Where do i start???........... | ADHD Information
Hi mikmum. When he plays with other kids does he intentionally hurt them? The reason I ask is because my 11 year old son with ADHD and ASD also ends up hurting other kids when he plays with them, but he doesn't do it intentionally he just doesn't realise that the things he does are going to hurt someone. For instance jumping on his 3 year old sister like he would on his 13 year old sister, he not understand that the 3 year old is going to get hurt.
Does he like playing out with other kids, if so then when he does intentionally hurt them bring him in. Don't let him play out for the rest of the day. If you keep repeating this then maybe he will come to realise that hurting other children is not on. Also if on any occasions he does play nicely with other kids even if only for ten minutes, go to him and tell that he's been really good and give him a treat there and then. It only has to be something small. And give lots of hugs and smiles. I keep a stash of Yugioh stickers or football cards that my son is really into at the moment, and if he does something good, he will get a pack.
Hope this has helped.
hi mikmum,when jude went to the child psychologist,he thought he was on the autistic spectrum so he was sent to a special nursery to be tested by a battery of professional.now we are both in the uk,did you not get this?
we have a paedatrician,a child psychologist,a school psychologist,a homeopath and an extra teacher at nursery,get to your school or gp to get all the help you need.what about play therapy,behavioral therapy and advice on how to deal with an ADHD child?
we get this on the nhs,you should get the same.
I'm sorry you are feeling low today. Sometimes it seems like the kids just suck the life right out of us, lol! Anyway, social immaturity is part of ADHD. They just mature more slowly. They say kids with ADHD have the emotional maturity of children 30% younger. So if a child is 7 years old, they are socially at about 5. I deal with the same thing. Only in my case, I have a 7 year old ADHD girl and a 5(almost 6) year old girl, and in many cases, the 5 year old is more mature. But now that I know to expect the 7 year old is going to be immature for her age, I reset my expections. So it is not your fault that your child is immature.
Coaching him in social skills is what you need to do, but it is time consuming and requires tons of patience and repetition. These kids don't pick up on social cues, so they need to be taught explicitly. Role-playing (when he is calm and teachable) is a good thing to do. Or maybe a social skills class.
And regarding the racism, good luck dealing with that. I don't have any advice for you. I would be interested if anyone else has dealt with that problem. My daughter has mentioned to me in the past that she doesn't like black people. I don't think she has learned any bad names yet.
mik, (hear me roar) DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!!! Unfortuately, imo, in the UK, they call every behavior problem ADHD, it seems, and only prescribe things like Ritalin. In the US, I'd say to have him re-evaluated because it sounds more like something other than ADHD to me, but you can only work with what you have. I hope you find some answers. If you lived here I'd recommend a NeuroPsych for possibly high functioning autism or a Child psychiatrist to check for serious mood disorders. On the racism, I can't help. We're an adoptive family. I have one caucasian birthchild, two asian kids (Korea and Hong Kong), one African-American son (autistic and from foster care) and my youngest is bi-racial, a private adoption. Race isn't an issue with my kids. We tell them to expect some comments and deal with them as they come up, and the kids are resilient and really haven't heard many bad things. I'd try to get a better feel for what's wrong with my child first, then deal with the racism. He may not be thinking clearly. (((Hugs))) and luck to you. I often say, the US isn't perfect, but we're way ahead of everyone in mental/neurological health issues (maybe Canada is just a step behind). I'm appalled at what passes for ADHD in other countries. Thanx for that input,When he first Started to recognise black ppl, he asked why there hair was diff, not skin?? thats my son for you, but as i was trying to explain i had evils from a black person & she did'nt like it very much, but unless i try to explain to any child they will never learn, i was chooseing my words carfully & i think i done well explainig it, but becoz we were in a public place at the time & there were alot of mixture of ppl around some obviously did'nt approve.
