No phone calls yet!!!!!!!
AdHd, aspies, I truely believe they are all on a big spectrum and are all linked somehow...someday they will realize that. So many kids don't fit 100 pct into any one thing. And the numbers are growing...who knows, someday they will be the majority of our kids and the schools will change to meet their needs. Then the "NORMAL" children will be in special classrooms! HA!
I can totally relate to you. My 12 year old does stupid things and then he realizes he messed up and throws a fit and makes it worse. If he just kept quiet the kids would forget but he freaks out trying to make himself the "class clown". Or he'll start saying "I'm an idiot" really loudly.
We try to teach him to breath deeply and try to keep calm when he starts to feel wild.
Anyhow, he's at sleepaway camp and last year we got a phone call that he was getting silly and kissed a boy and the kids were calling him gay so of course he freaked out and wanted to go home. But he didn't and made it through, though he didn't really make friends.
He wanted to go back again so he's there now and every time the phone rings I get a pit in my stomache but 3 days in, no phone calls.
Do you have examples of what he says? Does he have give-and-take conversations? Does he talk about one thing a lot and in detail, even if nobody cares? What bothers you about what he says?[QUOTE=MomWI]Do you have examples of what he says? Does he have give-and-take conversations? Does he talk about one thing a lot and in detail, even if nobody cares? What bothers you about what he says?[/QUOTE]
Hi MomWI
He immediately tries to be funny or shock you...whatever mood he's in. Like for instance if a kid has his arm around another kid he might say "are you gay"? Not that he thinks they're gay, but he'll say it to get some kind of reaction. Sometimes I think he likes to say things that shock you...He also is so literal...doesn't know how to read between the lines. You can't quote sayings like, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it...even if you explain it...he doesn't see the connection...he'll eventually get it, but it takes time...he's rude sometimes because he can't find the right words so he uses the only words he knows to say something...like if someone is speaking too close to him..instead of backing up, he will say "your breath stinks". It's things like that that I can't make him understand. Sometimes he just says things he knows you will react to...like my mom was talking about Charles Manson...and he said who's that...when she explained who he was and what he did...he said "that's cool, I'd like to meet him some day". My mom went nuts saying what do you mean he's cool...he's a psycho ! Anyway, it's things like that. thanks for your reply...I'm in the process of finding him a program for social skills.
[QUOTE=mellowdancer]I can totally relate to you. My 12 year old does stupid things and then he realizes he messed up and throws a fit and makes it worse. If he just kept quiet the kids would forget but he freaks out trying to make himself the "class clown". Or he'll start saying "I'm an idiot" really loudly.
We try to teach him to breath deeply and try to keep calm when he starts to feel wild.
Anyhow, he's at sleepaway camp and last year we got a phone call that he was getting silly and kissed a boy and the kids were calling him gay so of course he freaked out and wanted to go home. But he didn't and made it through, though he didn't really make friends.
He wanted to go back again so he's there now and every time the phone rings I get a pit in my stomache but 3 days in, no phone calls.
[/QUOTE]
So...any phone calls yet ?
Hi, I'm new to this site...seems like great place share stuff.
My son is 13 with ADHD and the most frustrating issues lately are his ability to say the most inappropriate things at the worst times. We have gone over this so many times I'm sick of hearing myself say the words "you just don't say things like that". When will he get it ? His brother doesn't want him hanging with him and his friends because he always tries to show off and impress everyone and be clown, therefore, embarrassing his brother and usually causing an argument. He really is a good kid who just doesn't understand that you can't keep acting like a jerk. He's been going to therapy and has improved a great deal, however, this is an obsticle that is lingering on forever. Any suggestions or tips from others who have the same issues going on? Thanks
Have you tried social skills classes or groups with other kids his age? Funny you should mention this b/c I've been looking for a class for my son and I called a language center today. The speech therapist got on the phone and happened to mention that she can help with children who make inappropriate comments, working with them one-on-one. That's not one of my son's issues, but you might check it out. I wouldn't be too hard on him. I bet if he could stop, he would.*Wince* I hate to say this...
Impulse control gets better as we get older, but it isn't something that goes away. We can't "learn" different brain wiring, we can only learn to manage the brains we were born with.
Check out the adults board. Impulse control problems are part of ADHD. Trying to keep our mouths shut is usually a lifelong struggle. Is your son on medications or alternatives? I take Adderall for adult ADHD. It really really helps control impulsiveness.
Good luck and best wishes.
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[QUOTE=NoTellin]Have you tried social skills classes or groups with other kids his age? Funny you should mention this b/c I've been looking for a class for my son and I called a language center today. The speech therapist got on the phone and happened to mention that she can help with children who make inappropriate comments, working with them one-on-one. That's not one of my son's issues, but you might check it out. I wouldn't be too hard on him. I bet if he could stop, he would.[/QUOTE]
Thanks...I've been trying to find a social skills class for ever ! Someone just today mentioned I should contact my local hospital, if they have a mental facility for rehabilitation, they may have some kind of program...I will also try to contact a speach therapist as well. Thanks...at least I have a place to start.
[QUOTE=Reisa]*Wince* I hate to say this...
Impulse control gets better as we get older, but it isn't something that goes away. We can't "learn" different brain wiring, we can only learn to manage the brains we were born with.
