I did a terrible thing today. | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=stopwhining]Sometimes I feel they're having fun pushing your buttons. Like " Mommy is on the edge - let's push her off the cliff!"
[/QUOTE]
Too funny! Everyday they try and some times succeed.
mikmum, I'm sorry you and the boys had a rough day. I understand too well.
Sometimes I feel they're having fun pushing your buttons. Like " Mommy is on the edge - let's push her off the cliff!"
No, you didn't do a terrible thing today. I have gotten to points like this before and have always used it as an example. "Everybody gets mad at times and loses their temper. I did it and I'm sorry." This teaches the lesson that everyone makes mistakes and when you do, it's important to apologize. What I find appalling in this world is when people screw up and know it and don't apologize. They will learn that everyone should apologize, that mom is able to say "I'm sorry," and that no one is above this.Now repeat after me: "I am not a bad mom. (louder) I AM NOT A BAD MOM!!!!!
Yes, there is homestart here but i dont think we quqlify for it.
Its a new day now & we all have woke up in good moods so far. There satarted to be a bit of squbballing just a min go but handled it well & they took it well, thats how it normally is mikey is playing with kaci now on her new toy that came through the post yesturday.
THANX to all that replied to my moaning, it takes alot.milkmum thank god,they are going back on tuesday,you know what i did exactly the same thing with jude this week.he was driving me bonkers.i hate holidays,hubby went away 2 weeks ago,so ot was just me and them and god i am going crzy,it is easy to lose temper,i know aftere repeating the same thing over and over again,iy is frustating when they do exactly what they want.he wants to go to play ouitside but i have to go with him,after nearly 3 hours of running around with 6 kids i just wanted to go home and sit down,i suffer from adhesion syndrome and it can be very painfull if i do too much.got jude screaming,did some painting,some baking,got lots of kids in my house to play.still it is not enought,what really got me is the mothers are happy to leave their kids all day in my house but not one of them came for a cup of coffee to speak with me.don't feel bad,it happens,they forget quicker than we do.i am in the same boat,nobody will take him.thank god i have homestart who takes him on a thursday.have you got something similar?
[QUOTE=susieb]No, you didn't do a terrible thing today. I have gotten to points like this before and have always used it as an example. "Everybody gets mad at times and loses their temper. I did it and I'm sorry." This teaches the lesson that everyone makes mistakes and when you do, it's important to apologize. What I find appalling in this world is when people screw up and know it and don't apologize. They will learn that everyone should apologize, that mom is able to say "I'm sorry," and that no one is above this.
Now repeat after me: "I am not a bad mom. (louder) I AM NOT A BAD MOM!!!!! [/QUOTE]
I agree 100 % with this. I have lost control a number of times. My son started getting used to my apologies.
I hope it is going a bit better for you today.
ALL YOU NEED TO GET HOMESTART IS A CHILD UNDER 5,HOW OLD ARE YOUR SONS?.WE ALSO GET A LOT OF HELP FROM SOCIAL SERVICES WITH A BUDDY SCHEME. [QUOTE=frenchmama] ALL YOU NEED TO GET HOMESTART IS A CHILD UNDER 5,HOW OLD ARE YOUR SONS?.WE ALSO GET A LOT OF HELP FROM SOCIAL SERVICES WITH A BUDDY SCHEME.[/QUOTE]The boys are 8y & 6y & kaci is 2y
Ive had social services before but they said i was a great mum & knew what i was doing & that i wasting there time having them help me when they can be helping someone else less fortunate.
Glad you're having a better day!! Hope the weekend goes even better!!
I like what was said by cynthiatweedle "It goes back to my upbringing. Children were not allowed to be that disrespectful when I was a child. It is that trigger that can set me back. I have to remind myself that this is not something I really want to do. At least things are not as bad for them as it would be in the old days. "
Brought up in a strict home and would not be allowed to do the things that kids are doing today. If I do spank it only takes one pop on the rear & that usually does the trick...at least at this point. Timeouts and restrictions are done also. I don't even attempt, anymore, to explain to my son that back in the day wooden spoons, switches and hands were used on the rear.
Sometimes when it gets bad...(thank goodness we have two bathrooms) I sneak into the other room (while Dad is in earshot of our son) and just close the door and sit on the tub. Chill as long as I can and take lots of deep long breaths..until of course son figures out where I am.