He was ok with that for a while then came the questions about the colour of ppl skin, he thought they were badly sun burned, i explained to him that we are born in different countries with different up bringings & cultures. we are born white others black, we are all the same undernealth, This also gave me a chnce to tell him about how ppl are born with disabilities as he is & his dad, & now his sister, he's not botherd too much about that becoz he see's it every day. i just hope he does'nt grow up to be racist i will teach him not to be, with all my effort. [QUOTE=MomWI] mik, (hear me roar) DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!!! Unfortuately, imo, in the UK, they call every behavior problem ADHD, it seems, and only prescribe things like Ritalin. In the US, I'd say to have him re-evaluated because it sounds more like something other than ADHD to me, but you can only work with what you have. I hope you find some answers. If you lived here I'd recommend a NeuroPsych for possibly high functioning autism or a Child psychiatrist to check for serious mood disorders. On the racism, I can't help. We're an adoptive family. I have one caucasian birthchild, two asian kids (Korea and Hong Kong), one African-American son (autistic and from foster care) and my youngest is bi-racial, a private adoption. Race isn't an issue with my kids. We tell them to expect some comments and deal with them as they come up, and the kids are resilient and really haven't heard many bad things. I'd try to get a better feel for what's wrong with my child first, then deal with the racism. He may not be thinking clearly. (((Hugs))) and luck to you. I often say, the US isn't perfect, but we're way ahead of everyone in mental/neurological health issues (maybe Canada is just a step behind). I'm appalled at what passes for ADHD in other countries. [/QUOTE]
Yes i agree with you, the doctors do find it very easy to point the finger straight to adhd, although his teachers think he has a form of autism & is clueing the doctor's with it & doing assesments but that is all they are aloud to do. If the doctor says he is adhd, then he is, im confussed & are letting the teachers do there assesments becoz they have seen these behavours & no more about it than i do, he is not on any medication, that is the way we want it & have disapline rules that we stick to, it just seems like no matter how many times we disapline him he never learms the conciqences, & attacks again & again, this is what gets me down seeing him being like this, WHY does'nt he learn. I know it takes longer than a 'normal' child, but how long is what gets me with him. I guess im just depressed.
Mikmum,
You are doing the best you can. Don't beat yourself up because of the situation. it isn't your fault. Keep pushing the doctor into a better eval. Go to a differnent doctor. Heck, go to ten of em until you get an explination. You might trying some kind of couseling for your son? Look for books on social disorders to try and help you (and i hate to use this word) "train" your son. I've learned with the ADHD child it's all about reppetion. Not that this is the same but a behavior is a behavior: my son would constantly belch in public. and not little bitty ones. these were huge make you want to hurl noisy ones that vibrated the floor. Took me over three months but he FINALLY got the point that i wouldn't accept the behavior. If it took me dragging him to sit in the hot car with me while my hubby shopped so be it. Just keep trying and don't give up or let it get you down. Good luck hon. My heart is with ya!
My adhd son is sooo bad & always hurting ppl alll the time, i play with them & run around the garden with them it always end's up revolving around him becoz he has to annoy or poke & keep on with it aswell, ignorring does'nt work ant more, & the matter just escalates, i feel bad for the other two becoz they have played nicly, there are times when they play in the garden on there own if im busy cooking or doing somthing & im constantly calling mikey in becoz he does'nt know how to play, is this my fault becoz he never went to play group as a baby? He never has been able to get along with any one, i feel bad also & so it circles on & on, How can i gat out of my depressive bad circle,
He's 8 yaers old, nearly nine, he has'nt learned any conceqence of disapline at all. please help, or advice at least i feel like i have failed him, i wanted to be a better mum than this.
I stop now becoz i could go on for england!
Bye the way he has started to become racist, we are not, so i dont know where he got his words from? His teacher pulled me aside today & explained the situ, i have talked with him about it & listoned to his story, i have to talk to the mum & teachers tomorrow to see what happens next?Zena,
Thanks i do all the positive things you said & i do bring him in when he hurts, sometimes he does'nt mean it, i do liston to his reasons & my other son if he is there as to what happened, its usually corey-max that gets hurt, when he was born mikey was very jealous, i bought him a buggy & his own baby to look after he was fine, he never hurt corey-max as a baby, but now he at his throat with every chance, i am sad that they cant get on as it also bring the rest of us down, i never blame him & i would'nt have mikey any other way but it's hard sometimes, we all know, & we all are having a down time.
Scotmama
Thanks, we dont get NO help what so ever, the doctor told me of support groups on the net, so when we got the comp & i found this site, well, this is all the help i/we get, he has reviews with the doctor every six months & they just praise me for not putting him on meds, thats it.we see everybody every 3 months,i guess it must be different in scotland
Hi. Sorry you're having a lousy time. If your doctor is praising you for not putting your child on meds, indeed expressing a personal opinion about it at all, I'd say he has his own agenda. Can you see someone else? I don't know how the nhs works.
I don't know what to tell you about the immaturity. It's so hard, because we just want someone, some other child, to like our kids and get along well with them. I find that my son plays well with kids about 5-6 years older than him ( possibly because they relate to younger kids at home and are out of the rivalry phase) or kids about 1-2 years younger. I think finding kids older than your son to hang out with would be hard (not to mention dangerous, considering what their age would be), but what about younger kids at church or some kind of mixed-age after-school program? I know these ideas probably won't help, I'm just trying to toss out ideas because I've had that broken heart myself and will probably have it again some time in the future. Good luck!
you can see a different doc in the same surgery if GP
If specialist then you have to go back on list and it can take months