realising... | ADHD Information

Same here also. I have on both sides of my family thyroid issue which is a autoimmune problem. Zoning out can me petimal milisecond seizures. Deep breath help relax also. i was just wondering when other people had their first *ah* moment with regards to their mental health and chemical imbalances.

i always knew i was different but i saw it in a very weird (it seemed normal at the time) way.

it wasn't until i was 18 and one of my close friends from school had been teaching, she got totally rundown and she developed ME (yuppy flu or fibromyalgia or whatever you call it here).

as she was describing her symptoms of fighting her brain, depression, lethargy and all the rest i suddenly realised that she HAD NEVER HAD THESE SYMPTOMS BEFORE!!!!  whereas i had never not had them - it was like a lightbulb going off in my head.

it had NEVER occurred to me that other people did not suffer from the same mental difficulties in terms of motivation etc. that i did ---

instead i simply presumed that they had more self-will and more self-discipline and better ways of coping with the issues than i did.  nobody talked about it because why would you?  i didn't either.  you just got on with it and what was there to talk about anyway - i mean you might as well discuss breathing this was just normal life you fought your brain daily in order to be able to get on with things.  it never once occurred to me that in fact they never had the same issues in the first place.  never.

it was such a *ping* in my brain when i suddenly realised that it wasn't that others dealt with them better (and therefore i was being useless and inept in not being able to do the same) --- it was that they never HAD THEM!

that just revolutionised my thought - in one fell swoop!

i still remember it now.  what a revelation.  and looking back and thinking how much i admired Zoe (or whoever) for being able to keep a sense of humour, for never giving into her lethargy or falling back into her depression - how i admired her self-discipline only to realise 6 years later that there was NOTHING for her to fall into!  self-discipline my arse!  she just never had the problem in the first place!!!!  and how i used to beat myself up for not being able to do the same, how i despised my weakness, my weak will, my lack of self-discipline and control and would think but SHE can so YOU can.

(which i still do to a certain extent - and still think it holds true - in some ways but at least i am aware now that i do have an extra battle on my hand that is not the case for everyone else!  it's not that i am useless, it is just that i have a little more to overcome)

and then i had another eureka moment when i read about ADD and the symptoms - another 12 years later (slowly, slowly we'll get there).

anyway - i can't believe, looking back on it that it took me until i was eighteen to realise that not everyone in the world suffered from huge mental and chemical imbalances!  and it wasn't the case that they were just so much better at overcoming or dealing with them - the truth was they simply didn't have them (this last point i still find quite difficult to believe, it's like of course they do, they have to!  i do - so so should they!)

was i just particularly slow here?? 

i guess in the US the dx has been around for so much longer.  but i was curious to know whether others had a *moment* like that - where they suddenly realised that they had been basing their whole perception of life on a completely skewed basis....?!?

and at what age they realised that.

was it only when you got dx'ed ADD?

and it's not to say that i couldn't recognise people who were like me when i was younger - i could.  and i always gravitated toward them (no matter the age).  but i still saw it as these were people who, like me, had faulty coping mechanisms as opposed to the fact others did not have these issues.

chjones38863.5865740741

i got the revelation when we were looking into it for our son.

actually scotdaddy did,he kept looking at me and i kept saying WHAT?????

i am quite a loner and don't like having conversation with people,but now that i have to communicate with all that doctors my "blanking "out is becoming more obvious.

oh and the driving lessons,it is very scary when i blank out while i am driving.

i thought i was just quirky.mood swings,forgetting,blanking out,phases were just me.I am the same with jude,things he does are just him being him,for others it is weird.

good for you scotmama --- life is weird.  that's what i think! 

how do moslems get through it with no alcohol, no drugs, no cigarettes no nothing --- enough to drive you barking mad.  oops was just about to write a very religious-ist remark - and i'm pro all religions hahaha. 

yup, i think i'll stop there --- as it goes.  before i say something entirely offensive!
chjones38863.7020717593

Well I had two of em. 

The first was when I began taking meds for depression.  Up to that point, I had the same experience thinking my universe was normal and it was just me who was defective.  I had been taking anti depressant meds for about a week.  I was standing at the bus stop.  In the past, I would stand there and mentally **tch about how much I hated waiting, riding the bus, and working so far from my house.  But that day, I kept having the first few words of my usual gripes, but they kept getting cut off before they were finished.

