social or not? | ADHD Information

I've noticed a big difference with my son's ability to interpret the social cues since he's been on meds (Adderall) for a year. He's almost 13, so it's probably partly maturity too. But it is a slow process, because the kids he's been around since kindergarten don't quickly forget some of those "weird", "uncool" or otherwise "unacceptable" things he's done over the years. Baggage.

We've had some sad moments with this transition, because he hadn't previously even been picking up on how some kids were avoiding or disrespecting him some of the time. I remember one time a few years ago witnessing him saying hi to another kid who in response said nothing, made a face and then a wide swath around him. My son hardly seemed to notice, and I was probably standing there with my mouth open at the rudeness, plus thinking that was probably the tip of the iceburg I was seeing.
So, it's kinda harsh when the blinders come off.

I'm very proud of him though, because he's also now seeing some of the very shallow things that his peers do and realizing that people are so caught up in brands, hairstyles, lingo, hierarchal social order, etc... and he doesn't think much of it nor does he seem to have any intention of buying into it. Wow.

Someone else on this board suggested the book by Dale Carnegie, "How to Win Friends and Influence People". We're reading this together at bedtime, and I think it's helped. JasonsMom, you didn't mention how old your son is, but maybe it might help him too?

Good luck - it breaks a mother's heart to see our kids left out like this, and I certainly feel your pain. I had been considering changing schools for next year, but we'll see how things are closer to then. Sorry for the long-winded post...

PB
I can totally relate.  My son tries very hard too.  He gets social cues but doesn't know how to use them himself.  It's hard for him to focus on a person so that's what makes the interaction hard.  And his immature behavior.  His close friends have mild PDD and they don't notice his stuff.  He's yet to make a "normal" friend.so, my son is doing really well on the medicine.  he's taking 5mg ritalin q4h prn and he's doing really well... Occasionally he's got some major rebound, but other than that i have no complaints.

today at track practice I noticed though, him trying to befriend a group of older boys (about 2 - 3 years older than him) and they were just so not interested in him... infact they were trying to get him to go away and he just didnt get it.

its frustrating to me to see that my son just does not recogize the fact that these boys are NOT ammused by his attempts to befriend them....

do others of you see this same thing and if so, how do you handle it?
I've tried to talk to him to get  him to recognize some of the social ques but he is still so oblivious.  I know this is typical of adhd kids....but have yet to find help for it.

waiting it out, isnt much of an option.

My daughter also has a tough time with reading social cues--we have a family therapist who works quite a bit with ADHD kids and says it is a pretty common issue. That said, I know it's hard for me to see her time and time again not only make the same mistakes but getting hurt! She has one best friend whom we see a few times a year, but other than that, she has no great friends at school. Good luck! reading social cues has gotten better with maturity, but it is still a weak area, especially noticeable when he is lff meds.  Taking him aside and reminding him to look at their face  and body and asking what it is tellling him....body language can be helpful.  I am reminded once when I told him to look at his brothers face, he said, "you know I'm not good at body language!"  Even an activity such as looking through a magazine together and trying to figure out how each person is feeling baced on facial expression and body language might help.

I read some study once that seemed to indicate that normal teenagers at some age still had not developed knowledge of certain facial expressions and misread them as anger when it was not.  It takes time to develop and perhaps even longer for our kids because of a maturity lag anyway. 
jfla238829.296087963My son was "oblivious", as we called it and he didn't seem to get it. You may want to take him to a NeuroPsych. They can diagnose ADHD (confirm it) and beyond. THere may be other reasons he can't read social cues. Kind of depends on how bad it is. May be able to advise what to do about it.popularity I tell my kids is un important in life. If they don't like someone as is I see as to bad for that other person. I remember asking my kids if they would want to be popular and they quickly said a  definate "No"  They were happy with who they were and would not want to be part of the popular crowd.  One said ,"Ah- that would be too much for me!"  clovis-
I sounds like your son is very happy with who he is and the fact that he has a  couple best friends is terrific.  Both are key ingredients for happiness.   Our kid, now 10, has all the ingredients to be popular.  He's bright, funny and good looking... but, even post meds, has a huge inner life and literally doesn't hear kids when they say "Hi" to him in passing... he might be planning how to build the Kremlin out of toothpicks... he's just not all that focused on one on one attention, although if he's "onstage" -- like, time to read his poem to the class, he LOVES the attention and will perform at full capacity and get applause.  He luckily has two best friends who are also odd ducks, one from infancy, the other from his old school -- and what they have in common is creativity -- but I think the kids in his school have been far more open to him than he's been to them... he's more excited about opening a science book than kicking a ball around... and part of me just has to accept that he's that kind of kid.

I've noticed a big difference with my son's ability to interpret the social cues since he's been on meds (Adderall) for a year.   This reminded me of a highschooler's post some time back.  They had just started meds and were wondering where to look when they walked down the hall between classes.  Evidently s/he said that they must have been in the fog of their own world and now they were suddenly aware of everyone around them and unsure where to look.  Interesting...

made a face and then a wide swath around him  so what's their excuse for behavior like that? 

I'm very proud of him though, because he's also now seeing some of the very shallow things that his peers do and realizing that people are so caught up in brands, hairstyles, lingo, hierarchal social order, etc... and he doesn't think much of it nor does he seem to have any intention of buying into it. Wow. Fantastic!

 Dale Carnegie, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" I think I will take a look at it.  Ds took DECA (Bus. Sales and Mktg) in tenth grade.  He learned sooo much related to networking, talking to people and presenting oneself.  It has had a great influence on him socially and a confidence booster. 

I had been considering changing schools for next year  by chance we moved a couple times and it did provide ds with the opportunity to start over without the baggage.

Best of Luck in your decisions. 

Mellowdancer said- 'He's yet to make a "normal" friend.'   This kind of relates to what puck bunny said about, "shallow things that his peers do and realizing that people are so caught up in brands, hairstyles, lingo, hierarchal social order, etc... .."  Most of the kids are so caught up in this that they don't look beyond the surface of what they see.  Maturity will hopefully bring more depth to these kids.  I interpret for a hearing impaired student who finally made good friends with kids that for the most part they are very bright and Adhd or special in some other way.  I've always tried to stress to my kids to avoid the fad and the crowd and follow their inner self.