Self Esteem | ADHD Information

YES BUT STILL TODAY i AM MY OWN WORSE CRITIC. i JUST FEEL i HAVE BEEN CHEATED OUT OF THE SAME LIFE AS NONDISORDERED PEOPLE.

i think self-esteem can come from love too (as well as self-help books/tapes ). if someone loves you just the way you are --- your self-esteem will shoot through the roof. so you either find that or find a way to love yourself (if that doesn't seem too vain). chjones38833.4440625

I do find my journal useful, but sometimes it becomes something that I re-read so I will reinforce my critical views of myself over and over again until I stop writing in it so I can stop re-reading about my f**k ups.

I can self talk myself til I'm blue in the face, but give it a couple of days and all that effort was for nothing as I still don't see myself any better than I did to begin with.

Peita,

I'm sorry if you're still feeling down. A lot of us can completely relate to the negative self talk. I know I can.

About 4 years I remember I talked so badly to myself about how I always seemed to f*ck everything up. I was journaling too and started writing down every single little f*ck up.

I got to the point where I started saying that I hated myself. I became so depressed and got on an anti-depressant.

The med. wasn't going to be enough.. I had to stop the negative self talk and stop writing in my journal about my f*ck ups!!

Instead I started writing about how I felt about life and other people. I started seeing patters in how other people were treating me. Also with my porous memory, it helped me to understand myself more and why I was feeling so down all the time and what I could do to change it.

I never would have realized how detrimental my now X husband was for me until I saw the pattern in my journal.

You are special Peita! Please know you are!

I really need to stop putting it off and look into this crawling technique.

When I started to teach in a classroom about 5 years ago, my self esteem hit the basement floor. . . so many things that seem so simple for other teachers were beyong my grasp! It was so irritating, I'd end up crying at the end of the day.

Now, since I have been doing my crawling exercises, my confidence is very high. I feel like a great teacher. I find the difference amazing. I haven't had therapy or anything.

The crawling has changed my life for the better in all ways. The things that have changed are my ADD behaviors. They are so much better, not all the way gone yet, but so much better.

Yes, I have done extensive therapy to build my self esteem. And yes, it was definately "fake it till you make it" for a long time. Honestly, I have never found affirmations and what not very useful. For me, it is easier to simply redirect my negativity in constructive ways. The highlights self esteem building in my universe:

Looking at myself in the mirror trying to say "You are fabulous." I kept busting out laughing - but hey! at least I was laughing instead of beating myself up.

"If you wouldn't say it to someone else, you can't say it to yourself." Beating myself up for being mean to me. At least my negative attitude was being applied to the correct places.

Beating yourself up is an incredibly self absorbed thing to do. Do you actually think anyone else REALLY cares that much? They don't. Most people forget about something 3 minutes after walking away. So should you.

Wait a minute! This is so unfair! There are tons of people who are stupid, mean, lazy (whatever). I don't see them crawling around like the lowest of the low over it. Why should I?

How much time do I spend feeling bad over what somebody thinks of me? How much time do they spend feeling bad? Answer: NONE. Find something more worthwhile to beat yourself up over.

I have a lot of things to think about that are more worthwhile than beating myself up at all. If I don't, I am too self involved.

Yep, low self-esteem was always a problem for me until I got on meds and started doing some things right instead of phuking them up. Therapy also taught me to think in terms of old me (premed) vs. new me (medicated). New me is learning to organize, follow through with things, keep track of time, plan and execute goals. and know what...? I'm doing it!

peita, i've never had good self-esteem.

had flashes of it here and there. maybe just enough to make me feel bi-polar. i like myself just often enough to punctuate the long periods of being able to see only my shortcomings.

changing the self-talk is key to feeling better about yourself.

imagine being out at night, and all you hear are the crickets. you can sing whatever song you like to cover up their endless, breathing, drone of chirps. but their sound will overtake every pause, every gap, every soft phrase.

for me, the negative self-talk is like those crickets. i can only cover it up for so long, then i pause for even the briefest of moments, and that is all i can hear.

so far, the most progress i've made is since understanding i am adhd.

after 4 decades of having no clue why i couldn't just be like the other kids, things are becoming clear. many of my mistakes and problems in life are from expecting my brain to work in ways that it may never work. i've been in the cockpit of an airplane, convinced i'm driving a car. i'm not built for the highways and byways.

maybe i can get anywhere that anyone else can. it's just better if i don't stick to the roads.

my personal answer to your question is no. therapy can only show you a map. they can tell you which train to take, but not how to get to the station.

I think no matter how hard we try to ignore them or how much we tell ourselves other people's opinions of us don't matter we still value them too much.

As I age I accept myself more, and accept others more. I'm just not average or run-of-the-mill in enough things to be "normal." I am better at some things, worse at some.

A dog will chase a rabbit, a river will flow downhill and I'm going to be me sooner or later even if I try and deny it. Why deny it, and if other's opinions are low or shocked or disgusted or intimidated or amused or amazed, WTF!

Helped me improve my self esteem.

[QUOTE=Peita Pan]

Have any of you done any therapy or work personally with building self esteem?

I'm wondering if anyone has actually managed to change their opinion of themselves?

I understand that I'm meant to stop all the negative self talk but in all seriousness I feel like yet again I'm just pretending for everyone else. I don't believe all the positive self affirmations and stuff

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The only thing that changes my opinion of myself is mood swings and my meds. Negative talk, do that when I am depressed. When you get out of the depression, the thoughts change too. Went to a talk therapist who tried really hard to get me to say nice things to myself in a mirror. That didn't work for me too much. There is a book that is pretty good called
What to Say When You Talk to Your Self by Shad Helmstetter, PH.D

What really helps me most when I am beating myself up is to journal. It really helps me.
Another thing that helps me is knowing that that negative stuff is temporary. Sometimes it's like, I don't wanna die, but I don't wanna live either. Since I haven't found anything in between yet, I really try to work on the living one. Life is incredibly short

You, my friend, Pieta are special and unique. There are many great qualities about you. When you are not down, you are adventurous and find the most creative ways to spend quality time with Amelia. You are intelligent (Remember all that testing) Hang on and Hang in, It'll change. I promise.

Have any of you done any therapy or work personally with building self esteem?

I'm wondering if anyone has actually managed to change their opinion of themselves?