MY SON LIES ABOUT EVERYTHING! HE IS ALMOST 13 YEARS OLD AND THE PROBLEM IS GETTING WORSE. HE LIES ABOUT BRUSHING HIS TEETH, HOMEWORK, WHAT HE IS EATING, WHAT HE IS READING, HE EVEN LIED ABOUT LIKING A PARTICULAR SANDWICH.
HE WAS DIAGNOSED ADHD WHEN HE WAS 4 AND STARTED ON MEDICATION AT AGE 5. HE NOW TAKES ADDERAL XR AND IT SEEMS TO HELP HIM STAY FOCUSED A BIT BUT HIS TEACHERS HAVE ALWAYS TOLD US THAT HE TALKS TOO MUCH AND IS CONSTANTLY OUT OF HIS DESK. HE HAS BEEN ON RITALIN, CONCERTA, STRATERA. HE ALSO HAS MILD SOCIAL ANXIETIES SO HE IS CURRENTLY TAKING PROZAC. WE ARE CONCERNED THAT HE DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE THAT HE IS ALWAYS IN TROUBLE BUT I WONDER IF THAT IS A SIDE EFFECT OF THE PROZAC.
HE ALSO HAS AN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TIME TRANSFERING ANYTHING. THE BEST EXAMPLE I HAVE OF THAT IS WHEN HE WAS IN 4TH GRADE. HE WAS LEARNING TO DRAW PEOPLE IN HIS ART CLASS. THEY STARTED WITH THE SKELETON AND WORKED THEIR WAY OUT. HE WAS VERY GOOD AT DRAWING PEOPLE. AFTER LEARNING THIS SKILL, HIS SOCIAL STUDIES TEACHER ASSIGNED A PROJECT FOR THEM. HE WAS TO DRAW A POSTER OF MEXICO. I ASKED HIM WHY THERE WERE STICK FIGURES ON IT AND HE SAID BECAUSE HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DRAW PEOPLE. I SHOWED HIM HIS ART PROJECT AND HE SAID, "THAT IS FOR ART, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT FOR SOCIAL STUDIES." HE IS THIS WAY ABOUT EVERYTHING.
HE ALSO CANNOT RELATE CAUSE AND EFFECT. HE DOESN'T GET THAT IF HE LIES, HE GETS INTO TROUBLE. IF HE FAILS A CLASS, HE DOESN'T GET TO PARTICIPATE IN OTHER SCHOOL ACTIVITIES. WE ARE AT SUCH A LOSS HERE AND WOULD APPRECIATE SOME DIRECTION ON HOW TO HELP HIM LEARN THESE BASIC LIFE SKILLS. HE IS VERY SMART AND GIFTED MUSICALLY.
I read a book recently...Adhd, A Different Perspective. About the hunter/farmer thing, and how our kids fit in more of a hunter category. He addresses lying...and etc. We had more probs with this earlier...around 11-13...but, the book was right-on regarding...delayed gratification(don't much get), delayed punishment (they don't get that either). The author had suggestions...like rewarding on a daily basis...rather than 6 weeks. Immediate consequences...(ex: punish tonight rather that keep her home for the weekend following). How these folks are very now oriented. How that can be a good thing...but, drives this plan ahead mom nuts, often!
Have a look ...and, good luck!
Your son sounds very talented, but obviously has some confusing behaviours.
If this was my son, I would take all expectations out of my mind and throw them to the curb. I would focus my attentions on his achievements, and build up his interests and enthusiasm in the things he is good at.
The things he is not doing so well with, I would try to locate a tutor to help him, either personally, or through the school.
The school seems to be quite tough on your boy, are they aware of the fact that your son's adhd leads to this behaviour, is there no body in the school educated in adhd behaviour. This sounds like it could be the problem and not so much your son.
Find out what help your son is entitled to through the education system and demand it.
Hi. I am a life coach expert specializing in ADD. It's not uncommon for children with ADD to lie because they are so impulsive they say the first thing that comes to mind without thinking of the consequences. Realizing that is probably what is going on, I would give your son the chance to re-state his answer. For example, you could say "Did you really brush your teeth or did you just say the first thing that popped into your head?"
Your son is a young teen now and it would be appropriate to have him work with a personal coach to master some of these life skills now. The sooner he learns them, the better. Be sure to find someone who specializes in ADD. You can have him coached by telephone or find an ADD expert locally.
I wish you great success.
Michele Glance Rooney
lifecoachexpert@aol.com