STUBBORN DAD - CONCERTA? 8YR OLD BOY

Hello all.... Big questions from Stubborn Dad here....

Being a dad is my favorite thing.  Without a doubt.  I am of the belief that before you RUSH TO TAKE A DRUG, to let the body heal itself; much like my headache right now.  I tried that with the dentist too -- bad idea.

So, let me ask this.

For 2 1/2 years, my awesome kid has done less than awesome at school.  His focus is RIGHT ON, when he wants. All other times, his focus is as sharp as a beach ball.

He's truly smart.  I'm not saying that b/c he's my kid.  He really is smart.  But no focus.

I PERSONALLY AGREE WITH ALL OF YOU POSTERS OUT THERE WHO SAY DO NOT MEDICATE -- USE NATURAL HERBS -- CALCIUM, MAGNESIUM, VITAMIN B, etc...

VITAMIN'S KEEP HIM GROWING -- BUT STILL NO FOCUS.

Our summers are awesome -- nothing to screw up or lose focus on that is graded -- really.  But here we are in 3rd grade.  Here goes the roller coaster again.

He plays football.  NO FOCUS.  He has a sister.  Great focus taking care of her.  He goes to school.  Little focus.  He sleeps.  Great sleeper.  He eats.  SUPERB FOCUS.  Except sometimes, after dinner, he'll ask "When's dinner"?

YES, HE HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH ADHD - INATTENTIVE TYPE FOR 2+ YEARS.  I SAY "NO WAY.  DOCTOR NEEDS TO MAKE A BMW PAYMENT".  I DO NOT LIKE MEDS.  I DO NOT LIKE MY SON HAVING NO CONFIDENCE EITHER.  I DO NOT LIKE MY SON ON A DRUG.  I DO NOT LIKE YELLING AT HIM EITHER -- except at the football game to pump him up.

So, with that, i'll leave suggestions to you.  I get enough from my wife, and i'm taking this one.  Ask other people.  So you better reply or I have to hear more from her.

Cass151......

When chidlren with Adhd are doing something they enjoy they have the ability to hyperfocus. When they are doing something that causes them anxiety or something that causes them to feel that they will fail due to low self esteem issues, they shut down and all the focus is gone. Yelling at him will not sharpen his focus in fact, the yelling will put him into shutdown mode.

Its wonderful that your child is smart but as the grades get higher, the standards become tougher and being smart is not enough for your child to succeed academically throughout his school career. Many Adhd'rs are concrete learners and from third grade forward, the educational material is taught in abstract form thus leaving the adhd child more bewildered and confused. Unlike children that are learning disabled whereas they have learning problems, Adhd'ers have a problem with learning due to lack of focus. Adhd'ers are paying attention but unfortunately, they are paying attention to everything as they cant filter out distractions.

I highly recommend that you do some research in order to make an informative decision in terms of a treatment plan as without one or not a good one, the problems just escalate as the child gets older. Whatever decisions both you and your wife make about how to go about treating your sons adhd is a personal decision but make sure the decisions are based on accurate information, not heresay or opinions. Unfortunately, your stubbornesscan cause a roadblock thus eliminating the many options available to treat adhd. This is a quality of life issue and debating with your wife about it if your mind is closed only delays good treatment. You seem like a very caring Dad so the best way to make an informed decision is by further educating yourself about the disorder. I recommend a bookyoucan either purchase or find at your local library by Edward M. Hallowell entitled "Driven to Distraction. Below is a link that might also give you more insight into ADHD. Good luck and keep us posted.

Misunderstood Minds . Attention Difficulties | PBS

Cass151, I said all the things you have said when our family started on this journey.  My son is so smart & intuitive I figured it was a maturity thing he would out grow. I thought that the Teachers were lazy & just wanted robots instead of children.

Then I started doing some research.  I looked over my past & remembered how hard school was for me.  I remembered teachers calling me "Madame Butterfly", "lazy", they would seat me next to the kids that didn't speak English, & I would just chatter away.  As I got older I remembered how lost I always felt.  I would read a book for class & get X from it while the entire class had gotten Y & I would spend the class lost.  I remembered being lost all the time;social events (I would hear about them after they happened), bringing things to school ( you mean that was due today).  I was ostrocized by my classmates because I was differet. So I started self-medicating to focus better, & dull the pain of rejection.  I took a good look at my family & noticed one of my brothers, a brilliant man, starts things, never finishes them & is working at a job well below his intellegence.  I looked at how many in my family STILL self-medicate, not what I wanted for my son.

Then I talked to my SIL, who is a special ed teacher & she told me what she was seen in her classroom.  What the children were able to acomplish on the right sort of meds.  I read that with the right intervention & medication (minimal) my son would have a better chance at "being normal" & have better self esteem & not drunk or high. 

