To tell or not to tell? | ADHD Information

I'd like your suggestions about this situation that came up with my son today.

His AP Statistics class reconvened today after taking their AP exam at the district administration building.  They all wanted to know where he was and why he wasn't with them.  He took the test in a private room with extended time.  He didn't feel like telling them that he is ADHD and gets distracted.  He said it was a lot of kids at once and he somehow avoided telling.  I really don't know what he said.

We didn't have time to discuss this yet because he was in the midst of trying to get homework done.  I am hoping that he will find something that is comfortable and honest to say when this happens next time.  It happened last year and  he has two more tests coming up.

I would like him to feel confident enough to be able to educate people about ADHD at some point and be prepared for the next time.  In the past, the nurse at school has expressed how proud she and others at school are of his accomplishments considering his challenges and thinks people should know. 

What are your thoughts?

How old is your son?

I can understand him not wanting to tell others, he probably feels like they will think he's getting it easier than themselves.

I wish I had been allowed to take my exams in a room of my own!!

Sorry I don't have any advice, but I hope it all goes well for your son. Exams are hard enough without having anxiety added to the pressure.

If he is uncomfortable with disclosing his ADD...This may be a stupid idea, but is there anyway that your son can take the test privitely before hand and then sit in the room while the test is going on and act like he is taking the test- It would stop the questioning. I think it would be great if he could educate people, but there are always those that don't/won't/can't understand the truth about ADD and view it as an excuse. Whatever he decides-I wish him luck. I like psychgirls idea.  Can you come up with a bs story of why he does his test elsewhere?  It is up to your child if  he/she wants to disclose to friends, remember kids and teens can be mean.  My daughter is only 6 but I may be in the same position someday.   Good luck let us know how is goesJillette38841.6552314815 [QUOTE=psychgirl] is there anyway that your son can take the test privitely before hand and then sit in the room while the test is going on and act like he is taking the test- [/QUOTE]
It is a person's right to choose not to disclose personal information; something like the fifth amendment that US citizens enjoy. Choosing not to tell someone you got "sprecial" treatment because you have ADHD is still honest. Pretending to write an exam is dishonest. People write make up exams all of the time, now, early or later than the scheduled exam because students will be away for various reasons.

Something else to consider is students competing for scholarships or seats at prestigious schools: other parents and students may not like a student who is given accomodations competing with other students.

Heck, I am an adult and I think twice about disclosing.  It is good to be open and educate people, but only those who sincerely want to understand.  I am careful not to tell people who might become a source of negativity.  Kids in the hallway would qualify as a bad idea. 

If it were me, I would avoid answering the question at all, under those circumstances.  I am good at distracting others, *Points off in the distance*  "Look! A baby wolf!" or "Have you seen (somebody who isn't around)?" and hurry off to find them.

On the other hand, if I suspect the person asking the question would benefit from the answer, I would find them at a more discreet time and explain.

Thanks for all of your ideas.  I discussed this at work (school) today with a variety of responses too.  I liked the idea of one, similar to Reisa...
"Where were you?"
"Testing. What did you think of the game last night?"
"but where were you?"
"That's private."       If I don't want to answer sometimes I'll just say, "It's personal."

I'd like him to be able to keep his integrity and be comfortable.  

Some more info:
Peita Pan-   He is 17.
  "I can understand him not wanting to tell others, he probably feels like they will think he's getting it easier than themselves."
I think you are righton.  A few years ago, my dd and her high school   friends complained that one student in class got extra time on exams because he was ADHD, which they didn't think fair.  I needed to spell it out to her.  She's very intelligent, but you think she might have figured it out having a brother that's ADHD.       

He normally takes tests with classes, but gets extra time, which he does before or after school.  So i guess no one is aware of that. 

I don't think that so many questions will be asked in his other classes since they are used to him using a computer  for writing.  He still has US History and Chemistry to go .  Thanks again and I'll let you know what he comes up with.

 

I agree that it is his choice to tell or not even though others may eventually pressure him. 

I hope he doesn't feel that he has to tell his peers but, on the other hand, I also hope he doesn't begin to feel shame - from feeling like he has something to hide.  

From a practical standpoint, I think I would be more concerned for someone a little older to tell.  Colleges probably will not hold the accommodations against a student - but, I think a potential employer probably would.  When in college, peers are often connected with the organizations that may become employers.  (Of course, potential employers would not say that they are doing this - but, many would prefer not to hire someone who would require the accommodations and there's always a "legal" reason not to hire someone, etc.)

I think that telling is primarily a problem in the time period after studies and before establishing oneself for a period of years - as a productive, useful, effectively functioning contributor in the adult world.

 

 

I think your son knowing that he doesn't HAVE to share personal information is a healthy thing, and a good thing to learn early on. People can be nosy and curious, but they don't have to know everything just because they want to. He could tell a few close friends if he felt like it, but I wouldn't encourage him to share something like that with a big group. It really isn't any of their business, and the chance that they would understand is slim.

When my son had some appointments for his adhd, he said he told his friends he was at the eye doctor. That was o.k. by me. After all, meds help him "see" more clearly.
[QUOTE=Reisa]
Heck, I am an adult and I think twice about disclosing.  It is good to be open and educate people, but only those who sincerely want to understand.  I am careful not to tell people who might become a source of negativity.  On the other hand, if I suspect the person asking the question would benefit from the answer, I would find them at a more discreet time and explain.   [/QUOTE]   When people start questioning some of my odd behavior, I just tell them that my brain doesn't quite work like a normal person. I might have to get up in the middle of something and walk around the building to clear my head but when I come back, I can solve the problem before they can even figure out how to begin so they don't mind too much. Most people can follow since at times, everyone gets that way. Nice approach, Reisa. You're so right that everyone gets that way.

He told me today what he did answer when they asked him the other day.

He answered, "In Snape's dungeon."  Ds said that they laughed, but it was at him not with him becasue the answer was so random.  On the other hand we had to agree that their concern about where he was was nice because it did show a level of concern and that he is part of the class.