passive aggressive disorder | ADHD Information

Passive-aggressive personality disorder also has some of the outward appearances of add. The internal qualities of add don't seem to be present for people who suffer from this disorder (alone) but many of the outward qualities may look similar. How would we tell the difference if we saw the symptoms in someone else?

Symptoms:

Passive-aggressive personality disorder is a chronic condition in which a person seems to passively comply with the desires and needs of others, but actually passively resists them, becoming increasingly hostile and angry.

Psychiatrists no longer recognize this condition as an official diagnosis. However, the symptoms are problematic to many people and may be helped by professional attention, so we include it here.

Symptoms Return to top

People with this disorder resent responsibility and show it through their behaviors rather than by open expression of their feelings. Procrastination, inefficiency, and forgetfulness are behaviors commonly used to avoid doing what they need to do or have been told by others must be done.

A person with this disorder may appear to comply with another's wishes -- may even demonstrate enthusiasm for them -- but the requested action is either performed too late to be helpful, performed in a way that is useless, or otherwise sabotaged to express anger the person cannot relate verbally.

Signs and tests Return to top

Personality disorders are diagnosed by psychological evaluation and a careful history of the extent and time course of the symptoms. Some of the common signs of passive-aggressive personality disorder include:

Procrastination Intentional inefficiency Avoiding responsibility by claiming forgetfulness Complaining Blaming others Resentment Sullenness Fear of authority Resistance to suggestions from others Unexpressed anger or hostility

Treatment Return to top

Counseling may be of value in helping the person identify and change the behavior.

Complications Return to top

Stunted career development despite good intelligence Alcohol abuse or other drug abuse or dependence TheDog38819.8857638889

Well almost all of the signs listed depend on the internal motivations, so I am not sure how anyone could tell. I think that someone who is truly being passive aggressive would be much more persistent at the things listed. My completely made up theory on it:

Procrastination: PA - goes on until the end of time ADHD - goes on until the whatever is an emergency

Intentional inefficiency: PA - they do it, but intentionally do it slowly/poorly ADHD - we start it but mysteriously find ourselves doing something else instead

Claiming forgetfulness: PA - forget/remember what convenient for them ADHD - forget even when it causes self inflicted pain and suffering

Blaming others: I can't believe this is a symptom of anything except low self esteem.

Resentment: PA - resent OTHERS ADHD - resent their own behavior and possibly anyone who rubs lemon juice on the paper cut.

Sullenness: People with ADHD are sullen? Must have missed the memo.

Fear of authority: again, low self esteem

Resistance to suggestions: PA - resistance rather than confrontation ADHD - other people's suggestions almost never work for them, the resistance is founded in reality

Unexpressed hostility and anger: PA - would rather eat nails than confront somebody directly ADHD - A large portion of hostility and anger is directed at our own behavior. Why take it out on somebody else?

OMG! You just described my husband

! Is it genetic? My brother-in-law and sister-in-law swear that it is

.[QUOTE=loopy408]

Out of frustration, because of effects of ADD on me, I act in passive-agressive ways. Even typing a message...I turn a molehill of frustration and self-hate into a mountain. Does anyone else experience this?

Maybe there is a connection between ADD and motor skills.

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I don't typically act passive aggressive - I really try to do things well most of the time. However, I have had times when I have just stopped trying and refused to really try after I felt that I couldn't make something work. And, there have been times when I have found myself to become quite stubbornly p.a. - to a point where it was harmful to my own goals but I felt like I'd tried everything I knew how to do, and it was my only way to stay in control.

I hope I'm over that - but I won't really know until I feel tested beyond reason again.

Life is getting in the way of living...
I am a people pleaser to my own detriment

[QUOTE=Reisa]

[/QUOTE]

You are right. Passive aggressive disorder is EXTREMELY persistent and I think much worse actually than ADHD.
What he said.

Reisa -

What a fantastic analysis. Thanks.

All right. What do I do if I have PAD and Adhd?

Not get invited to parties or put in charge of fund raisers?

Maybe there is a connection between ADD and motor skills.

I am extremely passive aggressive. I think it is a result of a strict mother and I was never allowed to own my emotions and share them without fear of getting into more trouble.

I was never allowed to be angry or frustrated as a child or even voice my opinion if it differed from my mother's.

It's overwhelming when you are so wound up with conflicting emotions and you're told to shut up that the discussion is over without being able to get a word out.

Would this lead to a passive aggressive adult that is so worried about pleasing everyone I come into contact with?

[QUOTE=Peita Pan]

It's overwhelming when you are so wound up with conflicting emotions and you're told to shut up that the discussion is over without being able to get a word out.

Would this lead to a passive aggressive adult that is so worried about pleasing everyone I come into contact with?

