help adhad is taring up my marrage

Hi buddy,

At age 22 I guess it is safe to assume that you have not been married long. So some of the problems you are having may be caused by ADD and some may not. Some things happen in all marriages, and ADD just makes it a lot worse.

Let us know some more details.

-Does your wife know you have ADD? Does she really understand what it is (has she read any books or websites about it)?

- How long have you been on Straterra? Have you ever been on another medication? If so, were things any different then?

- When you have trouble controlling what you say, do you just blurt out inapproriate statements or are these things coming out during heated arguments?

I have had adhad since i was a lilltle kid and know iam married and 22 and i guess its becoming a problem for us. i try so hard to control my thought process but sometimes things just come flying out of my mouth and i say thing that may hurt pepole feeling like famly or friends i hope there is help iam taking stratara now but i want to save my marrage is there amything i can do.

22mm, controlling your thought process is an exhausting task that will never be completely successful. So take a deep breath and realize that. As for your marraige, have you considered counseling? How is ADHD ruining your marraige? We don't all have the same symptoms so we don't know what you mean unless you tell us.

Okay you are convinced it is all your fault.  It takes two to tango - never forget that.  Sometimes I think us girls tend to allow blame to sit firmly on our shoulders and then occassionally we will feel the injustice of it all and stand up and say - it couldnt just be me.  What it making me feel the way I do, why is it my boundaries always have to be crossed.  We are just as entitled to be annoyed or upset if our boundaries are crossed and if we have a partner that does not flex - then we have to.

MAking a marriage work is exhausting most of the time, there has to be openess, honesty and respect from both sides.  We should give our lovers these qualities, but we should also expect them in return.

ADD can be a contributing factor in the destruction of a marriage.  I have been married for 17 years (and with the same woman for three years prior to marriage=20 years) and are now in the process of getting a divorce.  I went undiagnosed (professionally) for 38 years.  It was only when we had our youngest diagnosed and treated that I stated to take a good look at the disorder.  As I answered the question on my daughters questionaire, I wondered if I was answering them for her or myself.  Did alot of research (internet, books-which I can't sit and read without getting lost, and this website) and confirmed my suspicions.  Made a dr. appt. and was sent away (by some first-year intern) telling me I was just hyper.  His reasoning was 1. I still have a job-which was not in jeopardy. and 2. I was still married-which was not in jeopardy (little did I know).  Then my wife ropped the bomb.  Intimacy issues was the key factor.  Counseling didn't work except for the fact that it eventually enabled me to get an appointment with a REAL doctor and then to a Neurologist who agreed with me and am now being treated for ADD.  What a relief.  I am now an a low dose of Ritalin (we are slowly increasing it).  It won't save my marriage, but maybe I can now survive on my own.  My wife was the planner, organizer, and all the other jobs that ADD prevents me from doing. 

I'm sorry tis post is so long.  I know what it's like to have ADD and try to stay focused long enough to read this.

As for my advice,  heed the words of Billy Joel and I hope it helps:

Listen boy
Don't want to see you let a good thing
Slip away
You know I don't like watching
Anybody make the same mistakes
I made

She's a real nice girl
And she's always there for you
But a nice girl wouldn't tell you what you should do

Listen boy
I'm sure that you think you got it all
Under control

You don't want somebody telling you
The way to stay in someone's soul

You're a big boy now
You'll never let her go
But that's just the kind of thing
She ought to know

Tell her about it
Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason to accept
That you're for real

Tell her about it
Tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means

Listen boy
It's not automatically a certain guarantee
To insure yourself
You've got to provide communication constantly

When you love someone
You're always insecure
And there's only one good way
To reassure

Tell her about it
Let her know how much you care
When she can't be with you
Tell her you wish you were there
Tell her about it
Every day before you leave
Pay her some attention
Give her something to believe

Cause now and then
She'll get to worrying
Just because you haven't spoken
For so long
Though you may not have done anything
Will that be a consolation when she's gone

Listen boy
It's good information from a man
Who's made mistakes
Just a word or two that she gets from you
Could be the difference that it makes

She's a trusting soul
She's put her trust in you
But a girl like that won't tell you
What you should do

Tell her about it
Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason
To accept that you're for real
Tell her about it
Tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means

Tell her about it
Tell her how you feel right now
Tell her about it
The girl don't want to wait too long
You got to tell her about it
Tell her now and you won't go wrong
You got to tell her about it
Before it gets too late
You got to tell her about it
You know the girl don't want
To wait - you got to
Tell her about it

Schwep

Hi! I am a Life Coach Expert specializing in helping adults with ADD. I have a variety of suggestions for you.

1. Adderall extended release and Concerta have been around a lot longer and enjoyed better success reports from patients than Straterra. Straterra only works on one of the neurotransmitters associated with ADD. Talk to your doctor about switching medications.

2. Think of an alternate thing to do instead of saying something unsurly to your husband. Perhaps you could chew gum or put a breath mint in your mouth to remind yourself that you are watching what you say. You might also try doing something different instead of saying something unpleasant, such as squeezing and unsqueezing your hand.

3. Aerobic exercise, exposure to sunshine, St. John's Wort herbal supplements, caffeinated drinks (which act as stimulants and help you focus), and taking the time to enjoy a hobby can all do wonders to decrease your stress level and your ADD symptoms.

4. Make a list of all your positive traits. Go easy on yourself. You are a wonderful person.

5. Consider working with a personal coach to help you with your ADD symptoms and be sure to find someone who specializes in adults with ADD. I would be happy to work with you by phone if you are interested.

Have a great day!

Michele Glance Rooney

lifecoachexpert@aol.com

Did you have trrouble blurting things out before you were on Straterra?

How about before you were married (has this always been a problem)?

my wife does know that i have adhad , she says she understandes about it but i just dont really know. i have been on strratarra know for about 1yr. and i really belive it helps most of the time lol but there are still those few times that get me in to trouble

some times i just blurt stuff out at the wrong time. we have been married for 2 yr on 9-14-04.