Looking For Suggestions | ADHD Information

Thanks for responding InaBox.

I don't have a hard time getting him to go to bed. I have a hard time getting him to stay in bed. He'll get up & down non-stop. So I make a zillion trips upstairs which gets really old, fast. I've been putting more responsibility on my DH to deal with his kids during bedtime. Not that it helps him stay in bed, but it helps lessens my stress level.

Yes, he does share a room with his brother (also a stepkid ) who also has ADD, but to a way lesser extent. The ped doc said ADHD runs in the family. As does bipolar.

As far as I know, bm did not take drugs during her pregnancy, but my DH said he can't be certain if she did or not (he traveled during her pregnancy).

BM is a Meth Addict. Has been for at least 4 years now (maybe longer ?).

SS is destructive with everything, and shows alot of symptoms of bipolar. That's why the shrink thinks he might be showing signs of early onset bipolar as opposed to being ADHD. I really think it needs to be investigated further and I have been thinking of pursuing it on my own. I don't think DH would interfere in me doing that, since DH's willingly let me be the primary parent to his children since they were little. Maybe he is bipolar and that's why we still have so many issues with his behavior even though he's on Ritalin. But no, I haven't noticed the Ritalin making him worse, so I'm unsure if he is bipolar or not.

It is a good possibility that he could be ODD or something else due to his defiant behavior. By out of control, I mean he can't seem to control or curb his impulsive behavior (gets into drawers non-stop, refridgerator, etc...always looking for something to get into). Also, bm was emotionally abusive with him so that could be a factor into some of his behavior.

Honestly, I'm so burnt out with his ongoing negative behavior. I find him overwhelming to deal with, most days. And I feel his behavior is progressively getting worse the older he becomes, inspite of the Ritalin. It's hard to explain.

He doesn't try to hurt anyone, so I don't feel he is aggressive. Just extremely impulsive. Too impulsive. He likes cutting things up. He likes ripping things up. etc. He's very destructive and the shrink said destructive behavior falls more under the umbrella of bipolar.

The shrink also said he could have RAD from being raised by three different women in the first two years of his life, so that hasn't been ruled out either. There's so many factors to consider and I'm not going to let it drop, since I'm the adult dealing with his behavior moreso than either bio-parent does.

I do feel our younger child is negatively being impacted by his behavior and that greatly concerns me.

A few more huge huge problems I deal with are the constant interruption, all the time. I can not have one conversation without him butting into the conversation, be it with a friend, a teacher or my spouse. And he stands up constantly during mealtimes, so he's constantly being told to sit back down. His table manners are horrible, despite the fact that I've tried so hard to teach him good manners.

It's so draining to deal with this kind of stuff on a day-to-day basis. And even though this post sounds like all doom & gloom, I do try to make the best of the challenges I face in this situation, because I'm committed to helping my DH raise all of his kids. I love my DH very much. I realize this is not going to be a battle that can be won. I'm just trying to survive this battle without going crazy.

[QUOTE=Mere] I'm looking for suggestions on how to deal with bedtime issues, taking an ADHD kid to the store and not dealing with him touching every single thing we walk past and the constant interrupting I deal with. These issues are enough to drive a sane woman insane. [/quote]

Bedtime:

1) Timer. When the timer goes off, it's bed time. Instead of getting trapped in a power struggle .. clocks don't talk. It worked for us.

2) Visual Schedule. Write a schedule from the time he comes home from school until the time it's bed time. Make it so he can take ownership of it. You can even get him to help you create one of his liking. Squeeze in an excercise after dinner sometime. I have a mini trampoline that I've used which has helped. I wouldn't suggest using it just before bed or it will get him wired.

3) Story time. Read him a story in bed of his choice. It may help transition him into bedtime.

Does he have his own room? Why is he tattlling on his brother? Is his brother still awake? Do they share rooms?

