betrayed once again | ADHD Information
I completely understand your situation as my mother did the same thing after i disciplined my son. Although i realize that my son needs to have a "safe haven" after he gets in trouble, i didn't always agree with some of the things she said to him afterward. Now it's a lot better after we had talked it out. You should talk it over with your wife...over a candlelit dinner and let her know that it's ok to comfort Jude, but to not put you down in the process while she's speaking with him.
I had same problem two years ago, dd was 7 then. So we covered tank and tried to learn her to watch fish instead.. -boring for me too
And every day there was some dead fish in the tank, until I catched her puting poping candys in the tank.
I remove tank from house, dh thougt that fishes got some illness and died, but this litlle lie spare his nerves and him and me arguing. This is not so smart story but sometimes there is no happy ending. Choose your battle.
The hardest thing in the world is to let your child cry, especially when you feel that they are getting a raw deal in the life every day as it is...however, my own darling adhd son is very bright and knows how to work the tears to his benefit. When issues get confused and conjoined (adhd, parental stress, parenting styles, and just simple childhood behavior) the way we react can really muck up all the hard work you've already put in dealing with adhd behavior. ALL children attempt to play one parent against the other at some point. If you can see it as something funny, it's much easier to deal with. Good luck to you. Our children have so many social issues to deal with now and in the future, the one place that they should have two good friends and models is at home.I like what Smallmom said.
We have a beta fish, and it's up on top of the entertainment center where the children cannot reach it. They can look at it, talk to it (LOL!), whatever - but no fingers.
I don't think slapping his hands is probably appropriate - but maybe the two of you can sit down together and think up an appropriate consequence that you can both live with, that way it's consistent if you can't move the fish out of his reach.
Janna
[QUOTE=SmallMom]Scotdaddy, since you and Scotmama both frequent this board, I don't think it's fair to expect us to choose sides. I do think you need to come together to discipline Jude as a united front.
Instead of smacking a 4-year-old's fingers, can you move the fish tank to a place Jude can't reach?
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Oh oh I dont want to upset anyone me and Scotmama do have a quirky sense of humour. And i would hope no one wouild automatically take sides?
I AM TOTALLY OUTNUMBERED ON HERE BY YOU GIRLS
IT WOULDNT BE FAIR!!!
I Just thought this could be discussed adultly. 
P.S fish tank is on top of my mums old automan Jude gets a chair to get up to it any higher and it would be pointless having the fish as no one would see them
My husband and I have completely different parenting styles. It doesn't help that we are a blended family and although he treats my teenager like his own (we have been married 9+ years and my oldest has never known his bio dad) I tend to be defensive of my son and I bristle when my dh disciplines. We try to put up a united front for the kids, however my husband is very quick to anger and disciplines in anger before we have discussed anything and then I feel bad for the kids because the consequences are too harsh IMO. And sometimes I will tell the kids they can do something in the house when my husband is not even home, and then he will come home and tell them they can't do whatever I said they could and everything just blows up. Our counselor tells us that every discipline should be discussed between us first and we should never, ever discipline in the heat of the moment but sometimes it is easier said than done to coordinate. Why don't you and your wife make a policy that when one of you catches Jude misbehaving you send him to his room and then discuss consequences together...that way your on the same page. It certainly can't hurt to try
My husband and I have different parenting styles, and although it used to bother me, I now think it's kind of good for my son. My husband is much more laid back than I am about certain things and much stricter than I am about certain things. If my son wants to get out of going to church, he comes to me; if he wants to get out of doing homework, he goes to my husband; if he wants to go shopping, he asks my husband; if he wants to try a new sport or activity, he asks me. It's really kind of funny to watch him work the two of us. We both know what he's doing, but I did the same thing when I was a kid because my parents had very different parenting styles, as well. lillian38860.4292824074I hate to say it, but if the policing to prevent a certain behavior or the discipline to correct it is too inconvenient, dh usually fails to follow through. Ds knows I'm the strict one, but he also knows that I'll go to bat for him when it comes to letting him do something. If it was up to dh, ds wouldn't be in scouts or a member of the youth group at church, even though he gets a lot out of both. In all fairness, dh works at home and does the lion's share of running around, etc. And if he doesn't work, we don't eat!
