can self esteem improve here?? | ADHD Information
My daughter goes to a religous school and her homeowrk load is enough that it is hard to find time for after school stuff. She does like basketball and took it in school. There is no time presently but next fall she does want to join one. How were you able to force your son to do something they didn't want to? My daughter would just not go and then be angry with me for forcing her. She is a very bright child with a lot of potential but her negaive attitude gets in the way. Well, summer is almost here so we'll see how things change for better or worse remains to be seen... Should she see a therapist or should I go to one for her. She doesnt want to go and I don't know how I would explain her going without making her feel like she is "weird" - as she would saythanks for all the words of encouragement guys, I'll try not to be so hard o her. I have three kids - 2 have adhd - they have been my most challenging cuz they are also 16 months apart and very competative with each other (also my daughter is the older one and can really be difficult with my son) Can someone tell me what to say or how to say things to encorage her to be more positive. I think that is my probelm, that I don't say the right words of encouragement (I think my own self esteem has gotten in the way of things) i am trying to work on my lack of self confidence and at the same time trying to help my kids. Over the years i have become very hard on myself and feel guilty for the way things have turned out with my two older ones. I'm afraid I have rubbed off on them and don't know how to improve it. i may have to go on Wellbutrin (my therapist thinks it is a good idea) maybe it will help me deal better with them. Any thought on the matter?I totally agree with Oldermom. My son does not have the option of doing nothing. He flies through different activities and interests so fast it's mind boggling, but my rule is, "You cannot quit and replace it with doing nothing." The major reason I believe this is that personal interests build self esteem and keep kids out of trouble when they are teenagers. Oldermom's daughter's statement about doing drugs out of boredom and lack of involvement is absolutely true and research strongly supports this, as a major reason why children get involved with drugs and alcohol.
As far as having too much homework to be involved in extra-curricular activities, this can be a problem, but I find that homework goes by more quickly when it is not the chief focus. As far as the child getting upset about having to go to the activities, you just let them complain the whole way there. Once she realizes her complaining isn't going to get her out of going, she'll either quit complaining or replace the activity you have chosen with something she really wants to do. My son had taken Karate for years and began complaining about going. I let him complain and whine the whole way there, but after months of this complaining not coming to an end, I told him he could replace it with something else. LOL! He replaced it with Japanese!!! But you know what, he loves studying Japanese, and that's what it is all about.
This may sound mean, but I force my son to participate in activities and he's on the autistic spectrum. I know it's helped his self-esteem. I just don't give him an option. He plays rec soccer, and Dad is sometimes the coach (this helps) and he is on the Swim Team, which is great for kids with any disability as they are competing agianst their own time, not anyone else's, but lots of kids are there and the meets are great. I am going to make my daughter, who has CAPD, take band and she is in tons of sports--very good athlete. My 21 year old daughter got into drugs in high school, and I've often talked to her about why. She is clean now. She emphasizes that she just wasn't involved in any activities and was bored and didn't feel like anyone liked her so she did drugs to get "popular." Scary, I know, but doing drugs can become an activity. I recommend maybe making her at least try music lessons, maybe school band. It's hard to watch your child cry while you force it, but it's great to see them glow when they succeed. Later they will thank you. I have a daugther who is 9 w/ADD but also low self-esteem; supposedly, kids w/disabilities also have a high rate of depression--I'd say my daugther is depressed from time to time. I agree w/the other parents--get her into any activity she has even a small interest in and don't say anything discouraging for a while--w/my daughter, it was swimming--she started out slow, but we kept encouraging her and now she is one of the better swimmers on her team. She feels daily little successes which seem to contribute to her overall better attitude.[QUOTE=rdmom3]I'm concerned about her self esteem.
She doesn't want art leeson,karate, music etc... even though i see she has talent in the areas, i cannot convince her to take lessons. She doen't think she needs them - she says i am good enough already I don't have to get better. [/QUOTE]
Interesting conflict there ... low self-esteem, yet she feels she can't get any better. Has she acheived her Black Belt? That's a pretty concrete example of how much better she could get - it even has a visual, colour-coded scale for measurement!