Shopping:

1) Fidget toys. Give him a fidget toy to play with while you're shopping (if possible) Maybe you can implement a 'limit' strategy where he can touch 3 items from the shelves before getting his fidget toy - just to get it out of his system. Go to the dollar store. They have a lot of great fidgets that kids really like. It'll keep his hands and mind preoccupied.

2) Helper. You mentioned he's a sweet boy who likes to please. Try giving him a duty to 'help' you out with. My son loves this. It makes him feel important and when he achieves the task, he feels good about himself.

3) Games. When my son is 'off' we play the game Eye-Spy. It keeps him contained. Yes, it defeats your purpose being that your son is chatty but at least it's productive chat.

Just a few suggestions. They may or may not work.

[quote]My SS (stepson) has been raised full-time by me since he was a baby. His bm is a drug addict & possibly has bipolar. I recently talked my DH into seeking out a shrink to discuss these ongoing issues with his son (almost 9 yrs old) and DH hasn't wanted to go back since the shrink said SS sounds bipolar. [/quote]

Was his mom on drugs during her pregnancy? If so, maybe his behaviours stems from the aftermath of this. Do you know which drugs she's on or was on during her pregnancy (if any)? Maybe you can continue taking him to counselling for a while? I know it adds a lot of pressure on you but your son will really benefit from this - bipolar or not. Your husband will have to come to terms with this eventually.

[quote]SS is on Ritalin. He takes two in the morning and can function okay at school, but doesn't get all of his classroom work finished. His ped said we can give him one pill in the afternoon to help him focus on getting his homework done, but he can't go to sleep if we give him the afternoon pill. He'll lie awake for hours unable to sleep, so I don't give him the afternoon med. [/quote]

Maybe I'm wrong but I thought if a child had bipolar than taking Ritalin would amplify the behaviours. The fact that Ritalin is working for him, wouldn't that indicate he doesn't have bipolar? Oldermom?

[quote] SS also has graphomotor issues (diagnosed at his school and has a 504 ). He is very destructive. He doesn't have a lot of toys, due to him destroying all of his things. He rips papers up into a billion pieces. Talks non-stop. Lies often. Hides notes from the teacher. Hides his work from us. Sneaks into food, even though he gets three meals a day, plus snacks. Doesn't do well socially at school. He cut up my leather seats in my car. He used a permanent marker and drew all over his bed. He cuts up his sheets (it doesn't matter that I hid the scissors & permanent markers...he'll find them when I'm in the bathroom or on the phone). The list goes on and on. [/quote]

Maybe he has food sensitivities? Have you considered in looking at his diet at all? What sort of foods does he typically eat? One will generally gravitate towards a food source s/he is infact sensitive towards. Just a thought. My son was very much like this. After I altered his diet, many of his behaviours minimized.

[quote]When you ask him why he does any of the things I listed above, he says he doesn't know why he does any of it. And he doesn't seem to like getting into trouble, so I really don't believe he's trying to be naughty. [/quote]

My son is the same way. He's impulsive and rarely has a valid explanation of why he does certain things. He also has language challanges so that adds to his problems with articulation.

[quote] He does have his good qualities. He's not aggressive at all. He feels bad if he upsets anyone (unlike my other SS that doesn't care if he hurts or upsets anyone.). He's a kind person. He's sensitive. He's loving. He has a cute sense of humor, when he's not acting out of control.[/quote]

You mentioned he's not agressive but then is acting out of control. What's the difference?

[quote] Also, DH & I have a younger child together. Our child acts fine until SS comes home from school. It appears our child picks up on SS's out of control behavior and acts up when SS is around. When SS is gone, our child behaves. [/quote]

Sounds like the younger brother may be anxious/stressed around his older brother. He's going to need some coaching as well on how to deal with his older brother. Maybe he can have his own quiet space for when the older brother is out of control? A place or an activity he can resort to to keep himself calm?

[quote]Has anyone else noticed other children in the family acting up, because of dealing with an ADHD sibling ? [/quote]

This sounds familiar from when I was a child. Luckily, we had a basement/playroom we could use when one of our sibling was 'off' (for us, not her) Out of sight - out of mind .. just about.

