?!?" like he was shocked, then he said, "Forget it." The idea of it being fun to practice soccer never crosses his mind. Practice is not fun. Winning is what he's after. He just wants to compete and win.
Koko,
My husband and I have quit buying my son all the things associated with his interest of the month, making my son buy them with his allowance, hoping to teach him what you have learned about spending a lot of money on his interest of the month. This is a new thing, and I'll let you know how it goes 
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Psychgirl,
One of the reasons I believe children should have focused interests is because it will help keep them away from drugs. I, too, think a lot of kids get involved with drugs because of boredom.
Gettingclear,
My son told me today that he wants to start Karate tournaments. ***Sigh*** Since he won't go to the dojo and train, I figure we'll go to about three or four tournaments, he'll get his butt kicked, and that will be that. But, I'll let you know. BTW, you PMed me? I need to check on that 
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Thanks, everyone. Talking to adults who have/are living with ADHD is extraordinarily helpful. I always learn a lot about my son by listening to your stories. 
Ah ADHD at 13! I think I went through at least 20 or 30 different hobbies. My likes in movies/music, foods - heck even the type of people I hung around changed with the wind. I took up guitar at least 5 times, only to sell the guitar soon afterwards due to waning interest.
Just typical. I hear it about normal 13 year olds too so maybe it's a puberty thing?
ADHDers have a hard time connecting the dots. That means that we may enjoy something but we don't want to work at getting better unless the effort itself is stimulating. We don't see a connection between training for something and becoming proficient. I finally figured the connection out myself within the last couple of years.
That said, there is also the fact that we spend so much of our lives struggling to do things that come easy for others and still end up being called failures, lazy, unmotivated. It becomes a matter of low self esteem. You do reach the point where you decide "whats the use"?. Some things come easy and others are a struggle, so just stick with the easy, fun stuff. Sometimes something will peak our interests or become important enough to keep us working at it, but most of the time we become bored.
I'm struggling with trying to figure out how to motivate my son who is 11, so I don't have any suggestions but I wanted to encourage you to keep trying. It is ADHD but hopefully he will find an interest that he will consider worth working at and sticking with. With you and your husband as examples and mentors, he is in a good position to see that hard work and diligence pay off.
[QUOTE=lillian]
But there is an aspect of his personality my husband and I find disturbing and don't get at all, and we question whether or not it is from ADHD. This is it: He cannot sustain any personal interests for any length of time longer than a couple of months, and he will not exert any effort to learn about or train in any of these fleeting interests.
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I am currently working on hobby-project-dosomethingwithmylife #7,892. I had to completely swear off anything that required purchasing supplies -- piles of junk everywhere from last month's interest.
The interest itself is not as important as the novelty and learning. The best part of any project/interest is the whirlwind of excitement when I discover something and become hyperfocused. THIS is my interest.
I happen upon a reptile show at the convention center and spend the next week learning all about that universe. The next week it is researching new cancer treatments to help a friend. After that it might be 22 straight hours of TV series DVDs.
Once I get past that "shiny new toy" stage, it is boring. *Only shiny new toys in my universe, please.*
I had similar problems and found turning off the television lead to reading, drawing, playing guitar for my 13 y.o. son.Lillian you are describing a very typical ADD trait. Interested in everything but only for short bits. I've lost count of my unfinished 'projects', equipment needed for said projects, etc. My husband has long since given up riding me about them. Now he just goes with the flow and cautions me against spending money on them.
Just because your son is on medication for the ADHD doesn't mean that his ability to focus in the classroom is going to carry over into his personal life. Most meds wear off shortly after school.
Another thing to think about is that childhood and adolesence is about finding out about yourself and interests. ADDers are blessed AND cursed with having lots of interests. BUT as soon as that interest becomes boring or work-like then we are off to the next thing. Face it, to become good at anything you have to work at it. Boring/mundane tasks are very much like torture to us. Speaking for myself, I am a closet perfectionist, if I can't do it perfect in 5 easy lessons then I am off to the next thing. In order to stick with anything, it has to be challenging, mentally stimulating, and in a state of constant change. Not many activities/things/hobbies/jobs meet those critieria.
Then there is the social aspect of ADD. ADDers tend to always feel like the odd-man-out in social situations. Either we are out-of-sync with the people around us or we're (our minds) are moving too fast for the rest of the crowd to keep up. Either way, we're sometimes regarded as weirdos. Then there is also the fact that many times what is going on in our heads is waaay more interesting than what standard day to day reality has to offer.
