Feeling Sad | ADHD Information
Hi everyone. I need some advice. Does anybody whose child has adhd every had any trouble with people not liking your child. It breaks my heart that my child is singled out. I own my own daycare with a friend. And my partners daughter who is 12 is so mean to only my son. They just got a new pool. And three of the older boys Jordan, Tyler and my son Dylan were standing on the deck. She said i only want Jordan and Tyler to go into the pool with me. I said well that was mean. I said you say your sorry to Dylan right now. She said sorry. But i know she didn't mean it. When i got home i cried. It hurts me so bad that kids are mean to him. He doesn't know they are being mean. Either that or he doesn't care. I have tried to get him to stay home with my boyfriend for the summer. But he enjoys being with the kids. My son is 8. I told my partner what what said. Shes mean to him to. She doesn't care. Please has anybody gone throgh this or am i the only one. Thanks Nerak
That's hard. Children can be very mean, especially in a small group setting like you describe. Can you schedule 30 minutes every day where you sit these kids down in a circle, including yours, and talk about how to treat people with respect, read stories about it, make up stories--do something creative? And then maybe tell them that you really want them to be nice to each other, and if they do it all day they get a reward, and if they don't they get a consequence? Perhaps praise them when they are treating each other with respect?Thank you everyone. For all the wonderful responses. It's nice to know i am not alone.I am new here but looking around and yes I have experienced this kind of problem. My son has Adhd as well and he too is treated unfairly in school and by children as well as adults. I try to handle it as gracefully as I can without letting on to much to him that something is wrong his self image is not the best as it is and we are curently working on bettering it with the phycologist. The olny suport that I can give is kind of the same as some of the previous advice talk to the adult in charge of the kid. which it sounds like you did or try to address it in a nonthreatening way with the children in a group or remove your son from the situation and dicuss with him how it makes him feel. Sometimes they do realize what is going on and it is not that they don't pay atention to it but that they don't know how to address it themselves and that is where you can teach those all important social skills. that sometimes are hard for any child little lone one with ADHD. At any rate hang in there I hope for the best for you and your son. Hey he is about my sons age he is 7 so you are not alone.if your partner is mean to a child any child she should not be running a daycare.i know i would not want that kind of person near my child.
it is a hard situation since you work with that person.her child is not the real problem,her mother is,the little girl is just copying her.
nobody is mean to my child but he is only 4 and so i have been told charming,it could be that when he is older i will encounter that problem i hope not with my temper it could mean fireworks.
have you read some of the other posts,some of them are very similar to yours.
good luck,i hope you and your son find friends that deserve you
Yep, we can totally relate to this. It was getting worse and worse the older my son got. He wouldn't hurt a fly and is extremely empathetic, but because he's not "super cool", he would be deemed unacceptable to socialize with - especially with the same group of kids all thru school. A new kid would move into the neighbourhood in the summer & hang out with my son... then when they'd all get to school, the long-standing stigma of my son's play-worthiness (for lack of a better term) would show up, and the new kid would be informed that my son was not on the A-list, and was to be avoided. That sort of thing drives me absolutely BONKERS. My son had no idea that this was happening, but of course would notice when his older brother was constantly hanging out with buddies, being invited to birthday parties, etc., and he wasn't. So sad.
My son was dx'd at 11 (with ADD, inattentive type) and went on Adderall XR, and he's now 12. Since starting the meds, it's like his blinders have been taken off. It's got it's good side and it's bad: Bad, cuz he can see how shallow his peers can be and that's pretty depressing; Good, cuz he now picks up on those fine nuances about social behaviour that he was doing before that were considered immature or "weird", and can choose to change them ... or not. It's a bit of maturity as well as the meds, I'm sure.
The one thing I did want to say was that I met with his teacher this year (and the principal and the counsellor) to discuss some of these bullying/inclusion issues. The teacher was awesome, and like someone else suggested, shared stories with her class regularly on caring, inclusion, hurt feelings, etc. It really worked. She also observed closely who she thought might be a good fit with my son, then informed me. I had to push and prompt my son to invite this boy over (which he was scared to do, after being burned many times in the past). The teacher was right, and they were a great fit ... and have been hanging around a lot ever since. All it takes is one or two good friends to build up a child's confidence, and then it spills out to other areas of their life.
