How do i help him understand? | ADHD Information

I went through the same thing also  with my dh.    It took 2 years to convince him that my dd needed an eval (she is ADD --inattentive, not hyperactive).   She was not given the diagnosis at the time since she's bright and was not failing school.  A year and a half later she was diagnosed and he still refused meds.  Finally, she is 14 and told her dad that she wanted to go on meds.  She's been on for a week now and so far, so good.  My son is 9, been diagnosed and not on any meds.  To be fair, my husband thinks his kids are perfect the way they are.  He admits that their behavior causes some problems but does not believe his kids need to be "fixed".  He believes that with some effort things will work out.  He also worried about med side effects (the man doesn't even take tylenol unless absolutely necessary)

The whole issue of ADHD nearly ruined my marriage but things are coming around.  I had to keep a close eye on my kids to figure out when it was time to push for what they needed.  Even though he would not let me try meds we did everything else possible...from behavior modification, a behavioral psychologist, and modifications at school.  And when my dd told me she wanted to try meds he finally agreed, knowing that I would do it with or without his approval.  Things did not really get out of hand for ds until recently.  Now I'm looking into natural remedies for him and will probably try Omega's soon.  I have more hope for him now...if Omegas work, great...if not, it will be easier to get him on meds now that dd has tried them.  It's been a slow process for me but I believe I'm winning the war.  Just keep feeding your husband info (from reliable sources) and fight for your kids.   And look into the natural/alternative thread also.  It's more likely that he will agree to supplements and some people seem to be having success with it.  Your dh may also be more willing to try meds once you have exhausted all other options.  

Jillete said:

Now for seriousness Provide him with books and all the information you can on ADHD.  Have him sit in with the psychologist and have the psychologist talk to him.  Good luck.

All my husband read is title on TV, to come with us to psychologist - well he have to work, earn money, when I try to conversate with him about ADHD he looks at me like : stop acting doctor. There wasnt other way but me took DD and went to psychologist on my own. I dont understand him. I am a mom and I dont want her to be different or to admit there is something wrong BUT I HAVE TO so and he. She is his doughter too not just mine. He have to be responsible - not to behave like a child.

I love him but more and more seems like we living by each other not with each other if you understand me. He sais that DD couse our  arguments and he is wrong but there is no way to prove him that.

Is your husband related to my brother-in-law.  Now for seriousness Provide him with books and all the information you can on ADHD.  Have him sit in with the psychologist and have the psychologist talk to him.  Good luck.

Aye I have got to admit we guys do re-act baddly to being told its ADHD i think over hear it has been used as an general label to much, so when dads hear it we dont like it . Then we start rolling up our sleeves and trying to be super strict  to a point we get ourselfs wound up . Then we start to look at what the mums are being told. And like a tiny light in the dark we see there is more to this than i understand ( and we still dont like it ). Sorry any guys who dont agree but its true!

Try getting your hubby to read some of the topics on here so he can hear the information that is being shared. Because you should never have to cope by yourself.

My son was constantly in trouble at school and at home.  In grade 2 I decided he couldn't control himself.  We did everything to help him succeed, and behavior management alone wasn't helping.  My son would try to behave, and tell me "I tell my brain to be good".  I suggested to my husband that we have him tested for adhd, and he first scoffed at the idea.  I asked him, What do you need to do to believe he can't control himself.  my hubbie said he'd put our child in his room, when he has a bad day at school, and every morning would talk to our son about being good at school.  He spent 2 nights in his room, and on the 3rd, I called my husband from work and asked what he thought.  He said he was sick of our son being in his room, and missed him.  He said he must not be able control himself, so we sought help from medication.  It was an amazing difference in our son.  We saw him go from a very unhappy little soul, to a smiling more confident little boy.  He said the pills "make me good instead of bad" and thought they were magic.It seems to be common that guys don't want their sons on meds.  Like maybe it's failure on their part that their son needs it?  Or they are too proud to admit that their son isn't perfect?  Who knows.. but I know that many moms have just done what they needed to do while discussing it at minimum with dad.  Meanwhile, meds start to work, dad notices a marked change.. or not.. and life goes on. 

If I left things up to my boys father, they would never had come home from the hospital. My ds is now 5 and always had some kind of "issue". He was very clumsy as a toddler, stitches at 15mo. and broken jaw at 19mo. He slept through most of the surgery for the jaw and showed up at the end right befor ds went into recovery. Mind you I was 8mo. pregnant and went into premature labor due to stress  My second son was born with Spina Bifida and Club Foot. He does really well but still needs therapy twice a week and has 2 surgeries, the last one had 2 infections. Needless to say, if he was the main caretaker, he would have wrapped them both in a blanket...put them in a basket...and sent them both down river  I've always kept him generally informed of the goings on but he is no help what so ever. The little information he has, he runs to his mother with and plays wonder dad. I've always thought of giving him all the wrong info just to be a jerk, I guess that would be just mean though

I think its just easier to just do the things you have to do to help your kids the best way you can...with or with out daddies! They will see the results and some how be proud of themselves, you never know. Take care of your son and dont forget to take care of yourself!

My husband is funny.  He runs hot and cold.  Sometimes he acknowledges ADHD, and other times he does not.  I decided that I am the one who is responsible to get Cody to take his meds, to implement the behavior programs, and to take him to the pdoc.  Once I quit expecting my husband to do any of this, which I still think he should, I felt better.  My husband most likely has adhd himself, and is not treated.  I cannot fix or help everyone.  I can and will help my son.  No one will stand in the way of this.Issie, I am a dad of a son who was diagnosed ADHD.. I did not want to know.. there was just a stage he was going through.. maybe if there is something wrong it was my wife not being able to parent him properly.. maybe there were other things effecting him that were causing him to act out..was he being bullied in school.. well then something happened that started me to ask questions.. it was a comment by my sister.. i was a weird growing up..he must have inherited from somewhere..My partner never gave up.. mom instinct.. I began to quietly read things about EBD kids and this led me to a book by an Australian Paediatrician... Pheww.. Well it took me a few yrs to really accept that such a profile existed and effected to varying degrees.. up to then i was really only going along with mom. You are a Great Mom and a responsible parent with your family's best interests at the centre of what you doing..Well Done. It will take time and i mean that but when your husband gets curious.. and it sounds like that is starting to happen quietly, already.. it is an explanation for his defensiveness..My husband is having real porblems coping wit the fact my son has been diagnosed with adhd he says it's all a con and just an excuse for an out of control child.  Now i know he is wrong and have been pushing at doctors for some time now to help me find out what is wrong with Jay (my son) i must admit i was releived to find that there was something causing his behaviour to be so irratic.  now though i'm worried that my marriage is over because of my husbands attitude towards us both since this has come about.  Any suggestions would be greatfully received

My husband was the same way, he said I just need to spank him more, that there is nothing wrong with Jacob. He never understood that spanking just makes the situation worse. After I knew my husband opinon about the adhd, I took Jacob to the phsych. without telling him. I told my mother-in-law but not dh. She knows how stuborn her son can be. I didn't tell him untill I had a dx and Jacob started meds. He wasn't very happy, but also didn't say much. I think now after almost a year he can see what a difference the meds make in Jacobs life. I also think, that it's hard for a man to understand or admit that there is something "wrong" with their child. Especially something that it not obvious to see.

I'm not really proud that I went behind my husband back, but I didn't think I had another choice at the time.

Would your husband come with you to an appointment? Maybe it would help him, to hear it from a professional.