Fas is Fetal Alcohol syndrome my brother and his ex girlfriend are huge drinkers aparently she did't care what she was doing to her son it's good my mom adopted him.mere- I also have a stepson that I spend alot of time with, I am a stay at home mom and my husband and I have two kids together. I have been with my stepson since he was 2, he just turned 5 and his mom just got him tested for adhd. His doctor put him on Ritalin. I had been trying to tell everyone for years that he had some problems and needed to see a doctor for them.
When I read your story I thought I was reading my own story, my ss does alot of the samethings as your ss and acts the same way. So I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. I have been asked to leave a store because of how my ss was acting, have been stopped by the cops at a park to ask me if I was kidnapping him because he was causing such a problem when we had to leave, and find it difficult when my other children have been good and want to do things but cannot because I can not do the things with the wat there brother acts.
My 2 1/2 daughter is effected by her brother, she is stressed when he is around. He tries to get her to do things that she knows is bad and gets so mad at him. My ss also steals, he is good at it! I was shocked to find a glass christmas ordament in his pocket(shirt pocket) when we came home from visiting family.We have to check his pockets when we leave a store.
My husband is just now coming around to what I am telling him about his son. I think it is because I have been doing alot of research on adhd and other mentalhealth problems, so I know a little more when we talk. But believe me it took alot of arguments, I think it is because he like your husband does not want anything to be wrong with his son. But now that he understands that what I am doing is for the best of my ss. I want him to have the best life possible.
You sound like a wounderful person, you are doing alot for your ss just by being here and asking questions. I am sorry that I don't have any answers for you, as I am new to this myself. But somtimes it is nice to know that someone eles is in the same situation as you. I know it has for me. Any information that I get I will pass on to you. Your ss is lucky to have you on his side. He may not seem to understand what your doing for him right now but someday in the future he will know who helpped him through this life and fought for him to have the best life possible. I hope that maybe you and I wil be able to help one another.

OlderMom, thanks for your support.

gonecrazy, sorry to hear about your nephew. I'm glad your Mom is raising him.

Stepmom, it sounds like we have a lot in common. Check your PM's.

bumpidy bump

Why is he afraid to get a possibly right dx? Does he want SS to turn out like wife? Yikes! There are so many good treatments for early onset bipolar, but here's the thing: (I have bipolar and had early onset). Stims make it worse, can exaberate symptoms and bring on more symptoms earlier than necessary. They can also bring on early onset bipolar early, and EOBP is a progressive disorder. Without the right treatment, it gets worse. I've lived it.The rages dont' stop in adulthood. The right meds are needed and NOT stims. Guess you can't do much though if DH is in denial. With the child's mother as bipolar, the odds are high that he is it--it's very hereditary. As for night time--bipolar kids don't sleep well--and stims only keep kids, even just ADHD kids, awake. They also can cause nighttime meltdowns, common even in ADHD kids, but worse with bipolar kids. Maybe you can try Melatonin. It puts my kids to sleep and is natural. I'd encourage hub to explore the early onset bipolar dx. more. He is cheating his kid out of a possibly very rich, good life by being in denial. It's kind of a man thing. On another board that I go to, almost all are women and at least half the husbands have a terrible time accepting that their kids are in any way different. They tend to think either the wife is exaggerating or the kid needs a good spanking. If you're interested in that board (lots of experienced, great moms there with kids with all disordsers, including ADHD) I highly recommend it.

www.conductdisorders.com

I wish you luck. I realize you aren't the parent and have limited input here. Kudos to your caring.

Oops...one more thing. On an ADHD vs. Bipolar link, a main difference between ADHD and bipolar is:

BOTH DESTROY THINGS BUT:::

1/ADHD kids do so carelessly. They bump into things so they break. They dont' look where they are going. It's not malicious intent.

2/bipolar kids destroy things are purpose and in anger and destruct. THey can even get violent. If a child intends on harming an object or a person, you aren't dealing with ADHD.

www.bpkids.org

www.bpchildresearch.org

SS did try Concerta, but he acted way too emotional on it. He'd cry on the drop of a hat. It was too disturbing to see him crying all of the time, so the doc tried Ritalin.

