Brandon may not continue karate | ADHD Information
Brandon had karate tonight. The kids who had graded about 3 weeks prior received their belts. There are 3 kids who started at the same time as him 2 years ago. They have a green belt now and he has an orange belt. They do tipped belts so the these other kids are 2 belts ahead of him. This is because they went to Samauri school last summer and an advanced class in another town. BRandon couldn't go to these schools since I don't drive.
Tonight the sensei said that some lower belts would grade in the next session along with the kids in the advanced class. I was angry. I knew this didn't include Brandon. These kids just graded. Brandon has has his orange belt for 4 months or so.
I asked the other sensei if Brandon would be graded in the next session. He said probably not. Apparently there are some things he needs to know that he doesn't. I know he knows the second catta(sp) though. He needs to know that.
I really wonder if I should keep him in there. He only has one more session before summer. These higher belts will be 3 belts ahead of Brandon in the fall.
Brandon has received 4 belts so far. This may be considered as 2 in some karate schools. This is because not all schools do the tip belts.
That is a good idea to speak to the sensei about what is expected of Brandon. I did speak to his son the sensei. It was difficult to hear him since it was the end of class and everyone was getting ready to leave. So I will ask his dad next week.
I think I will probably let Brandon stay in the next session. I'll ask him if he wants to stay.
My son studied Karate for four years and has just quit. He was a red belt (one belt from black), and he found that all the studying of forms done on the red belt level was too difficult with his dyslexia. He said, "Mom, I go to school eight hour a day, and I go to tutoring four hours a week. I don't want to study Karate. I want it to be what I do that's fun." And you know what? I TOTALLY get that.
As kids advance, Karate becomes more and more serious. If the kids want to get the higher level belts, they have to go to the classes and seminars required to advance. They have to practice at home and study forms. It's a lot of work. I think it's a great sport for ADHD kids, but they reach a point where they really have to be into it, if they plan on continuing to move up.
I guess what I would advise doing is talking to the sensei about what is expected of Brandon. Find out exactly what Brandon needs to do to advance. I then would decide whether or not you think what the sensei is saying is reasonable. If you don't think it is, then go to another studio and check out another instructor. They vary from dojo to dojo, but Brandon will reach a point at any dojo where he is going to have to go to the seminars and extra training sessions to stay.
lillian38832.8039814815Out of curiosity, does it bug you that kids can't just have fun in sports? It bugs the heck out of me. And it's interesting to me that you are in Canada going through the same thing my son is going through in the States. Geeeeeez, I guess this making kids train and compete at everything they do is everywhere
. I think it sucks!.IMac38945.5094791667Relative to competition, I have a big gripe against Destination Imagination/Odyssey of the Mind. In my first year of coaching, it was introduced as a program where kids worked together within parameters of the "challenge" and met at a big event to "share what they had come up with." I thought great, and was encouraged by the regional leader to not focus on the winning and more on the doing and the process. Well surprise to me at the tournament which was an extravaganza of competition! My team felt horrible. My son didn't becasue he has long history of not buying into competition. I recently heard that Odyssey of the Mind was developed for kids that are not inclined to participate in athletic competition. So DI/OM was developed with an opportunity for competition for these kids.
Yes, competition is part of capitalist society, but why does it have to be so hard to find opportunities where people can gather together in the spirit
Chjones yes it is good to finish what you start. There is 1 more week for this session. Therefore I have a week to make up my mind. Notellin his class meets once per week. They are also teach out of town. So the 2 of them teach the whole group. I may be able to get him individual lessons elsewhere though. Joemom yes I would find another activity for Brandon if we decide to discontinue the kartate.i don't know lovemyboy --- being a very non-competitive (adder) person, my take would be who gives a flying banana about the belts as long as he is enjoying the classes?
i can't quite see the reason for taking him out at all. i just don't see it???? is it to protect his self-esteem or what? or because you don't like the teachers - think they are not doing a good job?
i don't think it is the best example to give - that if you find something hard - quit. or if you are not progressing fast - give up. i mean that is EXACTLY what i DO but i don't think it is a good thing, as it goes...
i wish i had the strength of personality to persevere even when it was harder, even when i felt my pride and ego being smashed, even when i felt the worst, the most useless --- i wish i had the strength to push on through and say "no matter what - i'll stick it out until i improve" i won't let me ego stop me. or that crushing sense of not being quite good enough push me into quitting - again.
just how i see it.
Can you just sign him up for a series of individual lessons? That's what they suggest at my son's martial arts school if you want to advance more quickly.
Ask you son if he wants to continue...if he says he wants to stop then do that but make sure he has another activity that he can/wants to do....
