study group woes | ADHD Information

Under the direction of the disabilities office, I'm attempting to form a study group for my class. This has been very difficult because it's forcing me to face everything I fear- being vulnerable, approaching people I don't know, organizing an event. The organzing of the event has proven difficult because everyone's available at different times and I feel a little overwhelmed.

I think it's good to face your fears but how do I get over the anxiety and feeling of inadequacy? I'm afraid I'm going to fail and I've been telling myself I'm going to fail, I'm not competent enough for this task....sigh

Plus, I fear those I approach about the group are judging me. I'm an open window saying "look at me, I'm an idiot, make fun of me."

All I can do is trust that it will work out but why won't this anxiety go away???

I would start with 2 or 3 or them. can you organise that amount to be around the same time. The others will fit into your group as they feel they want to. My advice is to start small and wait and see. It doesnt have to be a big group immediately. Even if it is just you and one other person, then you havent failed at all. Once the word gets out others will come. Whats that movie? "If you build it, they will come!"

If you believe in fate - Perhaps this has been handed to you, because there is only ONE other person that you are spose to meet or they you. Outcomes are not always what we expect, but if we try to keep a positive attitude regardless, then we will usually find meaning!

Hi. I am a life coach expert specializing in helping adults with ADD. There is a great book by Susan Jeffers called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway." I encourage you to check it out at your local library. I think it's just the thing you need to read to make your ADD study group a great success.

I wish you lots of luck.

Michele Glance Rooney

lifecoachexpert@aol.com

Hi Cheeky. I know what you mean about organizing stuff, it can be difficult. Especially when you are dependent on other people and their schedules. Keep in mind that nobody is the perfect "organizer". Most anybody trying to do the same thing you are would have some difficulty, so you don't have to worry about things being just so-so.

I know it is easier said than done, but always keep in mind all people are vulnerable. We all have things we are good at, and things we are not so good at. Nobody is "better" than you, meaning who has the right to judge you??? Nobody. If you do something you feel is "dumb" or not quite the way you wanted it, who cares???? Honestly all people have insecurities, and there is nothing cooler than to face something scary, and even if it does not come out perfectly, you still know that you did it!!! I am sorry if that did not help. Just know none else is perfect...you do not have to be either.

Thank you quik, it's like you read my mind! Maybe you've been there before. That helps so much. It puts things into perspective.

Thank you!!!

A thought for you Cheeky:

I sympathize! There is just no way I can organize face-to-face and even on the phone I usually can't do it. For some reason it is much easier by e-mail. Is there any way you can circulate a piece of paper during class asking for everyone's e-mail address, or maybe the instructor already has that list. First, a quick e-mail asking who is interested. Second, a response to those who answer with potential meeting times. Third, select the time indicated by the majority, and e-mail this announcement to either those interested, or the whole class. This is the formula that works for me. Good luck with organizing!

Thanks for the advice, Rae. I can only hope everything will work out.

[QUOTE=cheekydeeky]

Plus, I fear those I approach about the group are judging me. I'm an open window saying "look at me, I'm an idiot, make fun of me."

All I can do is trust that it will work out but why won't this anxiety go away???

[/QUOTE]

Belieeeeeeeeve me Cheeky I know exactly where you are coming from.

Here is what I do now, it may help you, so far it works for me. BTW I am on serious amounts of Concerta but, who cares...

I had to relearn everything from nothing. I had NO time management skills or organizational ability before my treatments began, now, here is what I do.

I purchased a Franklin Covey Planner, and here is how I use it.

The monthly preview calendar is for scheduled appointments, meeting times and places, etc. The daily events are written into the planner after I have looked at the monthly items. That helps me plan for the larger appointments and allows me to schedule around them as well. There is a contact information sheet that allows you to record the persons name, address, phone number, email address, etc. Use this to write down your conversations with people, and it even allows for you to write down how you contacted them (phone, email, in person, etc.) There is also a column for follow ups. I insert a date into that column and then go back to the daily tasks for the follow up date and make an entry in there.

I will keep this post pretty short, sorry I get long winded now. If you have a good planner and USE it religiously you won't have any major problems in regards to organization.

The other parts of public speaking, interpersonal relationships, and communication will come with some time. You are learning too, as well as the others you are working with. They will more than likely understand, if they don't then please explain your history to them. That is what I do. I hope this helps a little.

RULE #1: Don't take anything personally. Trying to organize around other's schedules and getting everyone to cooperate is not always easy (sometimes it is, but not always). If someone does not show up when they say they will, or cancels at the last minute due to a conflict, do not take it personally. That will be no indication of failure on your part. People just do those things. Sometimes it seems that people are being stubborn or uncooperative. But remember if this happens, it is not directed at you. and if you do make a mistake, it won't be the end of the world.

Unfortunately I have to organize a lot of things in my job. I live in the New York area. I had an account I was working on and needed some product experts. So I arranged for a big presentation at the client site out on Long Island. I had two corporate big-shots flying in (one from Denver and one from Los Angeles). I picked them up at La Guardia and drove out to the client site (discussing strategy and other details all the way). We arrived and the client told me "no, we are scheduled for next Tuesday". Wow, did I feel like a dumb-ass!

Fortunately this was not the first time I had that feeling so I was very experienced at dealing with it. But life goes on.

No matter how it works out, nothing really horrible is going to happen. So just try to relax and enjoy the people you will be working with. You may end up having a really great time!