The shrink we talked to thinks SS might be bipolar. But DH has been avoiding going back to have SS properly evaluated, because he doesn't want to hear his son is bipolar. It was difficult enough getting an ADHD diagnosis thanks to my DH burying his head in the sand for so many years.

Thanks for your support.

SS doesn't rage. I'm lucky in that sense. SS does talk non-stop from the moment he wakes up until the moment he falls asleep.

My DH's ex-girlfriend is a drug addict, she can't hold down a job, raise her kids, or function in any way, shape or form. I can understand his hesitancy in finding out for certain that his son is just like his exgf.

While it doesn't make my life any easier to have a husband that is living in denial (or SS's life, for that matter), I do understand why he's dragging his feet. I figure sooner or later (looks like later) DH will be forced out of denial when he can't keep saying his son's abnormal behavior is normal. Our 6 yr. old child's normal development/behavior is making SS's behavior stand out like a sore thumb.

I'm more of a 'let's find out what's going on and deal with it accordingly" kind of person and my DH is more of a "let's pretend like nothing's wrong and maybe things will fix themselves" kind of person.

Mere38863.5770023148[QUOTE=gonecrazy]

have you tried putting a coin in each of his hands then having him put his hands in his pants pockets and explaining to him if he can keep his hands in his pockets untill 5 min. before your done shopping he can spend them for being good. my Nephew has FAS and it worked wonders for him just a suggestion that might help.

I like this coin idea

[/QUOTE]

Great idea gonecrazy!

Bummer that hub will wait because the disorder. I don't really understand when people are "afraid" to find out the truth. After all, unless you have the truth, the kids don't get better and can get worse. But it's not your fault. Good for you for trying :) Many things are inherited. I'm sure, in the back of his mind, DH knows his daughter is like his ex. After all, he can see it. He knows.OlderMom38863.6436111111

no problem ,we all do our first post then we calm down.

1 we get our son to help with shopping or i do my shopping without him,we get him a little something at the start if he behaves we buy it,if not we don't.sometimes it works,sometimes it doesn't,depends of his mood,i am quite good at picking up on his mood so i adapt.(my son is only 4)

2.we give him melatonin at night to sleep,no tv before bedtime

3our eldest does feel left out as we spend all our energy on our son but she doesn'act up but then she is older.

read some of the thread here i think somebody said that meds for ADHD are not very good for bipolar.i am sure you will get other answers that will help.

Gonecrazy, could you please explain what FAS is ?

I haven't heard the coin suggestion. I'll keep that suggestion in mind if I have to take him to the store with me. Right now, I'm avoiding doing that, because it's too stressful for me.

I forgot to mention that SS has stolen items from the store before and once we realized he did that, we took him right back to the store to return the stolen items. Unfortunately the sales people at the store said it was no big deal, so it didn't make a big impact on him either time.

Mere38863.4668865741

I know you have your hands full and I sympathize with you. Regular Ritalin is very hard for some kids, it lasts only about 4 hours and then you deal with the rebound when its done. You may want to try Concerta. Sleep may be an issue short term but it usually works itself out. Other long term meds with the same medication as Ritalin are Metadate CD and Ritalin LA (I've heard very good things about Metadate). The Concerta lasts the longest and tends to be the smoothest acting for many kids. The Metadate doesn't last as long as Concerta but it does last about twice as long as ritalin.

For sleep you may want to try small doses (.25 or .5 mgs) of Melatonin. It is not habit forming and it is over the counter. You may also want to try having him go to bed later, I had my son go down 1 hour later than usual, it helped him fall asleep faster (without having to lay in bed not being tired).

As far as the store goes, I simply would try not to take him. On those times when you do take him, maybe try giving him one or two dollars and telling him he may choose 1 item. That's always helped my kids and it was worth the extra money. It kept them busy looking for things, etc.