It really helps coming to this site. Knowing others that are in the same boat literally all over the world helps!! Hang in there and keep the posts coming!
Have a great holiday weekend.
Treehugginwench, there's no-one that will look after my boys, family that do live close by isnt interested & i dont blame them, the only time i have to myself is when they are at school & kaci is in playscheme, thats why im looking forward to them going back,
i'll be ok in the morning.P.S. Sorry to go on having a bad day 
Tomorrow will be better. I don't know about you but Spring is causing both my ADHD son and non-ADd daughter to be nuts lately. They are both hyper, and when bored, gang up together on their mother, to try to make me nuts. When my kids were younger they were terrible on outings, so I told them I would add up the time they messed around, and they would usually end up with 15 minutes to half an hour in their rooms when we got home. At 12 and 15 years they occasionally still get time out "So I can have a break". They still take it well, and on occasion will offer to put groceries away instead of going to their rooms. Either way I get a break from them, and get to calm down. Kids sure like to make you look like a bad parent, especially in public. Over the long term of time outs after rotten outings things have improved drastically. I've also returned home if the outing wasn't absolutely necessary, or left them home with a sitter, father, aunt etc. My attitude towards their bad behavior was Oh well, I guess I'll get a nice rest when we get home. In grocery stores I walked so quickly that they had to try and keep up. I found they had less time to screw up because they were too busy trying to keep from getting lost. Believe me I feel for you. Speak with them before you go out, tell them what you expect, then what will happen when they misbehave. Make a plan and act on it.
Hang in there....
Some times I dread the breaks from school too! My Mom brought my son into my office the other day for 3 hours. Watched the clock for my Mom's return. Talking loud, opening and shutting doors, making noises to let me know he was bored, lost track of the bathroom trips, etc.... was my experience with my child. My desk is located up front. He got a BIG lecture when I got home. Got smart with me and lost privileges that night.
Hopefully your children's break from school is ending soon.
Take care
sorry mikmum! children do push buttons tho......your lucky, it's bedtime by you.....we still have a long while to go!
tomorrow will be a better day!
Thank god for forums like this that allow us to vent. Sounds like you and your kids are all having a bad day. Remember, even though it seems like they don't hear a single word you say, they do hear you and you are still their example. Losing your control in front of them gives them the signal that it's OK to lose control of your actions and they mimic your actions. Make sure you have a good friend, or a chat forum like this, where you can let your emotions go BEFORE it gets to this point.
Try apologizing to your child and set the example that we all make mistakes, but when you do something wrong, you have remourse and make it right.
It's never too late to make it a better day!
TREEHUGGINWENCH, thanx, i dont normally lose control i can contain it & i am overall a calm person, but they just too crazy when it comes to holidays, getting out isnt useually a problem & they useing up there energy more, is a good thing, dont you ever get moments where your so fed up with same old thing & persistance & being calm , having to contain yourself all the time that you just want to be somewhere else just for five mins?MOMISS2, thanx, i do all of those things you say & usually work, but i dont know what happened today, there were just not here, i give them warning that they are making me mad & that if they dont calm down we are going to have to go home, but no avial.
mikey is still awake now, he does'nt sleep well either, lake of sleep for me then no good!
SMILEFORU2, thanx, corey-max goes back to school on tuesday & mikey on thursday, kaci playscheme starts back monday.
Im feeling so low right now i cant wait for the boys to go back to school!!!, we started the spring break on such a good high that now they are making up for it!
Today i was meant to be meeting my friend at the ball pit after posting a parcel at the post office, just doing that tired me out so much & was fed up with them that we went home instead of up the ball pit, my head was so done in that i forgot to ring my friends to tell them i wont be there.
My adhd boy came close to tripping an elderly woman up on a walking stick, seriously! i have to watch him went we are out & old ppl are about becoz he goes up behind them so close that he's almost about to catch there stick, i called him back as soon as i saw what he was doing, which was almost straight away, thank god, then they went running off a few times you'd think that saying to them 'running off you'l get lost & wont see mummy ever again would make them stay by me, not my boys, they dont care, they got told off by the post office man 3x!, in asda they were rolling on the floor & ppl were asking them to move, including me & on the way home , mikey jumped on a man in the bus!!