I thought, "Wow!  You mean most people don't live life with a toxic waste dump in their head?  You mean most people don't get angry first thing every morning when they wake up?  Most people don't spend the majority of their waking moments wishing they could just go back to sleep?"

Then, 8 years later, I had a roommate move in with me for the summer.  She had been dx and treated for ADHD since she was a kid.  She kept making comments I didn't understand.  "Did you notice that was the 3rd time you got up to make a sandwich and you still don't have one?"  *blank look on Reisa's face* Really? No! 

Long story short... the first time I took ADHD meds was the first time I ever felt relaxed and at peace in my own head.  After 29 years of chaos and confusion, I found out what it felt like to start a task and be able to finish it.  Again, it never dawned on me that most people don't make 4 trips back in the house from their car every morning...

 

I think I thought other people were just boring and way too serious. I thought there was something wrong with the rest of the world, not me

I was always being told I was too loud, too excitable, a dreamer, had too vivid of an imagination and so on; but I just saw myself as happy for the most part when I wasn't in battle with anxiety attacks. Which I was told was the result of a guilty conscious!!

The doctors told my mum when I was only a year old as I only sleep an hour out of twenty four but the didnt believe in over active children.

They were told again when I was in year nine at highschool and they didnt believe it then either.

I went for testing myself this year as my husband and I were having troubles and all the testing pointed to severe AHDH, anxiety and OCD.

To begin with I was so excited then not so much as I realised my quirky personality was actually considered a defect. Now I'm a bit lost to be honest

It's funny, like most people I had no idea how bad I was until much later in life.  I never finished any books for school (even when they were interesting, I couldn't do it), and I NEVER did any homework (I had to copy everything).  At the same time, I was a top honors student, so I just figured I was really lazy.  It wasn't until years later in college when I found that I REALLY wanted to do my work and still couldn't that I began to wonder if something was wrong.  I was too fidgety to sit still and read, and I couldn't stay on task long enough to finish more than a few pages.  The stress of coping with my attention and hyperactivity eventually became an anxiety disorder.  They tried treating me with a variety of drugs and therapy for a while, but none of it worked.  It wasn't until I tried a friend's ADD drugs for a month that the anxiety went away!

Though the earliest memory of my ADD I have is when I was about six or so (I remember very little about my life growing up, so this one definitely sticks out for a reason), and I was looking for my baseball mit.  I looked on my bed numerous times, and we were running massively late of course (turns out mom is ADD too).  Finally she went into my room, and it was sitting up on the bed right in front of my face.  I had looked so many times at it, but it had never once registered as being there.  Of course this happened a lot, but that's the first clear memory I have of that.  I also used to think that books changed themselves when they weren't being read, haha.  People would read me a story, and every time there would be new information I didn't remember, even if I had heard the story on several occasions.   I would zone in and out of the story, so every time it felt different to me.  I'd also remember things that were never in the story, probably because I was thinking about them while zoning out.  It was very confusing!

I found out through my sons therapist. He was dx with adhd at age 5 - also I always new from birth that he was "somehow different". After several month of Jacobs therapy, she said to me, the way  I decribe our home life makes her wonder if I don't have add. So I started research on adult add, and the more I read, the clearer teh picture got. I had so much difficulties in school, it explained somuch. Then I had my self tested and about a year ago started with straterra. And when I think back, with all I know now, I'm 100% sure that my dad is OCD and possibly bi-polar. I remember that he had two nervous breakdowns and was in rehab for seveal month. He is a brilliant photographer and ran his own photostudio. Since I'm taking straterra i'm much more organized, don't forget as many things as I used to and can finish things that I've started. I still need to work on my anger-rages. But I understand now, why my parents called me dumb and lazy a lot.

