Out of ideas for Discipline | ADHD Information

Kids music has a great impact on their attitude. Kids all at my school listen to rap and hip hop and their attitude toward school is, "f**k it, I'm gonna be in a gang and be a millionare". I realized that some years ago and immediately switched to classic rock.


A little off topic but important nevertheless.reward for success is a better motivation than punishment for failure.

This year started bad, with my 10 year old daughter refusing to do homework. She would not finish much work at school and there was a fight every night over homework. She lost all privileges. There was not anything more we could take away. She started having rages and would refuse to go to school. The school set up a behavior contract with us, based on rewards. There were daily rewards for each good day and a bigger reward at the end of each week. It took a few weeks for her to get the hang of the program (for the teacher as well). This system has been very successful. We are converting to the marble system (described in the marble thread) when school ends this week. We will just add in the school work and home work when school starts next fall. My daughter is excited to have the opportunity to earn more cash than she currently gets in allowance (which will be discontinued).

I agree about changing up the rewards systems. After about two weeks they seem to lose their appeal, so you need to change the look of the system and the actual reward. My son responded best to daily rewards, with a bigger one at the end of the week.  I think we ended up spending about a week, with the big prize a trip to pick out one toy at the dollar store. I made a chart with several catagories and put it on the 'fridge. When he did something he was supposed to do, he put a sticker in the square. We ended it daily just after supper with me filling in the more intangible squares.  It worked well until we exhausted the interesting toys at the dollar store!  I know this sounds like bribery, but I've decided that most people do something every day for a reward, be it salary or whatever.  

[QUOTE=txstepmom]tried that too.  worked for about two weeks.  had chart of fridge and everything.  he lives in the moment so i can't give him long term goals.  even a week for him is too much.  but there are things that i must do discipline on.. destroying things stealing hurting animals.  lying.  i can't reward him for that. so then what?[/QUOTE]

try the marble system.  we use it and it still works very well, possibly even better than it did when i first started it.  Some might not use it, but with me being adhd, i know what would have worked for me.  adhd children need hands on discipline.  If they have to participate, they will work with it.  99% of the time, my d.s. counts the marbles and doing that completely removes him from the problematic behavior.  If you take the child out of the behavior they will focus  on some thing else.  It really does work.

You just need to tweak your reward system. Instant gratification is key.Keep up with the reward system.  ADHD kids need the rewards to be changed periodically.  They also need instant gratification.  Waiting a long time for a reward doesn't work very well.  Since you are out of ideas, maybe you should get a book on how to manage ADHD kids as a low-cost way to get some new ideas.  Since the punishments aren't working, it's time to try something else.  A book I'm reading now that has some good practical advice is called From Chaos to Calm.Ogram just bumped a thread about the marble system.  It's an oldie but a goodie.  Take a look at that.

Hello Txmom,

I can say that for me spanking did not work. Before Braxton was listed ADHD we would spank. It was like it rolled right off his back. He would do good for a day maybe and then he would forget and do what ever it was again. So we started to do a few things. Example..........his room was always a disaster, and at some points that is an understatment. I started having him clean up every nite( about a half hour before bedtime),TV off. If he did it them I would put a star on his chore board. Braxton, like lots of ADHD kids didnt like the long wait for a reward, like till the end of the week. So On Wensdays (which are early days here) he got a happy meal. And on Saturday a trip to the park. No clean no go. But again, lots of reminding, and verbal praise is needed with him in order to keep it up. No I have to say that we faulter at times, I get lazy or we get busy and the room slowly turns back into the junk yard. At that point we do a clean sweep( me, his dad and him). As for behavor, I seem to have trouble with the fact that I cant go to a store without the begging for something starting.....any hints people? Bigmama

txstepmom

 

hey there.  okay.  so explain the marble thing?  buy lots of marbles and make them count how many are there?  wonder if beans would work?  i have those handy. 

as far as the store begging...get that too. i remind B that we are here to get certain things that if he behaves while i shop that i will be willing to get something for him at the end of my shopping.  but if he doesn't behave then no comp when we get home.  sometimes if it is a long shopping spree i'll let him pick something out at the start and use that as a visual that he isn't minding.  he absolutely hates when i pick whatever it is out of the basket and say fine.  this is gone.  back on the shelf it goes.  works for me most of the time.

Okay hears another thing i have a problem with.  I have been creatively exhausted about punishments for my ss.  Totally out of ideas.  Only thing i have left is spanking.  I have tried pretty much everything when it comes to him.  Grounding from computer/video games, staying in room, time outs, corners, taking toys, (even went so far as to take sheets bed etc and left him a sleeping bag for destroying his matress and taking his bed apart).  even tried he had to spend the day cleaning everything with me. (i helped of course) i am bust. any ideas?  or should i stick with what i got?  just nothing really seems to work.  it just makes him mad and he goes right back to the same behavior.Switch from punishments to rewards. It works much better with these kids. Reward the good behavior. Let him pick the rewards so he's motivated. tried that too.  worked for about two weeks.  had chart of fridge and everything.  he lives in the moment so i can't give him long term goals.  even a week for him is too much.  but there are things that i must do discipline on.. destroying things stealing hurting animals.  lying.  i can't reward him for that. so then what?

smaking doesn't work.

i find that if i stay calm and don't shout at him(very hard to do),he is less aggressive and destructive.

his behavior has improved since he sleeps better at night as well and i reward him when he is good,not with things but with praises and it works for us.

choose your battles and i hope you find a solution,with us it is time out but he is only 4