As a daycare provider, you are in a pretty powerful position to share these lessons with the kids in your care... especially when your partner is unconcerned. You have the right to voice your opinion on this as a mother, but even more so as a partner in a business that has ChildCARE as it's mandate.
I hope you can figure out the best way to get the message thru to them all, and they listen. Good luck,
PB
I get this all the time. Some people are very ignorant as they instantly judge children on the way they look. If a child has down sydrome for instance you can see a disability but with adhd because they cannot see it they [resume there is nothing wrong with them. I find it very frustrating although if I am honest I was probably guilty of this myself before i had kyle but my outlook on this has changed as I am now educated in the matter. perhaps if you sit down with Your partner and explain exactly what adhd is she will understand better if she is stiil the same after the conversation I do not personally feel she should be in a daycare enviroment. I own and run a pre-school and all of my staff are very well educated in disabilities and if they had this attitude with children i would not hasten to say that they were no longer employed by me. I hope this helps you. Chell You are definately Not alone in feeling this way. I see it all the time with my son, the other kids not liking him. He always asks why his sister always has playdates, and he can't. I try to tell him to try asking someone to play, but he just doesn't, or can't. I even see it at karate class. When the sensei tells everyone to pick partners, my son is usually the last on standing there. My heart breaks! He isn't mean to anyone there, he just doesn't know how to get involved. Good luck, and you can pm me anytime you need to talk. Good luck, DonnaBullying is a serious problem. Do you know that some teachers blame the bullied victims? They say things like, "he has a social deficit". It is obnoxious.Last year three kids attacked my son on his birthday in gym class with mini lacrosse sticks. Also a kid slammed my son's head onto his desk. The teacher said my son's social skills were at issue.
I discovered that the school districts should have a written anti bully policy. Please visit http://www.bullypolice.org/
I NEVER NEED TO INTERVENE WITH JUDE
3 6 years old tried to push him(jude is 4),he bit one kicked one and punched the other one,they all went running crying to mummy.
i guess he has my temper
,on a more serious note bukkying is a thing we all have to deal with and unfortunately sometimes the parents are worst than the kids
I recently called the parents of two kids who were calling my twelve year old kid names involving hatred of gays. One of the two bullies also had grabbed my son in the private anatomy. When I spoke to the parents individually on the phone and told them that I would not stand for this behavior, they assured me that the behavior would end. That very afternoon, one of the bullies called me and apologized. I said "I think that there is someone else you need to talk to" and then as I handed the phone to my son I said " there is someone on the phone who wants to apologize to you." My son was very relieved when he got the apology. The kids are not bullying him now.
Stick up for your child. Tell bullies that you will not stand for this behavior. Tell their parents the same thing.
I must mention that I advocate a label and drug free education. I think that the ADHD label is bad for kids for quite a few reasons. If you'd like to read more about parents with this philosophy, please visit http://www.ablechild.org/
It is harder on parents then the kids my sisters kid is totally mean to my child and when no one is looking will hurt her. I have her in tak won do this summer and will try to continue it so she could knock the little brat out if he tries to hurt her. She also dances so money will get even tighter. My family I avoid for I have given up they are always making excuses and do not see a problem saying "oh kids will be kids you cannot coddle her". It also does bother me at parks when kids try to take advantage of her and I am always there to intervene.
Talk to your co-worker about how you are feeling about her kid or kids and see how it goes so at least you expressed your concerns. Good luck jill
Visit http://www.bullypolice.org/ for some wise advice.My son has this problem too. He doesn't ahve too many friends. There is a girl who will occasionally come over for a bit. Her older brother is mean to my son though. He wanted to hit him with a football last time he was riding his bike. There is another boy my son plays with sometimes. His cousin is mean to my son. Thank goodness the cousin isn't around too often. What's almost as bad if not worse is when adults are mean to ADHD kids.