Cry, Cry , Cry | ADHD Information

Thanks chell the next time he has a fit I will try to remember to cuddle I am the type that will try just about anything that could help smooth things.

Cuddles work wonders with Jude I find now it makes me feel better to. One of the mums of the board said about saying no thats bad and i thought to myself i say that to many times i am trying to say not nice now and getting in whenit kicks off. Saying come on now shall we look together. Sometimes it works some times not but at the moment I feel better.Oldermom my son was dignosed with ADHD by a specialist that has many years of experance with ADHD children. We are on our way to seeing a NeuroPsych during the time he is off for the summer. And no we have no drug abuse in our family. We did try looking for the shoe together but he got so mad that we could not find it that he went in to a fit. The cuddling is sounding so much better to me as we go along with this discussion. Its not just a gimmicky thing it shows feeling and gives security. With Jude it kind of whats the word??? INTERVENES. Its like oh im frustrated then oh daddy loves me lets find the shoe its a game. And when we find it , its look at me daddy im a good boy . Iam not saying it works all the time but gives me a nice feeling when it works.I feel like I am the only one that is going throuh this my son takes fits to the extream this very minute he is crying and yelling because he can't find one shoe. This has not happend in quite some time can anyone give me ideas on how to handle this. I send him to his room but he just gets louder most of the time i have to walk him in just to get him to go. This is very flustrating please can anyone help me. Oh precious we all can relate to what your saying . Ihave said before these kids put out an amazing amount of energy durring their fits. You are deffinatly not alone. Janelle, rages to the extreme are generally not an ADHD trait. Does he go this often? Who diagnosed your son? Do mood disorders or substance abuse run in your family? Has your child seen a Child Psychiatrist or a NeuroPsych? OlderMom38861.6679513889

 If your children are anything like my son they do give thier fits all the energy they can. As for the current fit it has stopped and he has come out of his room and said he was sorry. But the shoe is still missing.

Hi Janelle, My son is always having these and you are not alone we are all in the same position  I tend to just cuddle him now and keep him held like I did when he was a baby and cradle him and eventually he calms down and he cuddles me back, but every child is different but I know with my child that putting him in his room makes him worse he will then trash his room as well. We are all friends on here with a few exceptions but You will always get support as i have found out. Stick with it and try and always smile 

Kids pick up bad langage everywhere. Judes the same when he passes the toy isle how do we distract them ? they are positioned intentionally to get us to go up there. You see i was told not to negotiate with him and to act like he was in danger and to remove him from the area by picking himup and taking him from the situation. Once away then we were to speak in the sternest of voices using the eye contact method holding their gaze till the messge sinks in only when he stops did we praise himand envolve him inthe shoping and give him the treat when he had behaved. It is so difficult to keep control of the child and yourself. I have used the holding ear and frog marching style and many more but the picking up and removing works best. We went to the safari park here in Scotland and i had to do it but bugger me did it not sem to work ????? 5-10 minuit tantrum the im a good boy now dad .; Rest of the day was brill.

Like i said might not work for everyne but might be worth a try?

scotdaddy38861.7105439815We all can relate my girl has had melt downs at doctors offices and then you add behavior.  My daughter has Oppositional Defiency Disorder with her ADHD.  What I do besides hugs when I really lose my control and temper I walk away and tell her mommy needs a time out and let her know I am not happy with her behavior and I ignore her.  Sometimes this drives her crazy she follows me and tries to hug me then I  melt.  A time out works for moms too once cooled off you can better handle the situation.Jillette38861.7171412037Ok you have hooked me the next time Nathan has a fit I am going to try this stadagy and see if we get a better result. thanks for all of the advise i realy am thankful for this board I think I have found my support group.

Oh good, you know their are some realy great people on here and they have buckets full of advice for different situations we get the odd weirdo but just ignore them!

Good luck stay sane and speak to you again any time soon. 