I still hope I am doing the right thing.  I am still scared that maybe I am not.  But I swore my son would never feel the way I felt about myself growing up & I know I am acomplished that much for him.  He is only on 1 med, eventhough the Dr has said he would do better on a "cocktail", & he gets straight A's, plays football, soccer, & basketball.  We are working on doing better socially, but he has 2 really good friends that get him & that works for us.  And he has 2 parents & a wonderful therapist that are his advocates. 

Good luck with whichever way you choose to go.  No matter what the road is not easy & the tears will flow for both the good & bad days.  Just try to be honest & put your ego aside.  That part is easier said then done.

cass151 - It is a hard choice, and we have all struggled and continue to struggle with the decisions we have to make concerning our children.  While this forum is a great place to start, it is only a start.  Gather information, read books - they are better than the various websites in some cases because the sites are often sponsored and supported by the various drug companies.  By reading books, you won't feel that somebody is necessiarly trying to persuade you one way or another based on a particular drug.

Another book you mght read is Dr. Daniel Amen's book.  It describes 6 different types of ADD, and he has various recommendations.  If you remain reluctant to try medications, then I strongly recommend looking at his diet.  There may be some changes there that will help, but you may not get the results you are looking for.

Even with medication, you may not get the results you are looking for, and you may need to try more than one in order to get the best possible results. 

School gets harder as they advance.  The requirements to put their thoughts on paper and actually organize them into something that makes sense become tremendous for our kids.  Homework becomes more demanding and the projects are bigger and more complex. 

So - it doesn't sound like you are 'rushing' into giving your son medications if he was diagnosed two years ago.  If he is in 3rd grade 0 then might be able to describe what it feels like when he can't focus.  My son told me that it was so noisy when his class was taking a test, he couldn't think. 

csmommy said it just right - no matter what you choose, it's not easy.  But, it's not dull either!

Thank you all, especially csmommy for the well said analogy and the book recomendations.  I truly wish I had time to read all those wonderful books, but lucky for me, I married someone who is NOT ADD and can read 4 books a day and recite them to me verbatum...and that's what she has done.

So, I agree with much of what you wrote.  I am just a bit nervous about feeding my own son a pill that is supposed to change his chemistry.

I'm at the point where if I don't do it though, I'll change his physical chemistry, and nobody ever liked a kid with no arms.  Well, maybe somebody did.

Anyway, thank you all.  I have kept my sense of humor throughout this all.  Or at least my wife thinks so.

QUESTION --

concerta?  Adderall?  Straterra?  Ritalin?

just trust my doctor who has seen him 7 times in 3 years?  is my doc paid money to refer one more than the others?  could be.  It's business.  Which one?

cass151,

excuse if i'm asking for a repeat here but, what else have you tried?

supplements, chiropractor, homeopathy?  have you already investigated these things?

i have an 8 yr old son- dx last spring adhd.  we tried the adderrall for three weeks.  he developed facial tics and extreme rage/meltdowns every evening.  i'm no doctor but this did not seem right!  i would'nt buy the "it'll go away"  or "he needs more meds" either.  i was worried.

we work a homeopath, follow (loosely still) the feingold diet and use supplements like omega 3 and magnesium.  not perfect, but way better!

whatever you choose, you should feel comfortable with your choice.  if your not, keep looking!

good luck!

kppy

While children without arms are likable, it makes catching a football a @#$%@ (female dog)

The question you ask is really the big one.  Each med affects each child/person differently.  And it can be a long journey to find what works best for your son.  Last July we started out on 5mg Adderall & slowly went up to 15mg.  And I do mean slowly, my son reacted to each titration.  Then it was like WOW!  This is what its like to be like the other kids.  Adderall XR comes in before school & then goes out by 2:30pm, so the teachers got the "good" boy & I had the same little PIA kid.  I still felt that was fine since I wanted him on meds that left his system ASAP.  Then the rebound started.  By March it was wicked.  As the meds wore off, he couldn't stop talking, it was like verbal diarrhea, & he was very controlling & angry.  Again I dealt with it, but his friends wouldn't & by May he had alienated everyone.  So we switched to the non-stimulant Straterra.  That brought him back to the happy child he was, but didn't help enough with his focus & his grades all went down 1/2 grade.  Not a big deal, but that made him unhappy & the kids at school noticed he wasn't focusing & that led to teasing. 

Over the summer we tried several different combos & levels.  Then my husband & I made a decision.  We would go with 60mg Strattera & that was all.  He is SOOOOOOO smart that he will have to learn to compensate & his teacher will have to learn to deal.  Things will change for him as he matures.  We all have accepted that while he will not be the most popular kid in town, he will have a small close group of really good friends. 

Then again your Dr may suggest a different med that will work like a charm.

Just do your homework (or have you wife do it), & you are always welcome to ask questions here.  Please keep us posted.