PLESE HELP! | ADHD Information

Hi...

I have a brother with ADHD. Im only 14 years old but im very intereted in learning about his ADHD problems and how to deal with them.

He was adopted when he was born and i was only 2 years old. He is 12 now and we didnt find out he had ADHD till he was 5 or 6 years old. My brother and I get into fights daily and he yells and screams at my parents all the time. Hes taking medication and he has been for years. My parents try there best with my brother. He is a real pain. But what bothers me the most is, my parents act like ADHD is a excuse for him being so loud, hyper, and mean. I know that ADHD takes a huge part in it. But he can control himself a little more then he thinks he can. Everyday my mom and dad try so hard to be the mom and dad that my brother will love. But he always yells and screams at them for being the worse parents ever. We live in a pretty big house...and if you ask me i think he is spoiled rotten! I know im only 14 but will someone please give me advice about him. He can control himself sometimes, but my parents dont know that. And i would love to find out about his problems and how i can deal with them. He is a really sweet kid but can be a real handful at times..

 

please give me advice on how to deal with my brothers ADHD!?

Hi Carrie,

First of all, I want to say what a CARING sister you are to want to help him, your parents, and your family as a whole. Wow. I'd say you're further ahead in helping him than you realize, just by having a mature attitude and a desire to help. You sound like a keen observer of what's going on, and the intricacies of behaviours (ie that you believe your brother can control himself more than he thinks he can). Have you discussed your observations and whatever made you come to that conclusion with your folks? Or even with him?

My non-ADD son is 15, and my ADD son is 12, so I can relate to your scenario. My younger son drives the older one bonkers sometimes. He will just bug his brother for the sake of bugging and getting a reaction, so my older son just does his best to not let him get to him, to walk away. It's not always possible!! Of course those kind of sibling conflicts happen all over the world, even with no ADHD in the family.

We did some family counselling recently that was extremely helpful. I don't know if this is a possibility for you, but perhaps if you express your frustrations to your parents they may realize that they need an outside set of eyes to help them put the family dynamics in perspective. IMO, they owe it to you as good parents to try and address your concerns. This is an awful lot that you are attempting to put on your shoulders, and it's pretty heavy stuff for a teenager to try and fix.

Just because someone has ADHD does not mean they don't have to be accountable, pull their weight, and try their best to function within the family unit. It's kind of understandable when they're really little, but by age 12 he should be more accountable.  I can see why it would be so annoying to watch your brother be abusive to your folks. He has obviously learned where his line is and he still crosses it and gets away with it. Plus, he's probably learned more about how to push your buttons than you'd like to admit!

Hopefully, an ADHD adult who went through a similar upbringing will answer you with some insightful suggestions about what might have, or did, work for them.

Good Luck
PB

It is hard being a parent and I am sure it is hard on you as well for he take up most of your parents time.  And no ADHD is not an excuse your brother needs to take responsibility for his actions plus he is also a teen as well which is a tough age as you are well aware.  Is your brother in Therapy with a psychologist?  That may help your parents with what to do.  Does your brother have friends? that makes a difference too being excepted by peers I know for my little girl friendships are harder for her and she is so sweet.  Does your brother have any other diagnosis?  Being a parent having a child with ADHD can be draining and you tend to pick and choose your battles. 

 

 There are books out there you can read as well as internet search which is how you probibly found this forum.  I wish I can be more help to you but good luck anyways.

Hon, being spoiled causes kids to want a Porsche at age 16 (wink), but it doesn't cause meanness or acting out. Do your parents know anything about the psychiatric history of his birhparents? Don't know for sure that he's acting out on purpose or if he can't control it. Has he been evaluated recently? You're a caring sister. Hang in there. OlderMom38865.2522337963