NoTellin has a good idea with the individual lesson
jfla2,
I totally agree. Yes, competition is part of life, but why does everything a child does have to be competitive? Having fun and doing things just to hang out with people of like minds, and playing a team sport just for the fun of exercising and working together as a team are very important parts of life, too. When I was growing up, all of us kids in the neighborhood got together and played kickball, softball, and football. Kids don't do this anymore. Now, sports is all about training and competing, and I feel like it is damaging to children. I feel like it makes them grow up too quickly and stresses them out too young. But, hey, I am a proud member of the lone wolf state of mind.
hey lillian can i join your state or would that ruin the lone bit?co-operation over competition every time for me
"all of us kids in the neighborhood got together and played kickball, softball, and football. Kids don't do this anymore."
but they do in india. you can't walk down a street without running into a least five different games of cricket being played by various aged urchins and flying balls coming at you at a rate of knots... man, those kids LOVE that game. everywhere. everywhere. out of train window in the middle of nowhere oh look. six kids playing cricket in the distance. EVERYWHERE. no wonder India keeps beating us - humph!
My kids have attended two different karate studios. both were carefully picked out.
As I recall the kids had individual help during their regular classes so that by the timetesting rolled around, all of the students were ready to pass. Each class usually had several adhd kids. Shopping around for the right environment for our children is critical. I also had the kids visit a program a few times and try out a sample class/lesson before signing up for anything. It needed to be their decision and they needed to complete the session even if they did not want to participate, but just sit on the side. (I'd tell them that they did not need to participate but just go and watch. This would also cause the instructor to be aware of the possibility of losing a student!) This way of making a committment started when the kids were toddlers at mom and me classes.
THIS ACTIVITY IS TO GO AT YOUR OWN PACE. i KNOW KIDS WHO MOVE UP AND ONLY ATTEND REGULAR CLASSES. THE MORE TRAINING IN ANYTHING THE MORE YOU WILL IMPROVE AT ANYTHING. THIS WAS HOW OUR DAUGHTER GOT TO BE A BETTER SOCCER PLAYER.
LIFE ISN'T FAIR AND KIDS MUST LEARN THAT ! THEY WILL TO COMPETE FOR JOBS. IF A KID STARTS SOMETHING IN OUR FAMILY THEY MUST FINISH THAT ACTIVITY FOR THAT SESSION.
Yes lillian. I hate the fact that any sport is so competative. It should be more about the fun aspect of sports. Kids seem to have to compete everywhere they go.
Last night the bus was late to pick us up. Brandon was afraid he would be late to teach the kids. He leads the yellow belts and under. There is another girl who leads the advanced class. She came late. The newer kids were practicing alone. I don't know what was said but she pushed Brandon out of the way so she could be in the middle.
She wanted centre stage. This isn't fair even if she is a higher belt. So competition can make them aggressive.
Imac I think it does bother him. Maybe partially because it bothers me though.
Brandon and I decided together that he would continue his karate classes. I told him to practice a lot and work very hard. During the summer we will decide if he will continue in the fall.
My 14 year old does much better in individual sports. We tried football, soccer and basketball and he was miserable. Everything was about why HE couldn't be the quarterback, the star offensive player, blah blah blah. If they lost a game then the entire team was miserable and blaming it on this player or that. It was so competitive and agressive...but not so much towards the opposing team as towards their teammates
We finally quit the team sports (because it just didn't seem to me like they were much of a team) and moved on to individual. Allen did martial arts for 3 years.... he went to his first degree black belt, and then waffled back and forth as to whether he wanted to continue to get his second. HE finally decided he would and we signed the contracts and then three months later he changed his mind. In my house when you commit to do something you must follow through until it is over, or unless you are physically unable to continue. So, he now has his second degree black belt...and he was absolutely miserable but he learned that if he makes a commitment he will see it through till the end. Now he is on a swim team. Even though they call it a team, swimming is really more of an individualized sport in my opinion. He is competing against himself and against standardized times...not so much against his team mates. For now until we have his moods under control he is taking a break, but before our "blow up" he didn't compete in swim meets as he tended to get a little emotional over them so we just skipped it. His coaches were understanding and worked with us. Since he is not swimming at the moment we both taken up jogging...once again an individualized sport....he seems so much more motivated to do well when he's competing against himself. When there are other kids involved on "his side" then his emotions take over and it's all about who's getting the spotlight.
Anyways, sorry for the novel but just wanted to share with you what has worked for us as we have run the gamut of all the sports out there. LOL Martial arts is wonderful for a child's self discipline...which in turn is a great strength for children with ADHD. I think it would be a shame for your son to lose a learning experience like this if the reason he wants to quit is because he's feeling your disappointment that he's not "keeping up" with other kids who started the same time he did. Try your hardest to not let him see your emotions...... there are so many great things he can learn from this sport if he continues.
co-operation over competition every time for meI agree
When we moved one summer to our present kid filled neighborhood, my daughter organized the kids into fantastic games of kick the can, ghost in the graveyard and capture the flag. Yes they were team games, but all the kids were really nice without fierce competition.
We'd put cones at the entrance to our cul de sac as a warning for cars. Parents gathered with beach chairs to have a glass of wine and socialize. The weather is getting warmer and the kids are out again.
Love those summer nights.
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