Uh....I have an ADHD seven yo with no co-morbid conditions that spontaneously hugs other children.
Meg, I know you're smart, and I usually agree with you, but this child is eight. My daughter has three friends with ADHD, two boys. It isn't anywhere near normal for an eight year old to spontaneously hug other kids at that age. Now if this kid was five, yeah, I'd agree with you. At any rate, it can be other things. And this kid could end up in a lot of trouble for touching the wrong kid in the wrong way. With zero tolerance in our country, one high profile case had a six year old boy expelled for kissing a girl on the cheek. Yes, the schools are getting THAT nutty.
Now I could be wrong. It could be ADHD. I just never saw any kid of that age run up and hug and kiss another kid, and I've gone thru five kids, and they had many ADHD friends through the years. It's the age that bothers me. At any rate, that's JMHO (as always)
MomWI38890.8492708333I also have an ADHD kid with inappropriate contact with other children. Too much grabbing/touching. Look into occupational therapy or social skills classes.
I wasn't talking about touching in the wrong places either...
"Hyperactive/impulsive type – characterized by a tendency to act or speak before considering consequences, by restlessness, and by difficulty staying seated, keeping hands to self, or resisting the need to constantly move"
"Impulsive: acts and speaks without thinking, has trouble taking turns, cannot wait for things, interrupts others, inappropriate touching of others."
It's a self-regulation issue, a problem with the executive function.
NoTellin38890.642349537I doubt inappropriate touching is ADHD. JMHO. ADHD kids aren't so imparied that they don't know better and they CAN control it--or it's likely not ADHD. This is more than impulse control. I'd check it out further. The kid could get into serious trouble for touching. You know about "zero tolerance." Well, if he touches somebody in the wrong place, the entire family could be under CPS investigation. A NeuroPsych is worth the trip. Good luck. MomWI, I respectfully disagree..... I don't mean touching in the wrong place.... I mean having problems keeping his hands to himself. It's like a huge burst of energy that just has to come out. This is classic ADHD in my opinion and experience. I've also had our doctor confirm it -- our son is still young -- still learning about socially inappropriate ways to act (NOT sexually as you have implied). It's been our experience that it just takes him longer to learn what is ok wiht people and what is not.My girl is allmost ten. From she was 5 she started to kiss and hug other children(kindergarten). It was sweet then but somehow I thought it wasnot apropriate. Few months ago dr dx her as ADHD; she still has urge to kiss and hug children, sometimes teacher... I talked with her a lot of time but then she would stoped this but started to touch in other way (teasing, pulling sleaves..) and then start huging again.
Its one of symptoms for ADHD (inappropriate touching other) but then she has some of symptoms of Asp. I would ask Dr to test her for Asperger!
Yup. I was thinking Aspergers. These kids are pretty clueless about touching. It can't hurt to see. Hey, it could be ADHD, but it's always good to make sure that's it. Either way, a kid can get into trouble these days for even a hug. Some spazzy parent can say their kid was molested. I'd try to address it. Not saying most parents would make a fuss over this, but, hey, every school has it's troublemaker parent. That's what I was thinking about. The fact that the chld doesn't "get it" also reminds me of Aspergers. A Neuro can evaluate for ADHD and beyond and probably tell the difference. Most Aspie kids start out with an ADHD dx. If it's Aspergers vs. ADHD, there would probably be a different way to try to stop the behavior. Peace I disagree with all on this one. Hugging and kissing is cultural. If a child is well loved with hugs and kisses of course when they meet someone that is what they will do. You have to teach them not to do it to strangers. I meet several ADULTS that greet me with a hug and two kisses and I don't even know them, it is just cultural. You need to look at the whole picture, I think people get carried away with this issue.
I have a 7 year old boy with ADHD and NO he does not touch other kids. We have some neighbors with young children ( toddlers) and he will entertain them with funny faces for a while until he gets bored but he always keeps his hands to himself. The toddlers think he is a riot and follow around my 7 year old like the pied piper.
