Do you get overwhelmed? | ADHD Information
Who is testing your son? You may want to go to a NeuroPsych rather than just trusting the school The SD missed the boat on my son over and over again. To save money, often they refuse to diagnose the big stuff because they don't want to do the appropriate interventions. A lot more was going on with my son than they wanted to deal with. We finally took him privately and he's gotten good help. Is he on new meds that may be causing him to act out? Stims can do that and Straterra can start doing that after a kid has been on it for several months. OlderMom38855.5208912037M.E. Mom, I'm sooo with you! I'm a single mom, and have to deal with everything in the houshold, AND I feel like I'm parenting both my son and his dad. Eeeesh. But, we are women, and we will do what we have to do. Sometimes I go for a quick drive, or scream into my clothes in my closet. (An occasional glass of wine....)
With this new diagnosis, the one piece of adive I would have for you, if it makes life easier, is to let your son be who he really is. Look at what you can help him overcome, and don't try to fix things that will not change. My son and I have been getting along much better end of this year, when I stopped expecting him to be who he's not, and just letting go of my expectations for him. It caused way too many battles. He has been more receptive to doing things on his own now, with my support and coaching, rather than my TEACHING him and expecting him to pick up skills on his own. Does that make sense? It' less stressfull. I don't know if that's part of your stress or not, but it was in our house, and I'm sure it's a typical scenario. One ADHDer in the home, makes the entire houshold one, doesn't it?
We're here for ya!
How is the Dore going so far? We just started our son last week. He's having fun with it, but it's hard to get him to pay attention and listen, and to follow those intricate instructions without jumping in and starting without knowing the full directions!
calicorose38855.4904861111overwhelmed is my middle name!
hope you feel better soon!
Wow, no wonder you feel overwelmed! I really don't have any advice for you, just want to give you a shout of support. I did want to mention that with my son that after so long I have to change our behavior systems. He just gets bored with it and its meaningless after awhile. See if you can find something new, others on this board use a marble system. Search for it, it may help. As for your husband, that must be so hard to handle. Its hard enough when our children are out of control, but factor in your husbands problems, my heart just goes out to you. Hang in there. Come here and vent when you have to, we've all been there in some form or another. Hugs going out to you. I feel very overwhelmed lately.
As the school year draws to a close it seems like my son is spiraling out of control. His grades have plummented, he has started talking back, systems we had in place at home are failing (he used to do a pretty good job with his chore chart and now I might as well get the dog to do and she would probably do a better job).
Additionally since I am really new to dealing with the ADHD and just looking into getting son tested for LDs. I am overwhelmed by everything I need to do. Additionally once the testing is done (and maybe even before) I need to get a tutor for my son. Additionally he is in the Dore program (which my husband thinks is going to magically transform son into a perfect kid!) and that even makes days more of a battle. Also, we have decided he needs a new school and this requires 4 different applications to different schools and then praying we get into one of them.
My husband has his own set of problems (will have major jaw surgery later this year) and due to these he doesn't sleep (medically doesn't sleep) and therefore is not the man I know and married - he is irratible, he has no patience, he has a temper unlike ever.
So I feel like most days I am taking on the world - scheduling appointments for husband and son, fighting son to get through the day, and still keeping the house running (not to mention trying not to neglect my other 6 month old son).
Yesterday my husband was upset because there was a pile of papers and junk in the living room that just never got cleaned up. (Oh yeah he has become a neat freak due to his lack of sleep too!) I just wanted to yell at this point and say I can't handle it all - BUT I can't, there is no one there to pick up the pieces.
Sorry for writing so much I just wondered is there some secret I am missing? I feel like I am drowning.
I sure hope that hubby of yours is the one keeping the house clean and not just pointing out what needs to be done by you!!!! If he is just being a big pain in the *!* expecting you do do everything then yell at him. It may make you feel better instead of holding it all in. If he is getting ticked because you messed up his neat house then ignore him but secretly I'd be tempted to go dump a canister of flour on his neat floor and tell him, "You want to know what messy is, well there is messy!" I am joking of course!
So sorry you are having such a rough time. Sometimes just writing down what needs to be done helps the brain from swirling with things you have to do. I know it makes me feel like you have more control over things. Sorry, pretty lame advise but all I know to tell you.