You do the same and thanks again for the wonderful advise.

the other day i was in doing my grocery shopping, i knew it was a bad idea when i got out the car, half the trip around the centre was okay until we got to the toy isle and this is when the kids spend there pocket money so they both got a toy and my son who has ADHD started getting angry at me because he wanted the toy he didnt have enough for, so he settled for one and we got to the check out and paid for all the things and he noticed it was broken so he went back to grab another one, but he come back with something completely different so i went and got him the same thing that wasnt broken and he then started jumping up and down screaming and throwing himself around he was in a major fit or rage nothing i did could calm him down, then he started screaming at the top of his lungs that he hates me so much and when i got home his was going to kick my arse. i was so upset and every customer stopped to look at us it was so embarressing. i eventually got him out of the store about another 45 mins later and we got out the front where the car was parked and he started even louder and started saying more hurtful comments to us, this ambulance driver come up to him and asked what the problem was and my son told him to F**k off before he was going to kick his arse.. i apologised to him, luckily he told me he has a child that does the same so i didnt feel so bad..

But all this from a five year old, i don't know where he gets his language from because we don't swear at all.

So i definalty know where you are coming from Janelle.

Unfortunaly as like you i have tried out different things like sending him to the room, which doesnt work i have even tried grounding him from his tv and computer but that doesnt work either. I'm out of ideas too, i will be seeing his doctor in a couple of weeks and see what he says, it will probably be another medication change again.

if you get any idea let me know please, and i will let you know if i get any new ones

I seem to have hit upon a strategy that is working for me - my 6yr old has any number of meltdowns over the tiniest thing (I swear he looks for something new every day!).  I think he fed on my "softy" nature (guilty as charged!) because his dad doesnt get HALF the problems that I do.  I have found that now if he starts into one of his "moments", I put my hand up and say nothing at first, I turn away from him (I have to make sure I don't get engaged in a dual meltdown situation!) and say, "when you don't know what to do, what do you say to me?" I make it very clear to him, that I am not about to start to listen to him ranting and getting all emotional because that is not appropriate, he stops, takes a breath and will then say, "can I have some help" or "I need you to help me" and this just instantly "changes his gears" somehow.  It has really worked for us  - at that point, when he has COMMUNICATED his feelings to me, then i give him the instant praise and big hug "great job using your words" or "I love how you asked for my help so nicely". His "moments" are getting shorter in length and a lot less volatile, I just encourage and praise the positive behaviour and let him know that the other behaviour is unacceptable.  As for stores/restaurants now?  No discussion - he knows what is innappropriate and it's instant removal from the situation (I've left carts full of groceries in the middle of aisles before!!)  He knows that he will NOT get to go out with me if his behaviour is not appropriate.  Following through is very key.  We also do the "stop sign" method.  If it's looking like a quick angry response is coming and I have to intervene, we just say "stop sign" - he is starting to remember to do that by himself FOR himself - it helps him realise that he CAN be in control if he chooses to manage his reactions to certain situations.  Also look up 1-2-3- Magic, it's really good too and we learnt it at parenting classes for adhd children.

Sounds silly, but sometimes I have a wee "melt down" of my own.

"Waaah!" I am going buggeeeeeeeeee!" roll my eyes, flail my arms over my head and waggle my tongue. "buggee buggeee, BUGGEEEEEEE! Wanna come?" then I'd get down on his level and wipe away his tears, we'd both laugh so hard at all the people staring at us like we were nuts and continue the shopping, much quieter.

Note: It only worked if I really didn't care.

My son, who just turned 6, has these kinds of fits.  I try to cuddle first and if it doesn't work, I have to actually drag him into his room, shut the door and tell him he can come out when he calms down.  He usually comes out in about 10 minutes, and says "I'm calm now Mom." 

These are the only two things that have worked and we have tried everything.  His fits of rage are ALWAYS out of frustration (with his little or big brother bothering him; if he's having trouble with a book he's working in or a game he is playing, etc.) I try to limit his time in certain activities (before he starts to get frustrated).  Like stop him from working in a play book when he's still having fun with it, or telling him he can play his gameboy for 10 minutes, etc.  Hope this helsp.  You're not the only one. 

