Help/out of ideas | ADHD Information

WE ARE TAKING PARENTING CLASSES TO HELP US CONTROL OUR 4 YEAR OLD WHO IS A LOT LIKE YOUR SON,HE WAS CALLED A HEADSTRONG CONTOL FREAK.I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE THIS AVAILABLE?Where would I find out where that is available at, it sounds like a great idea. Is it working? He just seems to be getting worse when it comes to asking him to do something, sometimes, like on Sat morning he would not do his time out he sat around for over an hour knocking things over yelling, acting completely out of control, to where finally after an hour of this I sat down with him and explained how sad we were that we would not sit and do our time, so we could go play, but even then he continued to act out until finally he some-what settled down it is just getting almost unbearable, where we just want to cry because we are so scared for his own benefit.

I am new to the board, and have never done one of these before, but here is the deal, i have a 7 y/o step son whom I adore but I am at a complete loss of ideas. We just moved him to a new state and he has started a new school. He has taken the changes suprisingly well, but the only problem we are having is the feedback from the afterschool program, he is cursing, not listening throwing things, but when he is home he does not curse, and that is the issue. He has so much going on in his life and we praise him for the good and he gets time out when he does something serious. Another deal is he just doesn't stop talking back, always says no, and basically runs the house, how do I get this under control? Is there any way to control a child who is out of control? I just fear what is going to happen when he gets older...I am just concerned about how life is going to be for hi when he gets older, his school grades have been improving over the past 6 months, but it seems at home we are regressing back to being a baby....Please help??

Hello there StaceyannD,

My son is 9yrs. old. He just started a new school in a new city this past August. It has been a very challenging few months. (Also changed from a Christian school to Public.) I have noticed, and so has the afterschool program, his vocabulary changing and has been warned numerous times. The transistion has had its ups and downs. Luckily there is a Family Center on Campus that is runned by our City. There he speaks to a counselor once a week. This has helped quite a bit. I have started to seem some changes. You might check into the counselling either with you City/County departments. I agree that Parent Classes are also good. I found some through the doctor my son sees.

Hang in there and keep posting!

Thanks, I will def have to look into that as well, his DR is in Houston, TX and we are all the way in TN, but his DR says he only needs to see him every few months and will just write scripts, which to me does not sound right at all?? I think he needs therapy but his mom has tried putting him in before and he has this chronic lying, he constantly tells stories and not the truth which is another big issue at the house, he is always telling stories, so will a an actual therapist help him? Ahh, sorry for all the questions and I thank you all for the help and support you have given!!

Hello again...

I am very thankful for this site that we are able to suggests things that might help another. My ADHD son is also going through telling stories and lying. It could be a part of a transitioning stage and or something else. Look into ADHD and/or parent classes to see if that might help understand what's going on.

Please keep on posting us with updates.

Hang in there...

the parenting classes are ok also i am a little bit weary of them as i thought i did not need them as i have a 9 year old girl who is an angel.once i realised it did not insuniate i was a bad parent,it was easier.i did let him rule the roost,sort of speak and both my hubby and i had diferent ideas of how to deal with him.we had to agree on how to do things with him.then we have to stick to your gun.the first few days he was yelling at me saying he hates me,it broke my heart but i stuck with it and try to regain control,there is still a long way to go but ADHD kids need discipline and consistency,a lot of appraisal when they do good.This doesn't sound to me like an ADHD problem as much as a problem with different parenting styles and a lack of consistency. Adjusting meds or using fish oil is only going to help so much. The hard part is going to be getting everyone on the same page when it comes to discipline. IMO, there aren't any easy answers here. I'd sit down and do an analysis of each parent, including you, of what the strengths and weaknesses are and build from that. If you three can't get together on the discipline then I'd suggest that the two of you figure out what the rules are in your house and what the punishments are for breaking the rules. Then stick to it. If dad swears you need to make it clear that while you can't insist that dad not use words like that, you can insist that while ds is in your house and at school he won't use words like that without consequences. Changing his behavior is going to take a lot of work and resolve on your part.

