I've been dating a man for a while and we're entertaining the idea of marriage. He has a 7 year old son, who I suspect might have ADHD. My boyfriend is aware that there are some problems, but I don't think ADHD has ever crossed his mind. Any advice on how to bring it up without hurting feelings?
The rule I tend to use for things like this is to ask the question:
"Is the (probable) ADHD causing problems for the child?"
If it's hard for the parents, stepparents, teachers, etc. it's certainly important, but I'm not comfortable applying a label unless it is intended to help the person who is being labeled. KWIM?
Yes, the possible adhd is creating problems for the child. He is in kindergarten and his teacher has made comments (at parent teacher conferences) that they need to be working on manners and behavior issues. He has gone through 3 daycares in the past 8 months. One woman called his dad in the middle of the day and quit becuase "she just couldn't handle it for another minute". He's very aggressive to his little brother and when attention is then given to the little brother he makes comments like "I'll just go live in the street where I'll get killed".
I too hate to put labels, especially when I know so little about the lable I'm placing. My intentions are not to put a label on him, but find out what's going on and find solutions. Of course the dynamics of my relationship with the childs father come into play when addressing my thoughts, but any advice, from a parent of an adhd child, on how to address it without making assumptions. I certainly don't want him to think I've put labels on his child, or make an already sensitive situation any more difficult.
Thanks!
I would talk to him privately and gently say that you love him and are concerned about his son. You've seen some behaviors/heard some comments and you aren't going to make a dx, but if he were your son, you'd want to find out more about this.