Thank you everyone, for your replies. I will take all the help I can get. I guess what makes it harder for my family is that my son needs routine and structure, and i am very undisciplined in that. My husband has his routine, but if my son wants to do something he is very easy to say yes, as not to hear him argue with him. My husband has very little patience. After reading articles and listening to the advice given to me, i am trying to make rules for my family and routines for all of us that will work. If anyone has advice on that, that would be great. I work full-time during the day and need to find something that will work for us, dinner time, bedtimes, etc.
Thanks T.
My son is almost 8 and many nights he still ends up by me. It's nothing to do with anxiety, it's mostly convenience for us. He wakes up to go to the bathroom, which is down a dark hall, even though there is a night light in the bathroom. I sleep like the dead, so it's almost always my husband who gets up to take him there. On the way back, my son just detours into our room and my husband goes to our son's room. He actually will go back to sleep in his own bed, but daddy always lets him take the easy route and finish up the night by me. We've been having a discussion about ending this, but dad really doesn't like to tackle it., he'd rather hurry back to sleep.
As for the sports, our son has inherited my natural poor-sportedness. I absolutely hate to lose, and can remember throwing some hideous rows about it as a child. We all love baseball as well, but because all of our skill levels are so different, we mostly just do batting practice or play "everyone hits", where all the players on a team get to bat and there are no set number of outs. When the team has gone all through their batting order, their "ups" are over. It really eases lots of frustrations.
My husband recognizes that our son has some challenges and presents some challenges, but I think that men in general want to be able to tough it out, so to speak. Like, if they are hard on them, they boys will get over the adhd symptoms and be "normal." Oh, men!
My son (8 adhd) sleeps in his own bed, he has since he was a newborn. he's unusually independent. But that's fine with me. As for holding your son back this year... I know exactly what you feel like. I pondered over it and we (my dh, teacher from this year, last year, and the rest of the school clan including myself) all sat down and talked about it - out side of an ARD. I really didn't want to hold him back, but I'd rather do it now than him fail later. He's a bit of a slow reader and mentally a year behind. So, we decided to hold him back. I really hated to do it, but my nephew tha is going into the 8 grade got the news we were thinking about it, and called me. he told me that one child failed the 7th grade and now every one calls him names and picks on him. Then he followed up with this, "the kids that are making fun of him, were held back in the 2nd - 4th grades and they don't get made fun of." lol go figure. Then watching tv one night, i was thinking about if I didn't hold him back, where would he be in highschool? If he would catch up by then. And if he didn't and struggled and/or failed, how would that affect his getting into college, and pulling his grade point adverage. When I realized that holding him back now, his chances into getting into a better college, i didn't hesitate. He's staying in the 2nd grade. My goal is for him to not have an iep or 501 when he is in high school. He makes a/b honor roll, but it's a modified lesson plan. i had his teacher grade him w/o the modifications so i could see where he is really at, and he was a very LOW D's in reading. So, the decision is now final. He will be a better student in high school. But, my case is different from yours. I just wanted to tell you what made me decided. Good luck and Welcome to the board!
hi
it seems your having a tough time i can relate believe me. my son has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and is taking CONCERTA he recently started this so time will tell.the Dr. is a add/adhd specialist and has had great results with her patients on this.With your husband perhaps you can take him w/you to the Dr's to have him better understand your son and is condition and find to find ways to interact deal with this.find something your son loves to do and have your husband interact with him on that.Another thing is sounds like this is really taking a toll on you and your family .i know how that can be !!!
perhaps you should find a different Dr.that can take some actions for all of your sakes .some one who specializes in this .It is so frustrating for a child with this to try and relate how they want to be
be fixed in a sense. i live in the united states as well as you do.i can give you her # or talk to her about some one in your area that will HELP!
Your fellow Indorer
Welcome! In terms of your son coming into bed with you at night, it sounds as if he has some anxiety along with ADHD (and you don't say whether he's on meds, but stimulants can exacerbate anxiety). You might want to have your son evaluated by a child psychiatrist for mood issues. And in terms of your husband doing things with your son that don't cause conflict, try to encourage fun non-competitive activities like hiking, swimming or even going to Starbucks to talk one-on-one. They don't need a competitive sport like backyard baseball to build a relationship. Because the relationship part is honestly more important than teaching your son how to play baseball. Good luck. SmallMom38880.2861689815our son is 4 and still comes at night in our bed,we just put him back in his bed,it took months but now we only have to do this once and sometimes he stays in his bed all night.
it is easier that he takes melatonin at night now
My nine year old son was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago. In the year I have been trying to educate myself, and get him the help he needs at home and school. Finally, I have gotten the school to do a full evalution to see if he qualifies for special education and to have an IEP in place. He struggles mostly in reading comphrehension and writing. He is in 3rd grade. We are still waiting for the school to finish up with testing. They wanted to keep him back this year. I have mixed feelings on what I shoud, but decided to wait to see what the tests say to make my decision. Anyway at home we have some issues for the most part I can deal and tolerate, because I am a very patient person. My husband on the other hand is at a lost on how to accept some of the behaviors I have. Although he was never diagnosised, I believe after educating myself, he may have adhd also. My husbands biggest thing is that my son still comes in our bed at night. Can anyone tell me if they have that same problem? And the other big issue is when he tries to play sports with him, like backyard baseball, my son will get very upset and yelling when he is out or he doesn't agree. Can anyone offer any help on how to get my husband to understand how to do things with our son without giving up doing this with him. Any help, advice would be great.
Thanks T.
thanks for the advice. I am trying to explain that to my husband, as he is very competive in sports and I am trying to make him realize he, my son, is not the same as him when it comes to activities. My son does have some anxiety issues, in which we are working on. Son's dr is waiting to see if aniexty is coming from teacher at school, or elsewhere. He has had a very tough year this year with teacher not understanding.
Scotdaddy about the Melatonin - my son's doctor recommended we give it to him at night to help him settle, he has a hard time falling to sleep also, but I was nervous to give it to him because the first night I did, he fell asleep so fast it was kind of scary.
Also sorry he currently doesn't take any stimulant medicines for ADHD, he started Adderall about 5 months ago, but he was having more aniexty and he was zombie like while on the medicine. Under his drs supervision we stopped giving him the medication and are waiting for further diagnosis as far as the anxiety issues..
Thanks again for the advice..T