I am failing this child | ADHD Information

I don't know what else to say except, we will pray for you and yours.  I truly feel for you.  Hopefully you will find out what she needs (medicine, therapy, etc.) and get her on the good road before long.  I wish you well and lots of hugs!  Keep your chin up.  You are doing a fine job.  We can only pray that she will, too! 

I always feel a bit wierd posting on the parent's board since I don't have kids, but you parents are so hard on yourselves.  I gotta say something!  *smile*

Growing up with ADHD, I had/caused my share of problems and worries for my parents.  Looking back on my childhood, there are many things I wish my parents had done, many things that I imagine could have been different.  Kids don't come with instructions.  My parents weren't perfect, not even close. 

I didn't have therapy or the meds or the school accoms.  That isn't what gave me the strength to keep trying.  I made it through because I knew beyond a doubt that my parents loved me and did the best they could.  That is the one thing that made up for ANY parenting mistake.  They got the important thing right. 

It isn't your fault.  Get the important thing right, and the rest will sort itself out.

 

I used to be an ADDlet, I know how I turned out.  *grin* 

Does anyone know of a summer camp for ADHD kids anywhere in Western Canada?  I've been on the internet and phone for two days now, and the only one I can find is 6 hours from me, but it's only a 2-day day camp.  I want somewhere for her to go where she isn't the total freak of the crowd.  There has got to be other kids like her in this country.  I can go anywhere in western Canada. Do you suspect this child has more than just ADHD? You are NOT failing. Your child is wired differently and doesn't "get it" regarding social norms, which is why I wondered if you're satisfied with the ADHD dx. as the reason for her behaviors (but please don't blame yourself--it's not you). OlderMom38861.2589583333

Hi jip,

Don't feel bad, we've ALL felt that way at one point or another. There was a very long span of time I couldn't stand to be in the same HOUSE with my son, Dylan, never mind the same room. Been there, done that.

Just curious, who diagnosed your daughter with ADHD? Has she ever been to a licensed psychiatrist?

IMO, if the Ritalin is not doing any good, why continue to give it to her?

She sounds, to me, like she has a little more going on than solely ADHD. And alot of times, if that is the case, ADHD meds can make children worse. Ritalin, Concerta and Metadate sent my son into manic episodes of uncontrollable emotions. Bad choice after bad choice - destructive, aggressive, hyperkinetic.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I have a 14 year old son, who also has problems maintaining himself. Although he's a good kid, gets good grades in school (A/B student), doesn't do drugs or steal, he is very physically and verbally aggressive to my other children. He does not show any respect. He has impulse control problems and cannot think before he acts. For this, I had to remove him from the home (he's in theraputic foster care), and that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I keep hoping some day he'll reuinfy, but he isn't working himself on that goal  It's tough.

Hugs,

Janna

I must say, I can hear my own desperation in your words.  Please take heart, you are not the cause of your daughter's distress.  The very fact that you care and are hurt for her means that you are not failing her. It certainly sounds like there is something other than adhd going on with her.  Keep looking, you'll get there. Her life, regardless of academic or social success or failure, will have moments of joy as well as pain. You never know what will come along for her.

My only advise is to get a complete evaluation from a neuro-psychologist that includes classroom observation, and state that you are looking for specific recommendations for managing your child both at home and at school. Get complete testing. Then you will know the exact diagnosis(s), her weaknesses and STRENGTHS (I just know she's got some), how to deal with her most effectively, and whether she may need a psychiatric evaluation as well.

I suspect with an evaluation in hand, you will feel more hope in your own abilities, and in your child's.

You are not failing her. You are doing your best which is more than many parents do, unfortunately.

What are you doing for her?

1. everything you know to do

2. checking out web sites for advice/knowledge

3. continuing to seek answers

4. on and on and on

You are doing more for her than you realize and it will pay off, just don't give up! Sometimes loving any child isn't easy and one who has needs we don't understand is even harder. Most turn out well in spite of what we miss or do wrong and much of that is the fact that deep inside they know they are loved and that you are doing your best. Someday I can promise you, you will see the things you are doing right bearing fruit. Hang in there until then.

 

I AM MY OWN WORST CRITICK. TEACH/HELP THE PERSON HOW THEY LEARN BEST. WILL MAKEING IT EASIER ON YOU AND THAT CHILD. I FIND TEACHING THE EASIEST/FAST WAYS WORK BEST IN OUR HOME.

DO FAMILY MEETING WITH KIDS OUR KIDS LOVE THESE SESSIONS. ALLOWS EVERYONE A TURN TO RESPOND. Don't be so hard on yourself. I have a 12 year old son much like your daughter. This is my first time on this site and just like you I was feeling hopeless and turned to the internet for any kind of answer I could find. I have been intrigued by how many others are out there just as we are. It is hard. You try to do all you can and nothing works. Is your daughter on an iep at school? If so they help get the people needed to help your child through school. Meetings are scheduled with all of the teachers, counselors, school psycologist, anyone associated with your child at school and you so that everyone can put their heads together as a team effort to best help your child. I am looking now for advice about the issue of making friends. My son has great difficulty in this area and I am looking for suggestions. Hang in there. You are not alone.This is only my second post... and I came here a few nights ago for similar reasons.  I have an 11 yr old son with ADHD and possibly something else... not sure... we're going to be getting testing done.  I feel like a total failure and that nothing I have tried has worked.  I'm sorry that I don't have advice for you... but wanted to reply... because this is EXACTLY why I went searching the other night for adhd support... to know that I'm not ALONE!  I haven't even posted any intro or anything cause I don't even know where to begin and just feel SO overwhelmed!  

