Marble system for discipline by ogram

I started this and it is a “hands on” discipline program that most ADHD kids will respond to.  ADHD kids need to participate in their discipline.  They do well if they are able to have hands on and participate in.  If they can see it, they will respond to it.  This is what I do.  I keep a log, but he is the one to add and remove the marbles.  I am also ADHD, so this system works for me to keep consistency in our home.

Marble System:

I have two "PLASTIC" containers.  I have "in" on one and "out" on the other.  I have a List of all the good things that he is supposed to to, like chores and reading books, homework with out a complaint and working on left over worksheets his teacher gave us, and I add to it when I think about new tasks he should be working on.  Each one has a value.  The most value is 10 marbles for reading a book.  Cleaning his room is 3 marbles and keeping it clean is 5.  I have every thing from brushing his teeth, to picking up any trash that might be in the yard, to picking up sticks, to helping me pull weeds.  After he gets 100 marbles he gets $30.00 and he has to put $10 of it in his savings.  Now, if he does something wrong he has to take out marbles.  If he gets sassy or talks back, he takes out 3.  If he argues he takes out 5.  To keep track of what goes in and out, he has to write it on the paper.  That way he cannot put more marbles in there than he should.  I have not had to argue, raise my voice, spank, or even tell him more than 2 times to do something.  I will remind him ONE time for a warning and then he has to take marbles out.  We are doing this instead of an allowance.  If he reads 10 books in a row he will get his money and we start all over.  But, I don't think he has figured that out yet.  lol  At the end of each day, if he doesn't have to take any out all day, I let him put 3 in to reward him for good behavior.  This has been the best system for my son, yet.  I don't have to raise my voice and it's much easer to keep consistency when I don't have to raise my voice or put him in time out all the time.  This way he can see his progress, and he takes great pride in counting all the marbles he collects.  After he has mastered a skill, it moves off the list, and we add a new one. 

Do not give up if at first things don't seem to work well or even get worse. When first using the token system with my daughter, we had some initial bumps. We kept it up because the psychologist had warned us that there might be initial resistance as she was really held accountable. The psychologist was right .

Things are getting better all the time now.

keep with it.  you might have to find small things like putting the toilet lid down, turning lights off, picking his dirty clothes off the floor and things like that.  After the first few weeks, boy do they pick it up really quick.  lol 

[QUOTE=oldtimer] Negative Consequences for some don't work today. They care less what you take away. Try 1 to 3 method. Real life will not reward you all the time. Some will only do if you pay them. I say you reward only for doing extra non required chores. Every humans needs to learn life skills so they can do for them selves. I say should start this at AGE 3. Life to kids is a game try making it into a game. [/QUOTE]

Well i disagree with this.  Real life does reward for good deeds.  People get raises and bonuses for working hard and saving money the companies they work for.  People that work get vacations for doing so well.  Some get awards and others get week end passes to theme parks.  Sorry, oldtimer, i disagree with you.  Have you ever been called into your boss' office and told that you did a great job and handed you a check or a gift certificate for a job well done?  That happens all the time.

I love this I do the same thing but using pennies....and for every good deed they get a certain number of pennies and if they do something bad or against the rules they have to remobve a certain number of pennies...at the end of the week they can cash the pennies in to do something special....does wonderes for my adhder and for my non adhder...

GREAT POST

Steph

Okay Ogram now you need to make a disk with this program and start making a profit.

It's working for me too!    

My son's behavioural issues were a big concern in the classroom, so I tried to introduce the time segments, as Imac and Vickie suggested.   His teacher, unfortunately, didn't agree with the time intervals for behaving (such as staying in his seat for a certain amount of time) so I just broke it into morning and afternoon - He would get a marble for completing his work in the morning and another for the afternoon.  Same with staying in his seat, etc. 

I focused on the good behaviours at home, like doing his chores, reading a book, listening, etc, and he loves putting the marbles in for good behaviour.  As soon as he caught on to it, it really did work.  He tries so hard to be good, so he can earn his five dollars go shopping with his very own money that he worked so hard for.  On the flipside, he also feels really bad when he has to take marbles out, so it is good, too, for our kids to see, and be a part of, the consequences of their actions.  Even in school, where it took a little bit longer, I did see improvements, and he would be so excited when I went to pick him up, and he could report that he had a good day.

It took a few bumps and changes, but I am so pleased with it.  This has worked like no other method I've tried.  And we're both done with raised voices and tears!  Which is truly wonderful. 

We have been using the marble system for about a month now.  For the first 2 weeks we did not take any marbles away for negative behavior.  We felt that all of us (ds included) would "get familiar" w/ the system-and remember to dole out the marbles.  This also gave John a chance to only recieve positive.  It worked great and he was so proud of himself for accomplishing something!  Now, every week I am concentrating on one behavior at a time(theis week is calling people names).  He knows that if he calls someone a negative name, he looses marbles.  The first time I took marbles away was a battle, but now it is a little bit easier.  Good luck to any newbies trying this method.  IT WORKS!

You have earned the title "Spidermom". Good job!   

I would like to try this system with my son too.  He is money motivated, and I think he should earn his allowance this way now.  I've been looking at this thread for a while.  This is the way life is.  True, we should do things just because we are supposed to.  But, if this system will help to train them to think and become motivated on their own, that would be great.  My son is such a leaf in the wind, he would like this system to help him think about hs responsibilities, and maybe to look for more ways to be "rewarded."  He does do really well with positive reinforcement too, just hearing a thank you and you did a great job, he just beams. 

I also think it is excellent for training record-keeping skills.  I have visions of him going to work, and forgetting to clock in!  Systmens like this will really help!  Thank you Ogram.

Hey NoTellin,

Thanks for the information on the longer term benefits of the syste.

  Do you think the marble system would work with a bipolar child (9 year old) ?

ccrazzdmom.....thanks. I am waiting till this week to see if just what I am doing at home will help Dillon....if it doesn't, then I will talk to the teacher. She is a good, caring teacher and I don't think it will be a problem for her. If it works, she should be happy! LOL He will be easier to deal with.

Day 2 and my child has TRANSFORMED! He is nice, calm, helpful, courteous, listens, wants to please...I can't beleive it. I am just waiting for it to end, it can't be forever, right? He is thinking of ways to earn marbles. He has not lost 1 yet! I only threatened to take some away one time in 2 days, he instantly quit what he was doing. I have not made up the list yet though. We are just winging it for right now. When I notice good behavior, I reward with marbles. I went to the barn to get some stuff out of the freezer and he said to let him help, he ended up WANTING to carry it all! He asked if he could have 1 marble for helping me, how could I refuse... He's a joy to be around now, he even said I have not yelled at him in 2 days and it's so nice I am being nice, I told him I was glad he was being nice, it's great for both of us....he said he was so happy we started doing the marble system......what a cutie!

  Hi,

       I am brand new to this and your message is one of the first I read. I have to say I absolutely LOVE the idea. I 'll admit that I used to believe that not everything deserved an award. That I have to teach my children that being part of this family some things are necessary, as helping in the home. I'll admit that I have gotten more by using systems like yours and I am going to try yours. I am a single mom of two young boys and one on the way and I have experienced first hand what happens to MANY young boys and men who are not taught resposiblitly to take care of things because that is life and what is needed to succeed. Now I realize that my oldest with ADHD has more hurdles and this idea can lead to much smoother sailing, how do you think to balance it all? Teach them it all AND have a calm home!

OK, i don't usually promote or endorse products, but i have found some thing just as good, if not better.  Its a computer program called EasyChild.  IT'S FANTASTIC!!!!!!  There will be an article about it in the ADHDNews monthly news letter.  I've found it even better than what i've been doing.  You all might want to try it.  If not, it's very close to the little system i have, but enhanced.  You can tailor it to your needs in the home and so easy to use, my 8 year old can use it.  You can print out the chart for your children to check off the tasks.  It's great! 

check it out, i'm using it now.  it has a token reward and allowance award system that works just like i have, but better than i could ever do!     http://www.easychild.com/

YES MAM!  it's set up to work for all age groups all you have to do is add the task.  you can add, remove or edit tasks.  you can add/change/create allowance amount per task.  I'm telling you all that this is the best i've seen!  I love it!  I think it is best for every age.  it's got the point system and the $$ system.  you can do it all in less than 30 minutes to set up and about 5 minutes to enter the info into the puter after you use it.  you can print out the charts and just check off what they do, then enter it.  you can even print out a report that will show a pattern in behavior (great for teen agers, especially girls lol).  You will love it!

it's so easy to keep track of and i dont have to count marbles, i just count check marks at the end of the week.

Looks great! Seems alot like the marble system....just enhanced a little.

I asked Dillon teacher to do a reward system in class for him and she agreed to make a personal program for him and let me know daily how it went.

[QUOTE=ogram]Yep, you have it now!  lol  It took me a few months to get the system fine tuned.  Each child has different ways it will work for them.  The biggest thing I have achieved is knowing that my son will have a healthy self esteem.  I started it by chance.  We used to walk on the rail road tracks before he was school age.  We did it for "fun" well, we found 2 lime stone rocks that had been honed into marbles by the trains running next to them.  He wanted to keep them, and i told him if he didn't get into trouble for 2 hole days, he could.  And, that was the way it started!  He did it.  Of course, he worked at it for a few days.  But, it gave me the idea.  It really does work.  Now, i have 2 jars with the flat marbles that match my living room colors.  lol  what a long way we have come.[/QUOTE]

Ogram,

I think you have changed a lot of parents lives. I'm so glad you saw those lime stone rocks!!! Great minds think alike because there have been teachers using this system since the 1970's and possibly before. As far as I know you are the first to have used this marble reward system in the home.

Teacher's out there. This system will work for your classroom too!

Here is the originator of the class room reward system using marbles in a jar.

http://campus.dyc.edu/~drwaltz/FoundLearnTheory/FLT_readings /Canter.htm

Here are a couple links for how schools have put this in place:

http://maxweber.hunter.cuny.edu/cgi-bin/eres/bbreadreply.pl? EDSPC715_MCINTYRE!746!3!4

 http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~astapp/ClassroomRules.html

Auntie....I'm glad you posted that, I was just going to ask if I could ask his teacher could do this in class.......He is good at home now, still HYPER, but good, listening, not complaining or arguing. But at school, like today, she did not even fill out the face?????? And then it says......"we are CONSTANTLY (underlined 3 times) haing to discuss behavior/choices with Dillon.       I don't understand why he can not behave in school. And I think this teacher might be a little too strict on a 7 year old, I don't know. I'm still frustrated. His FOCUS came in, he got some this morning before school and tonight, hopefully this will help.

Do I have to talk with the principal or teacher about the reward sytem in class?

I read this about a week ago and can't wait to start it. Since Carson is only 4 I plan to only have 3-4 ways to earn marbles and 3-4 ways to lose marbles to start with. Also I plan to give more for wanted behaviours than he can lose for unwanted ones. That way he sees more  than . I think it will help him feel more encouraged.  I am also going to let him pick the "thumbs up" marbles but *I* will put in the "thumbs down" ones--another incentive to do the "thumbs up" behaviors. This is a GREAT thing!! Carson's teacher is excited about it too and may find a  way to implement it in class! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You did not answer if it is alright for him to bargain? I know I know, every family is different, but like tonight, I walked in and shut off the TV and he knows that's bedtime and usually whines a little. I shut it all off, he smiled at me and came to brush his teeth, and said "do I get 1 marble for not complaining"? I tdoes show he is thinking of ways to be good by himself, and recognising his behavior, so I let him do it......sound right?

He did the best ever on his homework tonight, very happy and focused, even WANTED to do his math cards 1st! Got all his sight words right (and math cards) so he earned 5 marbles for all that! I'm so proud of him.

He got frustrated at himself for not being able to pronounce a word, he gets really angry and half cries......I remained calm, and I taught him how to do deep breathing, in and out slowly, when he gets frustrated like that, then try it again when he calms down. I was proud of myself for not exploding like I usually do. He will remember that technique, I know he will, hopefully, he will use it in class too.

Orgam;

We took your Marble Idea (Thank you!) tweaked a few areas to better fit out household and implemented it for my 10 year old son.  I have done consequence/reward systems in the past but we've always given up when the novelty went away.  Since the ADHD dx I was bound and determined to implement a new system and stick to it this time.  The first week we made it easy.  The reward was 100 marbles = $30.  I was diggin in my pocket on day 4.  The second week we made it a bit harder, we took off some easier items and added areas to work on.  On day 6 of the second week we were paying out another $30.  Week three we lowered the marble value on the every day items that he was doing pretty well, added 1 or 2 areas to work on which included having to "buy" computer time during school days, and he is still working on his reward.  It's been a week and a half, and he's okay with that.  So, in one month we got rid of the bathroom talk, spitting, and name calling.  With a simple reminder he is showering, brushing his teeth, and going to bed without a fit.

Between the marble system, counseling, medication, an IEP, Neurofeedback, and both my husband and I being on the same page with our parenting, we are making some nice progress with him.  Thank you for sharing your idea.  We appreciate it.

How did the counselor visit go?

[QUOTE=Boopster]I introduced the marble system to my son when he got home today. He was excited about it and already earned three marbles for doing his homework without complaining. He has also started to clean his room. He is excited to get that special reward when he gets to 100 marbles. My daughter wants me to make her a chart, I'm not sure if I should because I know she knows to behave. Any suggestions on this? His counselor still has not got here yet. She should have been here at three.??[/QUOTE]

you will have to taylor it differently for each child.  make it more challenging for her.  Like, ironing, cleaning, chores, cooking, playing with brother, helping with home work and stuff like that.  It's not that hard to add expectations to our children.  I find it funny that growing up I had chores to do and had to earn my allowance.  My parents instilled the value of a dollar and that the good work ethics are what earn the dollar.  Most people learn a good work ethic from their home and it carries and builds into our adulthood. 

My parents had us do chores. But we didn't get an allowance, instead they put money away for us and when something was going on at the school and we wanted to attend it they gave some of the money and let us go.

BTW, my sons counselor never showed up or called me.

I am working on my daughters chore list now.

