Dealing w/the school | ADHD Information
I think your plan is an excellent one. As far as the bullying, the school should not be allowing this. I am very concerned this is happening to your child so openly. You have the legal right to insist that this be addressed by the school, and the principal knows that. I think meeting with the principal, the school counselor, and your son's teacher at the beginning of next year to discuss this issue would be wise. Again, though, I also would want to meet with the principal ths year and see what I could do about placing your son next year with a teacher who has more understanding of "issues." There may be a general ed teacher who has specific training in SPED, dual general ed and SPED certificates, or who has a child with a disability. Placing your son with the right teacher can make all the difference. Good luck!I agree with Lillian and poodledoodles (by the way cute name ) Sit down to discuss proper placement with teacher for next year. This is the job of an administrator. He should be open to discussion and willing to work with you. If no good results go to the superintendent of schools and do let the district know about this teachers behavior. The teachers behavior also sets the mood of classmates as well for if he does not care they will not. That Jerk, have his butt in a sling for he deserves it.[QUOTE=lillian]I think your plan is an excellent one. As far as the bullying, the school should not be allowing this. I am very concerned this is happening to your child so openly. You have the legal right to insist that this be addressed by the school, and the principal knows that. I think meeting with the principal, the school counselor, and your son's teacher at the beginning of next year to discuss this issue would be wise. Again, though, I also would want to meet with the principal ths year and see what I could do about placing your son next year with a teacher who has more understanding of "issues." There may be a general ed teacher who has specific training in SPED, dual general ed and SPED certificates, or who has a child with a disability. Placing your son with the right teacher can make all the difference. Good luck![/QUOTE]
This is a wonderful answer lillian! My son's 3/4 combo class was just this sort of teacher! She was his best teacher ever! She had the knowledge and understanding these kids need! This teacher was also the schools resource specialist and my sons RSP teacher in 4th and 5th grade. He did so well in her class. 
I just wanted to say I am so sorry for what your son has had to go through with this teacher. It makes me very sad and angry. 
I may be repeating what others have said since I have come along so far in this thread, so forgive me as I don't have the patience to sit and read all the way through it. 
How unfair of the that teacher to expect your son to be punished for a rude comment, when it is ok for others to treat him in a rude manner, and nothing happens to them. That is ridiculous! I would cry too if it were me! How can he possibly understand this? He must be totally confused. How can a child that has a difficult time remembering things be expected to remember to get his home work at the end of the day? He is probably just so glad to get away from the teacher and the kids making fun of him that he can think of nothing else but leaving!
I have been there with this problem. My son is AD/HD also. He is almost 17 now, but when he was in 4th grade, I went to a lot of trouble to create a book the teacher could rate my sons behavior at the end of every period, about 3 times a day with an easy chart where she just had to circle a 1, 2, 3, or 4 rating scale and if she choose she could write a comment. Each number was given a description of behavior to it. I did all the work, the teacher just had to quickly circle which ever number fit his actions for that part of the day. That way my son could see and remember why he got a good or bad mark, and I could see it when he got home. He worked beautifully during his 4th grade year. Of course sometimes he would forget to give it to the teacher till the end of the day or she would have to remind him to bring it to her, but she was wonderful about it, and it did help his behavior. He was very happy when he got a good mark for that period and worked harder to get it, because he got acknowledged for it. Then in 5th grade the teacher would not help him remember it, and when he brought it to her at the end of the day, would not mark anything for the times he forgot during that day. So all my hard work, and my son achievements went out the window with a poof! He started down sliding from there. By 6th grade I had to pull him from the school and home school him. No one would help us, they just kept blaming my son. They didn't understand an AD/HD child's needs.
Sorry to be so long winded, but I just wanted to say I truly understand how hard this is for you. I would write a letter to the principle explaining your feeling about your son's condition, and how is being treated, and ask for a meeting with him/her. How can your son learn in this classroom with this kind of stress? Your son needs to be applauded for his behavior when it's good, and talked to when it's not, but not punished in the way this teacher as chosen. Taking away a child's entire days recess and a field trip are totally uncalled for! Especially when you were never notified it was getting to the point where the teacher was excusing him from the field trip. Ridiculous! 
What that teacher is doing is called retaliation. By holding him to higher standards after learning that he won't be on meds, she is retaliating and its illegal.
No matter what his diagnosis is, it should be in his IEP that he be given his homework without his having to ask for it as soon as he returns to the room. He should also be getting behavioral help if he is indeed making inappropriate comments. Have it put in his IEP that he will not miss recess or field trips for minor infractions. The statement Don't get your panties in a bunch is not exactly a felony.