As for swearing, wash his mouth out with soap. It gets their attention.
I really appreciate all the feedback I am getting from everyone, it means a great deal to me. I am going to try these different techniques and hope and pray they work! Thank you all again sooo much![QUOTE=StaceyannD]

I am new to the board, and have never done one of these before, but here is the deal, i have a 7 y/o step son whom I adore but I am at a complete loss of ideas.

RESPONSE: Does your husband do the discipline or do you or do you both?

We just moved him to a new state and he has started a new school. He has taken the changes suprisingly well, but the only problem we are having is the feedback from the afterschool program, he is cursing, not listening throwing things, but when he is home he does not curse, and that is the issue.

RESPONSE: He obviously hears these words SOMEWHERE...so if he's not hearing them at home then I only have to assume he hears them at school (this happened to us) so I do understand but it only happened about twice. Does he 'understand' that those words are 'not' nice things to say? I have to ask you...have long has he been your step-son and does he stay with you and your husband 'all' the time?

He has so much going on in his life and we praise him for the good and he gets time out when he does something serious. Another deal is he just doesn't stop talking back, always says no, and basically runs the house, how do I get this under control?

RESPONSE: HE runs the house? Um...NOT! He 'is' a CHILD and you are the PARENT. Where is his father? I honestly think talking back comes from hearing 'other' kids as well as saying 'no'. As for getting him under control you 'must' and I repeat you 'must' get yourself in control first. It seems like he knows what buttons to push with you and I'm only guessing here but I bet YOU are the disciplinarian aren't you?

Is there any way to control a child who is out of control? I just fear what is going to happen when he gets older...I am just concerned about how life is going to be for hi when he gets older, his school grades have been improving over the past 6 months, but it seems at home we are regressing back to being a baby....Please help??

RESPONSE: Hmmm...I gotta tell ya' he sounds sooo much like my own son. SO MUCH! Is he medicated? We have chosen 'not' to medicate our son; however if yours is medicated it sounds like you might need to change meds because I have heard here that 'some' meds do make children aggressive in this manner. Have you tried fish oil with him? Have a look at a few websites that I have researched.

Defiant Children - http://www.siue.edu/~jejewel/Defiant%20children.html When the kid who can, Won't. - http://www.docspeak.com/Articles/WHENKID.HTM Parent - Child Power Struggle - http://familyfun.go.com/parenting/child/skills/feature/dony0 201fa_power/dony0201fa_power2.html

Now I'm no expert...but these websites might just help a bit. You sound like a very loving mom and your step-son should be grateful for having such a step-mom as you.

One last thing..I had asked 'where' was his mom...does he ever see or talk to her?

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I am new to this site also, I have and am going through the same things?

Sometimes i wonder what the heck is a mom supposed to do.

This site has been extremely helpful. Cursing is a MAJOR problem, I made a contract with my son that if he says a curse word i get to go in his room and take out 1 thing of his (my choice) and he can't say anything abut it, not even anything about what I do with what i take out. (his psychogolist) backed me up Throw it away, give it to his brothers, keep it for me (I luv his cd collection)

In the last week he has only cussed 3 times and I stick to my deal. He was i guess what U call an uncontrollable cusser and this is the ONLY thing that has worked for us as a family.

Feel free to try it, let me know how it goes. if not that's okay 2 but I am desperate enough these days to try anything to help my son.

Good let me know how it goes.

I am new to the board, and have never done one of these before, but here is the deal, i have a 7 y/o step son whom I adore but I am at a complete loss of ideas.

RESPONSE: Does your husband do the discipline or do you or do you both?

Well, Actually Kellie and I both do the disciplining, but more so me, she is his mother, but has a hard time disciplining him in fear he'll be mad or hate her but she is getting better compared to a year ago.