I told my son about this a day ago, he loved the idea, he started behaving good immediately! When I bought the marbles today, he said "I thought in my brain how I can be good for mommy and earn some marbles"...it was so cute. I posted this on another thread, but will share here too. Already today he has been a pleasure to be around. He is asking to help me. He already in 1 day earned 5 marbles for helping me unload hay and sweep the truck bed, and help unload groceries, then tonight at the rodeo, he was the best behaved ever, in all his 7 years of going there. My family and friend could not believe the change in him in the past 2 days. If he did something bad, I would say, "you want to loose 3 marbles for that"? And he would just say no, and behave, no fuss, no muss! He earned 6 marbles for good behavior at the redeo tonight......he's off to a good start, hope it lasts. I know there will be set backs, but I am ready. Also, a week ago I up'ed his fish oils to twice a day (should have been doing that all along, I know) and I ordered FOCUS, it should be in this week. I have a feeling this is all going to work for Dillon. Now, if I could just get the teacher to change some things. Maybe the reward thing in class everyday. She could try it with all her mis-behaved students.

Now I feel I was to blame for alot of his bad behavior. I was focusing too much on the bad and ignoring the good ( I did reward his good, but just verbally, and not as often as I should have) Taking away privledges was not working with him too well. He's always been the one to say "that didn't hurt", or "I have just as fun not watching tv" etc. The defiant part comes out.

I am so glad I found this site, I have learned so much and am more educated and compassionate about my son's behaviors. I don't feel like I have a heavy wieght on me any longer, like I have more things to try for my son. Thanks!

May I ask....How do you "start" it.  For instance, two empty jars (one "in", one "out").  What if negative behaviors come first...There are no marbles in the "in" jar to take from and put into the "Out" jar?

Do you just use the new bag of marbles and put them in the "out" jar first, then take those to put in the "in" jar when earned??

Thanks,

MamaBear

May I ask....How do you "start" it.  For instance, two empty jars (one "in", one "out").  What if negative behaviors come first...There are no marbles in the "in" jar to take from and put into the "Out" jar?

Do you just use the new bag of marbles and put them in the "out" jar first, then take those to put in the "in" jar when earned??

Thanks,

MamaBear

[/QUOTE]

I start my son out with 15 marbles.  I give him a "starter" by doing that.  When we first started this, I had to literally make up things that he did for rewarding.  Examples: took a bath/shower with out complaining, put shoes on the shoe rack with out me asking, turned lights off.  You know, little things.  With adhd children they need to "SEE" the marbles and get the the big reward fast in the beginning.  After a few times of getting the full jar and getting the reward, they will work harder and more often to get it.  With every negative you give you child, you should reinforce it with 2 or 3 positives.  Even if you have to hunt around for it.

Thank you for sharing that plan. Sounds really great and I will surely give it a try with my 8 year old.

I know also here at his school they have this plan that I really like. They use the traffic lights, red, orange and green. Everyday at the end of the day she will rate their chores with the lights. Red means not cooperative, orange means in between and green means he did great. Everyday he has to bring it home for me to sign it and it shows me what type of day he had. They have been doing this at the school since he was in kindergarden and its been really successful. So much that my 8 year old even has one that he uses on himself and me too  Too cute.

Again thanks for sharing that!!

Tracy

Here new stepmom...here's a list that ogram posted a few pages back.  As for the "worried about swallowing the marbles" thing, maybe you can use stickers instead?  I know my 6 yr old has always loved to have a paper on the wall with stickers that she can get for good behaviors.  The trick to that for us was hiding the stickers so she couldn't add them on her own.    Good luck!!!

[QUOTE=ogram]

be creative.  I have my list on paper for him to see.  if he lies, he removes 5 to 10 marbles (depending if he was lying about).  my list changes as he masters skills.  we started out small with more positives on the list than negatives.  After he masters one of the negatives, it moves from the add marbles for good to take away for bad.  Make 2 lists, heck i'll do it for you.  this is just a starter:

Add marbles:

1. turned off light when leaving room  +2
2. cleaned off desk w/out complaining +2
3. put dirty clothes in basket +3
4. used manners all day (yes mam no mam, please and thank you) +5
5. did home work with out complaining +3
6. took a bath and put towel back on rack +1
7. took plate from the table to the sink +2
8. took medicines with out a fight +1
9. brushed teeth w/ out having to remind him +4
10. played with siblings with out fighting + 5

Take away and I do take away the ps2 and tv on some cases:

1. left tooth brush and tooth paste out -2
2. yelled at sibling or friend -4
3. slammed door or stomped feet -5
4. complaining (over any thing) -5
5. showing temper -5
6. throwing some thing -4
7. making fun of others -5

Now, that should get you started.  Be consistent!  with my ds, when he gets to 100 he earns $30.00, and out of that he has to put $10 in his savings account.  But, if he looses ps2 or tv privileges, he can buy back some time.  I have it to where if he wants to play his ps2 he has to take out 10 marbles for one hour.  But you can taylor it to soot your family life style. 

I don't even have to raise my voice, EVER!  I just say, take ... marbles out and he does it, then goes on about his business.

Seeing and hearing how helpful it is in your homes and how much peace it has brought you and your families makes it all worth while!!!!  And now that your home is peaceful, you can enjoy your children, again!  lol

did i mention how much i love this place???

I started the marbles system about four days ago with my son. At first he didn't see very enthusiastic when I was explaining him the rules (typical of an adhder). As soon as I started pointing out posiyive behavior and adding marbles to the jar he is so in it that he even reminds me when I have to add more marbles.  It is funny, but one of the rules is to answer back people's greetings (which he never did before, he is somewhat shy), now it is incredible to see how he tries to manipulate people to greet so he can answer back.

Well, I think that this is really going to work out for his opposition problem.

Thanks a lot!!!!

Does anyone have kids that delayed gratification isn't very motivating?  We've only been looking into ADHD for our daughter a few weeks, but as I look back, I think if she really does have it, that's probably why ALL of our attempted discipline or behavior management systems have never worked.  I've tried several different methods of marble jars, sticker charts, velcro picture systems, etc. (I work with children with Autism at school - I figured if it worked for them it could work for her.  nope).  As I read these posts I realized a couple flaws:

1.  DD doesn't do well with delayed gratification.  If she doesn't earn it in a couple days, she's no longer interested, stops working at it, and consequentially never earns it.

2. The complicated ones were to much work or too time consuming to keep up.  Reading about all the point values for this or that is overwhelming to me!  Several of the systems we tried didn't work because I was the one who didn't follow through.

3.  If it's not a big reward, it's not highly motivating to work for.  Unfortunately, my husband is a stay-at-home-dad, so we don't always have the finances for much more than a couple dollars here or there. 

Our new plan - we picked ONE behavior (night-time routine) and are rewarding the two older kids (DD-8, DS-5) with an inexpensive treat (movie night, ice cream, game night or something) at the end of the week if 4/5 nights are completed nicely.

We'll keep plugging away! 

well, the purpose of the system is to build up to an acceptable level of behavior.  In the beginning, you will have to give you daughter extras.  look for reasons to find things for her to add marbles.  like if she says thank you.  or if she turns the light off, or if she flushes the toilet or if she washes her hands, or if she brushes her hair.  I know that sounds petty, but you have to do that for her to get the reward quickly the first few times, then after she gets the gist of it, she will strive to do her very best!  then she will want to do every thing to earn her reward.

Remember for every negative, give 2 positives and you will do fine.  consistency is the key.  And if your daughter is ADHD you have to be consistent!  I'm adhd, trust me, you have to be consistent.  And i know how hard it is!  I'm here for you!

Using the marble system has taught me to be a more consistant parent.

The positive reward system has reduced the conflict in our home dramatically and has allowed my daughter and I to get back a close relationship. This year the school is using a ticket system, so there is some consistancy there as well.

Now, if only I can figure out how many marbles my husband should get for doing homework with the kids.  

Now, if only I can figure out how many marbles my husband should get for doing homework with the kids.  

[/QUOTE]

Man, wouldn't that be nice!!!

created it over a year ago, still works, no behavior problems any where (school or home), no yelling no problems!  Love it don't know how we lived with out it!!!

be creative.  I have my list on paper for him to see.  if he lies, he removes 5 to 10 marbles (depending if he was lying about).  my list changes as he masters skills.  we started out small with more positives on the list than negatives.  After he masters one of the negatives, it moves from the add marbles for good to take away for bad.  Make 2 lists, heck i'll do it for you.  this is just a starter:

Add marbles:

1. turned off light when leaving room  +2
2. cleaned off desk w/out complaining +2
3. put dirty clothes in basket +3
4. used manners all day (yes mam no mam, please and thank you) +5
5. did home work with out complaining +3
6. took a bath and put towel back on rack +1
7. took plate from the table to the sink +2
8. took medicines with out a fight +1
9. brushed teeth w/ out having to remind him +4
10. played with siblings with out fighting + 5

Take away and I do take away the ps2 and tv on some cases:

1. left tooth brush and tooth paste out -2
2. yelled at sibling or friend -4
3. slammed door or stomped feet -5
4. complaining (over any thing) -5
5. showing temper -5
6. throwing some thing -4
7. making fun of others -5

Now, that should get you started.  Be consistent!  with my ds, when he gets to 100 he earns $30.00, and out of that he has to put $10 in his savings account.  But, if he looses ps2 or tv privileges, he can buy back some time.  I have it to where if he wants to play his ps2 he has to take out 10 marbles for one hour.  But you can taylor it to soot your family life style. 

I don't even have to raise my voice, EVER!  I just say, take ... marbles out and he does it, then goes on about his business.

[/QUOTE]

Here's a post that ogram did awhile ago. 

When you explain the behaviors, you might want to use positive language.
"Go to bed on time/Stay in bed" rather than "bed without problems". I found that if I am explicite on the description of the positive behavior, my daughter has a better time modeling that behavior. If after a "honeymoon" period, you child gets mad and wants to quit, genly keep going. They sometimes have problems when held responsible for thier behaviors. This will pass. The best thing this did for me was make me a more consistant parent.

Good luck.

You all are so encouraging. You don't know the joy I feel every day now. Just the part of understanding my child and what he has been going through was a HUGE relief for me. All this time I thought he was just a bad kid, why me, blah blah.......now I know he is a great kid and he amazes me everyday. I KNOW he will be something one day, he will make us proud.

I finally came out to my husband tonight and told him I thought he (my husband) was ADHD.......he totally suprised me with his answer, he said "yes, I definatley am, I have always been very hyper and could never focus, etc" he sat there and explained all his symptoms to me and all this time I thought he never knew he was. I said to him "but you are HIGHLY ADHD" and he said yes, he knows....LOL I told him I am mild and it'sno wonder Dillon turned out like this, he had no choice, he agreed. That was a breakthough......

Go and check out my blog.  You will find my on going research on adhd and how you can better assist you child with different areas in his life.  I'm going to be adding to it on a weekly basis.  I'm hoping to have it like a mini-book lol

http://www.adhdnews.com/blog/

As I have been told.....you can take marbles away, but be sure and let them earn some back. The whole point to this is REWARD...ADHD children respond better to praise than punishment. It seems strange, kinda like you are not punishing at all, but it works! And works well. Dillon is almost an angel now! LOL

Hey Ogram.....I'm getting good at this huh?    hehe

Marbles In

Turned light out when leaving room               2

Put toys away/cleaned room                          2

Washed hands before eating                          2

Put plate in sink                                             2

Took bath with out complaining           3

Ate all vegetables                                            3

Did home work with out complaining              4

Fed dog                                                            2

Put dirty clothes into hamper                            4

Extras on bad days

Brushed teeth with out complaining 2

Shared toys with siblings 1

Picked up trach out of yard 1

Marbles Out

Left light on                                                      3

Did not do home work                                     4

Lied                                                                    5

Left a mess in the bathroom                              3

Argued with adults                                           5

Thanks Ogram!

I've been working with this but have had a hard time setting up the "rules" for myself which, in turn, made it harder for my kids to follow. 

Thanks Ogram!

I've been working with this but have had a hard time setting up the "rules" for myself which, in turn, made it harder for my kids to follow. 

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I know, at first i see a lot of people having a hard time.  I think because with ADHD children every thing seems to be so hard and this is easy.  We are accustomed to having to work so hard, we want don't realize how easy it really is for the marbles to work.  see, saying it is even hard.

be creative.  I have my list on paper for him to see.  if he lies, he removes 5 to 10 marbles (depending if he was lying about).  my list changes as he masters skills.  we started out small with more positives on the list than negatives.  After he masters one of the negatives, it moves from the add marbles for good to take away for bad.  Make 2 lists, heck i'll do it for you.  this is just a starter:

Add marbles:

1. turned off light when leaving room  +2
2. cleaned off desk w/out complaining +2
3. put dirty clothes in basket +3
4. used manners all day (yes mam no mam, please and thank you) +5
5. did home work with out complaining +3
6. took a bath and put towel back on rack +1
7. took plate from the table to the sink +2
8. took medicines with out a fight +1
9. brushed teeth w/ out having to remind him +4
10. played with siblings with out fighting + 5

Take away and I do take away the ps2 and tv on some cases:

1. left tooth brush and tooth paste out -2
2. yelled at sibling or friend -4
3. slammed door or stomped feet -5
4. complaining (over any thing) -5
5. showing temper -5
6. throwing some thing -4
7. making fun of others -5

Now, that should get you started.  Be consistent!  with my ds, when he gets to 100 he earns $30.00, and out of that he has to put $10 in his savings account.  But, if he looses ps2 or tv privileges, he can buy back some time.  I have it to where if he wants to play his ps2 he has to take out 10 marbles for one hour.  But you can taylor it to soot your family life style. 

I don't even have to raise my voice, EVER!  I just say, take ... marbles out and he does it, then goes on about his business.

SO I should not take all the marbles if he lies? How many?

So what should I do for a bad face at school? I'm still confused....

Thanks Ogram for the great system.  We started it yesterday.  We discussed it on our camping trip over Labor day weekend and the kids couldn't wait to start.  They kept asking do I get marbles for that or this?  So far we are having fun with it.  Suprisingly enough my non-ADHD son lost a marble on the first day and my ADHD/ODD son did not.  He loves it

thanks

ang 

Dillon got a bad face today....talking, not folowing instructions, I knew it couldn't last...  He came right home and took the marbles out himself. He does not seem too upset. He says he wishes he was the only one in class so he would not be tempted to talk so much......  I don't know how I am ever going to get him to quit talking in class...any suggestions there?

I'm not going to be too harsh on him, he can still watch TV, but no more earning marbles the rest of today.

 but no more earning marbles the rest of today.