Would someone please explain what the DORE program is? I"m seeing this menioned a lot and I would like to read up on it.
[QUOTE=calicorose]M.E. Mom, I'm sooo with you! I'm a single mom, and have to deal with everything in the houshold, AND I feel like I'm parenting both my son and his dad. Eeeesh. But, we are women, and we will do what we have to do. Sometimes I go for a quick drive, or scream into my clothes in my closet. (An occasional glass of wine....)
Beer, in my case
With this new diagnosis, the one piece of adive I would have for you, if it makes life easier, is to let your son be who he really is. Look at what you can help him overcome, and don't try to fix things that will not change. My son and I have been getting along much better end of this year, when I stopped expecting him to be who he's not, and just letting go of my expectations for him. It caused way too many battles. He has been more receptive to doing things on his own now, with my support and coaching, rather than my TEACHING him and expecting him to pick up skills on his own. Does that make sense? It' less stressfull. I don't know if that's part of your stress or not, but it was in our house, and I'm sure it's a typical scenario. One ADHDer in the home, makes the entire houshold one, doesn't it?
Its so true, and I just hope that someday my husband will do the same...
[/QUOTE] Your life sounds a lot like mine I honestly do not know how I have made it through this last year without being institutionalized. I won't bore you with all the details...but last fall within 3 days my oldest son had a very bad reaction to Adderall and was dx with bipolar and my youngest who was 16 months at the time was evaluated for speech delay and I was told he had all the warning flags of autism. Literally I felt my world shatter and this entire year I have been running around to psychiatrists, therapists, pediatricians, Emergency Rooms and who knows where else. Everybody is getting taken care of except for me. My mental health is shot. I knew 6 months ago that I desperately needed help but somehow have never found the time to go and get it. Yesterday I sat in front of Stein-Mart in my car for a half hour crying my eyes out because I just can't deal with this anymore. It takes me three times as long to get anything done because my mind is just not functioning normally anymore. And forget about my house....I used to be a flybaby and my house was spotless no matter what. Now I'm embarrassed just to look at it, much less have anybody else see it. So, tomorrow when my dh gets home from work I am going to the walk-in clinic I go to for Dr.'s appts (walk-in clinic as we have no insurance for me or dh) to ask for a prescription for Zoloft which will hopefully help me through this and help with my anxiety and depression. I finally realized if I'm not of sound mental health there is no possible way that I can get my teenager there and give my youngest son the attention he needs. I am literally teetering on the verge of a break down and sometimes I just feel like running away from home and never looking back. My love for my kids is what keeps me here. Anyways, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. If you feel you can't deal with things then seek help. If you cant' take care of yourself there is no way you can take care of everybody else.M.E. Mom,No you are definitely NOT alone! The last time I remember not feeling overwhelmed was about six years ago before my son was born.
THis may not apply to your situation, but I noticed with my ADD daughter that she always gets worse (same symptoms as you describe) before the end of school and before the mid-term report cards are due. Reason? Well, she is not doing very well at school due to ADD and she is also a perfectionist. When her marks are not reallygood she immediately assumes she isn't going to pass (no amount of explaining from us will have her believe otherwise) and she simply gives up and withdraws. It's the, "why bother?" syndrome. It puts a lot of stress on her and it shows up in worsened behaviour and ADD symptoms.
We've learned to just grin and bear it until the school ends. We try to get her to relax and do some recreational activities just for fun but it doesn't seem to help much.
As for husband being a neat freak, well... I always tell mine if he wants his house spotless, he has hands of his own!
Good luck and hang in there. Try to do something for yourself if you can. Maybe have a teenager to come and watch over kids onthe weekend while you go away for a day and just relax - go for walks, read a book, take a hot bath, watch a movie or go out with your girlfriends. I know from my own experience how hard it is to stop and do something for myself - we as mothers and wives get so used to taking care of everyone else that when we finally do something for ourselves it feels "wrong". It's important to get over that. Just think about it this way: If you don't take care of yourself and have an emotional breakdown, who will take care of your kids they way they should be taken? Your husband?
Margaret.