Address the fact that he is not crying as part of a premeditated routine and that calling it his baby routine is not appropriate on her part. Frankly, I would be tempted to tell her she can't go on the field trip due to her inappropriate remarks. You also want to address the fact that when he is being teased, he is blamed for not being tough enough rather than the other kids being taught to be more considerate.
If he doesn't have an IEP, write to the head of special ed and request that they give him one under other health impaired. At the least, his behavior issues are creating a major disruption to a major life function (his education and social skills) and that should qualify him for a 504. Try for the IEP first as it is the most effective and the most easily enforceble.
While you are waiting for all this to happen, you could set up a meeting with the principal and teacher to discuss how things should be handled for the rest of this year. In spite of what I said about wanting to tell the teacher her remarks are inappropriate, you do need to be as calm and in control as possible. If you let the anger rule, they will not be as amenable to working with you. I would request that the field trip be reconsidered also.
My son was first diagnosed with ADD by his regular pediatrician. On the first visit I was given two checklists, one for my husband and I to fill out, the other for his teacher. On the second visit the Dr. read the checklists and prescribed medication. This was three years ago. Several times I mentioned that I felt there was something more than just ADD going on but the doctor assured me that all of my concerns were typical of ADD children. It seemed that the solution to each complaint was a higher dose of medication which concerned me. Last month I switched doctors and the new doctor agrees that there is probably something more to my son than ADD. He suggested that ADD was a secondary condition to something else, though he wasn't sure just what it was. He suggested that I take my son to a doctor who specializes in children with learning disabilities to further probe the issue.
As for the principle he really hasn't said much. I think he is just as blown away by what is happening as I am. I really like the principle and feel that he does have a genuine concern for my son and his situation. The teacher on the other hand seems to me to be a real stickler for rules and regulations. I am not sure that he understand or knows how to deal with a child like mine. He apeared to be sympathetic and willing to work with us in the beginning but as the school year has worn on, so has his patients. I get the impression that he probably sees my son as disobiendent by choice (ie: has to have direction repeated several times, etc) which is not the case.
I don't feel that there is much I can do with the school at this point as there is only a week left. I plan to have my son evaluated over the summer so that I have a good understanding of what is going on with him before the start of the new school year. My insurance company provided my with a list of NPs yesterday.
I will request a new meeting with school officials once school is back in session and hope to have any new medical documentation with me during the meeting. I would like to find a way to document the teasing so that it is dealt with more effectively as well. Either way, whether my son is diagnosed with ASD or something else, I know something is going on with him and hope that once we figure out what it is, the school may see him in a new light and provide him with the help and understanding he deserves. The teasing has to stop regardless. I don't think it is acceptable to expect any child to deal with that but especially one that cannot help how he is.
.IMac38944.9080902778T&C Mom,
What is happening with your son, is not right. You absolutely did the right thing by going in to see the principal. The principal may not have known this was going on or if he did know then he is collecting documentation that can go in the teacher's permanent files. He may even be finding a way to have the teacher released. Schools have to have lots of documentation to release a teacher.
Also, your son is being bullied. This is not acceptable. I would ask the principal about the school's policy on bullying. We have a zero tolerance for bullying in our area.
I'm so disappointed in the way this teacher is handling everything. I have to wonder, what are other parents feeling about this teacher. I can't imagine he is this way just with your child.
Goodluck with all you are doing for your son. I know it can be hard. I would sit down with your principal in the meantime and work on a strategy or two to help your son at school. Maybe even have some friendly suggestions on how the school needs to be looking into a bullying program. One that teaches children about the problems that bullying can cause and how to help stop the problem in the school.
Thank you all so much for your advise and replies! I can't believe that I hadn't thought to search the internet for help with all of this before. Our family has been dealing with these issues for 3 years and I cannot tell you how much it means to know that others not only experience this, but can also relate!
Up to this point I think I have been way too passive with the school on the subject. I have always remained calm, and I would bet, probably came across as a bit of a push-over. I have been careful to remain open minded and follow their suggestions because I worried that if I didn't they would see it as a lack of wanting to do the right thing on my part and therefore be less understanding with my child. I am so angry with myself for not putting my foot down sooner.
After posting this message I took my son to school and no sooner were we out of the car than the teasing began. These children are so fearless of reprisal that they did it right in front of me! Twice a group of children chanted "goofy goober" as they followed my son and I to the classroom. My son was driven to tears. If they are bold enough to do this right in front of me I can't imagine what they must do to him when an adult isn't present. I notified the yard duty and she knew exactly which children were involved without my needing to point it out. One of the children lost his recess. However ironically, he was still allowed to attend the field trip that my son had been banned from for saying "don't get you panties in a bunch." I became further angered when I picked my son up that afternoon. His punishment for his earlier comment was loss of recess, a letter of appology, and loss of the field trip. Upon entering the car my son hands me a thick packet of papers and tells me that he is to complete and return it by morning as yet ANOTHER punishment for the same infraction. I was steaming! I finally walked to the principle's office and told him my son had been punished enough and would not be doing the packet. I brought to his attention the morning teasing incident and resulting punishment for the other child and then compaired that to what my child received for his comment. He agreed that my son had already been punished enough and would not have to do the packet. I so wanted to tell him that I thought the teacher had targeted my child because he sees him as defient (when really it is that he just doesn't always get it). Then again, I was trying to keep my cool and knew that entering that topic would put me over the top.
