Awful neighbour | ADHD Information

I posted a long time age about a lady who was being nasty to my son. If anyone remembers I called her mean mom. Anyhow her daughter "Sally" waved Brandon over when he was out riding his bike in the parking lot of their building. So he went. Then "Martha" her mom came out. Martha told Brandon that he called Sally a bi**h and wasn't playing with her properly. Sally is never allowed off her balcony down to the parlking lot so she never plays with anyone unless she's at school. Apparently Sally said previously that I was a snob and a liar. Sally tells her mom everything. I have explained to Brandon in the past that Martha is not right and he should ignore her. She yells at Sally and lectures the poor girl for hours. Sally likely tunes her out. Martha kept on yelling at Brandon from her balcony so Brandon rode off. I guess she was ranting and raving. I think I will tell Sally to tell Martha to come and talk to me and leave Brandon alone. Doe sthis sound like a good idea? I'm not sure if it will work. Sally told Brandon that Martha won't take her to the bus stop sincec she's afraid of me. LOL coward will pick on kids and yell at them though.I would love to speak directly to Martha but I think she would walk away and not listen. I just don't appreciate her yelling at my son in fornt of the whole building. She should speak with me. I just don't want the problems to continue. One day she was laughing at Brandon and making fun of him from her balcony. This is not appropriate as far as I'm concerned. Any suggestions?You absolutely should tell Martha if she has a problem with your son she needs to come to you and leave your son alone. Absolutely, no question in my mind.I think instead, I would probably just phone the cops and tell them that some lady is harassing your son. I don't think adult matters should be handled through children, personally, so I would not speak to the child about her mother. I also don't believe that you are going to get through to someone that would laugh, tease, and yell at someones child anyway. I think your best chance at getting it to stop would be to have the police chat with her

I have never been known for my tact and diplomacy. But I do get results, mostly...

Causing a scene, when done with planning and enthusiasm does get great results. Yelling at her in front of the whole building will shut her up. If you do it correctly.

The key points when in a shouting match are:

1) Get in touch with your anger. It will come through in your tone. People like this woman understand emotion more than words. She will know if you are bluffing.

2) Keep it short, yelling long sentences is no good.

3) Start out with exactly what you want - "Do not ever speak to my son again."

4) Have your threats lined up - that is where it goes next. Think of two or three things that sound bad and are at least based in fact. "The next time you yell at my son, I am calling the cops and report you for harrasing a minor." or "If I ever hear you so much as speak to my son, I will report you to CPS for verbally abusing your daughter."

5) Do not argue or respond to anything she says. Continue to shout #2, adding colorful descriptions of the woman's intelligence and lack of sanity. Refrain from swearing.

6) You will know from the look in her eyes when and if you have made your point. Stop shouting. Go back inside and slam your door. Then forget all about the stupid cow.

Best wishes and good luck!

I would definately try and talk to the mum, if she doesn't listen and walks away then how about popping a note through her door? If that doesn't stop her from being horrible to your son then I would call the police. If anybody has a problem with my kids I expect them to come to me!

She lives in the building across from me. Personally I think that if I yell at her in front of people we would both end up looking foolish. That makes me no better then her. I also think she will walk away if I happen to see her outside and try and get this solved. I don't want to do this in front of the kids. I have a friend in her building. So I think putting a note on her door is a great idea.

Reisa, I sure don't want to mess with you.

I don't think yelling is the answer either. Just teaches your kid (and others) this is how to resolve matters. I think the note idea is good. But be careful what you say as she could have "proof" when you put something in writing.

Why oh why are their people like this lady.

I don't know.

i don't think having a shouting match outside is good either but threatening her with bodily harm if she goes near your son could work

i tried it on my neighbour and i lost my temper,boy she regretted it,there were no ones else around and the kids were inside so it wasn't too bad.

lovemyboy,

I also think that approaching a confrontational woman with more confrontation will only inflame the situation more because a person like this thrives on confrontation. It might scare her off temporarily but its a temporary solution to a long term problem. It also teaches chidlren that conflict resolution is done with anger and fighting. I had my share of fights with neigbhors when my son was young and the neighbor you speak of sounds very much like a woman that lived two doors down from me. She was yelling at my son constantly but I wasnt aware until he came to me in tears saying that the lady down the street told him that his parents were probably sorry he was ever born He was throwing grapes into her yard so she went on to say the most horrbile things to him.