Check out the adults board. Impulse control problems are part of ADHD. Trying to keep our mouths shut is usually a lifelong struggle. Is your son on medications or alternatives? I take Adderall for adult ADHD. It really really helps control impulsiveness.
Good luck and best wishes.
[/QUOTE] Hi, I was hoping that maturity would soon set in, but like you said it's the impulse thing that gets in the way. My son is on staterra as well as a mood stabilizer (to control his nastiness). He has made great progress, but this age is so hard and other kids just don't care that he is ADHD and my heart goes out to him when I see that he realizes he made a fool of himself and then he kinda disappears off on his own to prevent himself from, as he puts it, messing up again. It's so hard when you can't make it better for them.He has you that understands. That makes all the difference in the long run. I really admire the parents here and their committment to being in their child's corner with ADHD.
Tips for your son from an adult who has been there...
Make a comment. Then take whatever you have in your hand that you are fiddling with and put it on your chin to keep your mouth shut while you listen. Don't make another comment until one or two other people have spoken. Then put the something back on your chin or mouth to remind yourself to be quiet.
Putting your hand over your mouth is a bit obvious, but it does work in a pinch. I still do when I have to sit in meetings at work. I use a pen or a pad of post its.
[QUOTE=Reisa]He has you that understands. That makes all the difference in the long run. I really admire the parents here and their committment to being in their child's corner with ADHD.
Tips for your son from an adult who has been there...
Make a comment. Then take whatever you have in your hand that you are fiddling with and put it on your chin to keep your mouth shut while you listen. Don't make another comment until one or two other people have spoken. Then put the something back on your chin or mouth to remind yourself to be quiet.
Putting your hand over your mouth is a bit obvious, but it does work in a pinch. I still do when I have to sit in meetings at work. I use a pen or a pad of post its.
[/QUOTE] I love that idea ! What could remind you more than posting it shut on the spot. I think I might introduce this during a casual setting and see how responsive he is. He usually is willing to try new things, but you have to make sure he's in the right frame of mind at the time or he will get insulted. Thanks, I'm also gonna tell him you responded because you remember being there yourself. Thanks again.Next time he is feeling down because he messed up, you could offer to help him practice taking turns talking. If he is up for it, it would give him somebody safe to learn with, instead of getting in trouble and/or messing up. Some parents here have secret phrases or signals for their kids to help them without other people knowing. [QUOTE=Reisa]Next time he is feeling down because he messed up, you could offer to help him practice taking turns talking. If he is up for it, it would give him somebody safe to learn with, instead of getting in trouble and/or messing up. Some parents here have secret phrases or signals for their kids to help them without other people knowing. [/QUOTE]A secret phase is another good idea...you've been a great help.
Aways glad to help.I have to say that I think all of us go throught this. I think maybe your son does what he does not to be a jerk, but like my son, it is hard to make friends. My son feels as though he is not as good at anything. And that his friends may know this, so he acts like he knows everything at times. He is damanding, can be rude and is always trying to impress them. I have tried to tell him that he should chill, that they like him for him, but still his play time is limited on some days do to his behavor. Do you find that your son looks to littler kids to play with. Mine does, because they are easyer to get along with and they look up to him. Oh and by the way. a well placed hand over the mouth is a GREAT idea. It my be a bit embaressing for you or him, but it works......BigmamaHI Bigmama,
It's true, little kids love my son...he makes them laugh by doing really silly things and he enjoys that. With older kids, he is always trying to impress them so they think he's cool or whatever...I just wish I could get through to him that he doesn't have to do that for kids to like him, it's ok to be low-key and just participate in conversation or activity without having to be the funniest or the coolest or the best at something.
Real quick...my son is at his dad's this week, he signed him up for a week long summer program "crime scene investigation" class at the local university for kids 10 - 13 yrs old. He started Monday, his dad got a call from the school saying he was not allowed to return due to his behavior (as rare as this may sound...my son misbehaves at home all the time, but in school he has this fear and I've never gotten a phone call or report that he misbehaves) The teacher said he was disruptive the entire 4 hours of class, he was telling all the other kids about all the fights he's been in at school (his first fight ever was last month...other kid hit first) how he broke some kid's jaw (not true), then the teacher gave all the kids a paper with investigation notes on it and he crumbled it up and threw it away right in front of the teacher, he kept challenging her knowledge on the subject, which annoyed the hell out of her, then the worst was he was told to draw a picture of a crime scene, so he draws a woman laying down, apparently killed with no underwear on. The teacher was mortified. He said that he watches CSI and many crimes have been discovered where the woman was found without underwear on. I watch CSI and he has watched a few shows with me...probably not a good judgement call on my part, and obviously these are the results...will be more careful in the future. His dad was really pissed off at him. Stephen was crying and apologizing and half of his misbehavior he said he was only kidding with the other kids about the fights. The next day his father took him back to school to apologize to the teacher and spoke with the director...she agreed to let him come back to another class (fencing) in two weeks but he couldn't go back to that class because the teacher said he scared the other kids and she felt what he drew was a sexual problem, therefore, she would not allow him in class. These are the things that are so hard to deal with. And how do you get him to understand that this kind of behavior doesn't get him anywhere but in trouble and then he feels bad, I feel bad and this isn't helping his self esteem any either. This will definately be the topic of discussion at his next therapy session. But sometimes it's good to hear other parent's oppinions. Thanks for the feed back.