AHA!?!?!

growing up i always could tell i was different.

like above, always fighting my own brain for control of my life. as my mum said to me many times- "you're so impulsive", "you always leap before you look", "settle down, you're making me crazy"...

as i grew up, i learned to hate myself. i was always saying and doing many more stupid things than anyone else i knew. i had lots of trouble socialising. i learned that setting goals was an exercise in futility and disappointment.

after years of confusion and suffering, i had an *AHA*! moment while researching adhd b/c of my kids' problems in school.

i had become convinced my problem was depression. it took me a long while to accept i might need anti-depressants, or the like just to function.

after the adhd research, i started to think the depression was a symptom from years of struggling with undiagnosed adhd.

in the 16 mos. since, there have been some positive changes.

i get angry less often. i now know much of my frustration is from not being able to keep up with my brain. it's either moving too fast, or won't cooperate when called upon. the more i need it, the less it tends to cooperate.

i'm a little less depressed. now there is a real, identifiable, reason for my difficulties. this is the first time, ever in my life, that the whole thing actually makes complete sense. my whole life is illuminated. after many years of darkness tinging every crevice of my soul, i finally have hope of shedding my self-loathing.

instead of trying to treat my anger and depression as separate conditions, i am starting to see how my adhd behaviours feed those things.

now that i approach life as adhd, i am not only able to take steps to help me cope better, and avoid the situations that feed anger and depression, i am more able to forgive myself and to show myself compassion.

i spend more time giving myself credit for manging my adhd than i do stewing over my shortcomings.

i spend more time enjoying my high energy, quick, creative, and playful mind.

i used to suppress myself a lot, because i saw it as part of my problem. so often, a quick mind meant i couldn't focus, creative kept me from sticking to a plan, and playful was an inability to get things done.

my high energy frequently caused lots of problems with patience. somehow i equated anger with control. i had lots of anger with little control.

so- long story short (or epic length saga somewhat condensed in my case), AHA!

I always knew there was something different about me but didn't feel the actual A-HA! until about 2 years ago when my daughter was diagnosed with ADD.  The doctor that diagnosed my daughter said that he could clearly see I also had ADD.  Shortly after the diagnosis I lost my father, so it was quite a roller coaster and it seems like I kind of lost a whole year of my life.  The good thing though is that with the knowledge came acceptance of who I am and more understanding now then frustration.  I am so glad I did find out because there aren't so many why's in my life anymore.  Now that I know "why", it's "what" can I do to make things work better for myself and my daughter and I am learning new things all the time.      lostmyshoe38864.842662037

Oh this is such an interesting topic.

I had my AH moment last year at the age of 19. My driving instructor pointed out that I always switch off in lessons and I am very impulsive, he said you probably have ADD. I laughed, but the minute I got home I researched it on google. Every symptom I read was ME! I couldn't believe it, I felt like there was a whole bunch of other people out there that were the same as me.

  I knew all my life I had been different, mainly because people would point it out by saying, "You are mad" "Weirdo" "You are so scatty" Funny comments from friends really. I never got picked on, I just made people think 'what a unique person.' I always used to talk loads, never pay attention, forget everything. When I used to leave for work, my Dad would wait for me to run back in and upstairs because I had forgotten something. He would laugh and say everyday you do it, how can you be so dizzy?

Like Reisa said. I often get up to make a sandwich or even a drink and finally make it after the 4th attempt or half an hour later. I think it wasn't until I came onto this site and started talking to everyone that I  had the AH moment. I think everyone else said AH THAT EXPLAINS YOU THEN!! too Hhaha!!

I am fine with my ADD, I wouldn't change myself. I love being scatty, creative and different. I feel blessed. Although sometimes it would be nice to remember important dates instead of getting labelled 'selfish'

I just have to say thanks to everyone on here. I feel for once in my life like I can talk about my scatty ways and not be judged. I no longer feel like alone!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

I have always known that something was "different" about me. And I can simply refer to everyone elses posts and say yes same here.

My real "aha" moment came this year. An acquaintance pointed out that I could be ADD or ADHD.  So I decided to read a book on the subject. It was a real eye-opener. I thought perhaps all these years that I suffered from depression. Not severe clinical depression but bouts of depression. I always felt it was an organic/chemical imbalance. I didn't really have that much to be depressed about. But when I learned that depression co-exists with ADD, it was quite enlightening.

The impulsiveness, the sensitivity the mood swings. etc etc etc. OMG I have ADD.

I go in for my first psych eval. next week.

Thank you all for being there. It helps to try and filter all these new concepts through those who are similarly blessed with ADD (and sometimes cursed)