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NO NO NO!!  the purpose of the hole marble system is to build stability, self esteem, and consistency.  if he does a task on the "good job" list, he has to be rewarded for it.  I would NEVER not allow him to earn good points/marbles.  you need to keep it consistent.  don't take the privilege away from him.  he will preform better with earning marbles.  And when he gets into trouble he has to know that he has the opportunity to correct his behavior.  do not shut that door when you have a chance for him to feel success!!!  The more you son feels success the more he will crave it!  I've been doing this a long time, and trust me telling him he will not get any marbles the rest of the day is only going to set in more disappointment.  you reward for the good and discourage the bad.  don't punish him the rest of the day for some thing that he cannot fix or re do.  he's adhd, and he is still a child, too.  build his self esteem up and you will see the negative behavior disappear!  He will like the positive attention better than the negative.

OK....I am listening.......I just told DIllon he can earn more marbles today, he said why? I said well, I am still learning this marble system too, so what do you think you could do to earn some marbles......he said he would pick up the whole living room, which he is doing now, enthusiastically I might add, and doing a good job. So I told him he could have 1 for doing a good job at the pool today, and he's getting 5 for cleaning up the living room. Your right, it does make him a happy kid! He does love to please. I have to re-train my way of thinking......I was always punnished for bad behavior with no rewards growing up......now I'm doing it to my child.

Ogram.....I am trying! I will listen to your advise whole heartedly. It really has made a change for the better in Dillon already. My eyes are filling with tears right now watching him clean, he is happy too! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

eddited to add........he cleaned my room too, he said that's worth 6 marbles right....he's bargaining, I said yes, he did a great job.......is that OK, to let him bargain?

I wanted to add....my way of thinking is, he is going to think he can continue misbehaving in school because he may loose 5 marbles, but he will figure he can just earn them back (which he has already said), so why behave in school? But I guess, by what you say, that is not true. That is my rational adult mind thinking.....like you said, he is ADHD and still a young child, he can't be thinking like me yet...right?  LOL

Your last post put it all into perspective for me......  build his self esteem up and you will see the negative behavior disappear!  He will like the positive attention better than the negative. I get it now! THANKS

Edited to add again...hehe......I am ADHD also, undiagnosed just winging it all these years. His father is worse than me. We are both very successful adults, but have our ADHD problems. I won't go into detail now......but it was said, ADHDers end up as high achieving adults somtimes.....I guess cause our brains never stop!!!!!!!

I tried this with my children (I have five -- couldn't remember to take the Pill :) when they were young, except I  used points posted on the fridge rather than marbles. The kids were rewarded at the end of the week according to the number of points they earned, with the one with the most points getting something special. I thought it was a fine idea, but the son who earned the most points always lost them all by going on a rampage and cussing me out. I never had him tested for ADHD and he was never treated, but I think he does have it. Aside from a quick temper he turned out very functional with a nice family. The marble idea sounds good, though. Since realizing I am ADHD, I'm trying new techniques to manage my life. Maybe I'll use it on myself.

I started this and it is a “hands on” discipline program that most ADHD kids will respond to.  ADHD kids need to participate in their discipline.  They do well if they are able to have hands on and participate in.  If they can see it, they will respond to it.  This is what I do.  I keep a log, but he is the one to add and remove the marbles.  I am also ADHD, so this system works for me to keep consistency in our home.

Marble System:

I have two "PLASTIC" containers.  I have "in" on one and "out" on the other.  I have a List of all the good things that he is supposed to to, like chores and reading books, homework with out a complaint and working on left over worksheets his teacher gave us, and I add to it when I think about new tasks he should be working on.  Each one has a value.  The most value is 10 marbles for reading a book.  Cleaning his room is 3 marbles and keeping it clean is 5.  I have every thing from brushing his teeth, to picking up any trash that might be in the yard, to picking up sticks, to helping me pull weeds.  After he gets 100 marbles he gets $30.00 and he has to put $10 of it in his savings.  Now, if he does something wrong he has to take out marbles.  If he gets sassy or talks back, he takes out 3.  If he argues he takes out 5.  To keep track of what goes in and out, he has to write it on the paper.  That way he cannot put more marbles in there than he should.  I have not had to argue, raise my voice, spank, or even tell him more than 2 times to do something.  I will remind him ONE time for a warning and then he has to take marbles out.  We are doing this instead of an allowance.  If he reads 10 books in a row he will get his money and we start all over.  But, I don't think he has figured that out yet.  lol  At the end of each day, if he doesn't have to take any out all day, I let him put 3 in to reward him for good behavior.  This has been the best system for my son, yet.  I don't have to raise my voice and it's much easer to keep consistency when I don't have to raise my voice or put him in time out all the time.  This way he can see his progress, and he takes great pride in counting all the marbles he collects.  After he has mastered a skill, it moves off the list, and we add a new one. 

bump (cuz I had a hard time finding it!) 

Just wanted to let everyone know how our first week of the marble system went.

It only took a week for the boys to earn 100 marbles (think I may go broke ) which is OK with me if it keeps Erik in school this year.

Last year I got a call from school 2-3 times a week and I can't even count how many suspensions he had.  He told me he was not going to get sent home at all this year-no way!!!! because he wants those marbles.  He said even if he is sick he won't go home-had to talk about that one.

Anyway thanks again for the idea

ang

You all are right!!  I should do this on a disc and sell it.  Maybe an Instructional DVD on it.  I'd sell it if i thought some one would buy it.  I am so glad that it's working as well with you all as it is for us!  It really works.  It can transform your child into a well mannered, well behaved, soon to be adult with all the coping skills and how to stay consistent with tasks that they come across!  I'm glad this has worked for every one!

You all are right!!  I should do this on a disc and sell it.  Maybe an Instructional DVD on it.  I'd sell it if i thought some one would buy it.  I am so glad that it's working as well with you all as it is for us!  It really works.  It can transform your child into a well mannered, well behaved, soon to be adult with all the coping skills and how to stay consistent with tasks that they come across!  I'm glad this has worked for every one!

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Ogram you can always write it as a book and have it published, until then should we have this post bumped daily to remain on top?

Your right, Thanks, I am so proud of him. He knows when he does something to take them out, no questions. That's what great about this system, they get it quick! He got a smiley today!!!!!!  He is still so pleasant to be around, it's amazing!

I have told so many people about it. My one friend a YELLER, has a 7 year old spoiled brat whiney daughter, not ADHD, just spoiled. Her mother is CONSTANLY yealling and screaming, it's awful! She has listened to Dillon's progress every day and decided to try it with her daughter this morning. I explained it to her daughter last night. Well, don't you know, she earned 30 marbles just today, and my friend was only giving 1 for this and 1 for that. The child is looking for things to do to earn marbles, my friend has not raised her voice all day, once she said would you like to loose 3 marbles, and the child said no, and quit what she was doing. She did all her homework happily tonight (that NEVER happens) ate all her dinner, no complaints.....my friend can not get over the change in her, she is estatic! This is great. I just printed out the system for a client of mine that is a pre-school teacher, she is going to pass it around too.......she thinks it's a wonderful idea.

Dillon got a bad face today....talking, not folowing instructions, I knew it couldn't last...  He came right home and took the marbles out himself. He does not seem too upset. He says he wishes he was the only one in class so he would not be tempted to talk so much......  I don't know how I am ever going to get him to quit talking in class...any suggestions there?

I'm not going to be too harsh on him, he can still watch TV, but no more earning marbles the rest of today.

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That is great if you think about it...saw all replies and everyone forgot to meantion here that is is hard enough for him to come home and number one admitt he got the bad face but he took responsibility for his own actions and then became accountable for them by removing them himself!!!   that is wonderfull...he reconized either way mom was going to find out and took it apon himself to take control of the issue by taking the marbles and mom not doing it....he is totally getting this and this here is a major step....my son started to take out his own and was harder on himself then i was....This is such a wonderful sign that he is understanding what is happening and how its happening and how to deal with the good or the bad consquences ...KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!

That's the 1st thing I thought when he said that. He's real smart that way. He figures things out quickly. But then again, if I don't give him any more the rest of the day, I am breaking the reward rule, right?

So, if he gets a bad face at school......what should I do, suggestions please????

Tonight, I gave him 2 more for no fuss about getting to bed. He walked in the room and said he should have put more in there........I said oh yeah, do it and you know what happens? ALL the marbles go back in the out jar and you start over.....cheating and lying are NOT ACCEPTED! I think he got it....

  With every negative you give you child, you should reinforce it with 2 or 3 positives.  Even if you have to hunt around for it.

I'm glad you said that. I was a little confused. My son has been doing AWSOME on this system. Yesterday was day 3 and it was the 1st time he had to take any out. We where at a pool with friends and we said 1 more jump in the pool and we had to stay out and go home. My son jumped in, then walked along the edge and jumped in again. I had warned him not too, so I took 3 marbles away for disobeying me. On our way home I told him if he cleaned his room when we got home, he could have 5 marbles, so he came in, took the 3 out, cleaned his room, and put 5 in. So this morning, day 4, was his 1st day back to school since starting the marble system. I told him he could earn 5 marbles for a smiley today, or take 5 out for a bad face. He said, "that's OK, I'll just earn them back" (smartie pants)! I said oh no, a bad face means you take 5 out and can not earn any more all day (I did not know if that was the right thing to do, but I am desperate for good behavior in school). So I pick him up from my mom's after work, she says Dillon was an ANGEL today! Even in the grocery store, completely well behaved, she bought him something she was so proud! She said give him and extra marble for me, and my aunt was with them and said give him an extra one for her! AND HE GOT A SMILEY IN SCHOOL and it said GOOD DAY! YES YES YES YES! So he got 7 when he got home. I told him do your homework with no complaint and you get 3 marbles, he did well with his letter, his book, his math, but got frustrated with sight words, so I only gave him 1. I'm not too sure what I should be doing, but I have to remember what Ogram said, reinforce  2 or 3 positives to 1 negative. That's hard......it seems like he won't learn that way, but I guess it works! Lets see how tomorrow goes.........

my son's teacher has worked with me too. 

Ogram,

When you take away privileges like PS/2 and TV, are you also removing marbles at that point?  What privileges do they have to "buy"  with marbles?  How old is your son who earns $30 at 100 marbles?  I am thinking that might be too much $ for my very $ motivated almost 7 year old.

We used a token system for our ADHD DS (6) and DS (4) and it was a little hard to manage.  We never got to the taking away part.  They could earn tokens and either buy stuff from the goody box or privileges.  I just had a hard time staying on top of it.  Maybe we made it too complicated.  It was hard when they both wanted to play video games but only one had enough to buy the privilege.  The 4 year old did not understand that concept.

I saw your sample list of do's and don'ts but do you have a list of rewards they can earn and marble values.  Just curious.

Thanks for all your posts.  Reading these will help me get motivated to set up this system.

I have not yelled in 4 weeks.......Me and Dillon are much calmer.

I only joined this board the end of August and I was ready to strangle my child (just kidding) I was at my witts end, I almost hated him most of the time. Now, in sucha  short period, he and I are changed so dramatically I can't even believe it's true. I have learned so much here and I thank you all. I'm sure we will still have plenty of bad days, this can't last forever, but it will never be as bad as before.

I almost feel like I don't need to come to this board any longer, all I do is post praises for Dillon..............

And the more time that goes by, the more you will find out what and why it is working.  You will see a "trigger" point.  Then you will be able to tell others what and why it works and how to fine tune it for your child/children.  It's really a neat way to run your house.  I have to brag.  we just finished our first 6 weeks of school.  my son did not get into any trouble at all!!!  the marbles work. 

what made the changes is most likely the way your son can participate in the discipline.  He can see and feel the reward as well as the punishments.  you have a consistent set of limits and he knows ahead of time that you will not budge.  and the limits are consistent.  He knows what to count on.  He is getting praised EVERY DAY!  He needs praises.  for every negative, you are giving him at least 2 positives.  you are giving him what most parents don't think about, a positive self esteem.  He is getting a since of responsibility and learning good work ethics and a since of responsibility and how old is he???  that is the beauty of it!  Your son is learning the things that many other children are not learning until they are in high school, and he will be way ahead of the game when he his an adult for that!

OMG THIS POST SAVED MY SANITY!!! I am a 1st time foster parent of a ADHD/DD DS. I was ready to call my social worker today and tell her that I can just not do this anymore. My DFS can be he sweetest boy in the world at times. My day started with him coming in to my room 10 minutes before the alarm goes off, a really bad habit he has. I said it was not time to get up but he could start to get dressed. He slapped me, his answer for everything. We were taking an object of his for 3 days for every slap/hit/kick.  But not reinforcing the good behaviors. That was not working so I am going to try the marbles starting today. I am figuring 1 marble is worth .01. And will adjust it from there. I could just cry that I found this thread.

I do have one ? of Dillon's mom you said something about fish oil, what is that?

I am at a lost when it comes to ADHD, my DH is ADD undx, of course. So any suggestions on diet, supplements, etc would be wonderful.

Thanks again for this thread. I will keep you posted.

this is a great idea i may just try to adapt it for my 14yr old maybe loose the marbles and go straight to cash rewards

thanx

Hi Country,

Look into the omega thread under alternatives for information on the fish oils.

DO YOU ALL MIND IF I TAKE THE STICKY OFF THIS THREAD NOW?  SO IT WILL NOT BE AT THE TOP ANY MORE? 

FEED BACK PLEASE????

RE: Every child has some kinda of currency, for you child it might not be earning money but something else just as important to work towards. 

Ahh... that just may work. Thank you.

RE: Let her feel like part of the decision making process.

Will do. May help. She is pretty obstinate though.

RE: If you do it for a few months and you are consistent, you will find you home is no longer a place of tension and your daughter will be happy to help around the house

Can't hurt to try. That would be really nice. I guess I am just battle weary so being a bit pessimistic.

First thing I would do is sit her down and the two of you go over what you expect out of her.  But make it be a discussion.  Let her feel like part of the decision making process.  Let her feel like she has a role in the rule making.  Give her options in the discipline.  Most adhd children have to have "hands on" discipline.  Time outs don't work well because they cannot sit still for too long at this age.  Find what works for her.  And that might take a while.  The key is not to give up if some thing you try doesn't work.  Try having her write sentences or cleaning her room.  Along with marble removals.  Keep the consistency!  That is the key!  If you are not consistent it will not work!  If you do it for a few months and you are consistent, you will find you home is no longer a place of tension and your daughter will be happy to help around the house and will not argue to do home work and you will see improvements in behavior in school and home!  And remember for every negative behavior you have to give her two positives to build up her self esteem!  The self esteem is the most important part of this!  Good luck and keep us posted on how it is going. And if you have any questions, ask away!!!