What does he do with his time if left to choose? Read? Talk with friends?
Listen to him (that is if you can get him to talk). Have him describe how he feels about the activities (other than "it's dumb") when he starts to lose interest.
As a parent of an ADD boy and ADDer myself I know it can be frustrating to deal with the rapid-fire, constantly changing mind but hang in there. BTW, have you read many books on ADD? Driven to Distraction is excellent. I'm sure others can recommend some excellent ones on dealing with an ADD child.
Hope this helps.
O.K., you adult ADHDers, I've got a question for you about my son. I'm hoping you can help me understand this.
My soon-to-be-thirteen-year-old son is a good-natured, fun-loving kid. He's funny, he's nice, and he's pretty well behaved, though he's beginning to go through some adolescent smarting off. He's ADHD/dyslexic, and he has an IEP in school. He's in all general education classes and does well, making As and Bs and all Es in conduct. But there is an aspect of his personality my husband and I find disturbing and don't get at all, and we question whether or not it is from ADHD. This is it: He cannot sustain any personal interests for any length of time longer than a couple of months, and he will not exert any effort to learn about or train in any of these fleeting interests.
He becomes interested in a sport, but then quits the teams because he won't go to practices or training. We have tried soccer, diving, gymnastics, baseball, and karate. The latter he did pretty regularly, up until this year, but now it's a struggle getting him to do it, at all. He whines and complains about going to the dojo.
He does not belong to any clubs or organizations. He refuses to get involved in a youth group at a church. He will get interested in something, like playing Anachronism at a local card shop with other teenagers, then he will lose interest in it, as quickly as he gained interest in it. He usually stays interested for about three months, before he's ready to move on. Our garage is filled with remnants of his temporary interests.
When I was my son's age, I was a cheerleader, a girl scout, a volunteer at the church, and I acted in community theatre. My brothers and my sister were the same--they all had hosts of personal interests that they focused on. My husband was the same way. He knew by the time he was thirteen that he wanted to be a professional musician, and he was seriously studying music, by then.
Neither my husband nor I can relate to this "not interested in anything" attitude of my son. We have discussed this many times, and we do not have any idea what to do about it. Is this behavior of my son's ADHD? If so, does it ever change?
Sounds like me-I had various interests throughout childhood, all of which I quit because of bordom or it was too difficult to sustain the energy to do them. As and adult I really don't have any hobbies, and only in college did I belong to organizations because it looked good. I would say that you shouldn't be too concerned however, it does seem like this type of "Bordom" or un-intrest in things can lead to drugs and alcohol. In Jr. High I started using because it was definately a past time that was not ever boring. Even though your sons interests are fleeting, I encourage you to remain positive.Try to help him be motivated doing and trying new things even if it is just once or twice. Be supportive and if he doesn't stick with it be glad that he at least tried.Hey Lillian! I'm hoping to keep your post up there at the top, because
I want to see what some guys say about this issue and their ADHD. Maybe
it will help me with my son, too.I know my ADD self likes to immerse myself in things, and then I get bored with them. From what I have read in books on ADHD, this is quite common. I have hobbies that I will buy everything for, then I get sick of them and don't do them anymore. However, I have some things that I continue to enjoy off and on, like making jewelry, hiking, and gardening, but I never immerse myself now as much as I did in the beginning. If I really enjoy something like playing music, I might participate in it for years.
Over the years I have learned from experience not to buy the .00 quilting kit, because I know that I will never finish it before I get tired of it. I have found with meds that I am better able to finish things that don't take too long to do.
Fortunately, this is not true for relationships.
I like to keep those.Does your son stick with things longer if a friend is involved with it? Has he tried fencing? (The sport, not the boundary.) That is a very cognitive, stimulating sport. My father, who I believe is EXTREMELY adhd, was a nationally ranked fencer. That held his interest for a long time.
lillian - i think i sent you a PM last week.
about your post here - i have these tendencies and i wonder if i myself am adhd!
when i took piano between 9 years and up through college, there were many times when i wanted to quit. so i think it's normal for people to get bored in general.
my son (DS7) likes to do things, even if it means doing it over and over again. like, he'll miss doing soccer and ask about when he can go back. we try not to do more than 2 activities at a given time (juso & soccer, or judo & music).
you could try doing the same activity but at a different angle - maybe join a different dojo. or maybe go out for tournaments more often. or perhaps he can become a "junior sensei" at his current dojo, helping out younger kids.