Help with changing aggressive behaviors | ADHD Information
Hi, Parents: I have posted here on and off the last several months. My ds is turning four tomrrow and has been diagnosed ADHD. He is extremely advanced intellectually, but socially very young. We have tried several different stimulant meds and all have the effect of making him more hyperactive and making his "skin crawl." So, he is unmedicated.After some success changing his aggressive behaviors toward other children, we are starting to have problems again. Typically he will push other children, try to control their behaviors (like shoving my niece out the front door when she is trying to come in, because he doesn't want her to come in), and hitting them with his hands or with toys. Despite an extremely advanced vocabulary, he does not communicate his feelings about things verbally (like not wanting my niece to come in -- he just screams and pushes her outside). He gets upset and frustrated easily, but does not really rage. I have continually punished for such behaviors (time out, losing privileges, etc) and talked with him about what would be better alternatives to hitting. No luck so far.
Has anyone had experience with mild aggression like this? Have you read any books, had any luck with your own techniques? Whatever I am doing is not working. We can't afford behavior mod therapy right now: I am unemployed and we have no health insurance.
Thanks. Susan
There are social skills books for ADHD kids (for you to read). I would consider this more of a social skills problem than an aggression problem. Also, my city offers recreation classes this time of year, and one is an inexpensive martial arts class. Do you have something like that? They teach self-control, respect, and so forth. And this may sound silly, but when my son was four I drew a picture of a road that forked into a happy face and a sad face. I put the picture on the frig. Every morning I asked if he was going to chose the happy road or the sad road today. Worked like a charm. NoTellin38887.3657638889
How close to school-age is your son? This may sound weird, but I worked with a woman whose son was very advanced and also tried to control everyone in his sphere. When he was ready to go to school, they put him in a French immersion school. They speak only very limited English, and actually don't begin to learn English grammar and spelling until 3rd grade. Not knowing any French really levels the playing field and provides a great challenge! It won't help your aggression issue, but it's something to think about.
BPQW38886.9574537037Hon, I had a son first dxd. ADHD who ended up actually having high functioning autism. These kids tend to talk like "little professors", be very bright, but have social skills that are CLUELESS and some don't even enjoy the company of other kids. The behaviors you describe are more charactoristic of Aspergers Syndrome than ADHD. Check the DSM. I posted several links for you. Only a NeuroPsych, who doest extensive performance testing, is good for diagnosing something like Aspergers. Without the proper type of testing, your child can go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. Stims often don't work on kids on the Autism Spectrum. My son couldn't take them, which clued me in that it was more than ADHD, as did his "quirky" behavior. ADHD kids talk too much, often jump from topic to topic, but TRY to be social and will usually share. Some are bossy, but they attempt to be social. Asperger's kids talk AT people, not to them--no give-and-take, and often speak in long monologues about topics that nobody else cares about. I'd see a NeuroPsych (no plain psycologist, Pediatrician, therapist, or even Child Psychiatrist--this isn't their field). Aggression is not listed on the DSM for ADHD. Here you go. Good luck with your journey on diagnosing. We had a rough time before my son got properly diagnosed, but he's done so well since. These kids need different interventions than kids with ADHD. Their social cluelessness is much worse than those with ADHD. By the way, I"m OlderMom, but I couldn't log on so I had to change my handle--AGAIN--lol.
www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/frame2.html
www.childbrain.com/pddassess.html
www.autism-pdd.net/forum/default.asp
MomWI38887.1625810185I agree with MomWI. I think you're dealing with something other than ADHD, and your son need a thorough evaluation and proper diagnosis. Neuropsychologists are found at university and children's hospitals. Sometimes these hospitals have autism clinics that can set you on the right path. Good luck.
my son is also 4 and unmedicated.
we also have a mild problem with aggresion and destruction otfen towards his older sister.it is hard to try to get him distracted as when he has a bee in his bonnet,he will have none of it.
we try to get him occupied as much as we can and try to socialise him as much as we can but with only one child at the time.
we also get him to play a lot with our daughter ,it is easier as she is 10 and can defend herself.
Thanks for your responses. DS has been diagnosed with ADHD by both a behavioral pediatrician at All Children's Hospital and a child psychologist. Do the differences between Aspergers and ADHD become more apparent as the child gets older? Or is his age not really a factor? When I ask him to verbalize what he has "done wrong" after he has hit another child, he can verbalize correctly what he has done, but does not get, I think, WHY he should not do it. I do see some of his behaviors as fitting the dsm criteria (thanks for the link) but not other behaviors.He starts pre K in August and has an IEP in place based upon those two physicians' reports....
he could be aggressive because of frustration,not because of somethingelse than ADHD.
my docs say that with age he will understand better his ADHD and have more control over his frustration.
Aspergers is much milder than other ASD, but it definitely is often misdiagnosed as ADHD. The kids do well in school classes, but are socially clueless. Check the DSM post I put up on both ADHD and ASD. ADHD is not mainly a social problem disorder. Aspergers is. That's the main symptom. The kids just don't know how to relate to other kids. Like all kids, they have some animation. Some seem very low key and less animated than other kids, but they don't talk or act like robots. Most with Aspergers are missed until almost the teen years. My close friend has a 29 year old with Aspergers. He was misdiagnosed until his 20's--IQ is 160. They said he had ADHD. He is not functioning well at all, in spite of a high IQ and has never been able to hold a job. He lacks common sense, although he can fluently speak three languages. I believe in "better to be safe than sorry." Without interventions, kids with ASD get very lost and it tends to escalate in the teen years. Professionals mistake the high intelligence for something less severe than part of autism. I know many Aspie kids from the ASD group we belong to. Good luck :)I was told that not getting the WHY part has to do with an executive function deficit. Attention Deficit Disorder is linked to faulty executive functions. "Executive functions include such higher level abilities as abstract reasoning, logical analysis, hypothesis testing and cognitive flexibility."Thank you all, this is some great insight. I am still fairly comfortable with the ADHD diagnosis (he does not have difficulty showing or processing emotion, or difficulty relating to others in what I see as the autism kind of way -- this is what I get with my imaginary MD ), but I AM going to ask to his doctor to re-look at the possibility of Asperger's and get another referral for evaluation. It doesn't hurt to be sure.Best regards.
.IMac38944.8746643519THanks. Sometimes my puter crashes and I lose all my ID's and passwords and have to sign up for new ones, but I hope it's still obvious who I am :) I'm not trying to fool anyone
hmmm, interesting, I do see some similarities. Thanks again, you are always helpful, even with your new ID. 