Telling the truth | ADHD Information

As I have posted before my parents were very skeptical about ADHD and actually seemed angry with me for having all the testing done, even though they lent my half the money to do it.

I had printed off a heap of info for them to read but whenever I asked if they'd had a look at it they made excuses. But the other day my mum actually asked me how it all worked, my brain that is and why I can focus on some things and not others. I was so happy that she was starting to take an interest.

Then yesturday she tells me that since I've been diagnosed that I've got worse with my forgetting things. I took offense to this as I have been working very hard to do better,not worse

Then I realised, I wasn't lying to her anymore. I was making up excuses about why I was late or not letting her come into my house cos it wasn't spotless.

I realised that my mum was seeing me for who I actually was for the first time since I left home and became an adult and that my ADHD traits had become so much more apparant without my mothers strict discipline when I lived at home.

I'm not sure if she understood any of it but it has been quite a step forward for me to acknowledge how and why I am different to how I was back then.

Have any of you had the same expeirence?

I would NEVER tell my parents.

I think that those of us who are diagnosed as an adults have a hard time dealing with our parents.  The parents in question have a lot of issues to deal with.  Guilt for not getting us help as kids, continuing denial anything is wrong, lack of control over the child who is now an adult.

Not to mention that they never really accept that we grow up.  They always know better than we do.  Even the most rational, reasonable, supportive parent is capable of amazing amounts of irrational, illogical, unreasonable thinking when you start stepping on their denial.  They have an emotional reason to be invested in our continued dysfunction. 

I think it is a really hard for them to get to a point where they can be supportive.

.IMac38943.8022569444It's taken some time for it to sink in, but my Mother is finally accepting the fact that my daughter and I do have ADD and it is a real thing.  I think she now understands all of my struggles and even admits that she thinks she may have it herself.  It took the actual diagnosis of my daughter for her to believe it was real but with time she has become more understanding of it and I can actually discuss it with her sometimes.

Even though ADHD is not new in my family; I haven't told mine either and have no plans of doing so. 

Pieta, I'm happy for you.  I can understand why that made you mad,  I've had negative responses too, maybe that's why I don't tell my parents.  When I finally got my dh to read some info, he said "well, it looks to me like everyone would qualify"    I do wonder about him too, although he has LOTS of Asperger symptoms (runs in his family)  he is also the one who put the milk in the cupboard with my coffee cups and forgot to turn the water hose off after watering the livestock.  It ran all night and we are under a severe water restriction.

 

 

I would almost bet my life on my Dad having ADHD. Even my mum has mentioned that a lot of what I talk about is true for him as well. He thinks he is just like everyone else, but he's not.i consider myself fairly honest. 

except with my mother!!!!  i cannot tell her the truth --- she phones "how is everything, darling"

always first response "great, absolutely fine"

the house could be burning down.  i could have broken my back.  "it's fine"  "i'm fine"  nothing is wrong.  i am coping.  don't ask.

"how is the job going?" 

"oh you know - brilliant.  lovely - couldn't be better".  hmmm, there is no job - the funding fell through.  could i ever admit that i am sitting around NOT working.  ahhhhhhhh.  no. lie. or at least kinda hedge...

why, why, why?  why such eternal ridiculousness.  what is it? 

when all is going wrong i can tell all my friends, my siblings even complete strangers on the web and yet i simply cannot bring myself to admit it or even come close to being honest about it with my mother - whom i love so much.

it's so stupid.  and yet, i'm still gonna say "absolutely great, fantastic" the next phone call, i know it.

You know what psychgirl, that's exactly my opinion too.

So how do we get back to who we are then?

I wonder why it is that we as adults are still living in the shadow of parental approval. I am 32 and feel like most of my existance is to please my parents. Maybe its the same with non-adders, but I don't remember ever hearing my non-add friends saying anything about it. This thread would probably be of importance to the parents of ADD kids on the board, to see what we become. Maybe it comes from pretending for too many years to be what they want, when we know that it's a lie. I know that from 12-25ish I was extreemly rebelious- I think I was trying to shatter the illusion. Now that I'm older however, I am more of what they wanted me to be, but it seems more and more that in that, I have become less of who I am.

Sorry about the spelling-It's too Damn early to type!!