LOL i hope it keeps working! 

we just had a break through moment.  My 6 year old dd and 4 year old son had a scuffle.  she pulled his hair.  she told me right away and then she went into the kitchen. i asked what she was doing and she came in my office and told me that she had removed 2 tickets from her jar for fighting with her brother.  i told her that i was very proud of her and appreciated her honesty, BUT we are not taking tickets away until tomorrow.  she put the tickets back in her jar.... i almost cried!  I was like "YES! they get it!"

Thats fantastic, nothing like the feeling when you realise that something you have put a lot of effort into for them is finally paying off.

I too had a great morning with the kids, the boys have finally reached enough marbles to get their reward, so we are going to get it after school today. yay.

with my 4 yr old he forgets to get up at night to go to the toilet, so he gets a marble in the morning if he doesnt wet the bed. he hasnt wet the bed since we started the marble system, and now he comes in in the morning to tell me he didnt wet the bed and now he gets a marble. it is so cute.

im on such a high today (and no i didnt pinch one of the kids tablets lol) we have finally discovered a way to help my 7 yr old son who is near,y in grade 2 and still cannot read and write. we have discovered that he is what they call a 'true right brained child' the best part is is that they are not stupid or have learning problems, the just view the world in a different way and they learn differently, so we are now teaching him how read by sight instead of the phonics system. he is already so much happyer, and i can see such a change in him, and that is after 1 day, can you imagine what hes going to be like when he realises he can read.

i am going to do a new post on it as they have discovered that most kids with add or adhd are more dominantly right brianed. so this may be  a positive way to helping the kids find a balance.

Angel

this is great!!!!  i'm good for some thing!  finally!

I can really see how this marble system is going to work in our family.  A couple of questions though.  My son raced to 100 marbles (his target) in three days.  Now we are doing the rewards weekly, I just can't afford to go and get them every couple of days. And it's the positives of the system that he responded so well to.  So we've kind of hit a speed bump.  How do you keep reinforcing the positives after they've hit their target?  Where on Monday I was telling him, go and put the bowl in the sink and you get one marble, now it's put the bowl in teh sink or else you lose one marble, and he's not responding NEARLY as well to that.  I want to use this system mainly to reinforce positives and to teach that really BAD behaviour gets marbles taken away, any suggestions?  He did a lot of good stuff really fast to get there so quick, read books, cleaned his rooms, even asked for extra pages of maths!!  Next week we are changing the tasks, ie picking up the bathroom towel will get him one marble, wearing his watch and reading the time correctly one marble, etc.

But I know he will race to it again and I will sit with the same problem for 4 days out of 7.  Any suggestions?

 ..... and thanks!

What types of chores would you put for an 8 year old?

This marble system sounds great and I'm going to start it today.

Michele

I have started the marble system today after the kids come home from school. i took them to the shops and we bought the containers and the marbles. so far it seems to be working. i feel its going to be a little harder for my 4 yr old, but ill take the little wins as well as the big wins.

At the moment my 7yr old is cleaning his room madly cos i told him he could have 3 marbles if he cleaned it up, the deal was there for the 4yr old too and they were both excited but when it came down to it the 4yr old decided that he didnt want to clean up. but i think that when he realises that his brother is getting marbles and hes not then i think he will start to come around.

At the moment i will take anything to bring the peace back to my home. it is getting that way that their dad would rather be else where as he cant cope with it all. and i must admit i have wanted to run away a few times. so i really hope this is going to help.

Oh and just as a point of fact they have found that ADHD kids react with florecent lights so they suggest to get the kids to wear baseball caps when going shopping.

Angel 

I have been reading through this thread. Have not gotten through all the many pages, LOL. Thought I would ask a question and help keep it at the top. ;)

Anyone have a child who would just refuse to use this method? My daughter is 8yrs old and I can see if working for a day or two but then she would decide she doesn't want to do it any more. (we have tried something along the same lines a few years ago).  She would also constantly say she doesn't care if she loses anything.

Angel 

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What about while in school?  Good luck with the marble system Angel don't give up it takes some twinking to get it to suit your family.

I love this system!  Ogram - how do you use it with the EasyChild system?  Is it too confusing?  Would you recommend starting with the marbles and adding the other? 

I love this system!  Ogram - how do you use it with the EasyChild system?  Is it too confusing?  Would you recommend starting with the marbles and adding the other? 

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i was doing the marbles long before i started using the Easy Child.  Now, I print out the Easy Child chart (all i have to do is enter the tasks and the value and that takes about 3 minutes and you only have to do that once).  then just print it out.  All my ds has to do is check off each task through out the day as he completes them.  It actually helps him remember things.  I recommend you keeping a list in your child's room and one on the frig.  That way the child can see it and remember what the tasks are and what value they have.  And that helps keep you consistent, as well.  I love it!  My home is so peaceful now!

Moretti, my son is 6 yrs old. And yes, we have behavior issues in regard to his baby sister who is just 13 months. I think that due to his adhd he can't measure his actions with my dd.  When he hugs her he is practically strangling her, and he doesn't understand that his sister is a baby that doesn't know what is doing. In regard to what you say, today my dd took away a toy from him and his first reaction was to hit her again, but incredibly he suddenly stopped his hand and said:" Mom, I didn't hit her, did you see?"; I immediately  told him that I was going to return 5 marbles because he was able to stop from hitting her, and again gave him the explanation about hitting as a bad action and babies, I also told him how proud I was. I am really glad he was able to stop his impulsiveness. I also like the idea of catching him doing good things and adding marbles even if the actions are not in the list. So little by little I think I am going to make it!!!

Ogram: I also explained him that next time I confiscate his gameboy, he will have to earn it with marbles. He agreed!!

  Do you think the marble system would work with a bipolar child (9 year old) ?   

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I would defiantly try it.  start out very small.  A few tasks at a time.  Only work on 4 to 5 things, then gradually work up to more. 

Finally I had to confiscate his gameboy and there he was  VERY, VERY affected. He started yelling and crying. So what can you say???? Should I keep trying?? Probably there is somebody with a similar experience in this thread, but it has become very long to go through (fortunately). So if somebody could give me good advise I will be very glad.

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OK, for the consistency, only let him "buy" back the gameboy with the marbles.  Then make it to where he has to buy his favorite game back too.  make the gameboy 20 marbles (i just pulled the number out of the air)  and the game about 10.  He will catch on really fast as he sees his favorite things used as currency!  keep it consist.  That's a good start.  It will take you a few weeks to find what works for and against him, but  you have found the magic tool; his gameboy.  lol  use that along with the marbles, and you will have it made!

I want to do it but where do you get the marbles.

thanks

In a  toy store or party supermarket store.

Oh, I have got to try that! My 8 year old is getting so mouthy lately! And SO SO lazy about keeping her room clean. I will start that tomorrow.

I am excited to try this and so is my son.

I'll also try it with my daughter.

We have chore sticker charts that we'll finish off this week and start the marble system next week.

Thanks!!!

Hell:

I decided to come here today because I started trying the marbles system again last week. I have started it before but I was unsuccessful; I think that maybe I wasn't very consistent. After reading many posts from here I decided to give it a try again. At the beginning I was thinking that it was going to work out because I was trying to be as consistent and clear as I could and my son seemed enthusiastic about it  up to yesterday night.

I was offering him a prize at the toy store after collecting 100 marbles and I think I assigned the correct amount of marbles to each important aspect so he could be able to earn the prize in about a week.

Yesterday night two events made me frustrated again with this system. First, he answered back to his grandfather, so I took 5 marbles out and spoke to him,; he didn't seem too affected by this. Then he hit his baby sister, so I took another 5 marbles. He told me that he didn't care about the marbles. Finally I had to confiscate his gameboy and there he was  VERY, VERY affected. He started yelling and crying. So what can you say???? Should I keep trying?? Probably there is somebody with a similar experience in this thread, but it has become very long to go through (fortunately). So if somebody could give me good advise I will be very glad.

I_am_Pauls_mom, Did you sit down and ask him what might  work for him? Remember this all started because Ogram's son really wanted them marble like rocks. Our DS was doing the marbles but not anymore then needed to be done. So yesterday we sat down the 2 of us and came up with a new list of things to work on and the marble value. I was surprised when he said the "K-Word" is really bad that should be worth losing 5 marbles each time. The K word is kill, he is forever saying he is going to kill something or someone home and at school.  If he goes all day with out saying it he get 21 marbles.  I know an odd number but that is the one he picked. Then we all 3 signed the bottom like a contract. DS thought it was wonderful that he made a decision and we agreed to what he wanted. Last night he actually feed the dogs and fish.  Which were on the old list but he never wanted to do it. But now that he decided it is worth 10 marbles a time he was johnny on the spot to get it done.

Gutsy have you thought about going to a dollar store and buying a few things for a treasure chest. When he reached the goal he can pick from there. Then keep a look out for more items in the bargain bins to keep it full.  Kids do not care if they get Easter items after Easter is over.

well we have been using the marble system for about a week, i think. lol

Anyway, we are getting there, 1 kid has their first reward, the other arent too far behind, but everytime they just about get there they do something to lose a marble

people down the streets think im nuts, im either bribing the kids saying if they do what i want them to do theyll get a marble. or im giving a warning that they will lose a marble if they do it again, or that they have lost one lol

but it seems to be working slowly, well most of the time.

Anyway better get goin. got to put kiddies to bed.

Angel

people down the streets think im nuts, im either bribing the kids saying if they do what i want them to do theyll get a marble.

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nah.... not "nuts".... you just don't want your kids to lose their MARBLES! LMAO

it seems to be working for us... and ppl already know i'm nuts!

The other half always reponds when i tell the kids they have lost a marble, that i lost all my marbles years ago. lol

i know im nuts, i just like people to think im sane

Angel

Country, i thought about that yesturday, so i asked the school if i would be ok to to let my son wear his hat inside, so they are also going help by rminding him to put it on.

I must admit its been a little tough this morning, the kids seem to want the marbles without completing what they have to do. i have also found myself telling them to do what it is they have to do or they wont get a marble, so thats something i have to change in myself. but we will get there.

Angel

I must admit its been a little tough this morning, the kids seem to want the marbles without completing what they have to do. i have also found myself telling them to do what it is they have to do or they wont get a marble, so thats something i have to change in myself. but we will get there.

Angel

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lmao!!!  I know what you mean.  You might think about the program EasyChild.  You can print out a worksheet that has the list of daily tasks and that will make it easier for you (that's what I do).  Then, after a few weeks, It will be like second nature.  It only takes 21 days to form a good habit.  That's not long at all!  I'm so glad you posted that about the mornings.  Some times I would feel so guilty just saying, do it or take a marble out as a form of bribing him.

i know where supposed to be positive woth them but in can be so hard. im glad im not the only one that has said if you dont do it i will tka e a marrble away lol.

Although i did take one off my youngest last night, he broke a door, it was funny he came out (cos i called him) and you could see the fear, he was wondering what i was going to do. hes 4 and he evne asked if ha was going to get a smack, but i spoke to him quietly and firmly, and made him unerstand what he did was wrong then i made him take out a marble, well you should have seem the drop in the lip and look on the face. i think it took all his strength not to burst into tears, he was then fixated on getting back the one that he had lost. it was actually funny, not that i laughed (infront of them anyway) lol

Anyway gotta go, am trying to beat this damn migraine that just wont go away.

see ya

Angel

Update on how it is working with us:

the school works the same way so his teachers punish for the same things as I do.  we are going on 7 weeks with NO problems at school!!!!  NO check marks (they use check marks)!!!  NONE in 7 weeks!  It works very well! 

My next task for him is interrupting.  he does it too much.

 it was actually funny, not that i laughed (infront of them anyway) lol

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Man, we have many many of those times!!!  hope you feel better!

try this:

Ok, I see where this incentive program could really work for me and my 3 young children, but my ADD brain needs some things cleared up lol

1) When you have things on the list such as "keeping your room clean" how often can these points be earned? Example:  My 2.5 year old DD has this NASTY fleece fringe blanket that she carries around and sucks on the "fringies" for comfort (much like a pacifier).  I originally made one crib size one and more recently made smaller ones b/c carrying around a 2 layered fleece blanket seemed a bit ridiculous in the summer. She insists on carrying around the huge one and it just drags the floor and gets flithy.  I want her to leave it in her bed all day long.  She's free to go upstairs and get a fix whenever she pleases, but it HAS to stay in her bed.  I want to put this on her chart as a "do" (leave the "kiki" in your bed... +2.  Taking the "kiki" out of your bed -2) At what intervals during the day shall this be praised? Once a day... twice... everytime I walk by her bed and see that it's still there?  I mean it's quite simple to see when it's NOT in the bed lol But how often shall I praise her for it remaining in the bed? 

I think that's where the confusion lies and that's going to be the hard part for me. Thanks for reading my ramble.

Ok, I see where this incentive program could really work for me and my 3 young children, but my ADD brain needs some things cleared up lol

1) When you have things on the list such as "keeping your room clean" how often can these points be earned? Example:  My 2.5 year old DD has this NASTY fleece fringe blanket that she carries around and sucks on the "fringies" for comfort (much like a pacifier).  I originally made one crib size one and more recently made smaller ones b/c carrying around a 2 layered fleece blanket seemed a bit ridiculous in the summer. She insists on carrying around the huge one and it just drags the floor and gets flithy.  I want her to leave it in her bed all day long.  She's free to go upstairs and get a fix whenever she pleases, but it HAS to stay in her bed.  I want to put this on her chart as a "do" (leave the "kiki" in your bed... +2.  Taking the "kiki" out of your bed -2) At what intervals during the day shall this be praised? Once a day... twice... everytime I walk by her bed and see that it's still there?  I mean it's quite simple to see when it's NOT in the bed lol But how often shall I praise her for it remaining in the bed? 

I think that's where the confusion lies and that's going to be the hard part for me. Thanks for reading my ramble.

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very good question!  My first response was every time, take away.  But with her age, i'd really have to think give her a block of time.  like reason the time frame, an hour and a half in the morning and the evening.  maybe the times before she goes down for naps or bed time.  then work her down from there.  then after that, make it 50 minutes then after a week, make it 45, then a week later 30 then a week later 20 then down to 15 then down to 10, and so on.  Try that and see how it works.

