I need Help | ADHD Information

Lor my heart really goes out to you and I wish i can help you my girl is still little.  In total honesty I do not look forward to the teen years It terrifies me with ODD added to the  mix.  I am  just  hoping by trying to keep a close relationship with her it will help.  As for depression I too have been feeling it a lot as of late between just dealing with life and a child with problems it is so hard for us and no one else understands what we parents go through.  I wish you the best jill

Thanks Everyone

For your replies..Your advice has been helpfull...Im am going to try even harder to get myself to a point where I can get more control of myself so I can talk to him in a better tone of voice,ect.  I believe that has something to do with it as well.  We have been to counseling but the counselors here are crazy, so im trying to find another place.  Iv'e tried to get him involved in sports to help release some of that energy, he just doesn't want to do that. Heck I even thought of the Young Marines but that might be too much and who knows if they accept kids with ADHD.  Another thing is that he knows he's doing this so called crazy stuff, because he will tell me his self. He would say
Mom I know im doing crap.  I do realize that it's the condition that makes him hyper, but I do NOT use that as an excuse anymore to feel guilty and not punish him. It took me along time to get to that point and now if it's not to late I am standing my ground.  A few weeks ago I thought I was having a heart attack because that is exactly what it felt like.  After testing my heart turns out to be fine thank god.  It turned out to be anxiety really bad. So now I have to take a few more meds.  I feel alittle bit better, hate to take them but have to for now.  Just like giving my son his meds I don't like to do it, but it's the only thing that helps semi calm him down.  We go to the dr today thank goodness so we will see what happens.  Thanks again, even just writing to you guys helps. thank you.

Hi Everyone,

I am new here.  I have a 15 year old son with ADHD.  I am having a really hard time with him.  He is so disrespectfull,bossy ect.  I just recently had to go to the ER for myself because of the stress.  I don't know what to do anymore.  The Dr. increased his meds but he is still the same and he has tried every med out there.  The second the med's ware off it is like he was never on them.  I just don't know what to say to him anymore to help him to stop talking like a Mr know it all, this bossiness needs to stop as well. I can't take it anymore.  I don't buy him everything he wants.  He earns his things by doing chores which he does without to much argument. thank goodness.  I was wondering if anyone might have some advice on how to deal with the disrespectfull and bossy. Thanks

I don't have any advice for you, I am the single mom of a 13-year-old son, innattentive-type.  But, I just want you to know I understand the frustration you feel.  Part of it is the age, part of it is intensified by raging hormones, changes in his body, stresses in his life, his own difficulties, challenges, esteem and confidence.   He's going through a lot right now at this age.  Have you tried any family therapy, or has he been thoroughly evaluated to see if there are other issues besides ADHD?

There is great  hope in that you say he helps you around the house well.  That's a great sign!  I know we have had some big burps in the program, and I had to realize the only thing I could change was me.  Yelling and my own anger was only making things worse.  I really started to find things he was doing right, and sometimes that was really hard, but praising him and thanking him very sincerely for what he does right.  I have been speaking to him more gently, and he has been responing back more gently and reasonably.  LIfe has been better for these changes.  It takes a little while; the first really good day we had had in a while, is when we just hopped in the truck and went for a daytrip, just the two of us. We talked a lot on the way, and spent some time at an old mining town.  It was a nice way to start a turnaroud.  I had been at the point of breakdown like you.  Not all days are great, but they're for the most part much better.  I think the call this behaviour modificaiton?  But it was just moslty mine, and his reflected off of mine.  Make sense?  Well, I did find some advice, I hope it helps you address the bossy/dissrespectful thing.  Kids are even more so intense with ADHD. 

Lor - I sympathize with your plight.

It's more being a teen than being ADHD though.  Most ADHDers are pretty placid and don't fight all that much.  Disrespect yes.  Bossy? Sometimes I guess.

The problem is he knows he's bigger now and can physically hold his own.  If you don't have a burly person there to confront and tame him (or a baseball bat lol) it can be very tough.

Is there something he loves that you could reasonably hold from him if he doesn't toe the line?? A trip coming up, money, things he's planning towards?

You need a unified front to begin with.  If you have other family members deal together.  Alone is tough I know.

Respect is like a tree - if at the roots (youngest) you tried to be freer and less disciplinarian then most likely he got to like that.  Most traits like respect, trust and truthfulness are set in stone about age 6 or 7.  After that it's uphill.  ADHDers aren't known for learning fast either.

You may want to see a psychiatrist yourself privately to both get advice and deal with the anger and tears you are shedding.  You need to help get yourself strong before you can expect to go up against a smart 15 year old.  He can smell fear like a wild dog.  He'd see what you're up to fast.

I hope you get things going better.  You may have to just sit him down and tell him what you are going through and hope he can feel empathy and try a little.

I'm in the same boat.  I have a 14 year old boy who is ADHD.  I have known for a while that I need to change the way I interact with my son, and that doing so will go a long way towards changing the way he treats me.  My son is currently seeing a therapist who is working through a book with us (we switch off appts....me alone, then my son alone, and sometimes together) about how to deal with an ADHD teenager.  It is teaching my son some wonderful techniques to help him control his anger, interact with peers and the family at home etc.  I have yet to do my part though.  Like you I am so stressed out I am on the verge of a breakdown.  Getting through each day has been a nightmare, much less trying to change the way I deal with him.  I finally broke down last week and went to my Dr. and got some Zoloft after I suffered a cripping panic attack in the front office of his middle school.  And I'm already feeling better.   It sounds like you and your son could benefit from some family therapy also.  Good Luck!Lor, the counsellors in your area may be crazy ...
is there perhaps a support group for parents dealing with difficult teenagers or something similar? I've never personally needed to participate in something like that, but I've seen posters or notice-board notes over the years that have always made me keep that in the back of my mind, if I ever needed it. I just wonder if a group setting like that might spark some valuable ideas, or at least offer a place to vent and share solutions (cuz there must be some out there to be found!)

Do you ever get a break from each other? ie Can he go to a relatives for a week or 2 in the summer or something? Preferably someone who is NOT going to tolerate bossiness & disrespect, and be able to point out that it's not acceptable?  Sometimes people need to hear it from someone else. And absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and let's just say if it's not his idea of a dream vacation (ie summer camp, etc), he may value/respect you more upon his return. It can do wonders to break some patterns that have just become habits...

Sounds like you could certainly use the break, anyway!

PB