I do not know what to do... I am at my wits end... My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and lately has me going insane...
The problem is she is constantly lieing.. over the littlest things as well as the big... she will lie if she touched something.. and i tell her that she won't get in trouble if she tells the truth... and she continues to lie... and now she is stealing.. she is taking money from ppl's wallets.. I just don't know what to do...
And i know she has stolen the money because it was in her little wallet.. I have tried taking things away, tv, toys, etc... I have yelled and I don't want to but i am frustrated...
Any suggestions?????
Counseling/Play therapy
Counseling for yourself as well as your daughter.
The both of these have helped me to deal with my son's stuff.
I've seen a big difference in the way I handle him and the way he reacts to things.
Goodluck.
I too am new to this whole ad/hd thing. We'll just have to hang in there together.You can try Love and Logic. It is a great program that is a discipline program that allows the parents to stay very relaxed and the child to shoulder the repsonsibilty that is hers or his. My school uses it. I love it. It is very effective. I'm pretty sure you can find resources for it on line if you search for it.
I have also been helped with the book Stopping ADHD by O'Dell and Cook. It has helped my symptoms of ADD so much!! You can do the exercise therapy with children 5 and over. Adults can do it too. It is an amazing break through in my opinion.
Our school also uses Love and Logic, and I have to say that my opinion of the program is different than annidagostini's. I find it very patronizing to the children and if your child is oppositional in any way, or really has any kind of personality at all, it isn't effective. That's my opinion.
How old is your daughter? Children will quite often not tell the truth because they will get in trouble and actually cannot tell on themselves. It's a kind of self-preservation mechanism. She may have justified her actions to herself in such a way that she really feels she isn't lying. Counseling and therapy may help. Is she old enough to deal with an allowance and receipts? These may help her see that money doesn't just appear in someone's wallet and that you know that if she suddenly has money, it must have come from somewhere. Lean on a professional, if you can, and good luck.
We use Love and Logic materials in our schools too. I find it helpful and I don't find it patronizing as long as it is used correctly. I think like with any thing out there, there is good and bad. I think you use what works and throw out what doesn't. Just my opinion. I've used it with my 4 year old and he is less likely to rebel when I use it. I find it quite calming. My son and I don't get into as many battles. He has choices and we are able to respect one another better.Thank you all for your replies...
My daughter is 7.5 yrs old going on 13... and can be very oppositional... we have set up a meeting with her pediatrician so we can get a referral to counselling...
i will have to research this love and logic program.... i just enrolled her in ju jit su because i have been told these things will help her ADHD as well...i may also look into starting an allowance program with her... i am soo new to this... and since she is my first child its like when she was a newborn and had to learn everything.. LOL...
Mom - I know where you are at right now. My mother cried many rivers of tears over my habitual lies and deceipt at that age. And it's more like 13 going on 5 if my experience is anything to say about it.
The lies are a outspring from all the anxiety. That and having an exceptionally intelligent mind with no maturity to control or harness that intelligence. It's not a great thing.
We with ADHD are anxious about most things. We think constantly - we can't stop for even a second. You've heard of the chatter? Think of this in your head 24/7... "what did we just do?" "how could we have done any better?" "you know that everyone was watching - they were laughing at us" - and a thousand other thoughts. We end up lying to avoid trouble NOW - we have trouble with linear time.
Everything to untreated ADHD is now. There is no yesterday - we've forgotten the lessons. There is no tomorrow - that's an abstract concept that we just don't get very well. We play act as adults that we do but honestly it's too hard to understand.
Best of luck to you.
Thank you for that insight Glen...
I am new to this forum and found it because, sounds like I'm in the same boat as you. I have a nine year old boy who is adhd and has a bit of ODD to go along with that, (just for fun) in case the first was'nt entertaining enough. I think my best advice is go day by day with the behavior and set daily goal and rewards, this seemed to help my son somewhat, (not always) but enough to try for sure. As a matter of fact, maybe by talking to you I am talking to myself, because I think I will try this again, kinda got away from it over the last year, so maybe it's time to try it again. As far as a counselor, we never had much luck with one, (tried 2 different ones) First one being awful, second one better, so I guess if you can find a good one, sometimes you can just find a really good doctor or PA that has a good ear or suggestions. And if you get any that work please pass them on!! I will keep you updated on my progress with mine, and let me know how you're coming along. And hang in there, as I will try to do!