As far as the words go, we know he hears them from his father which we have talked to his father many of times, and I am sure he was hearing them in school as well. Before, when we lived in TX, he was staying with us most of the time, and would go see his dad a few hrs on weds, and every other sat and sunday. After he would come home froms his dads he was like a terror omg nightmare. His father a great man but I don't think he understands what we were trying to do, but now that we are in TN, he stays with me and his mom, and is on a schedule which he is doing better but still has his problems and acting out but compared to a year and a half ago he has gotten a lot better since the change of meds....he understands that they are not things to be said and like I said he doesn't do it around Kellie and me, just when he is at afterschool in a large group, which we explained large groups are not good for him...We took his game boy away and explained he wasn't getting it back until no more bad words were said at school, well yesterday he had a GREAT day at school, so he got his game boy back for yesterday, we'll just have to see how the rest of the week goes...I did so much research yesterday and printed and highlighted so his mother and I could go over these things after he went to bed...

HaHa yah pretty much I am the disciplinarian, like I said early she is getting better about it. We try to get him under control and on some days he is like really good about things but then there are some days where he just takes over and I don't know how to get that under control, I am going to work on the steps I had read online and look for parenting class. I know I am not his biological mother but I love him as if he was my own, and I just want to see him succeed and I just fear this is going to get more out of control if we don't put a stop to this fit throwing soon.

Now I'm no expert...but these websites might just help a bit. You sound like a very loving mom and your step-son should be grateful for having such a step-mom as you.

One last thing..I had asked 'where' was his mom...does he ever see or talk to her?

What is fish oil, and what does it do? He is not on Stratera and he is SO MUCH BETTER on this specific med than any other he had been on. He's been on Aderall, Concerta, and few others, but he has done the best on this, we have tried no meds, didn't work, because I don't like medication and didn't believe in it. As far as his mother goes she is very active in his life on weekends we constantly are doing things with him, parks, dollywood, Chuck E Cheese I mean he stays very busy we try not to give him the boredom time to get in trouble you know, but yes he sees her everyday and I give them their quiet time together so he has alone time with his mom I dunno but I really appreciate EVERYTHING you have said and i will check out those sites, and I thank everyone else too you all are great!

See soap to me it sounds poisoness, and I don't want to put that in his mouth, and the thing is he doesn't say curse words at home, only at afterschool program. The gameboy thing seems to be working for that since yesterday no words were said at school, we just have to reiforce positive behavoir before school and remind him of the game boy. Another issue is now he doesn't see his dad, he'll see him on summer vacation, fall break, xmas break and spring break, so maybe we can get a lot of this broke. Seems when we were around dad is when we got worse. He would be around his step sister at his house who is 3 and very out of control and he would come home acting like a 3 y/o and crave negative attention like he didn't get any attention the whole time we were at daddy's....Who knows, all I know is we are trying and we sat down last night and made out our consequence/rewards chart and told her we had to stick with it, otherwise we're never going to break through to him. We have to practice ignoring things too coming from a websource it said that is the only way to break certain behaviors....I don't know, I never had a child, this has all been a learning expierience for me, I am trying to learn as much as I can about this disorder...Soap isn't poisonous, just ask my ds! i do agree about needing to be on the same page when it comes to discipline.my hubby and i did not agree and it was a big problem,now we are trying to do it the same way.you are doing the right thing with the gameboy and the chart,stick to it.i disagree with the soap though,sorry.Yeah I just don't feel comfortable putting soap in his mouth especially since he doesn't do it at home, it seems only at the afterschool prgram because it is not as structured. he is on the verge of being kicked out of afterschool program and I am at a loss as to what to do he has only been there a week and a half and they can't handle him already what do I do? I need some SERIOUS help on this issue. He has stopped the cussing (past 2 days at school and hitting) but yesterday he pulled his pants down and used the restroom in the middle of the play ground, he was put in time out and he started to write all over the table (why she put a pencil near him in time out I don't know) but he colored on the table then lied about it, then after that tried tearing up something, he was just in an aweful mood but to me was doing better I mean no kid is perfect and he is working on the important things, right? So I told him I am so happy you didn't say any of those bad words you had a better day, but then explained to him the things we did were not appropriate behavoir and made him repeat everything back to me that we do not do....was that right? We are at a loss as to what to do as far as him getting kicked out there is nowhere else to send him! HELP!