PLEASE TELL ME IT GETS BETTER

We were going great, today being day 2, after school they were great although we had incidence where the boys both lost 3 marbles each and had to spent time in their room instead of being outside. (it was a bad thing) but after their dad came home it seems like they were constantly losing marbles, i tried so hard to find things to praise them for. 

i had also told them to clean their room and they would get 3 marbles each and ice cream for desert, but of course the boys didnt so my daughter their dad and i had desert and the boys didnt, i put one to bed and the other was sitting up waiting for the little one to go to sleep. he got so upset when he didnt get any ice cream, it just about broke my heart. i so want this to work, but i wish it would hurry up. i would have helped the boys with their room if i didnt have a migriane, i could have used it like a barter system, such as if i help them with their room they only get 2 marbles instead of 3.

i was so proud of the kids but then it all went pair shaped. i have really found it so hard not to yell tonight. and their dad dont help, he came home and the boys were playing in their room, you could here them but they werent loud, and he was complaining, that they were carrying on. they werent of course, but then we ended up in anarguement, which didnt help the head. he expects them to sit down shut up and dont move. normal kids (for want of a better word) dont even do that so how the hell does he expect these guys to do it, (sorry just really peeved) my eldest son read 2 books today in his reading group and got a reward, he was so excited when he come home, and i was so proud, and gave him a heap of praise and 2 marbles for it. when he tried to tell his dad he couldnt even look at him and didnt praise him one bit. 

i really do think the kids are feeding off his negativity, which would explain y they started playing up after he come home. i know its horrible but i think maybe they would cope better if he wasnt here.

anyway better go, if i say too much more ill end up in tears.

Angel 

Good idea and there's education built into it. I like that. I thought of the beating the record but that doesn't seem to be enough motivation on its own

Adding mentos to diet coke .... mmm!! I also want to see what happens!! so we will see next week.

Thanks Angel!

what about changing and get him to see how many marbles in a week, and the next week get him to see if he can beat his record. if you tell him he has to have a min of 100 marbles (or what ever number) then he gets his reward, if he betters the record, then he gets something extra, like maybe trying some sort of home experiment. we just did a soda volcaino but adding mentos to diet coke. its cheap and they love it. and of course each week it gets harder and harder as the have to better their record each week.

i hope this helps and if my lot keep goin the way their goin im gunna have to do the same thing soon. lol

Angel

That dollar store idea is a good one, we have similar places here.  What he and I discussed is that if he gets to his 100 marbles he gets a reward, and if he gets to more than that in the week he gets a "bonus". He is happy with that so we will see how that goes first.  I agree this is a great system and my oldest at least really seems to respond well to it.  My youngest has not really seemed to grasp it, however, after he gets his "reward" today (we had to "help" him along the way, lol, he will understand better that his "good marbles" are going to result in a reward for him and he will cooperate better. At least, I'm hoping.   But as the main discipline problem in our house comes from oldest, and our house has been much calmer over the last week, I am happy.  Heaven knows, I am going to need calmness and control next week as littlie has to go into hospital to relieve chronic constipaton related to his syndrome.

my house has been so quiet since starting this, well so much quieter then im used to anyway lol.

The 4 yr old doesnt even give himself the chance to wake up before hes asking for his first marble. lol, at that time he still can talk properly or walk straight. lol. ( we give him a mrble for everytime he doesnt wet the bed. and since starting the marble system, he hasnt wet it at all.) im so proud of the kids  we still have our ups and downs, but everone has there good and bad days.

Oh i posted a thread about our sucesses with brain gym and i also included some links about the right brained kids.  its call "were never turing back!!"

Angel.

We started this today, you should have seen my son stop in his tracks.  He wound up to have a trantrum about having to get off the computer, DH and I said "Marbles!" LOL!! He almost did a double take and we didn't have any more problems for the rest of the day.  I am very hopeful about this!

Ok, this is our version of the marble system.  With little kids around all the time, I didn't feel marbles were a good idea, so we chose tickets that Chasesmom had left over. I took pictures of the kids doing the things that we are going to work on and taped them to the side of the fridge. (My children are 2.5, 4 and 6.) Then I put the tickets that will be earned when each task is completed right on that picture.  On the "take away" ones I tore them in half and taped them up a little underneath the picture. The kids had fun making the list, and posing for the pictures, and in doing so, they KNOW what I expect of them!

Ok, this is our version of the marble system.  With little kids around all the time, I didn't feel marbles were a good idea, so we chose tickets that Chasesmom had left over. I took pictures of the kids doing the things that we are going to work on and taped them to the side of the fridge. (My children are 2.5, 4 and 6.) Then I put the tickets that will be earned when each task is completed right on that picture.  On the "take away" ones I tore them in half and taped them up a little underneath the picture. The kids had fun making the list, and posing for the pictures, and in doing so, the KNOW what I expect of them!

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That is a FANTASTIC IDEA!!!!!!  Good going.  that will work great for the younger children!  keep me posted on how it works.  i'll bet they catch on really fast!

Thank you for the compliment!

My children are not ADHD (I am), but I figured that it would help me be consistant with everyone's discipline and it also stands as a job chart, along with potty training my "baby". Sitting on the potty +1, putting something in the potty +2, pooping your pullup -2.  Tonight she messed her pullup right after sitting on the potty.  I let her hold the one ticket that I paid her for sitting while still sitting on the toilet and waved another one as she sat saying "make it go SPLASH and I'll give you this one!", but to no avail, she messed anyhow :(. I made her pay me 2 tickets for making me change her.  She smiled willingly as she handed me my compensation.  So, I think it's going to take a little time with that one lol....

I started this and it is a “hands on” discipline program that most ADHD kids will respond to.  ADHD kids need to participate in their discipline.  They do well if they are able to have hands on and participate in.  If they can see it, they will respond to it.  This is what I do.  I keep a log, but he is the one to add and remove the marbles.  I am also ADHD, so this system works for me to keep consistency in our home.

Marble System:

I have two "PLASTIC" containers.  I have "in" on one and "out" on the other.  I have a List of all the good things that he is supposed to to, like chores and reading books, homework with out a complaint and working on left over worksheets his teacher gave us, and I add to it when I think about new tasks he should be working on.  Each one has a value.  The most value is 10 marbles for reading a book.  Cleaning his room is 3 marbles and keeping it clean is 5.  I have every thing from brushing his teeth, to picking up any trash that might be in the yard, to picking up sticks, to helping me pull weeds.  After he gets 100 marbles he gets $30.00 and he has to put $10 of it in his savings.  Now, if he does something wrong he has to take out marbles.  If he gets sassy or talks back, he takes out 3.  If he argues he takes out 5.  To keep track of what goes in and out, he has to write it on the paper.  That way he cannot put more marbles in there than he should.  I have not had to argue, raise my voice, spank, or even tell him more than 2 times to do something.  I will remind him ONE time for a warning and then he has to take marbles out.  We are doing this instead of an allowance.  If he reads 10 books in a row he will get his money and we start all over.  But, I don't think he has figured that out yet.  lol  At the end of each day, if he doesn't have to take any out all day, I let him put 3 in to reward him for good behavior.  This has been the best system for my son, yet.  I don't have to raise my voice and it's much easer to keep consistency when I don't have to raise my voice or put him in time out all the time.  This way he can see his progress, and he takes great pride in counting all the marbles he collects.  After he has mastered a skill, it moves off the list, and we add a new one. 

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Hi...I'm new!! What if your kids are teens?

[QUOTE=ogram]it's the same deal, but the marbles represent a money amount.  Use a chart for chores and/or responsibilities and put a dollar value to it.  have the teen check off if it is done.  I also have incorporated the EasyChild system into my marbles.  it has helped my son keep his chores consistent with out me having to stand over him all day every day.  It will work.  If what you are doing is not working, tweak it up to make it work for you.  It might take you a few weeks to find out what works best, but once you do, you will be glad you did![/QUOTE]

Awww..thanks I'll try that!!

I am a newbie and VERY excited about this program.  I am looking for some ideas about 3 and 5 year olds using this system.  They don't quite "get" the value of money as older kids do, especially my 3 year old (not ADHD).  This system would primarily be for my 5 year old, but I just know my 3 yr old will feel left out (you know everything is still all about fun at that age )

Have you ever rewarded with a toy, or a special day somewhere?

>I think I joined this site just in the nic of time!< 

ok well I am taking peoples advice and I am going to try this system. Not sure if it will work though.

My son is motivated by money. But he does get upset when I take his TV away from him when he misbehaves. But eventually he got use to that. But actually earning is good.

he does think every time that he is good hes going to get a present or he is rewarded for something. Ex: if he eats all his dinner he gets a juice or yogurt. So I think the marble thing will really work.
I made up a booklet with his name on it. Saying Jesus's Marble book. Page one says all the tasks and how many he gets for each

2nd page state how many earned or how many taken away

Thrid page states what behavior he gets them taken away.

I am going to make a big event out of it too when I pick him up saying money has a new game. If this starts to work them I will def try it at school. First I shall try at home.

Cross your fingers.

i started this last night. Which he loved it. He earned 16 marbles already. Just simple task. he ate dinner in 15 minutes. he got himself dressed and everything. So it seems to be going smoothly. He didnt argue that much either. I kept reminding him if he tallked back he would get them taken away. after 3 warnings I took 3 away for him going to far and started crying about something.

I thought about just doing positive at first. But reminding him that he is going to get them takin away. He thinks he can get away with everything. So after 3 warnings.
This morning he asked me can he earn his 3 marbles back. So I have like 7 tasks. written down that we can work on. Still dont know how to deal with well why dont I get marbles for that anymore.

he was so proud of himself.

I have a tip for those with teenagers.

Have them earn rides to their friends house, mall, whatever. I did this with my dd when she was younger because she was too lazy to do chores, and I couldn't figure out how to get her to do them. She was not motivated by cash, presents or activities, she would rather have just slept. So when she started asking for rides here and there I told her she had to work around the house to earn it, starting with her room. It worked.

Thanks, we had planned to have him "cash in" on Fridays. We will count it, then I will give him bills and he gives the change back to me. That way I have the quarters for next week and he can go shopping or save. He's a good saver. He bought his own Xbox360 with $10/week allowance. That was before he decided that we owe him his allowance just for being our child,lol, he didn't get an allowance for a year after that statement!

I have always made him earn money to buy the things he wants, I only buy presents on Birthdays and Christmas.

Ok, years ago I tried something similar, and it worked. Then ds started saying that if I was going to take away for bad, then why bother to earn at all. I see now that I could have gotten around that by making him buy his XBOX, Tv time, computer time and later bedtime. He is 11yo, and likes money. We used a similar reward system with money, but he was earning more then I was making (not really, but it seemed like it), then the little smarty started getting angry because I was using items he bought with his reward money as take away items.

So, I suggested this to him last night. He asked if we could use money again. Between the two of us we decided to use quarters. He has a book that comes home everyday so the teacher can write down his behaviors good and bad and keep me informed (my idea). So if he gets a positive comment (which she always trys for at least one compliment), + 4 quarters, negative - 2. If he does a bullying behavior he goes to bed 30 minutes early.

At home, cleaning up after himself +2 each occurance.

Back-talking, nasty comments, throwing things or slamming doors all -2 each occurance. We don't have alot of problems at home, but these happen about once a week. He is usually really good at helping around the house so I can easily find things to praise and reward for.

He is aiming for $10/week. I think that is fair for an 11yo.

Some questions I have:

I'm not clear on the put in take out. Should I put in and take out of the same jar? In other words do the negatives cancel out the pluses? Is that why I need 2 rewards to every one negative? I was thinking that if he comes home with 1 compliment, but 2 negatives, he will be back to zero, so this morning I told him I liked his attitude toward this so much that I am starting him off with 4 quarters. Then, since he was ready on his own (this is never a problem for him since we have a regular routine) I gave him 1 quarter. Just trying to find good things first so they would be on his mind during school. I told him to think of positive things he does throughout the day. His teacher is very negative, and she often uses the book to report that he was touching someones paper that was a little bit on his desk or things like how he got up to sharpen his pencil too many times, or clicked his pen repeatedly. So it will be up to me to find a positive in all this. Good thing is she does start off with a positive, however small, but most days it's like "not too bad of a day", or "good morning", then the bomb hits.

I also need clarity on how to buy back activities. Do the kids actually take out the amount of marbles? Or do you just say, they earned 10 marbles so now you can have one hour tv time?

We seem to be very motivated this time, so I am hopeful. His problems are school mostly, with only occassionally home.

BTW, he is 11yo, with Tourettes, ADHD and mild OCD. Non-medicated after several attempts on meds that he had reactions to. We decided last year to go natural since he is mild on all diagnoses.

Ok, years ago I tried something similar, and it worked. Then ds started saying that if I was going to take away for bad, then why bother to earn at all. I see now that I could have gotten around that by making him buy his XBOX, Tv time, computer time and later bedtime. He is 11yo, and likes money. We used a similar reward system with money, but he was earning more then I was making (not really, but it seemed like it), then the little smarty started getting angry because I was using items he bought with his reward money as take away items.

So, I suggested this to him last night. He asked if we could use money again. Between the two of us we decided to use quarters. He has a book that comes home everyday so the teacher can write down his behaviors good and bad and keep me informed (my idea). So if he gets a positive comment (which she always trys for at least one compliment), + 4 quarters, negative - 2. If he does a bullying behavior he goes to bed 30 minutes early.

At home, cleaning up after himself +2 each occurance.

Back-talking, nasty comments, throwing things or slamming doors all -2 each occurance. We don't have alot of problems at home, but these happen about once a week. He is usually really good at helping around the house so I can easily find things to praise and reward for.

He is aiming for $10/week. I think that is fair for an 11yo.

Some questions I have:

I'm not clear on the put in take out. Should I put in and take out of the same jar? In other words do the negatives cancel out the pluses? Is that why I need 2 rewards to every one negative? I was thinking that if he comes home with 1 compliment, but 2 negatives, he will be back to zero, so this morning I told him I liked his attitude toward this so much that I am starting him off with 4 quarters. Then, since he was ready on his own (this is never a problem for him since we have a regular routine) I gave him 1 quarter. Just trying to find good things first so they would be on his mind during school. I told him to think of positive things he does throughout the day. His teacher is very negative, and she often uses the book to report that he was touching someones paper that was a little bit on his desk or things like how he got up to sharpen his pencil too many times, or clicked his pen repeatedly. So it will be up to me to find a positive in all this. Good thing is she does start off with a positive, however small, but most days it's like "not too bad of a day", or "good morning", then the bomb hits.

