This is my first time at visiting anything like this so I don't know all the "language" yet sorry. I have a twelve year old that I/we have put into many sports. He's in box lacrosse right now. We're from a town of 6000 give or take. The coaches are all the same from one sport to the next. The coach that my son has is the same one he's had from hockey and lacrosse from previous years. This coach has a military background and tends to talk to the boys as though they're in the military. My son needs explanations and this coach has no time for that. He also threatened three times to pull my son out of net and put him on the floor if he didn't do everything he's told. The coach also does not have control on this team. My son is having punches pulled on him, names continuously called and a lot more abuse both at lacrosse and at school. When ever I try and stop it I'm told it's all my sons fault becuase he won't shut his mouth. I've tried to explain to the coach that my son has the social development of a seven year old. I don't know what to do. Oh, by the way, the coach is also the president of my towns lacrosse association. As you might be able to tell from the length of this, I am ADHD too. I lose coherent thought when ever I try to confront this coach.
The guy sounds like a total jerk. I have a son on the autism spectrum and we've had the best coaches for soccer and swim team and nobody has ever been mean to my son. If this creep won't listen, and if he's in charge of LaCrosse, can you maybe put him in a different sport? You can try talking to him again, but it doesn't sound as if he's open to hearing. I love swimming for "different" kids. My son is on the swim team. It's worked out really well. Recreational soccer has been good too. The coaches aren't as crazy competitive. I frankly don't think my son would do well with a military minded man as coach. And I know what they're like. My hub was a ten year Air Force Vet, yet he's been a coach and never does he pick on any child and he's had some with disabilities, including his own child. I wish you well. Some people are just not worth dealing with.OlderMom,
I'm glad to see a view on swimming. My son starts swimming classes Thursday. My immediate goal is for him to learn the basics and safety. My long term goal would be for him to have an avenue for releasing some energy in a less competive venue. He of course may have other goals and that is perfectly fine with me.
I'm with you on the negative type of coach. I don't think kids with ad/hd need to be around people with negative and overbearing personalities. Quite honestly, I don't think any kid needs to be exposed to this.
When you mention recreational soccer is that different from competive soccer I hear all the parents referring to around our neck of the woods. (Dallas, Tx)
I'm just getting into the team type of stuff for our son. I've considered soccer but didn't know if it was really the right thing or not for my son. I'm still feeling my way with talking to people about soccer.
Welocme!
I'll third that opinion, if you cannot talk some sense and sensitivity into your coach, It would continue to be a blow to your son's esteem. I mean, the coaches are supposed to look after the kids, your son probably does not really feel safe there in many aspects. If my son were in an environment that was supposed to be safe and nurturing where he can be devolping some competitive skills and self confidence, that's not it. I'd pull him out if it's just going to continue, and find other avenues for him.
Hi :) Yep. We have competitive soccer and our daughter quit because the coach wouldn't play her in the first string. It wasn't that she isnt' good--she is. His daughter's friends were also on the team (all lawyers and dentists daughters who went to the same private school) so they got to be first string. My daughter ended up playing about five minutes a game. We switched to recreational, which is with the park district. It isn't the same prestige, but the kids all get to play and the coaches don't act like these are professional soccer players either. My hub coached this year and really enjoyed it. Swim Team is awesome for any kid who struggles. Once your son learns to swim, I'd sign him up for it because you don't have to be a great swimmer--you get better with practice. The kids compete against their own time, not others, so it takes the pressure off while encouraging the child to improve. My son loved it and won "Most Improved Swimmer" Trophy. Many of the kids had ADHD and did fine. I never did like sports that put too much pressure on kids. Certain kids can handle it, may even like it, but I don't really think it's good for most kids to be treated so harshly at such a young age. Talk about living vicariously through your kids...unfortunately, some parents do. OlderMom38860.8341319444Thank you guys for your input. I would love to put my son in a less competetive sport. Unfortunetly (kind of) my son is a awesome player and thrives off of these sports. If he wasn't such a good player the other kids and coach would have made him quit long ago. We tried soccer. The first time out my son asked if that was all there was to this sport because he thought it was boring. He wants to try rugby because it sounds more physical. He is trying football this coming school year. We don't pressure him into these sports. It's his choice to play or not. We just tell him that when he's in the change room and on the floor to keep quiet so that he doesn't upset the other kids. He doesn't think he says too much and doesn't understand why the other kids get to talk and not him. Does anyone know a poem or a clearly defined list of what an AD/HD kid goes through in his head. Maybe if I could give that to this coach he might understand a little more. I'm building up my nerve and thoughts to try and take this to a higher committee and see what they can do. But I don't know how to explain it properly that my son really needs it. I've commented to some people that a coach would never treat someone with down syndrome like this because they can see that the child has a problem. AD/HD is on the inside so people have a harder time understanding.
Hi i'm sorry your sons coach is a jerk. I've been very lucky with my sons coaches. His football coaches are the best he is 12 and I've told him from the beginning that he has problems, with his adhd, and doesn't think like the other boys, and they have been great. For soccer I've requested the same coach and he's had him the last 7 seasons he is an amazing man, and works great with the kids. Hopefully one day it will sink into this guy what you are trying to Say, good luck![QUOTE=adhddescendant] My son needs explanations and this coach has no time for that. ...My son is having punches pulled on him, names continuously called and a lot more abuse both at lacrosse and at school. [/QUOTE]Oldermom,
thanks for your input about recreational and competive.
My son (13 yrs old, non ADD) has had many different coaches over the years. He has been on teams that "play to win" and other teams that "play to have fun". When he was 12 he decided not to play football again.. to him it wasn't worth it to him to practice just as hard as everyone else, but then only get to play half as much as everyone else. We let him make the decision, we told him it was up to him and he should do whatever made him feel good about himself.
He still plays baseball and he also umpires at younger baseball games. I was very proud of him when at the end of game of 10 year olds that he umped, he called both coaches over and lectured them on sportsmanship and how both they(the coaches) and the parents were yelling too much at the kids. He told them it was rec baseball and it was a place to learn and to have fun. I'm hoping that the coaches were embarrsed when a 13 year old lectured them, but probably not.
My bottom line, a kid has to feel good about themselves, if a coach is making a kid feel bad about themselves, then you should tell them that it's o.k. if they want to stop playing for a while and come back to it when they're ready.