It is ironic that I am often insecure and doubt my own abilities, but I too lose patience with people who don't having any confidence and who can't make decisions.
Maybe it is because I have enough to deal with without having to boost someones ego and help them decide.
I can relate to that. My self esteem was a hard won victory. It is painful for me interact with people like that. Not only is the behavior annoying, it is also really uncomfortable to be reminded of what I was once like. Double the stress factor. Makes me want to slap them upside the head and say, "Cut it out!"
A lot of times when someone feels inferior or insecure, they act defensively. I've been there.
However, now I feel relatively secure and I'm dealing with someone else who is insecure, and the defensive behaviors can be really annoying. I could spend lots of time and effort with this person, deal with more obnoxious behavior and likely eventually get through - or - I can look out for my own rights not to have to deal with the behaviour.
I have every right to stand up for myself - but, I know the other person needs that extra support. I can now see why people didn't take the time with me. I don't know if I'll do as much as this person needs - I probably won't. I can see it from the other side now.
My self-esteem is alright i guess (there is something about seeing an aircraft take off for the first time that i have designed you know) but i have a MAJOR problem dealing with stupid people, it sets me off like an atomic bomb.. very annoying (thankfully, since i started taking Lexapro, that has diminished a LOT).
I have (or had) a very good friend who I've known most of my life. We instantly bonded when we met in the seventh grade and were best friends ever since. When we were in our early twenties and both single, we were inseperable. Then when we were about 23 she moved across the country. We continued to talk frequently and she visited about twice a month. She works for an airline and could fly free anytime. We were both single, so it worked out good. Anyway, long story short...we're in our mid 30's now, both divorced (her twice) with no children. We went a couple years without talking....no fight or anything, just busy with our own lives and such. We reconnected on the phone about 3 years ago and instantly became close again. She was getting ready to go through a really painful divorce and I was soon to follow. Coincidence, I guess. Anyway, I'm trying to get to the point....LOL.....ADHD and all....
We are just not the same people anymore. I don't know if I've changed or she has or what, but we're like oil and water now. She came to visit last weekend and it ended early with both of us in tears. She's just soooooooo negative and like the world is out to get her. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells when I'm with her. She needs constant reassuring about her looks, clothes, hair, whatever. No matter what I say, it is not right. She gets her feelings hurt and pouts. But what really annoys me is she's constantly suspicious of everything I do. I have a great boyfriend who loves me and I love him. I love my job and am happy for the first time in a long time. I hate to see her so miserable and I've tried so hard to help her, but sometimes I feel like I'm making her more miserable. I was diagnosed ADHD about a year or so ago and have been medicated for it since then. Could it be that the medication is making us this way, or have we just grown apart?
Medication is a posibilty but so is getting burned too many times. Sometimes it takes a long long time to get back up when you get knocked down. Grown apart? Maybe but more likely just in two different places in your life. Sounds to me like she maybe depressed and needs help.Hey Country girl!
Thanks for replying. I think you're right about the depression. But there's no way I could tell her I think she's depressed. She's in a mind frame right now that she knows everything. And why is she so suspicious of everything I do? She accuses me of taking drugs or drinking because I'm happy. Anyway, neither of us has called the other since she left last weekend and I'm gonna keep it that way on my end. I'm not as upset as I thought I would be....I think you're right about getting burned too many times. It's just exhausting being around her. I hate to say that about someone I've called my best friend for the last 28 years. Don't you think I'm doing the right thing, or should I try to help her because she is CLEARLY miserable?
Perhaps it's like exsmokers who hate smoke. It is often more annoying to the ex-smoker than to a person who has never smoked.
However, isecure people don't annoy me. I have compassion for them. As far as my insecurites go, I still have them but have learned not to act on them. Meds are a great eye-opener.