All day he's been disrespectfull & the more i try the more they dont care, i feel like giving up, they been leaving there rubbish from fruit & food on the floor, they refuse to tidy up, im always shouting at them to help, mikey was sat on the sofa but moved to play with kaci, then corey came along & sat in his place, then it was a winge at me 'he's in my place, so when i said sit somwhere else there is plenty of seats, it was ' i was there 1st, then i explained becoz he moved it doesnt matter sit somwhere else, he had a fit, sent a tea plate across the room with food on that went flying every where & a candle decoration with pebbles on that i had on the coffee table went every where he was still carrying on, so i lost it & smacked him, i never smack them if i can help it, this is the first time in ...i cant remember
And now every thing is fine & calm, but why should it have to come to this?
Why should i have the whole day trying to keep my calm & try to get them to respact things & ppl before this has to happen?
I just want to curl up in a ball & be left alone for the day.
Sure I know Barbie, there all over my house. But competition sounded like, who has the prettiest, or most accesories, something like that.
And what does being a good mom have to do with needing help? I think we are all good moms/parents here, and everybody needs help sometimes. I know how frustrated you must be. I too, had to fight to get our son in Headstart, because we were over the socalled income guideline. But I didn't give up, and eventually he got accepted.
I'm kind of late to this thread, but want to add to a couple responses."...Spring is causing my ADHD son and non-adhd daughter to be kind of nuts lately." When ds was younger, his behavior started going over the top during the Spring season. Then it would settle down again. I do remember a pharmacist say that every Spring she would see an increase in the dosages of adhd meds. Interesting."
"Apologizing" I think it is so important for parents to be able to apologize and set a good example, too. There are so many adults that do not apologize when it is called for. With our kids especially, it demonstrates the respect that we have for them. Along with apologies go the effort to do something for the other person to make the situation better.
"Catching them before it happens." It takes a lot of vigilance to raise children with an eye on them to intervene and avert misbehavior before it happens. Consider it shaping behavior. They learn positive actions and the positive results of such actions. This kind of vigilance of watching and trying to figure out what they are thinking and what their next action might be, can be exhausting, yet the rewards are great. I think a balance of guidance and correction of behavior works well.
"Consequences" An immediate consequence for arguments/fighting in the car was sometimes pulling the car over. Depending on where we were (business district, near our neighborhood, country road or freeway) they (three kids) needed to figure out a way to solve the problem before we continued. usually by the time I had to pull over, I was not in any shape to deal with arguments. I have gotten out of the car and walked around waiting for them to solve it and depending how far we were from home, told them to get out and walk the rest of the way home. It was never done in anger, but all very matter of fact or good humor.
I think key to dealing with behavior is to not lose yourself to the experience you are having. Maintaining the separation between yourself and the behavior you are dealing with is important for self preservation and sanity.
jfla238822.3464236111milkmum,it is a shame that you do not get the support from the social services,i am also a good mum,and my children are perfectly healthy and happy,here in scotland they are very happy to help because i do not have any family and my health is not that great,try homestart thought,it makes a difference for somebody to take the kids for a couple of hoursWe had social srvices once, they said i was wasting there time, & that i was a good mum.
I had many days like yours until I found a dscipline program that really helped me. It helpd my kids and me (especially me) I am no longer the ranting lunatic yelling at my kids!!
It is called Love and Logic. I think there is a website and books if you search for them.
I had a better day today. we did'nt have to leave our destination, but still had to correct him a few times, got throught it thoughThe woman at the ball pit would'nt let my little girl play & it made her upset, we were there half an hour before she told us, i hate anyone who upsets mine for no reason
i wanted to punch her for upsetting my kaci!!!With my ds, spanking doesn't leave an impression. Now scrubbing the toilet with a toothbrush, THAT leaves and impression.
Mikmum - How inconsiderate of that woman. I know how you feel. Glad things are going better.
I complained to the manager but he stuck up for her! it mad me even more mad, but the day is over & they are in there room being happy for a change.
Tomorrow we are going to a barbie competition for kaci then we are taking the boys skating, happy days
susieb - how do you get your kids to scrub the toilet with a toothbrush? If I would ask mine to do something like that , all he** would break lose. They would refuse, fight me, throw themselves on the floor, yell and scream at me and so on. I had several ideas in that direction as punishment, but never tried it. It takes them a week or longer to fold their underwear socks, and then they only do it when they run out, because I refuse to wash more when one basket is not put away.
Whats a barbie competition?One of the shops are holding a competition promoting barbie, have'nt you heard of barbie?