Help!!!! | ADHD Information

We have a 17 year old son with Cyclothymic Disorder (mild Bipolar) and ODD.  He has exhibited some similar behaviors to your grandson.  We had some difficulties with getting him diagnosed, so he was well into high school before we knew what was causing these symptoms.  We live in a smaller community, and there has been a scaracity of reputable professional people in the area in the past, although this seems to be improving.  A couple of years ago, a psychiatrist finally agreed to put him on respirdal.  Although the basic symptoms are still very pronounced, he is more manageable.  He has not been violent and destructive as he has been in the past while taking the medication.  Consistency is always very important when dealing with these behaviors.  They never forget the times that we "cave in" and say yes.  Our son also has no respect for female authority, so  his counselor finally suggested that his dad be the one to do most of the dealing with him surrounding his behaviors.  I can try to be civil, calm, and nonjudgemental, but he immediately starts becoming nasty, disrespectful, and argumentative. This can be something as trivial as discussing the weather! My presence at these times only escallates matters.  He is the same with his father, but to a much lesser degree.  I find that if I have to deal with him when his dad is not around, things go much better if I state my case and just walk away, even leaving the house if necessary. There are even certain subjects that I refuse to discuss with him, and tell him to approach his dad when he comes home.Is your grandson seeing a psychologist?  A behavior plan written by a psychologist is  helpful and for school does he have an IEP?  Hi Joey, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandson, but please - there are answers out there. Maybe my story can help...

My daughter, now 10 years old, was diagnosed with comorbid bipolar/adhd when she was 6.

She had been developing some real social problems due to her lack of impulse control, as well as some developing LD's and an innability to pay attention in school. She had an absolute inability to read any social ques from peers and was quickly becoming reknowned for her emotional outbursts throughout the school. After a battery of tests, her grade school diagnosed her with autism ppd, so of course we went right to an autism specialist (a Pediatric Neurologist). Within 10 minutes, he re-diagnosed her with "text-book ADHD". For this, she went right on Adderal.

By day 2 of being on an ADHD med, she developed some SERIOUS personality changes. Whereas before she was hyper and impulsive but sweet and a little moody, she became outright VOLATILE on the Adderal. I called her doc and was told to "IMMEDIATELY discontinue" the meds. He scheduled her for an overnight EEG (they set you up with a portable you can bring home). How revealing! The EEG did show abnormal spikes in the brain waves (mostly when she was asleep) and she was re-diagnosed with Absence Siezures, Bipolar and ADHD.

Apparently, it is quite common for bipolar kids to react very badly, sometimes even violently, to an ADHD stimulant med. From what I've learned talking to other parents, we were very, very lucky to get a correct diagnosis so quickly. Sometimes kids stay on stimulants for years, switching from one to another, hoping to find one that will "work". In the meantime, they can get more out of control as their bipolar is exacerbated by the stimulants. They can cycle between manic and depressed/angry more and more quickly. Then, additional diagnosis of ODD or other borderline personality disorders are often offered, but the underlying cause (bipolar) is never treated.

You have to FIRST treat the abnormal brain waves and/or bipolar. Once this is taken care of, the ADHD can be treated successfully.

Currently (and for the past 4 years) my daughter has been taking Depakote for her bipolar and Focalin for her adhd. She is now a happy (mostly), still quite energetic, incredibly creative and wonderfully compassionate 10 year old. You'd never know she's bipolar (though she always will be). And as far as the ADHD...I believe if you can harness it, it can turn out to be quite a gift!

I know it can seem scary to have your child (or grandchild) labeled with something that is so strongly stigmatized like bipolar, but it is such a HUGE relief to find something that works - and brings them back to you. And maybe this isn't the answer for you, though I think it's worth looking in to. I want you to know that I am certainly no doc, nor do I have any medical training. I just read an enormous amount (hyperfocus at its best - yes I'm ADHD too!), and I'm hoping my personal experience can help someone else.


Joey, you and your grandchild are in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully, some of this helped...

Take care,
Daryl

I am a 48 year old grandparent of a 12 year old boy that has been diagnosed with ADHD, and ODD.  I am getting at my wits end with him.  He is very intelligent, but makes very bad grades in school and is in jeopardy of failing this year.  He is always in trouble at school because of his misbehavior.  Everytime he gets into trouble there is some part that is a lie, "Mr. so and so is lieing, I did not do that" is a constant.  At times he is a loving child and at other times he is defiant.  His lieing is a constant.  He displays anger and rage and is starting to break things around the house.  He cannot seem to control his impulses.  I was hoping that he would outgrow some of this, but the problem is getting worse as he grows older. 

I saw on another post that BiPolar disorder can be a comorbid component with ADHD, that is very interesting.  I want to try to save him before he becomes an adult, or before he starts doing some really bad behaviors, drugs, gangs, etc. etc.etc.

I have tried every drug imaginable for ADHD.  Nothing seems to help.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Any advice on literature?????

 

Thanks

Joey

Love your screen name! 

I will bump something for you about ADHD vs. Bipolar that was on the ADHDNews website. 

Here is a link:

http://www.adhdnews.com/bipolar.htm

 

It sounds like he doesn't want to take responsibility for his behavior.  My son did that when he was young, so I started saying  "Start the whole conversation with an "I".  Tell me what choices you made.  He now tells me what he did and what part he took in the situation.  I won't allow him to blame others for his bad behavior, because its just not appropriate, and I didn't want him acting and thinking like a victim.  If he's destructive, make sure the consequence he gets isn't worth continuing the behavior.  Decide to do something specific if he breaks something-like paying it back with chores, then going out to replace it with the money he earned doing chores.  Add a few nights of grounding as well.  Tell him ahead of time what you've decided to do and follow through without any reaction.  It worked for my son.  Nothing works overnight, but if he knows what will happen, he is less likely to continue doing it.  The other thing is, become an actor, don't let him know how upset you are when he is destructive.  Put away things you really care about.Hey!  We have a couple of forum members, who know a lot about bipolar--OlderMom and SmallMom.  You can PM them, and ask for their advice!  Good luck!

Thanks a million for all of your responses.  I really do not know how to handle his behavior.  I am really scared because my wife and I are on the outs.  She treats him very badly, watches his every move and really pushes his buttons.  I do not approve of the way she handles him, but I do not really know the best way to handle him.  Any suggestions of any books that I can read?  I am really begining to wonder if it is not Bipolar disorder that he has.......ADHD medications have not worked at all.  Back to the drawing board.

 

Joey