Is this a typical 12 yr old behaviour? | ADHD Information
Yes, this is normal most kids when becoming teens become lazy. Our Non
adhd 13 yr.old daughter same as your daughter. Lots of her friends are the same way I have talked with their moms.
To me it sounds like a typical teenager and testing. If it worsens you can get her into counseling or something. I wish you the best. I myself and terrifed of the teen years especially since my girl has ODD as a co-mordity.
Hello,My daughter who has just turned 12 has been diagnosed with ADD since she was 8. As many of you know from your own experience, life with her has not been easy in any shape or form but the last few weeks have just been a nightmare.
It's as if on the day she turned 12 someone has flipped a switch. She has become extremely selfish, doens't want to share anything with her 5 yrd old brother, doesn't want to chip in the house work. When we ask her to help and do at least one chore (like filling the dishwasher after supper), you'd think we were asking the Queen of England to mop floors! She believes we owe her to give her pretty much whatever she wants (we don't and never have). When she asks for something she cannot do or have, she takes our answer as a challenge to go behind our back and do it or get it anyway! Her only interests right now are watching TV and eating sugar in any form possible.
All of these behaviours have been present in some way in her, but they have just stepped up a notch or ten and to be honest, we (my DH and I) are worried. She is our eldest so we have no previous experience. We don't know whether this is just a usual 12 yr old behaviour exacerbated by ADD or whether we're just the worst parents in the world and don't know how to control our child. She has been on 18mg Concerta for a while but has been off it since Easter. She is doing the Electrobiofeedback training and was doing pretty well but I have put her back on Concerta last week due to these behaviours. Still not sure if it will help or not.
Those of you who have girls around this age, could you please shed some light on this? I would really appreciate some insights.
Thanks for listening,
Margaret.
I've raised three past 12. Has she changed her friends? No, you are not bad with your children. Some kids get into very difficult behaviors during the teens (had one like that). Have to know more what's been going on to give any further advice. OlderMom38852.6508564815my daughter is 14 & acts like your daughter.....but my daughter eats salty things or no food at all....& her pasttime is online & her cell phone.....til i kick her off!
Ooops, I have a boy, but I had heard once that 12-13 is a LOT like 2-3. Remember those years? Testing the waters, crossing the lines, questioning, arguing, hormones, lots of changes internally...
This is your time to keep the lines where they always have been, be firm and consistent, gentle. It sounds like a normal pre-teen phase, 2 weeks now? It should pass, possibly more quickly if you stick to your guns.
calicorose38853.4817013889The onset of puberty coupled with Adhd can be quite a challenging situation. I have a daughter who is not Adhd but around age 12, she became more temperamental, touchy, excitable and pretty much unbearable around when her menstral cycle began at that time of the month. However, in any given situation, there are extremes to behaviors and many reasons for them as stated above in other posts. Some defiant behaviors are due to emotional growth but extreme defiance is something to truly be concerned about.
You mentioned that your daughter eats anything in the form of sugar. It may just be a habit but if you notice that its more of a craving rather than a habit, one of the things you could do is have her checked out by a medical doctor as maybe her blood sugar is low. I am not a doctor and Im not suggesting that at all but it is something I would do with my child to rule it out. As also suggested, consider taking your daughter to a Neuro/Psych for an evauation.
As her parent, if you think its something to be concerned about then it is and as already suggested, I would also take her to a Neuro/Pysch for an evaluation.
