My son started having problems first with speech. I had him in speech therapy prior to kindergarten and on an iep to enter school. I thought his inability to communicate and be disincluded by his peers was soley due to his speech problems. When in first and second grade the teachers suggested him to be tested for adhd due to inability to pay attention in school. We had him tested for adhd by a phsycologist and they confirmed adhd. With him already on an iep it was easy to get him the extra help needed for schoolwork and he does pretty well with the special help. He is 12 now and although most areas of school are fine he still struggles with math and telling time. He has progressed with speech therapy to the point that the schools speech pathologist says it is no longer needed. He has always had trouble finding friends and at his age I worry because he would love to have a good friend but at times is so into their space that they push him away and consider him weird. What I mean is he may run up and really hug you and plant a big kiss on your cheek and while I understand he is just being sweet at his age he shouldn't do this but he does not understand. There are many other things and teachers are now suggesting being tested for OCD. Any suggestions?
I would take him in and have a battery of tests run. It sounds like he may have additional "concerns" other than ADHD--better safe than sorry. All of the ADHD students that I have worked with have friends although it does take them longer to find and harder to keep. If he is doing many things not socially correct, perhaps he needs to be tested to rule out anything else that may be affecting him. Is he seeing a psychiatrist or counselor? Does he get help for his behaviors through school as part of his IEP? That may be a route for you to look at also.Wellcome on board Justysmom!welcome.
my som has one very good friend at the time.he doesn't invade their space but he gets really obssessive and has meltdowns if he doesn't caome home after nursery with us and he can be quite aggressive towards oyher kids who try to play with this friend.
i have explained to his parents that jude has ADHD and also to his friend.they are only 4 so it is easier i guess.
there was a lady a few weeks back with the same problem,she wrote back saying that her daughter finally got a friend don't despair it will happen.
i will try to find that post for you
Hmmmm. Sounds an awful lot like my son, who was just diagnosed 3 weeks ago by his pediatrician as adhd. Now I am wondering. He also had the significant speech delay, not saying his first word until 3 1/2. But was out of special ed by 6, due to his speech improved greatly. He has no friends, he wants them but doesn't know how. He is very acedemically ahead of his first grade peers, but has major behavior problems in school and home. I wonder...
I just ordered a book from amazon about how to teach your child to make friends. I plan on reading it asap, I will let you know if it helps. Good luck, Donna
Thank You all for the great advice. I will check out those websites. I hate to feel like I am always searching for something wrong, but, somethings wrong. If I don't find it I can't effectively help him overcome the problems he faces. I wanted to share a little more information. When my son gets up each morning he is so happyand loud and wired and jumping all over the place. He takes concerta 54 and it takes about an hour for him to level out and just become like anyone else. Outside of the trouble making friends it helps him tremendously in school. I really have always hated having him on meds but without he has such a bad time. If he skips one dose the teacher calls asking. He seems to obsess about writing in a journal. Nothing really in it, he just adds numbers, this number plus this number or ballteams vs ballteams. He will fill a whole notebook in no time and the teachers are having increased difficulty getting him to stop and do his work. We have tried to talk to him about it but he still does it. He does seem to hold in the acting out around people less familiar too. He can leave with his aunt and uncle for a carnival and be a perfect angel for them the whole time and get home and after they leave just bounce off the walls. Bedtime is a problem too. He just won't stay in bed until he is exausted and so are the rest of us. I'm sorry to ramble but it is so nice to find others who understand. Thanks for being there.The worrisome thing here with the poster's child is that he's 12. Even my son on the autism spectrum, and also 12, knows you don't kiss people--that's awfully old not to know that. I would think the child just isn't "getting it" and definitely think more is going on then ADHD. Can't say when a child is only 8, but at 12 it's inappropriate enough that if a child really doesn't "understand" this, it's worth looking into "more." If he kisses a girl like that in school, and only has a dx. of ADHD (which I'm pretty sure is not the whole picture), he could be expelled, such as the six year old who pecked a llittle girl on the cheek and it made the media because he was suspended. In THAT case, the 6 year old was age appropriate. At 12, it's very touchy and, imo, not even normal for ADHD. 12 year olds just do NOT behave this way. Some "spectrum" kids need textbook teaching about social cues and norms because they don't "get it" and, if not taught, they never will. I'd take him to a NeuroPsych to be safe. Pretty soon he'll be too old and may not be open to learning social cues. And if he's on the spectrum, he may eventually understand some social cues or he may never. I'd let a NeuroPsych sort it out just to be safe. Along with the obsessions and speech problems, the kid smacks of autism of some sort, not just ADHD, and it's best not to ignore it. Unfortunately Pediatricians, non-MD Psycologists and even some Psychiatrists don't know how to test for ASD and it is often passed off as ADHD. A wrong diagnosis for this can yield a poor prognosis for independence and a fairly normal adult life. OlderMom38861.617349537I highly recommend looking beyond ADHD. With his speech problems (my son had them too and outgrew them) and serious social problems and strange "deficits" such as inability to tell time, I would put my neck out and say he has a lot of symptoms of Aspergers Syndrome or High Functioning Autism, which a Psycologist would likely diagnose as ADHD because they don't test for it. These kids are "odd ducks" and suffer social humiliation because they don't have a clue how to act appropriately and it becomes more apparent that they are "different" from their peers as they get older. THe kissing someone may be "iffy" at age 7, but he should realize how inappropriate it is by now, and he's not "getting it." At his age, he is more likely to get diagnosed. I suggest seeing a NeuroPsycologist (not a regular Psycologists) as they run hours of performance tests and can get to the nitty gritty of ADHD and beyond. It sounds very much like it could be a form of higher functioning autism and these kids want to have friends, but don't know how, far beyond ADHD kids and their sometimes pestiness. "Leave no stone unturned" and don't trust a Psycologist alone for this one. Whatever you decide to do, good luck. I have a site for you about Aspergers Syndrome. I recommend you read it to see if it fits. However, speech delays usually mean high functioning autism or PDD-NOS. He's doing well in school so I'm guessing Aspergers--I wouldn't let the diagnosis stand as it is, if this were my son. And it WAS my son. His first diagnosis was ADHD, but he's on the autism spectrum. He wasn't dxd. until 11.