The other incidence (destruction) that you describe usually aren't ADHD related. Since his bio mom is bipolar, has he been evaluated for that? Usually kids who are bipolar present as ADHD but usually don't tolerate stims at all.

Most people here recommend a thorough neuropsych evaluation. I would strongly consider that based on his family history.

Good luck.

Hi All,

I'm looking for suggestions on how to deal with bedtime issues, taking an ADHD kid to the store and not dealing with him touching every single thing we walk past and the constant interrupting I deal with. These issues are enough to drive a sane woman insane.

My SS (stepson) has been raised full-time by me since he was a baby. His bm is a drug addict & possibly has bipolar. I recently talked my DH into seeking out a shrink to discuss these ongoing issues with his son (almost 9 yrs old) and DH hasn't wanted to go back since the shrink said SS sounds bipolar.

SS is on Ritalin. He takes two in the morning and can function okay at school, but doesn't get all of his classroom work finished. His ped said we can give him one pill in the afternoon to help him focus on getting his homework done, but he can't go to sleep if we give him the afternoon pill. He'll lie awake for hours unable to sleep, so I don't give him the afternoon med.

SS also has graphomotor issues (diagnosed at his school and has a 504 ). He is very destructive. He doesn't have a lot of toys, due to him destroying all of his things. He rips papers up into a billion pieces. Talks non-stop. Lies often. Hides notes from the teacher. Hides his work from us. Sneaks into food, even though he gets three meals a day, plus snacks. Doesn't do well socially at school. He cut up my leather seats in my car. He used a permanent marker and drew all over his bed. He cuts up his sheets (it doesn't matter that I hid the scissors & permanent markers...he'll find them when I'm in the bathroom or on the phone). The list goes on and on.

When you ask him why he does any of the things I listed above, he says he doesn't know why he does any of it. And he doesn't seem to like getting into trouble, so I really don't believe he's trying to be naughty.

He does have his good qualities. He's not aggressive at all. He feels bad if he upsets anyone (unlike my other SS that doesn't care if he hurts or upsets anyone.). He's a kind person. He's sensitive. He's loving. He has a cute sense of humor, when he's not acting out of control.

Bedtimes are a nightmare. Taking him to a store is a nightmare. I've tried a sticker chart, it only helped short term. I've tried grounding him. I've tried time-out's. I"ve tried taking away his bike, scooter, rollerblades, etc. I've tried praising him for any little good thing he did. I've tried everything I could think of to get him to behave. Nothing really seems to help.

I'm to the point where I refuse to take him to the store with me. He can't seem to control himself and I'm burnt out from dealing with his ongoing behavioral issues (I've been dealing with it for 8 years).

Looking for support or advise on how to improve the bedtime issues (constant getting up & down to tattle on his brother, to get tissue, getting out of bed and playing instead of going to sleep, throwing things in his room, being loud and out of control, etc).

Also, DH & I have a younger child together. Our child acts fine until SS comes home from school. It appears our child picks up on SS's out of control behavior and acts up when SS is around. When SS is gone, our child behaves.

Has anyone else noticed other children in the family acting up, because of dealing with an ADHD sibling ?

Sorry for rambling on.

gonecrazy38863.4594328704

This is a calm day.

I've read the posts here about Ritalin making kids with ADHD worse and it doesn't make my SS act worse. The Ritalin does calm the hyperactivity down quite a bit (but he's still active) and we aren't hearing lots of complaints from his teacher's anymore and before he started Ritalin the teacher would complain almost daily about SS bouncing off the walls and disrupting her class.

His ped doc has also tried Straterra, but our insurance wouldn't cover it and it was pricey. And SS has tried Concerta and he turned into an emotional mess on it, so we switched to Ritalin.

Do doctor's suggest bribing kids with ADHD/bipolar in an attempt to get them to behave ?

Since I have more than one child, it puts me in the position of having to bribe all of the kids in our home to behave. So I'm on the fence about using bribery. I have resorted to bribery and it only worked short term.

Thanks for your response.