Any ODD can get worse and end up a mood disorder in puberty. My bipolar kicked up bigtime at 13 and that's when it became apparent. I believe that, before that, in this day and age I'd have been diagnosed ADHD/ODD. Beware of sudden changes. In that age bracket it could be the child's disorder was not really ADHD/ODD, but early onset bipolar (which ADHD/ODD often is) or, like my daughter at 12, the child could be experimenting with drugs. We had quite a ride with my now 21 year old. And she abused ADHD drugs with her friends. They crushed them in pillcrushers and snorted them. They are "hot" with teens on the street, received mostly from diagnosed ADHD kids or stolen by siblings. Does this mean stims are bad? No. Just watch your kids for changes around puberty--both because diagnoses become more clear at that age and because kids abuse drugs at frighteningly early ages these days. I never thought my daughter was abusing drugs. I blamed it on anything else. She was only 12! At any rate, if this child is only acting onery and not doing chores, I wouldn't worry. If it's more severe type of defiance, throwing things, breaking things, threats, physical violence to herself or others, then I'd consider it beyond a typical teen and have her re-evaluated by a NeruoPsych or Child Psychiatrist (with the MD). For you and hub to worry, perhaps it is more than just teen surliness--that's why I asked. Without knowing the degree of it, it's hard to give advice based on our experiences. As the parents of this child trust your "Mom/Dad Gut." You KNOW if something more is wrong with your child. I do believe in "Mom Gut" in particular. But just laziness and mildly more defiance--that I wouldn't put into the category of serious behavior. But any big changes, yes, they are red flags and nobody here can tell you what the problem is. You'd need to take her to a professional who can evaluate and a non-MD therapist (minus a NeuroPsych) in our experience is not a very useful professional for figuring out what the problem is. Good luck :)
Ladies,thank you for your replies. I guess I feel a little better knowing that it is just another stage in their development... I think. To answer your individual comments and questions:
Oldermom, I do not believe anything has really changed except that I just realized she is entering into a very stressful period right now (end of school and report cards) and that always seems to make her more grumpy and reactive. She is struggling with math along with about 60% of her class(a long story) and is worried she won't pass into grade 7 and will be forced to spend another year with a hated teacher.
And I do not believe she is experimenting with drugs (I do HOPE not!) - her meds are locked up and she has no access to them by herself. These behavioural changes are not anything drastically new, just older behaviours enforced. However, your mention of early onset bipolar has struck a cord... I have sometimes wondered if there could be something there. I believe there is history of it on her bio-dad's side of the family (I believe her half-brother has it). If you have time, could you please tell me how it manifested in you? What sorts of behaviours and symptoms tipped you and your parents to it?
Oldtimer, Jillette and Laura Palmer, thank you for reassuring me. I heard teenage years were going to be hard, especially with a girl, but I had no idea they were going to hit so hard and so fast!
We are thinking of doing some counseling with her. She has a very big
chip on her shoulders and has still not "gotten over" losing her
"princess of the household" status when her younger brother was born
nearly 6 years ago. She keeps blaming just about everything that
happens to her (mostly of her own doing) on him and I not only don't
know how to deal with it but I have also had enough of it!Calicorose, the terrible twos? Yes, I remember. But I'm getting too old to go through them again LOL. We are trying to stay consistent and fair but she truly does try our patience!
Luvmykids02, her sugar eating is a definitely a craving. There are days she will literally eat it out of the sugar bowl and I have to lock it up. She is famous for her "cinnamon-sugar toast" - an excuse to have a bit of bread with enough sugar to cover the table! She was tested for diabetes a few years ago and came up normal, but Iguess it wouldn't hurt to have that reevaluated again. I will talk to the pediatrician.
thank you all again for taking time to reply to my post!
Margaret.
mdfa38854.5540509259Oldermom,
thanks for the links, I will check them out! I just realized, while answering another post, that this usually worst time of the year for her - end of school is approaching and she is worried that she won't pass grade 6. Puts an enormous amount of stress on her and that usually shows up in bad behaviour! We have talked to her about her school worries and addressed a couple of situations - it seems to have calmed her down a bit.
Margaret.
mdfa, for me (and everyone is different) I had always been a very nervous kid who had phobias and was defiant and raged maybe once a month. At 13, right before I got my period (which can affect girls a lot) I fell into a very deep depression. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, I couldn't sleep well, and I remember telling my mom, "I'm scared, but I don't know what I"m afraid of." (It was anxiety). Most kids don't start cycling as early as I did--I flipped to hypomania about a year later. In kids, it's usually a lot less high/low. It's more anger, tears, disrespect, maybe throwing and breaking things, not enjoying what you used to enjoy, sometimes inappropriate silliness mixed in...it's very individual. Here are a few links. If bipolar is in the family, it's very hereditary. I think there are many undiagnosed bipolars in my family. I do know that depression is in my family for sure. Bipolar, depression, and substance abuse in the family tree are red flags for bipolar disorder. Here are a few links:
Good luck!
Hormone imbalances can't help either. This can worsen their conduct as well. Remember they are teens not a kid anymore. They are growing up and are looking for more independence. Just keep in mind.