After reading the posts about ASD I realized that this is most likely what my son is dealing with. It was so eerie reading the information because it sounded as though it were describing MY son. I contacted my insurance and they will pay for testing but I am not sure what type of doctor should we see? What type of tests should we request?
Take him to a NeuroPsych. The NeuroPsych will know how to test for it. If he's a good one, it will take a long time because they adminster every sort of available test. That ASD board is awesome. My son was originally diagnosed ADHD, but he's definitely on the spectrum. Once we got the dx. the interventions/schools totally capitulated and we got everything my son needed. ADHD doesn't hold much water for interventions and many kids whose parents post here learn soon enough that it's more than just ADHD. I've seen so much with my own son and his misdx. I can almost recite symptoms of bipolar, ADHD and ASD by rote. Kind of sad...good luck. I would start by calling a University Hospital or you nearest Autism Society for a referral. Not all N euroPsychs are equally as good as each other.Ohhhhh
Gosh, that breaks my heart for your boy. I can't believe it when I hear stories like this. What did the principal say? I being a teacher/instructional specialist am having a difficult time with this one. I obviously work in a school district that doesn't tolerate this from our teachers. Please don't assume that all teachers are like this.
I have found that often if a parent comes in with all guns pointing at the teacher that nothing will get done. On either parties side. This is just human nature. I really have to wonder what is happening to this world. "WE " as teachers, parents, guardians have to learn to communicate for the sake of our children. The children are the only ones that ultimately get hurt because of adult actions. Is this what we want? I don't think so. I know that many of you don't want this either or we wouldn't be sharing with one another like we do.
If the teacher is indeed "a problem" then as parents we need to document and share this with the principal as well as the teacher in a non-combative way. Going to the top is not always effective. Working with the teachers from the get go rather than waiting til a problem occurs is the most important things we can do a parents/guardians. My suggestion would be to have the teacher do a quick daily contract with your child. This has been proven to be effective. It can be done in several ways. You can look for behaviroal contracts on the internet. The easier the better for the teacher and the child as the child needs to have quick reference to his behavior and see the positive and negative. The teacher does not have time to do heavy duty writing or comments usually as there are many children in their classroom. This form/contract can come home daily so that you as a parent can have a buy in to the whole process as well.
I've used this as a teacher, instructional specialist, and summer school assistant principal. Most recently I've used a very simple version with my son at his preschool. They had never used one with 4 year olds before. They were kind of skeptical at first but agreed to try. They have since used this with kindergarten children and after school care children. It really does work. I was able to talk to my son about his actions that day. We've seen very little in the way of poor behaviors lately. He learned to value his self and others. I've seen this used with older children through 6th grade as well. It really does work.
Sorry for the long post... I just had to voice my concerns/opinions.
I need to put in that if this child is on the Spectrum, it most likely will not work. You can try it, but, if it doesn't do any good, I still higly recommend having THIS child evaluated for ASD. These kids simply are wired differently and don't react to nor respond the same as neuro-typical kids and ADHD kids. Make sure you know, and the school knows, exactly what you are dealing with or a teacher may think your child is a big problem when he is really just not "getting it." Good luck :) (And, yes, teachers normally do mean well, but some kids seem defiant when they just don't understand the nroms--and talking to kids doesn't always work--depending on the problem).Redo his iep. Crying in school to isn't cause in trouble. This year happened in our son also. Staff to me could care less about the child s feeling in some cases. Staff are mean today. I had a staff when our son was first learning cursive put on his paper can do better. This to me sounds like abuse. I took the work once and told our principal make shure this gets done there. Hw loads are rediculous !They want a obediant child from all kids. Some should not teach anymore. Takeing away doesn't work they are more figity or find something else to replace what you is removed. I slept as my punishments.I felt myself getting angry on your behalf as I read your post! You have to involve the principal, a schoolboard member who may be sympathetic, your child's psych or doc, any- and everyone who can bring some light to bear on your child's situation at school. One disgruntled teacher can affect your child's love of learning forever, and his anger ('Cause that's what it sounds like to me) at having your child taken off the meds is entirely inappropriate. He has obviously disregarded professionalism and objectivity. If your child is forced to wait for the end of school to get assignments, then he should be given a class "buddy," a star student who will help your child remember what books and supplied he needs. I have a nephew with anxiety problems who has a buddy, and it seems to help.