Im in the same basket.

my girl is almost ten and I really afraid for her future. Sorry, have no advice for you just hugs.

just a suggestion why don't you get your kids to speak to each other on the internet.they seem to be very much alike.it could be a start,they could help each other and maybe put fundation on how to make friends.maybe if they have a friend online they will feel happier because they have somebody who understand them and maybe their confidence will grow enought to make friends with somebody at school.

ADHD kids do not do well in a crowd.starting with just one good friend is what worked for us.

what kind of things have you tried.we have play therapy,behavior therapy,parenting classes and we are going to try homeopathy,if that is not enought we will consider meds at a last resort.

scotdaddy38861.0639351852I am new to this forum, and found it only because I have been reduced to searching the internet for ways to help my daughter.  I am completely out of ideas.  Diagnosed with ADHD at age 7 (now 12), my daughter Jess seems like a truly lost soul to me.  She requires more constant attention than anyone or anything I've ever known.  No matter how often I tell her I love her or how great she is, no matter how much time her father or I give to her (at the expense of our other 2 children) it's just not enough.  She has no friends because she does not understand how to behave in a socially appropriate way.  Jess is so loud and hyper, it turns people (especially other kids) off immediately.  Then, realizing she is being alienated from the group, she starts stealing from people, lying, saying bad things behind their back, and causing fights between anyone she can.  She will even do things like write a note to herself posing as a secret admirer, place it in her desk and then 'find' it during class.  Then she reads it aloud and passes it around, acting like it's the 5th one she's got that week.  It's so obvious she wrote it herself the other kids openly mock her, then she starts lashing out again.  I've tried everything I can think of to teach her what the social cues of her age group are, how to be socially appropriate, how to try to love herself..... I am failing.  I don't know what to do for her, I don't know of any resources, she is on ritallin and it seems to be doing no good whatsoever.  She is a complusive thief - has stolen from everyone one in the family, classmates, the department store, she is a compulsive liar - it does no good to believe a single thing that comes out of her mouth.  At this point, I truly can't see her life amounting to anything.  I feel like an awful parent because I am disgusted by my own child.  I am disgusted with myself for feeling that way, but I do.  My hope for her at this point is that she will finish at least grade 8 without getting pregnant or hooked on drugs.  I can't imagine her doing anything with her life.  She doesn't seem capable of anything good, just everything bad.  100% of the time when faced with a choice, she chooses the wrong one.  Every single time.  I cry myself to sleep at night because I feel she is lost and hopeless.  I don't feel I have any more to give to her, and she's only 12.  If anyone has any ideas, advice, anything - I'll take it. 
It sounds like your daughter has aspergers syndrome.  Have you ever taken her to a neuro behavioral ped Dr ?  My friend has a daughter like this and she has aspergers, she is now medicated and has taken social skills classes which has helped a lot.

You are doing the best you can do under the circumstances.  Have you called your doctor regarding these behaviors??  Are you satisfied with your child's physician & diagnosis??  If not, I would seek another opinion regarding the possibility of another diagnosis, possibly bipolar.  Our son was diagnosed with ADHD & ODD & in Dec. 2005, he was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome which eliminated the ODD.  Sometimes, the initial diagnosis of ADHD is not the only one or even the right one in many cases.  Another thing to consider is, maybe the meds aren't working or weight gain may change the effectiveness of the medication.  Discuss these possibilities with your doctor immediately. 

GOOD LUCK & HANG IN THERE!!

Yes, please hang in there. I can't tell you how many times I felt utterly and completely hopeless to the situation. It's always seemed that our whole family revolved around my son with adhd.  It always made me feel better when I did something...anything..whether it was reading this forum, looking up new information, taking my son to the psychologist even for a short time. At least I was doing something. Sometimes it worked for a short time and other times it didn't.

When you ask your daughter why she does what she does, does she have an answer. Sometimes I would just sit my son down and ask what the heck was he thinking? His thing would be that he'd show up uninvited to birthday parties around the neighborhood with used toys!  Some parents were understanding and tried to help, but other times he'd get laughed at so bad he'd leave in tears. I SO KNOW THE FEELING! 

He's 15 now and outgrew those kinds of things. He's now in a residential treatment boarding school for a few months working on a lot of these issues (see post "getting read to send to boarding school"). I'm updating the board every few weeks and so far, it's been extremely positive.

Good luck!

I happen to find the source of other parents much more helpful than any doctor. People who are doing the same thing I am, know what it is like, they have more ideas and have a better understanding cause they are living it just like me. The fact that it is via the internet does not bother me in the least.

i know the feelings,

my son psychiatrist speak total nonsense