It is hard when both frequent a board. My husband and I frequent another board and I never put anything on there for that reason we work things out together. My husband was actually using this board at one time but left due to "trolls". Oh thats sad Jillette me and scotmama both like coming here now not just to hear other peoples experiences but because we feel we have some nice special people here. The trolls are everywhere nowadays shame really i do hope the newbies dont get put off because this is a smashing site. Remember me and Scotmama are always a bit tonge and cheek with each other but most importantly of all were a great team .
I considered coming back with a new user name so I could respond and not get any one mad at me.
Years ago, how many of you remember the Mom saying, "Wait until your Dad gets home." Not always, but I think for the most part Dad's are tougher disciplinarians with their boys (not necessarily with the girls). This is not always the case anymore, especially with so many Mom's working but it seems Dad's can get their kids to mind better than Moms.
Your son is still so little but wait until he gets older. I bet Scotmama will be grateful you are the tougher one. And don't be mad Scotmama but saying Scotdaddy was a bad man was probably not the most ideal thing to say.
Now I'm running for cover!
i hate that word....BAD... i really try hard not to use that word instead i use "not nice"...if dillon does something wrong i say that wasn't nice....i can't help but feel if you tell a child they are being bad they will grow up thinking they are bad.. and we all know what BAD people do.. end up in jail...
Good point Sheri .m im going to use that now "not nice "yep that sounds alot better. Jude dose look at me some times and say look dad im helping i m a good boy, I wonder if i have used bad to many times or something ?
SUGAR HONEY ICED TEA I FEEL TERRIBLE NOW THINK ILL RUN UPSTAIR AND GIVE HIM A WEE KISS TO FEEL BETTER.
[QUOTE=sheri.m] i hate that word....BAD... i really try hard not to use that word instead i use "not nice"...if dillon does something wrong i say that wasn't nice....i can't help but feel if you tell a child they are being bad they will grow up thinking they are bad.. and we all know what BAD people do.. end up in jail...
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I totally agree with you. Bad, ranks close to calling a child stupid. Now that is a word I HATE. Caught hubby saying that a couple times to the kids years ago 
and let me tell you, I put an end to that.
One thing I have learned lately is that there are better ways to state things to get a point across. I come from a marriage where my husband found ways to belittle me in front of our son and our son heard the word "bad" often. Whether it was towards me or him. My son's play therapist just today shared with me that my son is finally getting over the feeling of being the "bad" one. He is taking a more positive route in his play. I beg people to think before they speak to their children.
scottdaddy. I can tell you honestly love your wife and child and that you really think about things and allow a sense of humor to shine through in your home. Thank you for your child's sake. A book that I and many of my peers have found to be very helpful is Love and Logic by Jim Faye. There are actually several books in this series for many ages. It really focuses on ways that we can address issues with our children. It is a light read and really helps with the child rearing stuff.
This is becoming a constent problem now. Situataion Jude gets two fish and keeps putting his hands in to catch them five times yesterday. This morning cycle has just started so i stopped him and smacked his fingers for stirring the fish tank told him that was bad and told him to go to his room only when he was sent to his room did he cry . So Jude didnt stay in room just ran to scotmama saying dad was bad dose she support me and reifirm the message to jude. No she starts cuddling him saying its ok baby dad is a bad man ???
WTF???
I GET TOLD OFF FOR DISCIPLINING JUDE AGAIN AND THE UNITED PARENTING FRONT FAILS FASTER THAN THE UN IN ROWANDA.
Scotdaddy, since you and Scotmama both frequent this board, I don't think it's fair to expect us to choose sides. I do think you need to come together to discipline Jude as a united front.
Instead of smacking a 4-year-old's fingers, can you move the fish tank to a place Jude can't reach?
jULIE; WE BOTH PARENT DIFFERENTLY HERE ALSO THAT IS OK. YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE WITH HIM AND DAD DOES IT WHEN AT HOME. FOLLOWING THRU IS WHAT MATTERS MOST. ALL KIDS NEED TO RESPECT AUTHORITY.