I feel for you. I would force the involvement in something too, like others have said. Giving her a wide-ranging choice of options would be best, cuz then it will at least be partially her choice. I've had to put up with a grumpy boy for a short time before the benefits start to show, and they will. It's a small price to pay.
I also had a heart-to-heart with my son's teacher recently (gr 7) about him not really having any close friends. She thought about it for a while, and observed the dynamics of the class. Then she told me who in the class might be a good fit, and then I strongly encouraged my son to make an attempt to invite the boy over after school (I had to really push him, because he has certainly had his share of rejections over the years). He finally got up the nerve, and it actually worked, and they are fast friends now (it's only been a month, but needless to say, I'm thrilled!)
Good Luck,
PB
We find that omega-3's help with mood. Aside from that, does she have something that she's great at? Let that be her light and her life. There's a movement out there called "un-schooling" that sounds very intriguing for kids that may blossom later into the traditional classroom/ social skills. But remember that it's pretty common for even "normal" kids to go through an "I hate myself, I'll just go eat worms" phase. My oldest has always been a bright, funny, well-liked kid, good at school and sports, but even he went through a patch where he felt he looked funny, wasn't as smart as the rest, couldn't do anything right. Now he's back on track, has a great girlfriend, succeeds in school, and all we did was be there for him (and tell him lots of stories about what we were like as kids).
A technique that I've heard of: for every negative comment a child makes about herself, make her put a nominal amount of money in a jar. To get the money back, she has to say two good things about herself. This may be really corny to a kid, but it just might change her internal dialog.
That hormonal fog kids seem to walk into at about 10 is really noxious! Good luck.
[QUOTE=BPQW]A technique that I've heard of: for every negative comment a child makes about herself, make her put a nominal amount of money in a jar. To get the money back, she has to say two good things about herself. This may be really corny to a kid, but it just might change her internal dialog.[/QUOTE]
That is SUCH a good idea. Maybe we should all do that!! I'm definitely going to try that with my son - just telling a kid to recite positive affirmations in their heads just doesn't work. But forcing them to think about it and put it into words is brilliant!
PB
This is normal for people with disabilities it is cause of the hardships they have in life. Scouting is great they do acheivements and are rewarded when they finish that requirement. They learn doing for others also. They learn leadership skills.Happiness is a choice. Is she on vitamins these do help?Our son is same age this is hard on kids cause this age is preteen time. Find after school stuff she would love to do this helps. I suggest group stuff that allows go at your one pace. she will be going to a travel camp this summer with about 30 girls 5th - 7th gr. Although she has no best friends she said she is excited about going because a lot of girls from her school are there. There is no girl scouts her age in out community and i have no time for it. I hope she will cope this summer. Most of the trips are 2-3 days and the rest are at the day camp. She doesn't want art leeson,karate, music etc... even though i see she has talent in the areas, i cannot convince her to take lessons. She doen't think she needs them - she says i am good enough already I don't have to get better. Is there anyway to make her have a more positive attitude? Do you think if she had closer friends she would think better of herself. Unfortunately, i cannot make her make friends - even though I try to encourage, the rest has to come from her I think. It just hurts me so much to see her like this and I feel a little helpless
Hi, i I need some advice on helping my 10 year ld daughter. Has ADHD and on Ritalin. I'm concerned about her self esteem. She has a very negative attitude towards things and even herself sometimes. She uses the word idiot alot and to me and her siblings. My husband does not deal well with her ADHD because he can't understand how it affects her but doesn't want to deal withit (separate issue) I wonder if he has cntributed to her low self esteem because he can be difficult on her. Yet we do try to praise and give her positive reassurance. However, when you have someone so negative, it does make it difficult to be happy and positive. Is there hope she can outgrow this or find some way to be happy. I keep trying but it is exhausting. Culd meds be affecting her too? Help