I also need clarity on how to buy back activities. Do the kids actually take out the amount of marbles? Or do you just say, they earned 10 marbles so now you can have one hour tv time?

We seem to be very motivated this time, so I am hopeful. His problems are school mostly, with only occassionally home.

BTW, he is 11yo, with Tourettes, ADHD and mild OCD. Non-medicated after several attempts on meds that he had reactions to. We decided last year to go natural since he is mild on all diagnoses.

Thanks, we had planned to have him "cash in" on Fridays. We will count it, then I will give him bills and he gives the change back to me. That way I have the quarters for next week and he can go shopping or save. He's a good saver. He bought his own Xbox360 with $10/week allowance. That was before he decided that we owe him his allowance just for being our child,lol, he didn't get an allowance for a year after that statement!

I have always made him earn money to buy the things he wants, I only buy presents on Birthdays and Christmas.

I have a tip for those with teenagers.

Have them earn rides to their friends house, mall, whatever. I did this with my dd when she was younger because she was too lazy to do chores, and I couldn't figure out how to get her to do them. She was not motivated by cash, presents or activities, she would rather have just slept. So when she started asking for rides here and there I told her she had to work around the house to earn it, starting with her room. It worked.

Where in Vegas are you?

[QUOTE=Well i disagree with this.  Real life does reward for good deeds.]

I agree with you!! Life can be very rewarding, even if its not always in $. But, adults do get rewarded in cash all the time. Plus we are talking about kids here, and some pretty young at that. They do need rewards, esp ADD or ADHD kids. It doesn't have to be huge rewards, small ones work. Yes , we do need to prepare them for life. But, I don't see why rewarding good behavior will hurt them at all. Little one's need rewards, even if it's for doing what chores are expected.

Just my 2 cents

Laurie

What a wonderful thread!!! Thank you all very much for sharing it. Very special thanks to ogram, you have so much insight and common sense when it comes to children

This is the only thread/system which showed so many positive changes reported. I loved the idea and rushed to local Michael's right after work. This thread made me think as a child in a way and that's what I was thinking. Marbles is a great choice for "currency" as opposed to tickets for ex. they look pretty and pretty things only reinforcement the value of earned reward. Positive reinforcement , that's just great. We all heard about it so much, but this system implements it the best. There is a big difference between be afraid of punishment and work for a reward. Whatever we tried at home making not to get punished a goal is just impossible. But being good sounds like something as a child I would be able to concentrate on, especially if it has a real value. Thinking as a child I though that breaking a habit is not easy and has to be rewarded in a more significant way than just praise. And it is so generic, you can tweak and fine-tune it for your needs as you wish. I added physical exercise to the list and computer time all of it has to be earned. Easychild sounded a bit expensive so I created an Excel Spreadsheet filled in formulas to make it easier to work with and my son is in charge of keeping the records in order for regular chores and adding marbles to his jar. I am going to check it at the end of the day  and there is a special rewards parts which are allocated based on whole day performance. First day was just great, in just first half hour my son went through the house like a cleaning tornado, being hyper really helps him now .  Not removing any marbles for first two weeks sounds like a good idea, let him feel the bait, he calls it "easy money", well whatever works for him .  But knowing him this should work for him wonders.

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!

Oh BTW, it is a really good idea to keep it at the top for newbies like me, please don't move it!!!

Still excited about this program.  Contemplating the idea of adding BIG PRIZES to the chart at later stages, in a month or two, something like No Arguing for a week 25 marbles and even bigger for a month performance. I am only afraid that frustration of loosing something like that might just be too big for him to handle. Probably small steps program would do it better. Any thoughts?

No answer, that's OK, I will post anything I can think of, maybe someone will find it useful. I think in the beginning it is a very good idea to keep the list with only positive and no negative (sorry don't remember who mentioned it first but thank you thank you!!!)  let him accumulate a bit of them by adding marbles without taking them out, maybe with one exception only CHEATING MARBLES -20! or something like that to show that you are serious about it. And introduce taking marbles out later or even much later and one at a time, depends how quickly your child start appreciating the rewards and how much frustration he can take. For us biggest problem is arguing, so we will start with that -3 probably in one or two weeks, give him some time to get used to it and increase from -3 to -5 or higher as I see progress or lack of thereof. Once arguing is not an issue anymore (can' wait for that!!!) I will introduce second negative and give him some time, and so on, small steps, one at a time. Also a good idea to keep high ratio of positive to negative, that should encourage good behavior and create a vision that to earn marbles is not difficult at all, also will boost his self esteem, look how much good stuff you do and you only have couple of small problems, small negative number of problems should be also easier to concentrate on.  Someone mentioned that their kids have lost interest in this system, I don't know the situation but maybe it was too hard for them to earn the reward and looked like impossible goal, or maybe they really get everything they need. I am going to make marbles a "currency" for every allowance for now for my son, that should keep him interested at all times. Any system will become a routine eventually but if this is the only way for him to be entertained, I don't see how he can avoid participating.

just so i get this, the kids take the marbles in and out? i am going to try this with my 9 year old,

any other suggestions for a 3 year old, she is a little behind on things,,such as potty training and others...but all in all she is hyper active just like her big brother, so much where she runs and runs and keeps going until she falls asleep where ever she falls, car, couch, floor etc..

I just got done reading all of the posts and am going to try this.  We have been having a problem with my daughter lying, not about anything serious, but lying is lying and I want to nib this in the butt before it gets worse.  She does good at school and I think that's b/c the teacher has a very good behavior system  where they color up or color down based on their behavior and its really good for me b/c I know what her behavior was based on the color that she got at the end of the day (green-neutral behavior, blue, pink and purple are all good, great, and super behavior and then yellow (warning behavior) orange (warning + call or letter home) and red (severe bad behavior). 

So I think doing the marble system at home might help the problems we are having at home.  Especially since driving home with my 7 yr old and 2 yr old in the backseat is just completely stressful for me since they are constanting fighting with eachother while I'm driving in lovely vegas traffic!  So I definately will be going to the store to get some marbles and containers and some poster paper! Marbles here we come! Thanks so much Ogram!!!  I hope we are as succesful as others on here have been!

bump

ok well I am taking peoples advice and I am going to try this system. Not sure if it will work though.

My son is motivated by money. But he does get upset when I take his TV away from him when he misbehaves. But eventually he got use to that. But actually earning is good.

he does think every time that he is good hes going to get a present or he is rewarded for something. Ex: if he eats all his dinner he gets a juice or yogurt. So I think the marble thing will really work.
I made up a booklet with his name on it. Saying Jesus's Marble book. Page one says all the tasks and how many he gets for each

2nd page state how many earned or how many taken away

Thrid page states what behavior he gets them taken away.

I am going to make a big event out of it too when I pick him up saying money has a new game. If this starts to work them I will def try it at school. First I shall try at home.

Cross your fingers.

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I'm sure he will do GREAT!  Many people use this, in schools and at home and every one is having success with it.  My little one is using it and it's working.  He buys tv time with it.

I have been using a similar reward system with poker chips.

Any problems with phasing out rewards for a behavior once it has become a habit? Such as tooth brushing now no longer an issue so move on to something else to encourage by rewarding. I worry about the children always expecting rewards for behavior, plus, I want to keep the system as simple as possible. I have done this and haven't noticed any backsliding. I tell them they have done an awesome job and give verbal rewards routinely for awhile, then occasional acknowledgements of their continued good work.

Also, -in addition to allowance earning - I built in rewards for every 7 chips earned (they can earn up to 3 a day) more immediate ones such as painting toe nails, a massage, rub on tatoos, bubble baths, etc (I have girls). They LOVE that - I think more than the trips to spend allowance.

Also - makes for great math problems - how many more chips needed to get a trip to the reward box? If you get a quarter for every chip - how many dimes and nickels is can equal the same, etc....

bump

Hello All,

New to the site..LOADS of information..thank you so much.

With BOTH of my sons having recently been diagnosed with ADHD (5 and 8), discipline has been an adventure....to say the least...

We've recently started something very similar to the marbles. It is basically the same thing, but we use points...It started off with poker chips in a can...but with the 2....we opted for points.  They have to earn the privilege to do anything that they want to do i.e., ride their bikes, play playstation, watching TV (certain points for specified time period), etc.  It was explained that so many times children are given things, and then the punishment is to take it away. Or they are bought things for the promise of "if you're good/act right/do well we can get this" . The value of the item fades...for example: child told he/she can't watch TV...their response...fine, I'll just go ride my bike..they'll find something else to do.  When they have to earn the points to do all of these things, it is not so easy to have the "whatever" attitude. It also starts them off in the "reality" of things...working for what you want..nothing for free :)

Of course because points are needed to do anything, they are easy to earn and awarded like pretty much alot of you have done. One of the things we are pushing is "brotherly love".  When they do selfless things for each other, they are awarded bonus points (say 50 compared to a normal 5 or 10 earned for the everyday stuff). We also are trying to get away from the whining, so it is also a big point earner. Pretty cool when my 8yr old starts w/a whining tone, and it only takes one time of "are you whining?", and it stops. Also, at the end of the week if they have shown each other love, and no whining, they get extra points.

We have a dry erase calendar (wall size) and they each have their own color of marker. The column on the side is divided in half..one for points earned..one for points deducted...We have THEM write down both. They are responsible for putting the added points up, as well as the lost points.  At the end of the week we tally them up, and they are cashed in for things like going to the movies, or nickel arcade..something "real fun!" Or they can keep banking them, and be saved for the REALLY fun stuff like amusement parks, weekend trips, etc.

So far it has made a huge difference..I love the look on their little faces when they are told to go add their points. Something so simple, but such an accomplishment for them. Now, don't get me wrong...there are the bad days, but it is NOTHING compared to how it used to be. I think it has actually helped to have them have to use them for daily fun activities, because they seem less apt to want to waste them by acting up/whining/fighting.

Hopefully this wasn't a repeat of something posted before. I got about half way through reading all of them, and decided to post. Thank you for letting me ramble.

I have used the marble system in my classroom for many years with great result.  But for a system to be effective it needs to be engaging.  As children hasve a low attention span (especially ours!) I would need to constantly change the system I employed.  I would use the marbles for a few weeks, then I would use sticker charts, raffles, brick walls, thermometers, game board with mini prizes along the way.  The ideas are endless once youget going.  If children lose interest, the rewards eg marbles need to be given more frequently and the reward attainable within a short period of time.  Find your child's currency and make the rewards happen often. Make a list of things that don't cost money that your child likes to do -  for example cook with mum, go to the park, have a friend over, watch a movie, play a game with dad.  Write these on paper, fold them up and put in a jar.  When a mini target is reached, they can pick a prize. This is cheap and gives the child what they love the most.    I saw a ADHD management video years ago that had a teacher in a classroom having a vibrating reminder alarm set at 5 minutes.  This reminded the teacher is focus each 5 minutes on the child and give praise.  This kept the child on task.  Small rewards were given during this to keep the child visually on task.  Hope these ideas help.

I started this about 3 weeks ago. I wouldn't say there behavior has gotten any better or worse. A first they were ALL about the marble system now they just sorta shrug it off. granted I am having difficulty with them wanting to even EARN them. I told my son - Just brush your teeth and you get marbles, but he just said, "Eh... No".

And once my sons meds have worn off there is no stopping him. I haven't found anything yet other than to separate my two sons, otherwise they will just keep going, going, going...

Any advice? I've read through this thread and I can't see that I am doing anything wrong.

Sometimes it helps if they have something they really want to trade the marbles in for. My youngest is always saving for that next pokemon game or a stuffed dog. She also has a daily trade-in for more TV time. It used to be that she would trade marbles in for 1/2 hour extra to stay up, but we have transistioned that out of marbles and into "if your homework is done before I get home from work, you can stay up." These are the transitions you want to eventually make (though it may take a long time).

You need to limit the rewards out side of those they can get by trading in the marbles. It may be that they get what they really want without earning it.

You may need to get this working for the medicated time before it will have any impact on the unmedicated time. There can also be a time where they get mad and won't participate because it is hard (being held to your contract is hard). You will have to transition through this and get them back on track. We had this with the youngest.

At the end of the week you might look at the marbles and just say, "Gee, you could have had 14 more marbles by now if only you had brushed your teeth twice a day. You threw away easy money."

It may take some tweeking to make it work for your individual situation.

All of these success stories with the marble system are lifting my spirits tonight. I recently came to grips with the fact that my son DOES have ADHD (as he was diagnosed years ago-but we never took it any futher).

And with coming to grips, I have seen light at the end of my dark and lonely tunnel. But I am still finding myself very overwhelmed and lost. This is a nice way to end my night.

My son is 5. And I know it really is important to him that we be pleased with him; especially me as his mother. But he has just never been able to do that very well, if at all. :0( I hate saying that. Time outs never worked for him. He can't sit still even for a minute or 2. I have tried stickers, money (but he ends up emptying the jar and losing the coins, and I find them in his little brother's possesion), promises to go fun places, etc. LOL Nothing seems to work for him.

He acts out at any errands, trip or visit we make. And for mys on, as well the focusing on what we don't want him to do...never worked well. The positive comments seem to help him stay motivated to try harder. But since he has had no counseling of any kind or medication...it doesn't seem to be enough.

We plan to get him started on these things, asap. But I hope this will help, some in the mean time.

I am excited to try this. I am going to try my best to stay consistent (since I have problems with follow-through as well)...and pray I see positive results soon!

Erin

what are his favorite toys and/or hobbies?  what are your rewards now?  how many rewards and disciplines do you have on the lists?  How old is he and what is is dx and is he on med?  ( i need a bit more info, can ya tell)

the more info the better!

just a note to prove it works and is still working.  My son, now 9, counted the marbles yesterday.  He had 60 marbles after school.  So he jumped up and said, "I only need 40 more and I get my $30!!"  So, he grabbed a couple of books and read them.  (he has required reading that is NOT on the list.  if he doesn't read the required reading, he looses marbles.  if he reads more than the required reading, he gets to add 4 to  6 marbles).  He read last night and cleaned his room.  So, the system does work and will motivate them to do more and what they do, they will do at their BEST!  You just have to find what works, and use it.  The more info you can give us, the better we can help you.

went to birthday party tonight and i was proud of my son . i talked to him before we got to the party and what i expected. for some reason he does better when he is directed and talked to before we get to our distination. he followed directions great  and had a good time. so he earned 4 marbles just for doing a great job there. he has less negative behavior since we started the marble system a week ago.