I know that all kids are different and some kids are naturally more touchy feely but if the behavior is annoying then you need an intervention
My son used to have to hug everyone untill sometime this year. He is 8 and just finished 2nd grade. He just likes everyone. He did not understand that some people do not like to be hugged. As for not getting it , I will be thrilled when my son "gets" a social situation. That would be great. As far as I know, no one on here is a doctor.
MomWI- Thanks for the tips.Iwent back and read my original post and I can understand why you would think she has asp., although I am pretty sure that's not the case. I don't think I explained my situation very well.
Also, I have worked with children with Asp. for many years, and my daughter acts nothing like the children I have worked with. I agree with your suggestion that I should get her tested, I just don't think it's asp.
I will attempt to better explain: When She hugs and kisses other kids it is out of excitement. She is fully aware of what is going on around her when she does this. I tell her one hug and one kiss, but she gets so excited, and has no impulse control. She just can't stand to keep her hands off. I think she gets over stimulated and can't stop herself. I ask her if she remembers that I asked her to stop -she says "yes", she also tells me that she understands what I am asking. I will even have her repeat it back to me, and she will, word for word. Then I will have her put it into her own sentence, and she does that just fine. I will say If you do it again, there will be a punishment. She understands. She is not defiant. She does not do it to make me mad, or to test me.
I will ask her why she continues to do it and she says she doesn't know. She is also very loud, hyper, and giddy when she is around other kids..She will try to pick them up and carry them and put them where she wants them.
Joe'smom said that her son is very popular with the toddlers, my daughter is the same way. She has a harder time getting along with the kids her age, but toddlers follow her around like she is queen bee.
buggabug38891.4362962963mombytheshore, you have a point. I've intentionally promoted hugging/kissing in my house and don't discourage it except in first grade, at school. Oh, and when he hugged the locksmith...
Momby the hore- I can assure you that I am looking at the whole picture. I'm not getting carried away when babies are crying and kids are asking her to stop, and she keeps doing it. And I don't think I'm getting carried away when these kids' moms are asking her to stop, and she won't. I am not talking about a peck on the cheek. I am talking about open mouth kisses and hugs that smother.
Notellin, the problem with teaching that it is acceptable at home is that she is not able to distinguish between home and school . If she thinks it OK at home, she will think it's OK everywhere else.
buggabug,
Because you are concerned about the hugging behavior you do need to develop a strategy or plan and teach your dd that it is not ok to hug all the time especially when people ask you to stop. I do think that she can learn to distinguish between different environments and with different people. I would first start by establishing a rule about the hugging and if she breaks the rule you leave or time out for a short while. Also, you can reward her for the appropriate behavior...a prize of sometime or privledge.
joemom38891.5562268519I have to say, my ADHD son loves to give hugs, because he is genuinely happy to see people. He's just finished second grade, so I decided that it was time to stop all the hugging. We decided to go to "high-fives" instead. He's okay with that, but a lot of his classmates will still greet him with a big, "Hi!" and a hug, both the boys and the girls. There are little boys who will hug him when they go home after a play date, a hug initiated by them. My son has even said to me, "He did it first!" I think characterizing hugging as an inappropriate behavior is sad. If these hugs were the "wrestle to the ground" kind, then I would definatley say they are typical of the impulse control issues adhd-ers have, and need to be addressed seriously.
Instead of focussing on stopping the hugging, try to get your child to think about personal space. Certainly there will be people who do not want to be hugged or will challenged by a hug. Reading the body signals is the hard part. Maybe you could come up with a signal about when it's okay to give a hug, and then for only a few seconds?
And MomWI, I take exception to your deciding that eight-year-olds who hug are not normal. I think that's a close-minded and judgemental statement. I have an older child, have 10 years of child care experience with all the continuing ed and inservice that is required, and 17 nieces and nephews. The range of "normal" in children is staggering, and I would have thought that a mom like you, whose children are so different from each other, would be careful not to proclaim what's normal.
