My son broke the car window | ADHD Information
Thank you to all those who responded to my post. I am so thankful to have found some parents that can relate and help. I'm almost afraid to tell other parents around me about these kind of things because they just look at me like my son is a demon or something. I really appreciate the fact that you all took the time to talk with me.
Early this morning, after my husband left for work, my son climbed into my bed, hugged me, and said, "I'm so sorry I threw a rock and smashed the car window, Mommy." I told him that I forgive him but that it was a pretty bad thing and that we would have to do some hard work today to try and make it better. He asked me if Daddy was still mad. I told him that Daddy was pretty upset but still loves him and would probably feel better when he sees how hard we worked today. We spent the rest of the morning getting rid of the rocks from the yard. He worked pretty hard. One of my daughters (8 years old) felt bad for him and pitched in so we could get it done faster.
I'm still a little worried about the window and hoping my boy learned something but am feeling pretty good about seeing my daughter feel empathy for her brother. Also, we did finally get rid of those darn rocks and I got to connect with all of you. I know that these hard situations happen for reasons.
Many of our kids have a hard time making a connection between things in terms of experience. Your son may now know not to throw rocks at the car window because he could break one, but not realize that he could break a house window for example. His reasoning ability can't reach as far as seeing possible problems.Its good that you got rid of the rocks and that he had to help, but he still needs to know that he will be punished for throwing rocks. If he can't grab the concept that he is never to throw rocks, he could very well throw the next rock he sees at the park, playground, on the street, whatever and seriously injure someone.
Please be sure that you are emphasizing that he is being punished for throwing the rock, period, and that it isn't for breaking the window.
Stick around, jodilee, and pretty soon you'll be a senior member who's comforting the newbie with sympathy, advice and experience! I'm glad you're here! Can you get the part from a junk dealer? Sometimes they have the same type car in their yard and will take it off and sell it to you. We did that when we needed a new tail light lens.
About the impulsivity. You definitely need to provide some consequences of not thinking before you do something. With ADD kids it has to be taught and this is the way to teach it. Some kid told my ds that if he pulled his pants down and pretended to hump the seat on the bus that he'd get . So he did and he got expelled for 3 days, but guess what? He didn't get the . After that, the doctor said the Ritalin helps control impulsivity, so we put him on Ritalin LA. So far, there have been no more impromtu appearances of Mr. Happy. I can laugh now, but then I cried for 3 days straight! And because rocks continue to be a problem, you should simplify the environment by removing them all from your yard. That would be an appropriate chore for your son to help with.
Thank you SmallMom. I really do feel much better. I should do this more often. I am much more on top of the situation with my eldest daughter. I maybe could help someone else. I have often thought of joining a support group but have never done it. I think I will try to sleep now. My son and I have a long day ahead of us full of hard labor! Goodnight.
I don't think he meant it either but I'm afraid if I don't do something he will learn that it's no big deal. We already put plastic around the window because it may rain tonight but I suppose I could make him do chores around the house tomorrow. I'm not sure exactly what. Thank you so much for answering. I have been searching for online chats and have been unsuccessful. I just feel I need a plan of action and then I can maybe sleep some tonight. I am just sick over the window and how we will pay for it but am more troubled about my son and what to do about him. He really has such a sweet disposition but is always getting in trouble with this kind of impulive behavior.Great idea about him removing the rocks. That is so awesome!!!
You must be a parent of an ADHD child?
He has been in trouble for throwing rocks in the past. We have been trying to get rid of them from the yard. I don't like them anyway! It's like he just picks them up and throws without thinking about the consequence. He once threw one over the fence and it landed in the neighbors pool. The neighbor was pretty upset and my son was very scared. I would have thought that would have kept him from ever doing it again but it hasn't.When my kids broke a window -- in anger, but not meaning to break a window -- I had them help their dad patch it up with cardboard the next day. I also gave them extra chores around the house to earn money that they then needed to put toward the cost of replacing the window. I also told them how much it cost to fix the window so that they had some concept of how much their "accident" cost the family. To my way of thinking, kids learn much more from an experiential consequence than lots of talk and lecturing. I don't think your son meant to break the window, and I'm guessing he's upset by his mistake. I think he will learn from making appropriate amends. JMHO.What was the trigger for his throwing the rock?
No trigger. He wasn't upset. He was just playing in the yard.
I have a 9 year old daughter with ADD. She is not hyper but my 5 year old son is. He has NOT been diagnosed with ADHD yet but I am feeling more and more like he has it. I have just not wanted to face it. Earlier this evening he threw a rock through the window of our minivan and shattered the window. He was pretty freaked out about and I was shocked. I sent him to his bed as it was close enough to bedtime anyway and I did not want him to be up when his father got home to see what had happened. My big question is: How do I punish him for this when I am somewhat sure that he has impulse problems (ADHD)? He has been told many, many times not to throw rocks. I just don't know what to do or say when he wakes up in the morning. I would so appreciate any replies with advice. I don't even think I can sleep tonight. We really can't afford to replace the window. My husband was working so late because we are in real financial trouble as it is. I know my son does not understand this but I need to somehow get across to him that what he did is just so unacceptable.
Actually, my 13-year-old son's first dx 3 years ago was ADHD and anxiety. After taking Zoloft for anxiety last fall, he had a prolonged intense manic reaction that caused nightly raging for months (hence, my experience with broken windows). His pdoc strongly suspects he has bipolar disorder, with ADHD and anxiety coming under that umbrella dx. I also have an 11-year-old daughter with suspected bipolar disorder as well. Over the years, I've done tons of reading on ADHD and have also taken parenting classes that have helped me deal with my kids in encouraging and positive ways.
I hope you get some sleep tonight.
I've been through the exact same thing with my son. He loves to throw rocks. Don't know why, but he does. We have lectured him for YEARS not to throw rocks in the yard, something will get broke, etc. In his eyes, he wasn't aiming for anything, wasn't hitting anything, and it's fun, so what's the harm, and listen to mom and dad, are you kidding?
. Then about a year ago his aim was a bit off and he shattered the window on my car. "New" car by the way. We had only had it for less then a month.
He was scared, and upset, didn't want to tell us, felt horrible, yet I was still furious because we had told him a 100 times before not to throw rocks, and didn't have a spare 0 dollar laying around either. In his eyes, it was an "accident" because after all he didn't intentionally mean to break the window, he was just "throwing rocks" *pulling out my hair*.
So we had a long talk about why it's not okay to throw rocks, again. I made it clear that although I realize his intention was not to break the window, had he followed our original rules and not thrown rocks in the yard, it wouldn't have happened. We explained that we realize throwing rocks is fun, but we don't give him rules to stop him from having fun, we have rules to keep him, and property safe. The "no rock throwing" rule was put in place because as adults, with experience, we knew that throwing rocks could end up with something being broke. So even though he didn't mean to break the window, he did break a rule and because of it, a window was broken, which is why the rule was there in the first place.
It finally all clicked with him, why the rule was there, why we don't throw them in the yard, why we were upset over something he didn't intentionally do, etc.
He has stopped throwing rocks in the yard too
.
We also made him do some chores to pay for some of the cost. Of course it didn't come close to paying for it, but it was more to teach him, then to pay for it. We wanted to enforce that we have things because we work hard, and have to pay for them. When they break, we have to work hard again, and pay for them. So he would have to do some work to help pay for the window just as we do.
Just a window tip. Do some comparison shopping. Prices vary a lot. Also ask if they have any replacement guarantee's. The place we went to, guaranteed my window for life. They will do rock chip repair for free...I figured that may come in handy some day