www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/frame2.html
OlderMom38861.2465393519
Good morning,
My son, like oldermom's is on the Autism spectrum with PDD-NOS. I would just like to put a "ditto" behind her comments - they are good ones.
Dylan, like yours, had significant speech delays, and was "cured" through speech therapy. However, his social skills and peer interaction still are very poor. He just doesn't "get it" when it comes to associating with the children in his school, or any children for that matter LOL.
The neuropsychologist is a good idea. For what it's worth, no psychologist in 6 years has ever given Dylan an accurate dx. It's ALWAYS been ADHD/ODD, and the sad part about that is, he's not ODD at all, and the ADHD is questionable (because hyperactivity and lack of attention can also come from PDD-NOS).
Here's another site: www.childbrain.com
They have a PDD questionnaire there you can fill out, print, and take to your psychiatrist or neuropsych.
Janna
jANNA: BEEN 10 YRS. NOW IN OUR SON FOR CORRECT DX. EXCEPT 1 DR. WHO THIS ISN'T HER EXPERTEASE. i KNOW A GROWN MAN WHO HAS NEVER GOTTEN A DX AT ALL. HE FUNCTIONS AT A KID LIKE LEVEL. YOU WOULD THINK WITH TODAYS TECHNOLOGY IT WOULD MAKE THINGS EASIER. WHAT i SEE IS DR.'S WHO CAN'T DX COORECTLY CAUSE OF THE FIGHT WITH INS. COMPANIES. MONEY IS ALSO A BIGGY TO PARENTS THESE DAYS ALSO. MONEY BUYS THE BEST CARE. SAD BUT TRUE. WE EVEN HAVE TAKEN IN A TYPED CHILDHOOD HISTORY SO FAR. oldtimer38861.3571875OLDER MOM: WHY ARE KIDS GETTING WRONGLY DX THESE DAYS WHEN ASD IS EASY TO TELL AT AROUND 2-3 ACCORDING TO MEDICAL BOOKS.Oldtimer,
I had a heck of a time getting Dylan's dx'es correct too. At 3, he was ADHD. The next pdoc at 4, he was ADHD/ODD (both psychologists said the same thing). At 5, the new pdoc said ADHD/ODD. I KNEW this wasn't right, he was raging terribly (rages are not part of the ADHD DSM IV criteria), was severely lacking in the social skills/peer interaction department, and had very strange behaviors, like obsessions with things such as tires (he had to touch EVERY SINGLE TIRE) and would "spin" them as he was touching them. The speech delay (also not in the DSM criteria for ADHD) was another big trigger.
At 6, the pdoc said he had ADHD/ODD, and did not disclose to me that on his Axis I he also stated "possible Bipolar Disorder". I didn't find THAT part out until 4 months ago He treated him with mood disorder MEDS, but never a mood stabilizer, all with disasterous results. Why didn't he ever tell me Bipolar? Beats me.
At 7, he was dx'ed PDD-NOS. No mention of Bipolar. The rages continued (as there are rages with PDD-NOS), but the severity, IMO, was way beyond PDD-NOS.
So, finally, at 9, the newest pdoc wasn't too scared to say, "hey, this kid is Bipolar". He's got the PDD, too, and maybe the ADHD.
The problem, to me, is that so many of these diagnosis share alot of the same symptoms. For example, with Dylan, he has a hyperactivity problem. Well, that could be the PDD-NOS. That could be the ADHD. How do we know? We don't. We just know stimulants don't work, and that's because of the Bipolar. *sigh* Such a road.
In Dylan's case, he qualifies for Child Disability. So, he gets state insurance. I don't know HOW I would have funded any of this without that. Truthfully, I wouldn't have been able to. I don't know what these parents can do if they don't have insurance to cover these children....it's so very sad, though.
I just know it seems like so many kids get slapped with ADHD from a psychologist or therapist so early, and the parents don't know, so they stick with that. They don't know they should see a psychiatrist with an MD - they think these people are the right ones to see, and unfortunately, they aren't. Just my .02.
Janna
Obsessions like your son has are also a red flag for high functioning autism. They get obsessed with certain things and can't stop. Hi! My son is much younger than yours, but also loves to hug people, especially those he hasn't seen in a while. My ds is almost 8 and we are working on the idea of personal space. I told him that although he likes to give and get hugs, sometimes they make people uncomfortable, so he should try a high five instead. Before we arrive at a situation where he might want to grab someone for a hug, I look him in the eye and remind him to give high fives because now that he's a big kid, high fives are cooler. It is working well, and on the odd occasion, when he holds his hand up and the other child hugs him instead, he always informs me later, "They did it first!" I've told some of his freinds' moms about it, so they are having their boys do it, too. And sometimes I just remind my son that telling people, "I'm glad to see you! I haven't seen you in a while!" makes them feel really good. Good luck with whatever you try, social skills are such a difficult thing to dissect and learn.