Well, that did it! I approached her and I had my kids and my husband with me. I was the only one that spoke. I kept my voice low and calm and told her that if she had issues with my son and if he was annoying her that badly, she should have come to me instead of bringing my child to tears with her hurtful words. I continued to keep myself calm and told her if she ever verablly abused my son again or even spoke to him I would file a law suit against her for harrassment and deformation of character. Also, Auntie also had a good idea about the cops. However, call your local police department and ask them if you can go in and file a harrassment complaint against the woman. They will put the complaint on file so the next time she yells at your son, you call the police station and give them the complaint number and at that point they have to pay her a visit and have a talk with her. Thats how it works where I live anyway as I've done that too with another neighbor but give them a call and find out.

I had another issue where a man was harrassing my son in the past. He told my son that he would call the police if he went around his kids again. Now the kids all played outside together. I called the police to see if anything could be done about him and they said no. So I don't know if they would do anything about her or not.

lovemyboy, let me play devil's advocate and ask if there is something your son is doing to provoke this response from some adults about their children? I know that stings, but if you look at it now, you might be able to resolve it a little so that it doesn't happen again in the future. Chances are, though, that your child has just had the bad fortune to run into a few completely clueless adults.

It is the hardest thing in the world to try to teach our children that there are some people who just won't like them. We have neighbors with two children, two boys about my son's age. He wants desperately for them to like him and to come and play at our house. He asks again and again and they always say no, they're going somewhere, or they'll call if they want to come later (which they never do). My son has lots of friends at school and has kids over just about every week, but for some reason these two just don't like him or their parents just don't want them associating. So, I've had to start letting my boy know that there are people who are just not friendly, and it has nothing to do with him, and that he's only going to get his feelings hurt if he keeps asking them to play. He says it can't hurt to ask. That's a child for you!

Good luck to you and hugs to your son.

I was talking with the building superintendent that our 2 buildings share today. He said that Martha is not all there and to do nothing. He said that she could make life difficult for me by saying that Brandon yells up to their balcony and rides his bike around the parked cars. Who knows what else she amy say. I think they are moving soon anyways.

Oh, I forgot to ask: are your two buildings owned by the same agent? If so, you may be able to lodge a complaint with the management. We lived a townhouse complex once, next to a lesbian couple. These ladies were very nice to the adults, but would swear at the kids if they played in the common area by their unit. I listened inside my door one day and called the management office and lodged a complaint. They were told to cease and desist talking to the children in the complex and to call the office if they had a problem. They moved shortly after that.stay away from people that are "not there",i learnt the hard way although i won

Knowing me I would have approached her and told her not to ever adress my child to speak to me only and threaten to charge her with harrassment the next time. She has no business yelling at your child, she obviously has issues.

i would have approached her too... i would have been as nice as i could be... and explain to her that if she has something to say to MY child she could say it to me... and if she couldn't say it to me then don't say it to MY child...most likely she would have started yelling at me and then i would have ended up in jail.... i guess you shouldn't listen to me

[QUOTE=sheri.m]

[/QUOTE]

totally agree! i'll double that!

I told Brandon that Martha's parking lot is out of his boundaries. He told Sally. Brandon told me today that Sally told him they are moving at the end of June!

Direct confrontation is definitely not a skill for the faint of heart. Women are taught to be nice, get along... and all that. We are not taught or encouraged to solve problems with confrontation. But we are capable of it. It is a valid way to solve problems. Men do solve problems this way when necessary.

I started learning to deal with confrontation as a kid. My dad was a teacher at every school I attended. There was always some crazy punk trying to harrass me. Running to an adult wasn't usually an option, and made things worse the next time. So, I learned how to deal with them myself. I never once got in a physical fight, and only actually got loud twice. (As a kid.) It is hard to explain...

When somebody is WAY out of line, the mild mannered, friendly, quiet, shy girl transforms into "SUPER ALPHA BI**H" in less than .2 seconds. There is no thought in my head that the person will do anything but back down. Bullies and crazy people are basically weak little kids on the inside. The same thing that works with kids will work on them, simply add some extra anger and force of will.

If there is even the slightest wavering of dominance -- then it becomes a fight. FYI, don't ever mess with somebody who is truly insane - none of this applies to people on drugs or hallucinating. For everybody else, when all else fails -- people WILL NOT continue to mess with me. Life is too short for that crap.

I am not a good example either for I would have spoken my mind told her off then walked away but I know myself.

Woo hoo! How many days in June? Pfft..

LESS THAN TWO WEEKS UNTIL HER GOING AWAY PARTY!