I get so p$%^&d off when I read about a teacher bullying a student with extra classroom needs! They criticize a child's social skills but do nothing to nurture those skills in the classroom. ARRRGGGHHH!!
Good luck to you, I'll send good thoughts your way.
Oh, boy. I would have this child tested by a NeuroPsych for high functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorder. While some kids here sound like they MAY have it, your son sounds like he DOES have it--classic. From the "don't get your panties in a bunch" which he may have heard on television and copies to the high pitch noises to the awkward gait to the social cluelessness this sounds like my own son and many others in our group for autistic spectrum kids. I would amost bet all my money that this is his real problem, with ADD being a secondary minor part of it, as it is with all ASD kids. A NeuroPsych is the best to test, and they WILL test, for ADHD and beyond. Other professionals are not as attuned to anything beyond ADHD. I have a website you can try posting on for PDD/Autism to see what the other parents say, and I'll bet they all tell you that your child is a lot like their child. If he has ASD he isn't going to "get it" and isn't understanding things enough to "take responsibility." He needs special interventioins that the school HAS to give him which will bring him to his highest potential. Here is the link and I wish you luck. My guess is that if you only pursue ADHD treatment, nothing will improve. My son was first diagnosed with ADHD too. The reason your son is a complete outcast is because he is very different from the other kids. My daughter has ADHD friends and they can be annoying and bug kids, but they DO have friends. This is more. Take care.
www.autism-pdd.net/forum/default.asp
OlderMom38867.5477199074
I agree with Oldermom and think it would be a good idea to have your son evaluated for autism.
In the meantime, I would put my foot down with this teacher. Though it's the end of the year, which is a good thing for your son, the teacher does not have any understanding of what a teacher should do to deal with a child who struggles socially, and she should have more effective teaching methods to use in the future. I would conference with her and the principal about the methods she has been using, being sure to make my list of complaints clear, though trying (I know this is difficult) not to be hostile. At this point in the year, you will be speaking for the future children in her classroom, and you should, at least, feel content with the fact that your drawing attention to her unfair treatment of your son may help another child from being treated the same way in the years to come.
It's extremely sad to me that the teacher has spent the year using ineffectual methods, which she did not even question as being ineffectual, even though they have not produced her desired outcome. Your son is still making inappropriate comments, he is still forgetting his homework, and he is still crying in class. Obviously, the techniques that she thinks should make him "responsible" have not even begun to do so. And that's very, very sad.
I hope your son has a much better year next year, and I might try to see what I could do to place him with a teacher who has a better understanding of social issues. Again, you can talk to the principal about this.
I am at my wits end! My 9 year old son was diagnosed with ADD three years ago. Accademically he is doing fine, thanks to alot of extra work at home. Socially, however he is struggling. He often makes inappropriate comments, odd noised, is physically akward and is a complete outcast at school. He is hyper sensitive to the rejection and namecalling and alternately reacts with either anger or tears.
On Friday I recieved a call from my son's teacher. He explained that my son had made the comment "don't get your panties in a bunch" to another student. As a result, he lost his recesses for the day and was also banned from the following weeks fieldtrip. While explaining the situation the teacher detailed that upon hearing of his punishment my son began to cry, in what the teacher described as his "baby routine." When asked why my son was reieving this punishment I was told that this comment was the last straw in a series of rude or inappropriate remarks made durning the week. I am left to wonder why I was not notified of the previous "comments" so that I could address them with my son before the situation got to this point. His teacher stated that he wanted my son to be more responsible for his own actions. I find this bothersome because the school is well aware that my son is years behind his peers socially. I don't understand why they hold him to the social standard for his age group when he so obviously doesn't function at that level. When other kids make fun of my son it is suggested that he "toughen up." Rarely are the other kids disiplined. Yet when my son finally responds to these kids he loses privilages.
In addition, since notifiying the teacher that my son will no longer be medicated it seems that he is much harsher with him. For instance, my son leaves his regular classroom setting twice a week to go to special PE or speech. During that time homework is passed out. My son is not allowed to ask for his homework upon his return. Instead, my ADD child is expected to continue through the day and remember to ask for his work when class is dismissed. If he forgets he losses credit for that day's homework. Since my son has trouble remembering instructions from one minute to the next, I feel that it is unreasonable to expect that he should remember something for the entire day. Especially on a day where there is a change in routine as he requires consistency and is thrown off track when things vary just the slightest bit.
How do I deal with this teacher? My heart breaks for my son. I don't know how to make the school and his teacher understand him. I honestly feel as though the see him as a burden. What can I do?