lost | ADHD Information

they are not adopted. They live with their bio father and i. I am their step mom. Yes they had a social worker while they were in foster care. They are not in foster care anymore, we have full custody so ss is out of the picture. We do have brain injury services envolved and they have helped alot. I have looked for other sources through the net and found some but insurance does not cover. So i am saving up for something called a brain scanMy heart goes out to you.  I don't have any advice, and I don't have any experience with these issues, but God bless you for caring.  

[QUOTE=charlesandginny]he steals his fathers money, has stolen from his grandma(money) has taken his brothers money. We give him tons of changes to earn his money and he gets eager but then not even a day goes by and he steals. He steals my bracelets. He began this when he was moved from his firs foster home into a second one. [/QUOTE]

Exactly.  He's not stealing.  He's hoarding.  He's saving up for when he is moved, again, so that he has money to take with him.  It's a security issue.  Many of these older children who have been moved from home to home hoard.  It usually goes away on its own, but it takes awhile. 

wow i never thought of that. He has been doing this for 2yrs now since he was placed in his last foster care place. They told us with time and him adjusting here it would get better, but that it was just stealing for attention. is there anything we can say to him to re-assure him even more or do that he is here for good. It just brakes my heart that my boys had to go through all of this. But at the same time they are with us now and i know god has a great plan for them. Thanks all

When they are hoarding money, it's tough to deal with.  Food is a lot easier , which is another common thing for them to hoard.  My son hoarded miniature soaps, shampoos, toothpastes.  I found a whole bag of this stuff "hidden" in the bathroom, and I don't even want to think where he got it.  I probably should have been keeping a closer eye on him at WalMart .  It made perfect sense, though, because he had been a street kid and had lived in a lot of hotels, when his "parents" could afford a hotel.  He was used to taking these things from hotels and having them when he was on the street to clean up with. 

When I volunteered for CASA, I had a family I worked with who had a foster chid who hoarded money, and they gave the child 0 and put it in an "emergency jar," gave the jar to the child, and allowed the child to hide it wherever he wanted.  This worked for them, but it's a lot of money to just give a seven year old, so I don't know with your boy.   

The hoarding will definitely get better!  I absolutely promise it will!

he steals his fathers money, has stolen from his grandma(money) has taken his brothers money. We give him tons of changes to earn his money and he gets eager but then not even a day goes by and he steals. He steals my bracelets. He began this when he was moved from his firs foster home into a second one. Though oddly enough he is a big helper around the house and love to do it. He delights in helping. I have two other boys who love to help too so i can not always just use my lil one or else they think i am favoring him. It is very hard at times, they are so into competiton for my attention, i have to think hard then even harder before i do stuff like that. There bio mom left them alone in their rook and locked the door, and when she did give attention it was to the youngest (babying him) he acts like a baby when he is in trouble. and to the middle child who had all the uneccassary surgies, even though that was bad attention its still attention to them.Hello!  I also have had foster children, and I adopted my son from foster care when he was nine years old.  I am curious about your son's "stealing."  This is a very, very common behavior in the older adopted child, and it can tell you a lot about what's going on in the kid's head.  So, what kinds of things is he stealing? 

I just don't know what to do anymore. My 7yr old has been lying and stealing and now picking at his skin. We have tried different behavior modifications by what our doctor has told us, by what the school suggest. He seems to eager to want to change his behavior and then goes right back and does what he is not suppose to do.

Background info; He was taken from his bio mom and placed into foster care for 3yrs with his brothers. He has adhd and tbi, we think odd as well, foster parents have mentioned this. We just got his neuro eval done fuly, waiting on the paperwork in the mail. He was taken from his bio moms house on abuse, we don't know fully what happend to him. He is in ed in school and has speech classes too, he is very bright but its his behavior that keeps him behind(reason also why he is in special ed not reg class)he is on adderal xr and reg adderal for the afternoon, he is also on clonidine for help him go to sleep. He was in a car accident when he was 6months old wich resulted in the death of his sister. He does not remember but he recently has been mourning the loss of his sister after one of my close friends passed away. It seems to have opened up an old wound. He knows we love him and will not go anywhere but still is afraid due to what happend. We have full custody and his mom has moved away, her only rights were supervised visits, but she has moved and lost contact. We talk about her and i have them draw pictures for her and i keep pictures of her in the house. Cuase that's there mom and regardless they love her. It seems to be this past yr he has been remembering more but will not open up to anyone. Just says he is said. I just don't know what else to do for him, he is a great lil boy and i love him as my own(step mom i am)but i am afraid we are losing him and he is only 7

I have four adopted kids so I have some questions. Yes, it's different. First of all, did his birthmom have any psychiatric disorders s he may have passed on to her son? Did she drink or use drugs during her pregnancy? Was he ever abused by her or a foster family? Sexually abused? (I was told 90% of all foster kids are sexually abused somewhere). Although he's bright, does he understand how to socialize? Any odd movements, obsessions, fear of changes, poor eye contact? Did he see a NeuroPsych or a Neurologist? Has he ever seen a Psychiatrist? Do you feel he's attached to you? My son we adopted out of foster care is on the autism spectrum, but it was hard to get the right diagnosis since his family genetic history is not well known. That makes our kids harder to figure out. The social worker told us most foster kids are labeled ADHD because, to put more of a lable on them, makes it hard to get them adopted, However, often many other things are going on. And, yes, it's very hard to figure out kids unless you know the entire genetic history. Are there any post-adoption services through your foster care system or state children's services dept? It might really help if you could talk to a social worker or someone who has experience with all of these issues you and your children are going through.

We adopted our DS at age 7 months, and it is hard not knowing what is an adoption issue, what might be from the birthparents genetically, what is ADHD and what is normal!  Very confusing.

You are a great mom ! What you are doing for him is great. I am a stepmom of a 5 yr. old boy with adhd and we are atill getting him evaluated to check for other problems he has been having. He too steals, anything that he likes he just takes. He took a video game from his uncle, money, a snow globe from me and numerous other things. His bm and he move ALOT, when she does she gets rid of some of his toys and takes away his favorite things when he is bad and then never gives them back. Our doctor tells us that he is hoarding so that he has controle of things. Our doctor tells us that once he feels "safe" where he is he will get over it. So I am in the same boat with the stealing issue, it feels like it is never going to stop and you always have to check him when we leave a store or leave someones home. Hang in there.

[QUOTE=charlesandginny]He does not remember but he recently has been mourning the loss of his sister after one of my close friends passed away. It seems to have opened up an old wound. ... his mom has moved away, her only rights were supervised visits, but she has moved and lost contact.[/QUOTE]

I would take him to a counsellor specializing in grief in children, if you can. They'll know how to get out of him EXACTLY what's making him sad, and help him get it out of his system and move on. He's grieving the loss of his sister, and the abandonment by his mother. I'm not a psychologist, but it would seem to me that kids who feel they've lost something will try to find something they can KEEP. We can't control people and whether they stay with us, but we can control STUFF. And he's obviously thinking ahead to when he loses something again -instinctive self-preservation.

PB