End of My Rope w/this Kid!! | ADHD Information
Make sure you find something that no longer makes it worth his while to have outbursts. My son used to go for an hour or longer yelling, screaming, banging things in his room etc. The time out wasn't working, so I made a new plan of action, and sat down and talked to him about what would happen when he became this way. Because I didn't think he could stop this behavior immediately, I told him he had 10 minutes, while in his room to make noises etc., after this time I called up and said you need to stop now, or you will have an hour in your room when you are quiet. We went through the tantrums for a long time before I changed the plan. He received 1 hour time out, then quit tantruming. You could use other methods such as loss of some priveledge for the day or for a specific amount of time. Try rewards for good days going to school-earning video game use, or time outside. Just offering you some ideas that worked for me.I don't know if this will help, but I just finished an excellent book recommended by my son's psychologist. It is titled The Explosive Child, by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D. It has helped me quite a bit. He empowers the parents with the tools to verbally diffuse the anger.
I agree with the members who suggest you retain a school advocate. I don't think I would have known what my son was legally entitiled to without her.
Have you had your son evaluated by a neuropsychologist? My son had several assessments from psychologists, but until we used a neuropsychologist (totally different from regular psycholgist) we didn't get an accurate diagnosis.
Also, I know you haven't come across the right medication, but keep trying. It is imperative in my opinion.
One last thought, you will be of much greater aid to your children if you get help for your own anxiety disorder. I know this from personal experience! Take care of yourself so you can help them.
Good luck to you!!!
Thank you all for responding!!
I really was at desperation point when I posted last night. I feel so much better after reading your messages--it's nice to know you're not alone. I've already spoken w/my son's case manager at school about the alphasmart and she is looking into it. They didn't want to give him a regular laptop because they felt it would be too distracting both to my son and to the other kids. We have another IEP meeting on 5/19 and I am going to be accompanied by my son's therapist. At that time, I am going to demand that a 504 be put in place, since, from what I've read, he is clearly entitled to it. To answer some of your questions, he was evaluated by a child neurologist who diagnosed the ADHD/ODD. Is there a difference between that kind of dr. and a neuropsychiatrist/psychologist, and if so, what is it? I have a copy of the Explosive Child that I bought years ago (when my son's temperment became apparent), but I read it is fits and starts--I guess it's time to pick it up again. I am going to make an appointment with my son's psychiatrist (who oversaw the meds last time) and mention the possibility of bipolar. From everything I read here last night, that sounds a lot more like him than does the ADHD. I'll keep you all posted as to what happens, and thanks again soooooo much. I really appreciate the responses.Hi all--
I'm new to these boards and have been reading a lot of the posts. I sympathize with all the parents who are dealing with a "special" child because it makes a hard job even harder. I have 2 "special" children myself--14 y.o. daughter recently diagnosed Asperger's and ADD and a 12 y.o. son diagnosed w/ADHD, ODD and dysgraphia. Without going into a long ramble, I'm pretty much at the end of my rope with my son--the defiance (ODD) is becoming so much more prevalent now that I find it nearly impossible to deal with him. He has started cursing at me on a regular basis, has angry outbursts, throws and slams things, whines, cries and carries on, teases my daughter for "entertainment" and the only time he's not angry is when he gets his way. I am afraid that in a few years he may even physically hurt one of us. His major issue concerns school and it is a daily struggle to not only get him there, but then the homework becomes another ordeal at night. (This has been a problem since at least 2nd grade.) My DH is not as helpful as I would like, and so I bear the brunt of my son's aggressive behavior most of the time. If anyone can make any suggestions on how I can keep my sanity while dealing with him, it would really be appreciated. I believe I'm already doing a lot to help him, but none of it seems to be working. We've got him in therapy with a MSW weekly. We tried meds, but they just made him more angry and violent. I'm fighting "city hall" (the school) trying to get him a 504. When they initially evaluated him in 4th grade, they (the school) didn't feel that he required a 504 plan. They are still giving me a hard time, even though he is clearly entitled to, and needs it.
I don't know how much longer I can manage because I suffer from anxiety myself and this kid knows all the right buttons to push. I know this isn't supposed to be about me, but I'm at my breaking point. Please, please, if anyone has any suggestions on how to cope, let me know what they are.
Thanks.
Welcome 
.
If you can afford tutoring, my first bit of advice is to hire a homework tutor. You can get one less expensively by calling the local high school in your area and asking for a student there who is a math whiz to tutor your son. If you can find a male student to do this, all the better, for this guy can be both a tutor and a mentor. We did this the first semester of this year with my son, and it was great! My son now is doing homework on his own, which he never did before. Kids who have LD's will often act this way at home about homework because they don't want their parents knowing how difficult school is for them.
My second bit of advice is to get an advocate to help you get a 504 or an IEP. You can call your state education agency and ask about getting an advocate for free, or you can find one for hire by calling your state or local chapter of CHADD. Children with dysgraphia definitely need reductions in homework, which they can get with an IEP or a 504, and they need an alternative to writing. Now that my son has an IEP for his Disorder of Written Expression, he is able to do his work on the computer, and that has made a huge difference in his attitude towards doing school work, also.
Hang in there!
I would wonder if he has more going on than ADHD/ODD. Has he seen a NeuroPsych or a psychiatrist with the MD? Could your sona have Aspergers too, like your 14 year old? You may want to post on this board:
All disorders are represented here and very experienced parents. Good luck.
To be honest, if he is violent, even off meds, you may want to think over Early Onset Bipolar which a MSW wouldn't know how to diagnose. You really do need the psychiatrist. Here are a few sites for early onset bipolar. It is often misdiagnosed as "severe ADHD." Violence isn't a part of ADHD.
I can relate anger is a big issue in our family. We all have a temper at times. Our son lets it be known how hard school is he has already wanting to quit. This is why we are changing schools in the Fall. I hope this will help. The vitamins help with his mood swings along with his depakote.
Our problem at our school is our sons iep is this : SDAA in place of taks,Altered format of materials,smaller directions, emphasis on major points, can leave for resource help,tests given by SE teacher,visual aids,encouragement of class porticipation. Can sit closer to teacher and the board also.
His issue is the stuff our school uses is just to hard for him.
He has never gotten a plan to deal with motor skill issues with school help. His ot has helped that along with what we do at home. They never even really looked at any of that area much. He was found to have SPd from a private therapist. School knows it is a issue since they tested his processing speed finally.
My ds is 13yo and has a dx of dysgraphia and ADD. He learned how to type in 4th grade and uses an Alphasmart that the school provides. The site is www.alphasmart.com. It's a laptop sized word processor with a 4line display and stands up to a lot of punishment. This might alleviate a lot of the frustration he feels. Math is also a problem for him and he's getting tutoring at school. They've just up graded his alphasmart to one that can run a math word processing program. jfla2 also has a son with dysgraphia, so look for her posts and you probably will get some more info on it.I know you already are fighting the school, but my advice is not to stop but to kick it up a notch. Get yourself and advocate and lobby to have an IEP in place before school starts in the fall. Good luck! I've been through a lot of what you're going through, so remember you're not alone.
susieb38826.3057638889I agree with Lilian. Read the book, your defiant child by Russell GreeneI just wanted to send you a
,
moloco-2. You have a full plate! Please keep posting here because there
are many who have similar challenges. You keep telling yourself that
you are a GREAT MOM and believe it!!