There have been a lot of people asking about this for younger children.  (ages 5 and below).  Well, I figured I'd add this to the thread.  If you start out smaller, even with the older children it might help your child get the main objective and give you a better starting point.  Start out with fewer marbles and fewer tasks on your objective lists.  Try this:

instead of 100 marbles, use 30 or 40.  And instead of 10 tasks use 4 or 5 on the negative and 5 to 7 on the positive side. 

example:

Negative - Removing marbles

1. Forgetting to turn lights off
2. not flushing toilet
3. not brushing teeth
4. having a temper tantrum
5. talking back

Positives - Adding marbles

1. Using manners (thank you, yes mam, yes sir, please, ect..)
2. Waiting his/her turn
3. Going to bed on time with out complaining
4. picking up his/her room
5. taking plate to sink
6. washing hands before and after meals
7. Not arguing with siblings and/or parents
8. Not getting in trouble at school for the day

This is just a small starter list for younger children.  If you need a longer lists or a list for older children add to it.  Each time a task on the take adding marbles is masted, move it to the negative list.  Then with in a few months you will be able to remove it all together.  For ever one you remove from the positive list you have to add one in it's place.  Some times, I add two on it.  There are times they will slip up when it is removed from both lists, just remove the marbles as if it were still there.  But, that will not happen too often.  You can also take things away along with the removing marbles.  I find that works VERY well for us.  And with that as a wild card, he doesn't want to make a mistake.  When he does get his fav toy taken away, he can buy it back with the marbles he has.  You have to give a value to his marbles and to his favorite toys.  But, that is your choice.  I use the EASYChild program for the print out charts.  It's easy and all you have to do is print it out.  You can also add the entries, that only takes about 3 minutes.  That program will work better for older children that receive money allowances.  So, either way, the marbles can work.  My house has been peaceful and calm every since.  This is the best way to discipline with out hassles in your home.  Now, this is not a doctor approved method, this is not a book that has some sort of kick back for me.  This is a behavior modification program that I started and wrote down to help other parents that have adhd children.  I have adhd and am raising an adhd child.  I remember how it was as a child.  what works for an adhd child is almost the polar opposite of what will work for a "normal" child.  ADHD children have to participate in the discipline.  When and if you decided to use this system, sit down with your child and come up with the lists together.  Coach your child into what you want, but let him/her think it's his/her idea which is very easy to do.  Then you all come up with the marble value of what each task is.  Then start using it.  You might have to change some things to make it work, but that is fine.  Reach out to your child for that help, they will WANT to help you find some thing that works.  ADHD children want to fit in and feel special and not excluded.  If you ask them for their help in what they think might work better, they will tell you and, trust me, they will be honest and it will work!

I am trying the marble system again with my 6yo son.  My son gets excited about the process....we brainstormed the rewarded behaviaors and the negative behaviors.  All goes well until he loses marbles......then he says he does not want to do the marble system.  Negative behaviors are sassing/talking back, stomping/kicking, covers ears with hands, making fists......he does not hit anyone , but makes fists when he is angry.......He is rewarded for taking meds, brushing teeth, good manners, obeying the first time asked, cleaning his room, reading chapter books, behaving at school and my school(I teach high school and he is with me before and after school), eating dinner without fussing.......

When he loses marbles he does not want to continue with the process....he will keeping misbehaving and lose a lot.  I am always encouraging hime to try and earn marbles.  Any suggestions?  I feel like I am not doing something right.  Thanks.....

Very cool system, IMO,  ~ogram~ .   I tried something similar with my kid when he was four (too young, for him, I suspect.)   He did very well, even though the tokens we chose were too abstract for him, at the time.    Now that he's nine, we're using a framework a lot like yours.  Expectations and rewards are clearly spelled out.   He knows what's expected and what he needs to do.  He hates my guts fairly often lol (Hey.  I'm the primary caregiver and disciplinarian, so what do you expect? )  But, hate-my-guts or not, he's doing the work to earn his rewards. That sounds good, to me.

 we went to the game store- the game he liked was 30- i put in 20, and he put in the rest.... didn't like that at all-  said it wasn't fair that he earned the marbles, should get the prize-  i agree yet all the "prizes" he likes are so expensive, i thought i would teach him a lesson, he got discouraged, didn't want to do this "stupid marble thing" anymore.... i explained next time he should save the 15.00, work really hard and maybe he would earn the marbles even quicker and he can get what he wants without using his own money... we'll see if it works...

we reward after earning 100 marbles.  He gets $15.00 to spend as he likes.  The problem is, everything he likes is more than 15- i.e., video games,,etc... how do i keep it going without going broke??

This can go one of 2 ways. Remove less marbles than he receives for doing the behavior, or do not remove marbles, and of course none are rewarded for that day. It is important to keep the overall plan on a positive note. The other thing is to make sure he can get things he really wants with the marbles to encourage him to want to earn them, and the rewards cannot be too far in the future. When we first started the school plan, there was a reward for each day she got 5 or 6 (out of 6) checks; and the reward (extra video game or TV time over the 1 hour she was normally alloted) was given on the same day she brought home the paper with the checks (immediate reward). Then, if she did this at least 4 out of 5 days, there was a bonus on the weekend (delayed gratification). She was then allowed to use the reward immediately or save it for later. Do you have things or privleges that he wants that he can "buy" with marbles each day (provided that homework is done of course)?

Also, when my daughter was not  feeding her bird, I made sure to remind her each week that she was losing out on 7 easy marbles ("Gee, I was so hoping you would get those 7 easy marbles; it is a shame it will take longer to save for that game you wanted.").

Hi this is my first time on. I am a single mother of two children a 7 yr old and a 3 mon old both boys and my 7yr old has ADHD and several other things.  And I need this sight so bad.  I too disagree with oldtimer.  I have noticed with my son that he behaves better with positive things. When you give them things to work toward they respond better than when you just descipline for bad behavior. I too do something simular to this. I use quarters and when he reachs a certain amount I let him do as he wants with it.

  Do you think the marble system would work with a bipolar child (9 year old) ?   

Yeah.  I don't use the marble system (yet -- haven't had time to go buy marbles lol!)  But telling my son what I expect immediately before an activity seems to help him. Maybe he remembers better?  I don't know.  But he does behave better if I tell him what is acceptable, short-term.

(Just for the record, telling him what I don't want doesn't seem to work too well.)

[QUOTE=Dadofsonw/adhd] Good luck to all and don't forget to tell your child(ren) that you "Love Them" anytime and often.[/QUOTE]

I could not agree more!  I don't think we discuss that enough on this board.  our children NEED to hear that.  We have a cycle we go though on an hourly basis when he's home, and we do it every time I drop him  off at school.  We say, "I love you, I like you, You are special and smart and I am proud of you."  We have a "who can say it first contest.  Any way, one day at the school when i was dropping him off in the morning, after we went through our verbal affections, the teacher that opens the door looked at me and just stared.  I apologized for taking longer than normal, we just had to do our "love your's for the morning" and she said, "I was having a bad morning and this made my day." she went on to say that no one tells their children they love them in front of her any more and it is good to hear it again.  So, Yes, TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM, TELL THEM YOU LIKE THEM, TELL THEM OFTEN AND NOT JUST IN YOUR HOME.  Children need to hear it all the time.

ok, i'm going to pick the parts that I see are wrong and try to help.  Remember, I am adhd and live it every day.  I also am raising it, so i have a HUGE insight. 

[QUOTE=Going crazy]

[/QUOTE]

What did you do with the marble system?  how did you work it?  I need details on what you did so I know what you are doing.  It might take longer than a few months to get it right.  Tell me what you are doing.  Just by what you have said above, I have an idea, but I want to know for sure.  And what meds is she on.

Goingcrazy:

I have the exact same problem. My son is 8 and takes Vyvanse 30mg every morning. He does awesome at school and daycare. It is only at home that we have problems. He is not interested in earning marbles anymore. I shouldn't say he is not interested but it doesn't seem to be enough of a motivator. Nothing will get him to do what he needs to so we can leave in time in the morning or get him in bed on time. It is making me crazy as well. I didn't see a response to your last post and wondered if you got any advice. We are seeing a psychologist for some help but have only had one session. Had to wait 2 weeks for the next appt. We won't be able to see him much because we have to pay out of pocket and at $125 a visit we just can't afford to. But if we don't get help life will be worse so I figure if it causes more debt it is worth it.

What I like about this idea is that it works for `start' behaviours and not just `stop' behaviours.

It's easy to discipline a child for hitting, lying, talking back, etc.  But, it's hard to discipline for `not getting shoes on quickly' or `not brushing one's teeth without being told'.

For the marbles, I can just post all the behaviours I want him to do and if he wants the marbles, he has go do them.

Thanks!  I'm a teacher and used to do this in the classroom, but forgot about it for my own son.  LOL

Ok, so I am starting this system with my 7 y/o as well.  As a teacher, I've used a simliar system at school - except I use it for all kids in my class, to reward ANY good behavior and/or work completion.  At school, I made a small 4x5 grid = 20 squares. If at the end of each day they've completed their work and handed it in, they'll get a stamp that night after I've seen/marked it. I also use this to reward those struggling with whatever - attention, behavior etc. Once they fill up their 20-stamp card, they get to choose a treat from my "Treasure Chest".  I always wanted a way to reward not only those who need encouragement, but those that do well all the time, and rarely get any recognition.  No one loses any stamps, you only get a fresh grid once you've filled up the prior one.

NOW - I never thought to apply this program at home.  So here I go.  My son chose 100 blue marbles from the craft store over the weekend.  Today is MarbleDay1.  He lost 2 marbles this morning, for using his "angry voice" and shouting at me/his brother.  However, he did get a marble for turning off his lights in his room; another for putting his breakfast dishes in the sink, and getting into the car quickly and "without fussing". 

Due to his diagnosed anxiety, he gets more upset when he loses a marble, and often can't control his temper when he does...any suggestions? Poor kid, he does something 'wrong' or breaks a rule, loses a marble, then he loses his temper ...

any ideas on how to help him NOT lose his temper over losing the marble??

for now, I'd ignore the tantrum over losing the marble. Let him get used to it. Once he grasps the whole thing, give him a marble every time he does NOT tantrum over the lost marble.  The fewer behaviors you work on at a time the more successful I've found these things to be.

My daughters 4th grade teacher used a similar system in her class for everyone too, they used pretend "dollars" and shopped at the "store" once a month. The kids LOVED it!

Diane - you are right.  Can't believe I overlooked the obvious - IGNORE the tantrum.  I'm so tired of livign with the tantrum responses I've tried to teach him to UNDUE that, but the best way is to ignore it, and reward when he DOESN'T TANTRUM.

And, if I take yet another marble FOR the tantrum, he'll give up entirely, because, "what's the use" will be his mentality...

Perspective helps.

:-)

I really like this thread so Im just bring it back to the active topics list.

Hi, I am new here.  (just posted my story on another thread)  We have a similar system for my 5 yr old son - who is a technology junkie.  He "earns" poker chips for things like doing what he is told the first time, cleaning his room without whining, obeying the teachers at school, etc.  Each chip is worth 15 minutes of time.  He can redeem the chips for time to watch tv, play a game on the computer, or play with his leapster.  (we decided to use those things as the redemption items because they were the most valuable things to him) 

He gets his chips for the day right before he goes to bed, and he can redeem them the next day if he wishes.  So, he knows if he doesn't earn any today, he won't be redeeming any tomorrow because you can't redeem them the same day you earn them.

It works really well, because he knows he isn't going to get to do any of those things if he doesn't have any chips to redeem.  

Hello to all.  I just want to say that I've been reading up on all of your posts from the beginning regarding the marbles.  I'm still reading, I have about 10 pages left to read but it's so interesting. 

I have mentioned to my partner this evening about it.  And we are gonng start doing it with all 3 of our kids.  Our middle child is Sam and the one who needs it the most but the other 2 will benefit from it too.  It's only fair. 

This is my story.  I have 2 kids, my son is 12 and my daughter Sam is 10 who has ADHD.  She hasn't been diagnosed with it yet, but they have told us she as ADD which I'm thinking is pretty much the same thing, all in the same family.  She was also born with a congenital heart defect, 2 holes in her heart (ASD, VSD and she also has a PDA).  She had a G-tube for 10 months when she was under a year old.  She also gave us a scare with cancer but turned out it wasn't....long story.  And she also has a syndrome called Velo Cardio Facial Syndrome.  Which is all part of her learning disability.  She has a IEP at school for language, french and reading but we are looking into having one for Math now as she is struggling. 

When I said we had 3 kids, what I'm saying is my boyfriend has a 4 year old daughter which he has custody of so we are all together.  My kids are still going through the adjustments of new city, school, teacher and friends.  See we just moved to this are this past summer so it's alot of changes for them.  They only see their father every second weekend and holidays.  It's more difficult for my son who is 12.  We are all very busy.  I work here at the hospital part time.  My boyfriend owns a business which is a gas station, convenient store, car wash, bait shop, propane ect... and he's an auto mechanic and a marine mechanic.  So we run the store together, I do all the bookkeeping and he has the shop on the side.  We run around like chicken's with our heads cut off all the time.  With monday being hockey night, my son plays, so he has a practice on monday nights.  All 3 have swimming lessons on tuesdays and Sam has girl guides on tuesdays too.  The youngest one has sparks on wednesdays which is a younger version of Girl Guides.  On thursdays they all swim again.  Friday beleive it or not is the only night we have nothing planned.  But yet every second weekend we meet half way so my kids can go to their fathers for the weekend.  And then return on sunday nights.  And the weekend that I have them.  Saturday my son has a hockey game and sunday too.  So between all the extra currricular activities they are in and the store and me working at the hospital and you all know the housework and homework, and laundry and all, we are all very busy.  And oh yeah I forgot my partner and I bowl on a mix league on sunday nights...lol.

So, I'm hoping and thinking this marble thing will work just great.  Now if I can only stay on top of it.  But I'm very excited to start it.  We will sit down tomorrow night with the kids and talk to them about it.