[/QUOTE]

i don't know peita - i guess so. but i am glad you posted because it makes it clearer for me to understand WHERE my friend is coming from a bit (along with Glen's posts too). he is exactly that: "worried about pleasing everyone he comes into contact with"

i think that is true of many people - most people want to be nice, kind and helpful to others (just tend to fail along the way somehow - why should it be so difficult?!?).

but he can sometimes also seem slightly underlined with an anger or resentment or anyway something i can't quite put my finger on - which i think is that PA thing.

so how do you cure passive-aggressive disorder?

cos i think i know someone who seriously suffers from passive-aggressive disorder. it hit me like a bolt of lightning today.

just something he said - suddenly made me realise that absolutely almost everything he does is done out of an anger toward a certain person. i had thought that he was a bit of an ADDer (not really but a little bit), that he couldn't get it together etc. etc. but no, every choice he makes is a conscious choice, a deliberate controlled choice - a level of control a true ADDer could only marvel at...

it's just that he could never voice that anger and developed the MOST incredible level of passive aggression to the extent of ruining his OWN life over it - out of anger and spite toward that person. it's completely weird thinking about it. i had never thought of it like that before. (and i could be totally wrong too - of course. but i don't think so). suddenly everything fits.

so what do people do to get over it???????????

and it is not as though he doesn't have good reason to be angry btw. but wow! he's ruining his whole life out of spite and repressed (unexpressed/unexpressible) anger. man! my mind is kinda spinning even now. i had thought - he was one of those that couldn't do things, whose brain trips them up constantly. but no, he can do anything he wants, his brain doesn't get in the way - he CHOOSES not too.

i think. (for emotional reasons --- it's not as though he exactly chooses not to. i guess he's swayed by his uncontrollable emotions/repressed anger. but he is not swayed by a cronky brain - that's the difference. a reaction that is more environment/emotional-based. rather than a chemical/genetic dysfunction)

it's all speculation. but what a CRAZY disorder.

what do people do - to get free of it?

learn to forgive? or finally manage to express their anger to the source? or what????

maybe i'll just do some internet surfing on the topic...........

I know I've been passive-aggressive almost all my life. Smile and take it like a trooper to a person's face and cut their brake lines when they walk away lol. Seriously though - I've dealt with stress and agression that way since I can remember.

All I know is when the meds began working I sort of became - well - agressive-agressive lol. Now I tell people what I think there and then (usually) and don't try to get back at people for actual or perceived attacks behind their back.

I think the key to getting away from the PA tendency is to deal with anger in a healthy way. That means either letting it go or confronting it immediately. Sometimes that's nearly impossible (fear is a strong emotion) but it can be done.

I think I just don't have the patience anymore to mull over stupid things until they become a festering mess. I just either deal with who pi**es me off or I say forget it.

I'm sure its tough for many. It's not like it's socially acceptable to be confrontive for many people.

[QUOTE=GlenW]

that's it. that is exactly him. and BOY - sulk but with such a matyred, self-righteous air.... whooh! ridiculous if you were to ask me - the term moody strop doesn't begin to cover it.

festering mess.

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festering mess is a great analogy for his entire life!

he's 41. but i cannot imagine, i cannot begin to imagine how he could start to express the anger he has toward this person - it's not possible.

he has 37 years worth of stored up anger and would have 41 if he could remember back that far...

and 37 years of never, never, never saying it and having it added to and added to and added to. oh boy! now i look at it in this light. sheesh! how could i not have seen that before.

but to express it now.

it is as if it would unveil a level of anger (hatred even) and a level of hypocrisy and a level of lies --- that it would expose such a level of his OWN deceit, dishonesty, hypocritical behaviour - that it just can't be done. it can't be said. because it is all mixed up with a level of emotional connection, a wish that there was love not hate or... i don't know... perhaps it is not as strong as hate - just a desire for an acknowledgement that that person did them wrong (as he sees it - not everyone would agree).

something. it's crazy.

and i don't see that acknowledgement ever happening. and i don't see him expressing his anger. so i guess the passive-aggressive situation will continue. until one or the other dies - and with no guarantee that it'll stop after death either - of course.

smouldering resentment, anger, passive-aggressiveness can smoulder on regardless i reckon in this particular case. cos it is ALWAYS somebody else's fault. and he is still gonna make them sorry and show them (by mucking up his own life) that he is in control and it's their fault.... even when they are dead.

I have a sister in law who has totally ruined her life do to PA. She would rather cut off her own foot than do anything that might possibly please her father.She had life offered to her on a silver platter, a car colledge payed for. There were only 2 very resonable things her dad asked for her not to do while at colledge in return. She had done both w/in one week of colledge. She also got pregnant just to spite her dad and now she has 3 children under the age of 2, second pregnancy was twins, and no husband. She is on wellfair as she can not possibly support herself. She can't get a job that would pay enough to cover three children in child care, let alone living expenses. She lives in a trailor that last I heard did not evan have electricity. All this just to spite her dad!!