BPQW38891.7281828704Not to get into a "I have more experience" contest, but I raised five kids, three to adulthood, and now my youngest two are 13 and 10. I also did foster care. If a child is 8 and running around giving hugs and kisses to other kids, knowing tht they don't like it, she either isn't getting it or doesn't care. I would still have the child tested by a NeuroPsych. If it's only ADHD, that's what will show up, and maybe he'll have suggestions about what to do. Again, this can turn into a problem at school or even in the neighborhood. If the child is unable to learn not to do this, it can be reported to CPS. Unfortunately, CPS workers tend to think affection means the child was sexually abused and the family could get into trouble. Anyone who has dealt with them can attest to that. The behavior needs to stop before some crazed parent calls CPS. Since talking to her about it hasn't work, and the child doesn't seem able to contain herself, it's a good idea to try another tack. Getting a re-evaluation can't hurt, and can only help, and will maybe explain this behavior before the child gets into trouble, and the family is put through stress for no good reason. Also, there are no standard ASD kids. They're all different. I don't know if she has it, but, again, it's worth going to the NeuroPsych for a check. I had foster kids who were taken out of their homes for "sexual abuse" that had never happened. This sort of behavior can make just one spastic parent and one social worker, fresh out of college, to ruin a life. I don't want this to happen here. If the kids are complaining about it, somebody's parent might see it as inappropriately "sexual" and call CPS, even if the touching isn't in private areas. I've seen an awful lot and, trust me, nobody wants to go there with CPS.
I just think it is so sad that a simple kind thing like a HUG could get CPS involved and shame on our government for fostering this method of thinking. I have taught my son that he is too old to be hugging his friends and to make up a secret handshake instead and it works, but like someone else said some other kids will hug him first. I don't make a big deal about it, don't understand parents that do, just my opinion. Also I think it is sad that the government can take any senario and make it negative, like signs of affection indicate child abuse. That is obserd, just like the oposite is said if a child is withdrawn and keeps to themselves it also may indicate child abuse. Oh I just cannot deal with these issues sometimes, your damned if you do and damned it you don't.My daughter (8years old) has a horrible time keeping her hands to hersef. When there are babies or younger children around, she is all over them. I tell her to stop, touch once, one hug, one kiss, and 2 seconds later she is back to smothering them to death. This happens the entire time she is in the presence of other kids. I have talked with her about it, but when she see's kids it's like all thoughts go out the window.
She has also picked up "pole dancing" from somewhere. We have no idea where she saw this, but guess maybe turned on the TV one night while we were asleep.She does it everywhere. We were in the store and I caught her doing it on the clothes rack.
Like I said, talking to her about how inappropriate it is doesn't really do any good. Punishing her or asking her to stop doesn't really help either. She listens for a few seconds, but then it's just right back to the same behavior. It's like she never really fully processes what I say.
Any ideas?
Welcome! Has your daughter been evaluated for any childhood disorder beyond ADHD?
No, just ADHD so far. Do you think she may need to be?I have a son with ADHD and he is the same way when it comes to inappropriateness (touching and very "handsy") with other kids. It's the social delayed stuff that they have. I try to give him suggestions of other ways he can "connect" with kids (i.e., "why don't you shake their hand?" etc.).You know what? This almost sounds more like autistic spectrum disorder than bipolar (which is good news). Autistic kids usually improve. Being very visual, touching things, social cluelessness that can't be explained, an inability to "get it" are more ASD symptoms than ADHD or bipolar. I know she saw a NeuroPsych. How long did he test her? Ours did twelves hours worth of performance testing. Something sounds "off" here. True, ADHD kids have social problems, but NOTHING nearly as bad as ASD kids. The higher functioning ASD kids have one heck of a time getting diagnosed. I'll link you up to the ASD board and see if the higher functioning kids (Aspergers) sound like your daughter. I also have an online assessment link for PDD. It can give you some idea of what may be going on.
www.autism-pdd.net/forum/default.asp
www.childbrain.com/pddq6.shtml
MomWI38890.4656134259