I'm a single mom with three boys (2 have ADHD, one has Tourettes).  9, 6 and 2 1/2 years old.  It's not easy.  But I love them all very much and do whatever I can to help build their self-esteem.  I just wish I didn't have to work full-time, so I can spend more quality time with them!

When younger, my son could have full blown temper tantrums. I'm still scarred by the 45 minute meltdown because we had to replace his toothbrush. However, I found one thing that worked for us. I got a watch with a 'countdown timer'. I can set it to go off in one minute, three minute, five minute intervals etc. Any time we had a transition to make (time to leave the house, playground, get into pajamas, eat breakfast etc.), I would set the watch and say 'okay, when the watch beeps it's time to ....' .  One time, I got so frustrated at his tantrum I said 'okay, when the watch beeps, it's time to stop behaving like this'. Would you believe he stopped when the watch beeped? Of course, that was a tantrum and not a rage, but I was happy to find something that worked for us.

Also, one of my friends said something to me that made me feel so much better. I was talking about one of his fits in the supermarket and how everyone was looking at me and thinking that I was a terrible Mom, why didn't I have better control over my kid etc. etc. My friend said 'No, they're looking at you and thinking - thank goodness it's not my kid this time'.

 

 

 

 

My ADD son when he was young would have major meltdowns too.  I found that if something did not go his way and he got grounded or whatever, he would react even further with more screaming or whatever.  It didn't matter how much consequence I piled on, he was overwhelmed.

What really worked with him when he was small was to give him an out.  I would ground him or take away a privilege and then offer it back upon his doing something to make up for it.  He would see the light and be able to pull out of the tantrum because he wasn't overwhelmed anymore.  He could see his way out. 

I find ADD kids very intelligent, but they get overwhelmed when things go wrong and they can't see the way out.  They just melt down. 

If you can get them thinking and pulling themselves out -with your help because they can't really see the solution at all - then things seem to work out.

Also, Love and Logic works really well with ADD kids.  It works with all kids really.  It is great program.  My school trains us in it and it is available in book format or on line I think. 

 

I've found that keeping them calm at the first sign of "melting" is the easiest way to avoid them. The first whine, first act of defiance, first moment the fists are clenched or face is red, first foot stomp, etc. Jump right in, let them know that you see they are getting frustrated and ask if you can help them. You will give them words to their feelings, and if you can keep them calm then they will generally let you help. If they get to the point of melting then it's all over. They can't think clearly and things rarely go well from that point on. The more often they learn to recognize frustration and then go back to calm, the more natural it will become for them.

And ear plugs, ear plugs work well

There is a difference between tantrums and rages.  I'm not sure how to describe this difference, but I always knew that my ADHD child was having a tantrum, more within the boundaries of normal childhood meltdowns, and not bipolar rages, which are cyclical and more intense.  

Ignoring him -- depriving him of all attention -- seemed to work best.  Giving him more attention (talking about it, reasoning) for us was like throwing gasoline on a fire. 

By eight the tantrums tapered off, then stopped.  If they don't, there may be more than ADHD going on.

We don't have tantrums as  ( he is more of a whinner)  but what helps my son  is a nice warm shower...he usually comes out in a much better mood....I belive this could work if you catch the tantrum before it gets full blown.

Normally I try to catch his fits before they start but some of them come with no warning like yesterdays fit.  along with joemom my son is also a whinner to boot so not olny do I have a fit but I also have the whinning to go along with it. Janelle, that's good. My guess is the ADHD Specialist, highly recommended or not, is going to see ADHD in every child he sees. The NeuroPsych will give him a complete evaluation and is knowledgeable about all disorders. ADHD kids who rage a lot have more going on than ADHD. Prolongued, common rages is not a symptom of ADHD. Shorter meltdowns of about 30 minutes are, and in frustration. Any intent to hurt or harm or talk of wanting to die or lashing out at others is a red flag for more. And usually, after a complete evaluation by a NeuroPsych, the root cause comes back. I've been there myself. Good luck :)