A lot of passive-agressive tendencies can be traced back to parenting that tends to say "don't talk about the way you feel". My parents often would want me and my sisters to remain silent about personal feelings and conflicts were either yelling matches or avoided altogether.

I think that maybe the reason a lot of us with ADHD end up PA is because we simply cannot let things go - they fester inside and end up a feedback loop in our minds. We end up trying desparately to let things go but our minds just keep working on it. Since we end up in a conflict we either go crazy trying to end it in our minds or we take measures that are not healthy and are rather sneaky and underhanded so as to not directly confront our problems.

jonesy - yes your friend is certainly sneaky, dishonest and most definitely angry. Probably not even sure what they are angry about either. I was there and can relate unfortunately. It's not a fun life - we spend a lot of time believing we are hard done by and being unfairly treated. "Nobody loves me" is a favorite PA saying.

It can be defeated. I was 37 when it began to get worked on and it's nearly a thing of the past now.

The thing is to confront our anger. To determine what is real and what isn't. When things make us mad we simply cannot let it slide. That takes a great deal of work.

If you wish to help your friend - next time they grumble about the unfair treatment they get don't support the attitude. Basically tell them to either do something about it or stop whining. We feed off people sympathizing with our "woes". But the work must be done by the person who is PA. Just like any disorder we cannot make someone get better they must want to. Sometimes it takes everyone isolating the person and forcing them to take inventory of their life and what they've done. But pretending it doesn't exist only reinforces their idea that they are right in what they do and think.

thanks glen - it's weird because although i don't support the attitude (i think it is ridiculous/self-pitying/counter-productive crap) i can't deny that his circumstances have not been ideal. ie it's not totally in his head.

so it is a little tricky. but now i have (finally) realised he is PA. i think i will be more aware of what i say/don't say to him.

i think perhaps other things in his life went a little wrong too and maybe that whole 'not talking about how you feel' contributed to the PA but rather than acknowledge that - i think he attributes everything down to this one situation. and holds onto it with a grim determination of self-defeating spite and anger --- if he was prone to PA well, he had a perfect situation land on his plate to really give it free rein to develop to its fullest potential! (unfortunately)

it's true plenty of others have had FAR, far worse happen to them and don't develop this PA attitude but ah well. i'll be more aware now.

i wonder if i can bring it up - because that would be the only thing that would push him to try to change it - wouldn't it?

if someone points it out. (although i know he would only deny it, get angry all over again and fall into that poor me/i'm not speaking to you i am so offended attitude)

but i wonder how aware (or not) he is that he is doing it. and that if it were outspokenly pointed out --- whether (a few weeks/months down the line after sulking and not speaking) he might not let it sink in and begin to think about it and possibly want to change it?

what do you think?

[QUOTE=spaz]I have a sister in law who has totally ruined her life do to PA. She would rather cut off her own foot than do anything that might possibly please her father.She had life offered to her on a silver platter, a car colledge payed for. There were only 2 very resonable things her dad asked for her not to do while at colledge in return. She had done both w/in one week of colledge. She also got pregnant just to spite her dad and now she has 3 children under the age of 2, second pregnancy was twins, and no husband. She is on wellfair as she can not possibly support herself. She can't get a job that would pay enough to cover three children in child care, let alone living expenses. She lives in a trailor that last I heard did not evan have electricity. All this just to spite her dad!![/QUOTE]

it's freaking NUTS - this disorder. there is no point to it at all! it's madness!

Asking him if he's ever noticed how he handles stressful situations can't hurt. Well - I'd check your brake lines afterwards lol. Seriously - asking something like "have you ever noticed that you tend to take a roundabout way to deal with things that make you angry?" might be good. Bring up particular situations and be specific.

It's doubtful that someone who is PA would consciously notice their actions. If they do they have justified it as proper in the circumstances. Letting them know that most people don't do it that way but rather either confront and remove what angers them or lets it go could be beneficial. Just do it over coffee where the stress isn't there.

It's nice that rather than keep a grudge against your friends' actions and behaviors you are wanting to help. Just give a couple of decent examples and be ready to offer a viable and workable alternative.

I hope you can help. It may be a waste of time but you'll never know unless you try I believe.

ok. i might try that.

there is a whole whack load of unresolved emotion attached to the main particular situation so eeek maybe i'll try with some other less sensitive situations first - before launching in on something that probably needs years of psychotherapy to unravel!

otherwise i'll be needing to check my brakelines for the next five years (he's a persistent PA-er after all - not the kinda forgive and forget type as is obvious, i guess)!