Thanks for the great ideas!!!

I am at times overwhelmed with my son's behaviour.  Lately, he's been worst and bedtime is a nightmare.  After this morning, which was total disaster, I just decided to try the marble system since it seems to be working good for many of you.  Wish me luck!

Thanks for the tips!

I'd use it for both children. I'm sure there are some things the 4 year old can learn to do.

You do not have to reward with money or things. They can cash the marbles in for things, like staying up an extra half hour on the weekend. Having a friend over for dinner, an extra one on one board game with Mom or Dad, extra tv time, taking a friend on a playdate somewhere. There are all kinds of things you can do.

[QUOTE=kellysue7]I'd like to try and use the marble system with my 6 year old daughter. I'd like to refrain from rewarding her with money or buying her things. Any suggestions? Yes, try using the reward system for video game time, television time or family game time.  You could even use it for special toys that your dd loves.  She can use them as a buying chip for blocks of time for any of these things.  I have even used it with my son to buy out of his daily chores.  He really likes to do that. 

Also, I'm wondering how to use this system when I also have a 4 year old son who does not have ADHD and is a cooperative well behaved child. If I start rewarding his sister with things than he will want something too. What then?  Then, you do exactly what falls "naturally into place.  He will want to do what his big sister does by in-stint.  So, all you have to do is scale it down to his comprehension.  He will understand more than you think, once he sees his sister doing it for a few weeks.  He might have to have it written down. 

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I also use the "Easy Child system" as well to work with it, you can read through here or look at my blog on this site, it has it on there.  You will be able to enter it into your computer, print it out and keep track of your child's progress.  It takes about 3 minutes to enter and print out.  I love it.  Using it you can see your child's progress and weakness that way you know where you need to work, as in reading time, less or more home work, when home work works best, setting table and just about every thing you might need to plan out.  The most important thing for ADHDers is consistency.  WE HAVE TO HAVE THAT.  If we don't, we will fall, and fall fast.  Keep every thing the same. If it's not the same, we have a tendency to fail.  It's not that we want to fail, we just need that consistency, and if you are not adhd, you don't know how hard it is for us to each day.  We need to know what is going to happen and when.   When ADHDers get older, they have to switch classes in school.  that is VERY hard on them.  So, if you keep the routine at home the same, every day from here on out, it will help them as they grow older.  It will MOST definitely help them to succeed knowing what to expect now and later.  The marble system is a stepping stone for success.  Keep the rules the same and the rewards have to be 2 to 1 on the negative.  ADHDers have to have more positive than negative.  The need to see the success and need to have a part in the discipline.  Sit down with your child and go over the rules.  Let them participate in the rule making and in the discipline planning.  That way, they will feel as if they have some control.  They need control.  After all, WE have VERY little control at that age, and when you let them have a say so BEFORE the fact, they will take the punishment better and will try to succeed, so they don't let themselves down.  I know this may not make much since to you, but I'm adhd and I am living it and raising it.  It makes perfect since.  If you need any help, just ask.  I'm here, and that is what I'm here for.

Hi,

Just wanted to get some thoughts on this:  I am raising my nephew (he's 16 ADHD) We have had him 3 years, and everyday is hard! Last night I was talking to someone about behavior modification, and they said to not mess with the rewards when a consequence is in order. In other words, if your child earns 5 marbles doing something good, we are really not supposed to take them back when he does something bad.  We are supposed to have a seperate consequence, having absolutely nothing to do with the marbles.  I want to know if you have had any experience using this technique, and what works best.  Please let me know. Thank you!

I LOVE this!!!

Thanks for sharing.

Last year my daughter (she was in 6th grade then, must be the age) wanted an expensive ipod for Christmas. I just bought her a cheaper one. It's fine, it plays music and she can download what she wants with my approval. Her friends have EVERYTHING, especially her best friend, clothes from the pricey stores, EVERY game system when it comes out, the best of everything, I just keep telling her every family is different and we cant always have what everyone else has. She was fine with the cheaper ipod , and the novelty wore off, you're right.

We went through all this when the kids in school got cell phones in 3rd and 4th grade . I made her wait, she just got one this summer for her 13th irthday, she wanted one that does all this tuff and is pink...etc., etc., I just got her the free one on my plan and said Happy Birthday . She so thrilled to get one after me saying no for three years...........she didnt care.

I started the marble system with my son this past week and it is helping.  He earns $20 for every 100 marbles.  He has finally started flossing his teeth because of this! (Good thing since he gets braces in one month!)

Today my son came home and announced that a friend at school got an ipod touch for his birthday and this is what he wants for Christmas.  The one he wants is $400.  GRRRRRR.  Why did this kid's mom let him have such an expensive toy that is portable and can be lost so easily!  (THey are in the 6th grade.)  I pointed out to my son that Santa's budget didn't go over $200.  I also mentioned that even though this boy had it, he was probably the only one because that really wasn't reasonable.  (Tomorrow he is on a mission to find another kid who has one to refute me.)

Lucky for me, ds probably thinks its impossible to earn $200 before CHristmas(and it really is for how much his marbles are worth.)  But I am a little worried that he is going to get gung ho and try, then say he will pay $200 and Santa can pay $200.  Geesh.  We had been having such a great week and he had been thinking of saving up for stilts (about $50).  He was motivated and now he is cranky and whiney.  And the thing is, if he were to get this ipod touch, he probably wouldn't even use it that much. 

This is the same boy who decided he wanted a porche or lamborgini for his first car.  WHen I pointed out that wasn't reasonable, he decided he would settle on a Trans Am.  Our family cars are an old Chevy Lumina and a Dodge Caravan Van.  What do you do when your child makes outlandish requests?

Has anyone tried doing two kids together? I would like to foster team work. My ADHD son(9 yr)  is not a behavior problem but he does not remember to take care of his things. My 6 year old is the stubborn one. I wonder if she will loss too many marbles and he will feel it is unfair.

I thought if they did it together we would "cash in"  the marbles for fun family events - movie night, arcade, mini golf, etc.

We have been using the marble system for close to two weeks. It is working really well until he loses marbles. There has only been two times that he has lost marbles but he wants to quit and give back all of the money he earns. What can i do about this. How do I give him marbles back when he loses them for hitting? I have not mastered taking them away yet.

Tara

WOW!!!!! what a great idea. i will start this at home immediately. its perfect for all children thanks(from me and my children)

I have just started using the marble system with my 10 yr. ADHD daughter, and plan on using it in my resource room this upcoming school year.  I am excited to be using it at home, although I am not certain of effectiveness yet, (it's too early).  I will be modifying it some for my classroom, but I think it will work great.

Over the years I have used this system in my classrooms and have seen a very similar system on an educational video for teachers on ADHD.  The setting was a special education class of ADHD children with severe behavioural problems.  The teacher had a timer. The timer was set for a very short period - say 3 minutes.    The vibrating timer would go off and this would signal the teacher to give attention to the child and find positive point to reward.  As the child responsed, the time was lengthened.  I remembering seeing this video (prior to my own children being born - 14 years ago) and thinking it was like obedience training for a dog!!! Finding the positive and rewarding staying on task as was the case in this classroom or by positive behaviour in your son's case needs to be often to be effective.  Keep up the good work!!!!  In one classroom, I had an enterprising young boy who brought in his own marbles!!!! They are certainly one step ahead of us at times!

Ogram,

I have a a son who is 7 (adhd, slash of aspergers and a really bad temper). My daughter is typical and is 6. I was thinking of starting the marble system but I am afraid that marbles will go flying everytime one needs to be taken away. Would you reccomend that I try the marble system or purchase easy child first?

Thanks,

Tara

Ogram,

I have a a son who is 7 (adhd, slash of aspergers and a really bad temper). My daughter is typical and is 6. I was thinking of starting the marble system but I am afraid that marbles will go flying everytime one needs to be taken away. Would you reccomend that I try the marble system or purchase easy child first?

Thanks,

Tara

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Good question.  I don't pretend to know much about aspergers, but tempers I do know about.    I would do them at the same time.  Positive reinforcement is the key to success for ADHDers.  Keep in mind that for every marble taken away, you have to find a reason to give two back.  The hole purpose is to build self esteem and spirit.  When an adhd child has a healthy self worth and a strong since of self esteem, the temper is put aside and the self esteem is what is put in the bad tempers place. 

Remember, for every marble removed, find a reason to put two in.  That will give him a good self esteem and you will start to see improvement soon.  Too many parents that use this marble system use it and have success!  It works.  It's been around for many many years.  Trust me, if it works for my son, it will work for yours.

I started the marble system yesterday with my daughter (6) and son (8). My daughter who does not have ADHD loved it. My son lost 6 for hitting in the first hour. He tossed the marbles and told me that he would not do it anymore. He continued to tell me how much he didn't like me and hid outside. After he was done with his 45 minute hate festival he asked for one more chance. I found ways of rewarding him for playing nice with his sister and picking up his mess. I wonder if he can handle this with his awful temperment.

He just washed all his marbles. He has earned 27 in one full day. Let's hope that this may help him control his temper a little.

Tara

I would tend not to take marbles away.  Reinforce the wanted behaviour and then with unacceptable behaviour express that this is not acceptable and if you need to discipline by other methods eg less time at the park or removal from the situation.  Be calm when doing this eg " You know the rule about hitting - because you can't play without hitting you have to go to you room" or remove the other child away from the game etc.  Therefore showing the child that the wrong behaviour leads to the end of the game and so the fun comes to a halt when the negative behaviour is used.  Then later explain that people will not want to be around someone who hits - discuss other things that could be done to in this situation.  Then as soon as possible reinforce good behaviour by giving marbles.  "Well done on playing without hitting"   Remember to remind the child of the right and wrong behaviour before the play session.  Reinforce positive behaviour with marbles.  Teach your daughter to not sit and take any negative behaviour.  Teach her to get up and walk away when he hits.  This teaches both an important lesson.

Thank you Thank you!!! We have tried so many diffferent types of reward systems and such and none of them have worked. This seems like it very well may do the trick...

Yay for you!!! >.<

I think it is especially important to talk about your expectations before you go out.  You pretty much know what the bad behaviour will be before you go so talk about what you expect and what the reward will be for the good behaviour.  The whole idea is to focus on the good. 

For instance, I have 3 adhd children, twin ds 8 and dd 6 (ds 3 seems to not have it, thank goodness!).  The car used to be a torture chamber so I would offer marbles for the 5 min. drive to school.  Every one has to be nice, only say nice things to each other, everyone keeps their hands and feet to themselves etc.  They could all get 5 marbles for obeying those rules.  It often didn't work in the beginning, but it forced me to focus on the child or children that earned their marbles/were good, rather than focus on the one that was being naughty.  I see this as a way to give positive attention - if the bad behaviours are attention seeking and they only get attention for good behaviour then maybe the bad behaviour will stop.  If nothing else, I felt better for it!

the car is not so bad now, maybe it is maturity, maybe medication, maybe marbles, probably all 3.  Good luck, age 5 was the hardest for us all!

i am a nanny and i am working with a child that is ADHD. when i first started  back in Jan. i came up with a very simular system. it worked for a while and recently i/we have came to a "whats the point" stance. it is very hard to fix this, i have yet to find a way. i think i will try not loosing marbles and just earning them...maybe time outs and loosing privliages for misbehaving.

the first thing they where working for was a trip to disneyland, his sister earned it but he has yet to...he is going to be real upset when his little sister gets to go and he has to stay home with me.

well, we have been using this for about a month now.  When I originally made the list I had a list for marbles to earn and marbles to lose (only 3 ways to lose marbles, lots of ways to earn).  We started out just earning marbles and after a few days I decided we would just skip the losing marbles - we have just continued time outs for bad behaviour.  We use 123 magic and that is working very well for "stop" behaviour, but the marbles work great for "start" behaviour.  I highly recommend this way of doing it.  I may in the future take marbles out for hurting a sibling or name calling but it is working well for me at the moment like this.

I think i am going to give that a try!

I think the concept of that will work well with my 6yr old.

I am trying this, i think it is a fantastic idea!  I have a few questions.  I have 3 kids I am using it for (the fourth is 18 months so too young for now).  twin DS's 7yo and DD is 5.  The twins have ADHD and Dyslexia and one has ODD.  DD has no diagnosis and I dont' think has anything but has just started Kindergarten and has had a few massive tantrums at school, has even been sent home twice (maybe she is ODD too)!  We need a really good, positive reward system!

My questions:  I have one jar of marbles for me, and a jar for each child.  I have made my list of points for earning and losing marbles, with some input from the kids.  They are all really excited about it, especially the ODD boy (the most challenging one at the moment).  Is it ok to only have one jar for me, that they all take marbles from to put into their jars?  And, do we have to keep a log of  marbles that have been earned or lost?  I am worried that we may not keep up if we have to write it down, however I am also worried that we may lose track if we don't write it down.

Just want to be sure we are doing this correctly.  I haven't read the easy child system yet but will have a look at that too.  Anyone else using both systems?

my questions:  I have one jar of marbles for me, and a jar for each child.  I have made my list of points for earning and losing marbles, with some input from the kids.  They are all really excited about it, especially the ODD boy (the most challenging one at the moment).  Is it ok to only have one jar for me, that they all take marbles from to put into their jars?  And, do we have to keep a log of  marbles that have been earned or lost?  I am worried that we may not keep up if we have to write it down, however I am also worried that we may lose track if we don't write it down.

Just want to be sure we are doing this correctly.  I haven't read the easy child system yet but will have a look at that too.  Anyone else using both systems?

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well, honestly, I never kept a log.  I tried at first, but I was always looking for reasons to add marbles so there is no reason to keep a log.  at the end of each day, I even add a few extra that my son never knows about.  It works.  Just remember that for ever marble you take out, make sure you find a reason to add at least 4 or more in the same day.  Even if it's for brushing his teeth or finishng his home work before bed, give him marbles.  It is a self esteem booster for your children.  This works if your work it.

no one has posted to this thread in sometime. i was just told about this method in another thread. i have a son diagnosed a week ago and i'm eager to get things together and try whatever might help. I am so afraid to be one of the ones that post that its not working. BUT i'm going to give it a good shot.

i am really new to this site and its hard to read everything in a certan thread before you post. there are so many good ideas though. if anyone wants to suggest any threads to a mom of a 8 1/2 year old recenlty diagnosed please do.